Disclamer: Not my characters, they belong to Janet Evanovich and she makes all the money, but as long as Ranger can come out and play I can live with that.

Warning: Not friendly to Joe.

Written as a response to a challenge on PerfectlyPlum.

A Birthday Carol

By SueB

"Ahchoo! Ahchoo! Ahchoo!"

"No you don't, Stephanie, you can't catch a cold. Tomorrow's your birthday and you won't have any fun on your birthday if you catch a cold." I had big plans for my birthday. I didn't know what they were yet, but I had big plans.

This wasn't good. I was talking to myself and I was sneezing. "I will not be sick for my birthday. I will not be sick for my birthday." Damn, there I go again. I must have something to kick this I told myself as I padded to the bathroom to raid the medicine cabinet. Let's see, there's some red stuff and some green stuff and some blue stuff." Stop talking to yourself!

Trouble was there wasn't a full dose in any of the bottles. "No worries, Stephanie, improvise." I poured the contents of all three into my little plastic Batman glass and downed the resulting mixture in one gulp. That way I didn't have to think about the icky color, the nasty smell or the fact that it was starting to bubble like a witch's cauldron. "Ahh! I feel better already."

The couch was calling me. I grabbed my pillow, a blanket, the remote control and snuggled down snug as a bug. I switched on the hockey game, but I never saw the puck drop.

*****

"Stephanie."

"Grandma? What are you doing here? It's late. Isn't it? Shouldn't you be home in bed?" Grandma had on a chartreuse housecoat I didn't recognize and fuzzy slippers. A hairnet topped her brand new perm.

I was so confused. Grandma Mazur didn't drive. I didn't see my mother -- thank goodness. What was going on?

"I just dropped by to wish you a Happy Birthday," she said.

I sat up in a hurry. "My birthday? Is it my birthday already? I must have slept longer than I thought."

"No, you're still asleep and I'm a little early. Can't stay long; don't have much time. Your mother might miss me. Although, she did hit the bottle in the kitchen cupboard a little heavy tonight mumbling something about you bein' as old as you are and not havin' a proper job, a husband and babies. She was doin' a little snoozin' herself when I left."

"I see." I didn't see at all.

"Got something I want to show you. Let me have that remote."

"But, I'm watching the hockey game," I protested.

"No, you're not," she replied, "you're asleep." She grabbed the remote and pointed it at the TV. After she pushed a few buttons, the picture went to snow and then cleared to show a credit screen that said: Stephanie Plum - Birthday Past.

What the heck?

"Do you remember wanting to fly?" Grandma asked.

"Oh, yeah, I remember, When I was nine, I fell off the garage roof, ripped my shorts and ran around with my ass hanging out all day. All in all, a terrific experience."

"No, Stephanie, the first time you wanted to fly. Watch."

She punched up the volume.

A little girl ran across a small yard. "Stephanie Michelle Plum, you come back here right now!" a voice yelled. "Your guests are coming and the grass is wet. You'll get your dress all dirty."

The little girl kept running to a tree in the far corner of the yard. When she got there she climbed right up. Her dress caught on a branch and she yanked it off ripping it in the process.

"Grandma," I cried, "that's me. I remember climbing that tree. Mom was so mad at me."

The scene changed. I was still in the tree, but now my dad was standing beneath me looking up.

"Come on, Pumpkin," he called. "Your party is starting. You don't want to miss your party do you?"

"I want to fly, Daddy. It's my birthday. I want to fly."

"I know, Sweetheart, I want you to fly."

With that, I pushed off of the branch where I was sitting and flew through the air. I really dropped like a rock, but to me it seemed like flying. My daddy caught me.

Grandma Mazur was cackling. "You sure were a sight when you got to the house."

"I know, Mom made me sit in the corner at my own birthday party. But, you know what?"

"It was worth it?"

"Until the first time Ranger kissed me, it was the best feeling I ever had."

Omigod! Did I say that out loud? Grandma acted like she hadn't heard me. Whew!

"So what are you going to do to make this birthday special?" Grandma asked.

"Don't really have any plans yet," I had to admit. "I'm sure something will come up." Joe and I were more on at the moment than off, and it was my birthday, I figured he would call and things would progress from there.

"Maybe you better watch this first," Grandma said pushing the button on the remote. Again a credit screen appeared. This time it said: Stephanie Plum - Birthday Present.

The screen dissolved into a shot of the familiar Trenton Police Department squad room. Joe rose from his desk. He stretched, showing off his long lean body to great effect. His wavy brown hair curled at the collar and his tightly molded jeans show-cased his perfect ass. He made a mighty fine picture. I couldn't help but smile. He was a great guy. The sex was good. It was the whole stay home, have babies and cook dinner thing that gave me the willies.

As Joe was standing at his desk shuffling through some papers, Mickey Maglio sidled up to him.

"Hey, Morelli, look what I have." He waived a ticket in the air. "Rangers-Red Wings. Tonight. Yours for only fifty bucks."

"No shit? I tried everything to get a ticket to that game. How'd you come by that?"

"You don't want to know but the price is going up every minute you delay. Do you want it or not?"

"I don't know. It's Steph's birthday. We haven't seen much of each other lately. Thought I might get a little." He smirked. "Then again, I might not. Yeah, I want it. Are you kidding? I'll make it up to her somehow," he laughed.

