A/N: We have a friend named Bailey. She likes to make us her fic bitches. And, like, this was originally supposed to be, like, lighthearted and funny, and then... all this plot happened and I just don't understand. Oh! And real title: Suzumiya Haruhi's BIG BIG Ikebukuro Adventure! —Scarlet

This story is much too dark for that title, though, so we had to change it. Sorry. :D —Katie

Pairings: Kida/Mikado, Kida/Saki, Shinra/Celty, slight Haruhi/Kyon, slight Mikado/Anri, slight Shizuo/Izaya

Warnings: Violence, yaoi, eventual lime/lemon, spoilers for the end of the first season.

Panacea: Chapter 1—Welcome to Ikebukuro

Mikado clutched the edge of a dumpster, tried to pull himself up. Pain shot through his chest, and he lowered himself back to the ground, coughing. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, wincing when he saw droplets of bright red blood.

He couldn't get home this way. He knew some of his ribs were broken-if he moved too much, one of the bones might puncture something important…

Groaning a little in pain, he maneuvered himself so he could fish his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed.

"Hello?" a cheerful voice answered.

"Sh-Shinra-san?" he said hoarsely.

—

To: Bakyura

From: Saika

Subject: Urgent

Bakyura-san,

Tanaka-san has been hospitalized. Please return to Ikebukuro.

Saika

—

"We are going to Ikebukuro!" Haruhi's hand clapped loudly against the tabletop.

"How?" Kyon asked boredly.

Haruhi pulled five train tickets from behind her back and slammed them onto the table, beginning to animatedly explain that they were going to find the headless motorcycle rider who could materialize scythes!

"Really?" Itsuki mused.

Haruhi proceeded to turn the computer monitor around, revealing a paused video of a woman in a leather catsuit. It wasn't until her helmet fell off that the video became unusual—well, if you ignored the screaming running people, that was.

—

"Kida-kun! Saki-san!" Anri waved as she spotted her friend and his girlfriend amongst the sea of passengers getting on and off the train.

"Anri-chan," Kida said, moving to hug her but pausing and then lowering his arms, looking away. "How—how've you been?"

"Good," she said shyly. "And you? How are things abroad with Saki-chan?"

"We're doing fine. Is Mikado okay?"

"He's… better." Anri bit her lip. "He had five broken ribs, a concussion, a lot of cuts and bruises, but he's definitely getting better. Shinra-san's seen to that. Kida-kun, Ryugamine-kun's been asking for you."

"Mikado has…" Kida frowned. "Anri-chan, do you know why he was attacked?"

"Ryugamine-kun says he thinks it was random, but I don't know if I believe him. I… well, I have a theory, but I think Ryugamine-kun doesn't want me to worry. Maybe he'll tell you, Kida-kun."

"After Saki and I drop off our bags, can we go to the hospital to see him?"

"Of course."

As the trio trotted up the stairs Kida heard a girl's voice shouting "Anyone who knows anything about the headless rider should report to the south entrance immediately!" He looked over his shoulder. The girl in the red playboy bunny outfit next to the shouting girl was really hot, but Saki, and… Kida tore his eyes away from the strange group in the middle of the station.

—

"Hello, Anri-chan, back to see Ryuugamine-kun?" the woman at the nursing station greeted them.

"Hello, Nurse Tamina. I brought some of Ryuugamine-kun's friends with me, if that's okay?" Anri bowed slightly.

"He's sleeping right now, but you can go in." She gestured down the hall with her clipboard.

Anri bowed again and led them to the end of the hall where Mikado's room was.

"Kida-kun, I think…" Anri shuffled her feet. "I think maybe you should go in alone first."

Kida tilted his head in curiosity, but went in and shut the door behind him.

Mikado lay under the sheets, a healing yellow bruise on his left cheek and two black stitches on his right eyebrow the only outward signs he had been hurt. There was a mask over his nose and mouth, and several tubes ran from IV drips under the sheet and light hospital blanket. His hair had grown a little, Kida noticed absently, but the black of his hair only highlighted how pale he'd gotten…

"Mikado…" Kida whispered, stepping towards the bed.

"Masaomi?" Mikado forced his eyes open.

"Mikado!" Kida forced back the strong urge to hug his friend.

Mikado smiled and brought his hands out from under the sheet to pull off the mask.

"You shouldn't—"

"Relax, it's just for when I sleep…" Mikado gave him a small smile.

"Oh…"

"I'm so glad you came… I told Sonohara-san not to tell you I got hurt because I didn't want you to have to come all the way back to Ikebukuro… but now that you're here, I realize how much I've missed you."

Kida smiled. "Ah, Mikado~ Don't say that around Anri-chan, she'll be jealous!"

"Sonohara-san…" Mikado's smile left him for a moment, but returned full-force when he asked, "You've been away! How's Saki-san? Have you both been well?"

"We've been fine. I'm more concerned about you."

"I'm… doing better. I wasn't all that banged up to begin with, just some broken ribs, and they're healing pretty well."

"What happened?"

Mikado looked down. "Well, I was attacked. You know that."

"Do you know why?"

"I… no. No, I don't."

Kida frowned. "Why are you lying?"

Mikado sighed. "Masaomi, I… I don't think it's a good idea to tell you. After what happened when Sonohara-san was attacked…"

"So you do know."

