I decided to write a kind of sequel to "The Pain of Living and Dying". It's not necessary to have read it to understand this but I guess it wouldn't hurt either. Oh, if you decide to read it you could REVIEW! Thanks. Now enjoy.

… and the Pain of Ignorance

In the dim light of the streetlamps the young girl was on her way home. The sound of her feet hitting the cool concrete echoed through the twilight. The normally busy streets were strangely quiet now that most people had returned to their homes. Only a few were still on their way home and Hikari Yagami was one of them. She only looked up occasionally to see were she was going. But even then she only looked up for a few seconds before she lowered her head again.

The wind had gotten stronger and was now pressing forcefully through the thin fabric of her light jacket. She shivered a little and increased her pace as the icy wind crept over her skin. The apartment she lived in was only a few minutes of walk away but the gusts hitting her face seem to get stronger and colder with every step. As she wrapped her arms around her body to warm herself she couldn't help but wishing to be held this way by somebody else.

But instead of giving her warmth those thoughts only sent more unpleasant shivers over her body. What good did it do to love somebody if this person could never return your feelings? How often had she thought about telling him how she felt but decided against it the last moment?  She had stopped counting and she had almost given up hope that they would ever be together. Being best friends was probably the closest things they could ever be but that didn't matter to her anymore as long as she could see him and being friends at least gave her the possibility to help him whenever he needed somebody.

He would never ask anybody else for help, of that she was sure. No matter how impossible his situation was he wouldn't want to bother anyone with his problems and that worried her greatly. So she decided being friends would be the best for both of them and she would never risk this precious thing for the slim chance of mutual love.

In the meantime she had reached her apartment block. She was grateful to be home at last and save from the wind. While she climbed the stairs to her apartment she fished for the keys in her pocket.

After smashing the door shut behind her she headed straight for her room never bothering to announce her presence or even to switch on the lights. It didn't matter anyway since her parents and her brother were visiting her grandparents and so she was alone save for her Digimon partner Gatomon who was snoring lightly in a small basket in the corner of her room. She just let herself drop lazily onto her bed and buried her head in her pillow. She remained in this position for a few moments listening to the silent and dark apartment around her.

She found it intriguing that it was never absolutely silent. Even if nobody was around you could still hear a countless number of noises. She didn't even have to strain her ears much. The light breathing of her cat-like friend in her basket, the neighbours next door shouting at each other, the wind howling outside, all these things and many others, most of them even more subtle like the dripping of the water in the bathroom, she could hear.

She enjoyed this kind of silence. It was good to hear those things. Without them it would have seemed unreal and unsettling. She had never been to a place of absolute silence. There were always sounds even if it was just the monotone sound of waves on the shore.

But this was the last thing she wanted to be reminded of at the moment so she got up and a grabbed a CD and put it into her CD-player. Only when the music started playing she noticed which CD she had taken. She cursed under her breath but did nothing else to stop the music.

Please come near me, will you hold me?

I am leaking so very badly...

Will you stop up my holes?

He had bought that one for her. They had only met by accident in the small shop but when he saw the CD in her hands he took it and bought it for her. He had told her that he liked her taste in music and then he had smiled at her. One of those rare beautiful smiles. At that moment she had only wanted to throw her arms around him and never ever let him go again. But he was gone before she could even thank him properly.

If your answer is "No, I'm busy,"

I will follow you out to the garden.

I can smell you from three miles away.

The next time they met was in the park. She had seen him hurrying through the groups of people and had called out to him. He had seemed a bit stressed but he had stopped never the less and had talked to her. He had listened to everything she had to say patiently and only later she learned that he had missed an important exam due to their encounter.

If your answer is "Get me dirty,"

you could stop up my holes so nicely.

I won't leak anymore.

After that they ran into each other more often and their friendship grew stronger. He had taken the place of his brother as her best friend and she told him almost everything that was on her mind. Almost.

During all those hours they spent together she never told him that she wanted more than he was giving freely. Every time they met she waited for him to say those fateful words she wanted to hear so much but they never left his lips.

If your answer is "No, I'm sleepy,"

I will stare at your face with longing...

I will chew on your face.

So she decided to just stay friends. Maybe her feelings for him would slowly fade. She didn't really want them to fade but if there was no hope for a relationship what good would it do to cling to them?

And then the night comes like an unfolding,

Unscented flower I'll be sent away.

The music had stopped playing a few minutes ago and the apartment was silent again but that didn't bother her anymore. In fact she had barely noticed it since she had other things occupying her mind now.

She got up from her bed, pushed open the glass door and walked out onto the small balcony. The wind had died down to a light cool breeze and the dark clouds where gone. She looked up at he moon, which was almost perfectly circular now.

But no matter what she did her thoughts always drifted back to him. Why wouldn't he feel the same about her? He had had no serious relationship with a girl during the last four years only a few girlfriends but it never lasted for more than a few weeks. And he was certainly not gay of that she was sure. But if it wasn't an other girl what else could keep him from developing more serious feelings towards her?

Did he think she was too young? Maybe, but then again he had been going out with girls who had been even younger than her. Was she not pretty enough? It was true she had changed a lot during those last years and she was no longer the sweet little girl she had once been but that didn't make her ugly, did it?

She went back into her room and regarded herself in the mirror.

The silvery light of the moon gave her skin a certain glow. She couldn't be too pale, could she? She had to admit that once tanned skin had paled a few shades but she liked it better that way and after all it was nothing compared to his ghostly white skin!

She looked herself over once more but couldn't find anything witch would make her absolutely unattractive. He had even told her once how good-looking she was so what else could it be?

They had so many things in common and it didn't matter if they talked or if they just enjoyed each others company it was never boring. They like the same places and had the same kind of humour. What else could he ask for?

"It's him again, isn't it?"

The quiet voice of her Digimon interrupted her train of thoughts.

Obviously Gatomon had woken up some time ago and seen her running around restlessly. The cat Digimon silently jumped onto her bed and found her place on Hikari's lap. The young girl began to stroke her partner's head absent-mindedly.

"Well?"

Again the Digimon's soft voice brought her back to reality. She sighed but answered this time.

"Yes, it's him again. I really don't know what to do any more."

Her partner was the only one who knew about her feelings towards the young man and she had had to promise not to tell a single living soul about it.

"Go and tell him."

"I can't do that. If he doesn't feel the same about me it would ruin our friendship and I can't risk that. I don't want to loose him," the young girl confessed.

"Well, then there is nothing you can do beside waiting. But please stop pacing through the appartment the whole night. It's not making it better and it's getting on my nerves."

That said Gatomon jumped down and took her place in her basket again. After only a few moments the Digimon's even breathing indicated that she was fast asleep.

Hikari watched the small Digimon for a while and thought about her advise. It was true if she didn't tell him she might near know the truth. But would that be that bad? At least it was better than loosing her best friend. She knew that the only one who could give her advise was also the one who was the problem.

Again she had spent half of the night brooding over her situation but it hadn't brought her any further so she decided to continue her musing tomorrow.

She buried her head deep in her pillow again and was fast asleep only a few moments later. But even in her sleep she couldn't let go of her problem and so she was mumbling his name while she dreamed of their future together.

"Yamato."

* * *

I guess it was pretty obvious whom Kari was thinking about the whole time. Did you like it? I wrote it in one afternoon (which is pretty fast for me, hehe) to have an excuse for not studying which I'm supposed to do. I'm not sure if I should end it here or if I should go on? Tell me what you think and REVIEW! Please. ^__^