'Ello, everyone. I've decided to make this crack fic out of boredom, and since I need something to write other than "The Eastern Rebels". Oh, and I'd like to thank Just Leah for giving me half the ideas for this first chapter.
Envy, everyone's favorite Homunculus, was given a job from Father: To use his tranformative abilities to turn into everyday objects, and spy on the military. Envy didn't want to, but he agreed. Unfortunately for him, his troubles were just beginning.
1. Palm Tree
It seemed like a very good disguise, since he practically was one. However, it ended up in failure, since he didn't "match the scenery" of Central. Envy still has a fear of any type of saw.
2. Hairbrush
"Fifty-two, fifty-three, fifty-four," Major Armstrong counted as he used Envy to brush his single golden lock of hair, "Fif- oh, I lost count. One, two, three..."
3. Bush
Envy stayed still in the grass, quietly watching the soldiers walk in and out of HQ. Suddenly, Lt. Hawkeye walked over to him and set her dog down. Black Hayate raised his hind leg-
4. Mop
It wasn't as bad as you think. He only been used to mop up some water and clean a few floors. But as you might expect, it had to end badly.
"Mr. Brennan!" an officer yelled to the janitor carrying Envy, "There's been some bad meat served for lunch today, and everyone's vomiting. Clean it up!"
5. Brick
Most people would never think of turning into a brick, but this is Envy we're talking about. Gluttony had to eat through a two foot thick wall to get to the brick that was Envy.
6. Pencil
Envy had finally done something worthwhile. He had infiltrated Mustangs office. Of course, it was the day when Mustang finally got to his paperwork, and he couldn't find a pen. Turns out that if you turn into a pencil and get sharpened, you'll be bald when you're human again.
Hopefully you liked it, and you'll review. I'll keep updating this every other day, maybe every day if I can. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in a review or send me a message. See you later!