Money and ticket changed hands. I couldn't believe it. It was my birthday and Joe was going to the Rangers game -- without me. Crap.

Suddenly the picture changed. Now I could see Ranger in his office on RangeMan's fifth floor. As usual he was dressed in black cargos and a black collared shirt rolled at the sleeves. One long leg stretched out in front of him. He carefully studied something in his hand. A black velvet box sat open on his desk. His hair was tied in a pony tail exposing his neck above his shirt collar.

I wanted to nibble that spot. My body flushed white hot. Whoa, Steph, you must have a fever. I was sick. It was possible.

Tank appeared in the doorway. "That for Steph's birthday?" he asked.

Startled and looking a little guilty, Ranger quickly closed his hand over whatever was in it.

Tank walked on into the room. "Come on, man," he said, "I know you got her something special. Can I see it?"

Ranger took a deep breath and slowly opened his fingers. Lying in his palm was a perfectly sculpted pair of silver wings on a fine chain.

Tank exhaled sharply. "Wow! You are going to give it to her aren't you?"

Ranger looked up and I saw something on his face I'd never seen before -- uncertainty.

"I....I don't know," he said quietly. "I've spent so many years pushing her away. She may not want to come back and I'm not sure it's fair to even try."

I waited for more, but the picture faded to black.

"Grandma!" I protested. "I don't understand. It looks like Joe only sees me as a convenience and Ranger........Ranger is the man who really loves me. But he's been avoiding me. I thought he was fed up. What am I supposed to do?"

"Don't know. I'm just here to show you what has been, what is now and what might be."

"What might be?"

That's right. There's one more little program that you need to watch. You got any popcorn?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe later." She pushed the button on the remote.

This time the screen read: Stephanie Plum - Birthday Future. I wasn't sure I wanted to see.

This vignette also opened on a familiar spot. I was in Joe's bedroom -- getting dressed. There was a ring on my finger. It was a few years down the road; not too many years, but I was definitely older than I was going to be tomorrow. Still lookin' good though if I do say so myself. Except for the lines around my eyes and mouth. Where had those come from?

I was dressed for going out. As I saw myself come down the stairs, it was obvious Joe wasn't going anywhere. He slouched on the couch in sweats -- beer in one hand, slice of pizza in the other -- game on. He didn't even look up when I approached.

"Joe! I thought we were going out to dinner, you know, to celebrate."

"Nah, Cupcake, I'm too tired. We'll do it tomorrow. Besides, this is a great game. Grab some pizza and come watch."

His eyes never left the television.

"But, tomorrow's not my birthday. Today's my birthday."

Now he did look up at me. "What difference does it make. It's not like you should be countin' them anymore anyway, you know what I mean?"

Grandma Mazur was shaking her head. "Don't that beat all," she said.

I was starting to take exception to her programing choices. This was stupid. I scrambled off of the couch.

"Where you goin?" Grandma asked.

"Thought I'd make that popcorn," I replied turning away so she wouldn't see the tears in my eyes.

"Sit," she ordered.

I sat.

The television picture focused on the RangeMan garage. Ranger emerged from the elevator carrying a small duffle. He was in a hurry. Mouth set. Eyes hard. Tank followed him in hot pursuit.

"Don't do this Rangeman," Tank pleaded. "You gave it up. Why did you accept this mission?"

Ranger kept walking. "They called," he said laughing bitterly. "They can use my particular skills."

"No they didn't," Tank returned. "You called them. You volunteered."

Ranger stopped, but he didn't look at Tank. "It's what I do," he said. "It's what I have to do."

"You're not coming back." It wasn't a question.

Ranger climbed into his truck as he replied, "No reason to."

Oh no!

*****

"Grandma!" I bolted up. Grandma wasn't there. I must have been dreaming. Boy that was weird. I felt much better. Good medicine. The television was on -- some infomercial. I reached for the remote. It was at the other end of the couch tangled in a hairnet? What?

My dream -- was it a dream -- rushed back. Marry Joe? Drive Ranger away forever? Be incredibly unhappy? I was so not going to let that happen.

I checked the clock. It was my birthday. Early. Even morning person that he was, Ranger wouldn't be up yet. I never dressed so fast in all my life.

There's not much traffic at 4 am. I made Haywood in record time. I let myself into the RangeMan garage and parked in one of Ranger's spaces. When I waved to the camera in the elevator, the speaker clicked on and I was rewarded with a round of Happy Birthday. The guys on duty in the Control Room serenaded me all the way to seven. I held my finger to my lips as I got off so they wouldn't tell Ranger I was there. He'd probably know anyway. Damn ESP.

It was dark and quiet when I keyed myself into the apartment. Still sleeping. I tiptoed into the bedroom and sat down on the floor right next to the bed. I didn't want to wake him. He lay turned toward me, hair loose on the pillow, chest bare, sheet at his waist hiding.......... don't go there, Stephanie. He was a beautiful man, inside and out. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"You're staring," said a husky voice.

Damn, not sleeping. I should have known. I laughed.

"Hmmm, like what I see."

He opened his eyes. They were black, intense, passionate.

He raised up on one elbow and reached for something on the bedside table. It was a black velvet box. He handed it to me.

"Happy Birthday, Babe."

I didn't need to open it. I knew what it was.

"Hey, Batman. Want to fly?"

The End