You knew this day would come eventually! I hope this fic is kinda successful because I really like this idea *insert cute chibi face here* Please read and review!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Zetsu would go on random eating sprees in Konoha.

Summary: Konan thinks that Pein is ready to snap, so now she's carrying out Mission Impossible: To straighten out the Akatsuki into a somewhat sane organization!

Warnings: Some swear words (well Hidan is in the story), lots of terrifying Konan moments, and much more to come! There's only pairings if you want to see them.

Chapter 1

Pein stared disbelievingly at the sight before him. He wasn't surprised, but he still couldn't believe how childish S-rank criminals could be.

Sasori was chasing Deidara with what looked like Hiruko's tail, screaming about having to repair it while the blonde giggled maniacally and threw bombs behind him as he ran away from the crazed redhead.

Kakuzu was stabbing Hidan repeatedly in the chest for stealing money out of his room, while the Jashinist whistled like nothing was happening, watching a large amount of blood appear on the carpet.

Itachi and Kisame looked like they had engaged in a staring contest, until the latter ran out of the room, screaming something about 72 hours and sushi.

Zetsu was having an argument with himself, and looked like he was in danger of starting a slap fight with himself.

And Tobi… well he was just being Tobi. He was jumping up and down on the couch, laughing and kept repeating the word la in a singsong fashion. Pein vaguely wondered how in the world the famed Madara Uchiha could keep up such a happy-go-lucky, idiotic, carefree personality.

Konan stood behind the leader, calm façade displaced by the dangerous aura beginning to surround the blue-haired kunoichi.

"Everyone calm down, we're supposed to be having a meeting right now," Pein said hopelessly. Sometimes he wondered how much authority he really held over the Akatsuki as they continued in their various activities. He'd just have to switch methods.

"One week vacation for everyone if you all be silent!" Nope still nothing. The only reaction he'd gotten is a disinterested look from Zetsu as the black half continued to argue with the white half.

He sighed heavily, casting a glance at Konan that clearly said "help me."

"BOYS!" she yelled. "IF EVERYONE DOESN'T SETTLE DOWN IMMEDIATELY, KAMI HELP ME I'LL–"

She didn't even need to finish her sentence to shut every single person in the room up. She smiled. "Thank you."

Even Pein was scared now. Damn that woman could be scary. Clearing his throat, he swept his gaze over the now attentive group sitting on the various couches around the room. "Now we need to go over the agenda for this week's missions."

"Boring, un," Deidara said, yawning.

Konan looked at the blonde. "Did you say something, Deidara?" she asked sweetly. The bomber's eyes widened, and he shook his head vigorously.

"No, un!" he squeaked. Sasori smirked at his partner's discomfort.

"Good," the kunoichi said in the same sweet voice. "Please continue, Pein."

"So yeah, onto this week's missions," he said. "Itachi and Kisame…" he trailed off, noticing that the shark-nin was not present in the room. "Where's Kisame?"

"He is currently suffering the after-effects of being rolled into sushi for 72 hours," Itachi replied in a bored tone.

"I…see…" Pein said, slowly losing his grip on sanity. "Anyways I want you and your partner to go to Konoha and collect as much information on the nine-tails Jinchuuriki as you can." The Uchiha nodded.

"Kakuzu and Hidan, first of all I want you to clean up that blood on the floor, second of all–"

"Both of us have to fucking clean it up? It was the old man's fault. Damn heathen," Hidan retorted.

"It is your blood, Hidan. That makes you at least partially responsible, doesn't it? And you should know by now not to mess with my money," Kakuzu growled.

Pein closed his eyes and counted to ten slowly in his head. "After you both clean it up, there's a daimyo in Yukigakure that I want assassinated," he said, opening his eyes again.

"Fuck yeah! Assassination!" Hidan cheered.

"As long as there's good pay," Kakuzu said, glaring at his easy-to-please partner.

"Good. Zetsu and Tobi – yes Tobi?" Pein sighed, as the masked nin shot his hand up in the air.

"Tobi is a good boy, Leader-san!" he said happily. The leader's eye twitched.

"Yes, we know. Now I want you to spy on Orochimaru for a bit and notify us of his latest plans, experiments, and so on."

"Bone meal," black Zetsu muttered.

"Cow manure," white Zetsu said.

"Erm… what?" Pein stared at him like he'd gone crazy.

"Zetsu-san is arguing with himself about which fertilizer works best, Leader-san!" Tobi said, giggling. "Tobi thinks it's funny."

Without a word, he turned to the last two Akatsuki members who needed to be assigned their mission. Unfortunately, they were already busy.

"Eternal."

"Fleeting!"

"Eternal."

"It's fleeting, Danna un!"

"You're wrong, it's eternal, brat."

"Hiruko wasn't very eternal, un!"

"…"

"…"

"I'm going to kill you, you stupid brat!"

"Un! Help!"

Pein felt the last of his sanity leaving as he watched Sasori jump on top of Deidara and try to strangle him. "Deidara, Sasori, I want you two to do some recon around Amegakure, make sure things are running smoothly."

"No problem, Leader, un!" Deidara yelped as he and the puppeteer were pushed off the back of the couch by an irritated Hidan. They landed on the other side with a thump, fight continuing.

"You're all dismissed," Pein said, waving his hand. To his relief, the Akatsuki filed out relatively quickly, after some "encouraging" words from Konan.

The leader sighed, plopping down on one of the abandoned couches. "Sometimes I wonder how I haven't lost my mind yet. It's like dealing with a bunch of psychopathic five-year olds."

That's when Konan got her brilliant idea. She smiled evilly, and Pein looked at her worriedly, knowing that smile meant that someone was either going to get decapitated, murdered brutally, or tortured. Or maybe all three.

She left the room with that smile plastered to her face, getting ready to begin her master plan. Pein felt bad for the poor soul (or souls) that had to suffer her wrath.

What'd you think? I hope you liked it! Please review, I need reviews to live! I know I should be working on my other fanfic, but I had a sudden burst of inspiration for this story! I was ambushed by plot bunnies! Anyways see you next chapter!