Ok, so here I am at 1:15 am, and I have just realized in my sleep-hazed mind that I have yet to upload this first, so bear with me please.
I wrote this in a passive-aggressive move against the worst couple of episodes I've seen for my fav ship. I understand that they need to keep the show going, and I love that it's going into its 6th season, but I hated how they made Booth and Brennan split for a year. But luckily on good-ish terms. I just hope that Hart doesn't screw up our reunion. .
anyways: If I owned Bones, they wouldn't have split and they'd be happy with babies and a house and a dog by now.. so no, I don't own Bones.
It's my first Song fic. :)
Used To
You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around.
Private conversations in the middle of the night; vodka, whiskey, anything to take the edge off, and…them. Just them. Together, talking about the latest case or the trials they've been through. Or even, just to argue about the phallic-ness of baseball and any other sport that anthropologically brings out the alpha-male aggressiveness that has innately been predisposed into the male side of the species. Of course that one lasted for days.
You used to lean on me like
The only other choice was falling down.
How many times have either of them leaned against the other? No one seems to know. No one seems to care. They all know that it never really mattered.
You used to walk with me like
We had nowhere we needed to go,
Nice and slow, to no place in particular.
Walking into the distance. It seemed like that's always what defined them. Constantly pushing through to the next day. Even now. Even after this… ripple in their dynamic. They still walked on. Arm in Arm. Together. And always forward. But sometimes, would it be okay to just stop time? …Before the hurt gets worse?
I used to reach for you when
I got lost along the way.
Kent .Abandonment. Gravedigger. Lost. Epps. Helplessness. Reaching hands, and cries.
I used to listen.
You always had just the right thing to say.
Time and space…Eventually everything needed to be said. Whispered words, harsh tears, and desperate looks. Awkward confessions of times past, Tai food and charm smiles and late night hugs.
I look around me,
And I want you to be there
Alone in his apartment. Another night alone. How many did he have to face, now that they we- No, he couldn't think about it. Thought about it too much. His eyes burned from thinking about it. His chest…his heart… No. He had to move on. He had told her that. He had to take it one day at a time… No matter how much time. But he knew he couldn't lie. He couldn't lie to himself. Not now. No matter what… he would always… always…
'Cause I miss the things that we shared.
Diner. Jasper. Vodka shots. Late night chats. "Everything happens eventually, you just have to be open enough to see it."
…She wasn't.
Look around you.
It's empty, and you're sad
'Cause you miss the love that we had.
It's been a month and already she can feel that things will never be the same. She knows because it's fact. Entropy. Everything constantly changing. Didn't she mention that already to him once? Long lost days, it seems like. But it doesn't help and it isn't conducive when, even after all these years of compartmentalizing, she just can't seem to get that horrible image out of her mind. Focused on the bones in front of her, she used to be able to hear what they spoke to her. Limbo. She gave them voice when they had none. Used to. But not anymore…her eyes blurred. Burned. Her chest felt worse. And all around, oblivious, like many people accused her of being, life went on. So did he. He had told her… and she had seen… but even if it was illogical, because they still did work together so she had no real reason to be this upset, she felt…empty. And that was the worst part of it all. Because even if everyone else was moving on everything teased and tormented her because for once she couldn't.
And tonight, when she would realize what she would have to do, she was going to tell him so.
"You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around," he had promised her. He had said they could still work together. Then why? There he stood in nothing but boxers and a shirt and her breath was taken.
"We used to have this figured out." It was so simple back then. But even then, she knew, too, that he was going to be…important. Maybe that's why she didn't let them go there. Maybe that poor excuse of shouted "Tequila" was just a cover for the pain that she knew he would cause. She just never thought it could be so much.
"We used to breathe without a doubt." Without any regrets to anything. Even when they hurt each other. They would always find a way back to each other. So why was it so difficult now?
"When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see." All these years, it's been like this. He knows. He's always known. He just couldn't let her go again. She was everything…but that other…woman…loved him too.
"We used to have this under control." She was trying. So HARD. They said they would get past this. They had to get past this.
"We never thought-" That it would ever come to this.
"We used to know," That it would.
At least there's you, and at least there's me. At least for right now.
"Can we ever…,"she hesitated. So unlike her, "…ever get this back?"
"…to how it used to be?" He's not sure if he should… he's just beginning to pick up the pieces of that moment. Even though they never really parted, awkward calls and no more touching, trying to protect himself against the pain, he never thought he'd feel. He's the gambler. And even though he gambled once, he's not sure if he can do it again.
Blue eyes plead. Tears at the edges of her eyes. She knows she doesn't deserve this. After everything he's done for her, and after she rejected him. After he had dropped her off and she had cried worse than when he was dead to her, she wasn't sure she would ever feel pain this severe again. The pain that he might just not… But here it was and now, now with the knowledge that he loved…loves her, she knew. She finally…knew.
And he saw it. For the first time in a while, they were back on the same page.
"Yeah." Finally. And the door closed on another chapter and…eventually… happened.
Reviews are like fanships, bittersweet and they keep me at the ready.