"…Yes. But it's… it's not worth you getting all worked up over it. I don't want anyone else getting hurt because of me, especially you."

Kida pulled himself onto the foot of the hospital bed and looked at his lap.

"It's no big deal, Masaomi." Mikado pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"How can you say that? You're in the hospital!"

Mikado shrugged. "I'm not dead."

"You could have been."

"That's not the point." Mikado sighed.

"Tell me. Please?"

"It… it doesn't matter, Masaomi."

"It matters because whoever it was targeted you, and they could come after you again! You say you don't want anyone else to get hurt because of you, but I'd rather die than let you be hurt like this again!"

Mikado's eyes widened. "M-Masaomi—"

"Kidaaaaaa-kun!" The door was thrown open, allowing one Orihara Izaya to stroll into the hospital room.

Kida looked at the informant suspiciously.

"How are you feeling, Ryuugamine-kun?" Izaya's smirking gaze was still locked with Kida's half glare.

"I'm doing much better now that Masaomi's here." Mikado smiled.

Kida turned his head to look at Mikado.

"Orihara-san, I didn't know you were visiting today…" Anri and Saki came into the room with drinks in their arms. "Do you want something to drink? I can run and get something for you?"

"Sure, Anri-chan. Coffee, if they have it." Izaya dug in his pocket and dropped a few coins into her hand. Anri smiled at him and left.

Izaya snagged the drink Saki was handing to Kida and cracked open the tab. He tapped her forehead with the bottom rim. "Yo."

Kida watched Izaya closely.

Izaya shrugged. "Oh, Kida-kun, I heard a group of Yellow Scarves got together with a group of Blue Squares." He glanced at Mikado for effect before locking eyes with the blonde again. "Thought you might be interested."

"I'll keep it in mind." Kida's eyes flicked to his friend, who was exchanging pleasantries with Saki.

"Well, I have to go. See you later, Ryuugamine-kun, Kida-kun… Saki-chan…" Izaya left with a mock salute.

Kida looked at Mikado. "The Yellow Scarves?"

"I don't know anything about that," Mikado said quietly.

"Stop lying! Izaya-san—"

"Masaomi, not now."

Kida glanced back at Saki. "I'll come back tomorrow. Alone."

—

"We haven't gotten any information about the Headless Rider," Haruhi pouted, picking at her sushi. "So, what are we going to do to get more people to talk to us?" She waited a second, then continued, "You all are useless! How about this: Kyon, you'll come with me and we'll find out the most recent place the Headless Rider was seen, and—"

"If you're looking for information on the Headless Rider," the enormous patron of the sushi place said with a thick English accent, "I know someone who can help you."

—

"So," Kida said the next day, hopping up on Mikado's bed, "the Yellow Scarves."

Mikado sighed. "Apparently they're still feeling threatened by the Dollars. And somehow they found out I'm the leader. I guess this was to scare me into disbanding the Dollars."

"But—you already did!"

"Technically. But like Kodota-san said, we can't make the Dollars disappear. They were never visible. I guess the Yellow Scarves just haven't gotten that yet."

Kida gritted his teeth. "Bastards. If I contact them—"

"You're not their leader anymore, Masaomi. They don't respect you. Last time you were in contact with them they almost killed you! This is why I didn't want you to know, I knew you'd want to find them—"

"But they—Mikado, you don't know them like I do, this won't be the last time they come after you!"

"I know that."

"But—"

"It's okay. Better me than other people, right?"

"No! Besides they'll start going after other people too…" Kida put his hands on Mikado's shoulders. "When do you get out of the hospital?"

"Nurse Tamina won't tell me." Mikado sighed heavily, leaning back into his pillows. "It should be soon. I think they just have me on pain meds and antibiotics."

Kida nodded. "Izaya-san took Saki out to lunch today… I was thinking, you're going to need someone to take care of you when you get out of here, and things are kind of getting crowded at Anri-chan's. Maybe I could crash at your place for a while?"

Mikado nodded. "That'd be great, Masaomi."

—

"Izaya-san, where are we supposed to be meeting these friends of yours?" Saki asked.

"Russia Sushi." Izaya threaded his arm though Saki's. "How has dear Saki-chan been since she left with Kida-kun?"

"Oh, we've been here and there," Saki said breezily. "I'm more interested in these people we're meeting. You said Simon-san referred them to you?"

"I am an informant, after all. And they want information on the Headless Rider."

"Celty-san?"

"Yes, but keep quiet, Saki-chan. Here we are." Izaya steered Saki into Russia Sushi. "Simon, are my lovely guests here?"

"They're waiting in the back," Simon told him.

Izaya nodded and headed for the back room, Saki at his heels.

—

"So, this friend of yours, she knows the headless rider?"

Izaya nodded.

"And she'd be willing to talk to us."

"Maybe…"

"Suzumiya-san, I think I heard a motorcycle outside…"

"Kyon!" Haruhi grabbed the back of the boy's collar and dragged him out.

"Orihara-san," Itsuki said as Haruhi and Kyon exited the restaurant, "Are you serious about introducing Suzumiya-san to the headless rider?"

Izaya shrugged.

"Don't."

"Hm… And why shouldn't I?"

"…Is the Headless Rider really headless?"

"Yes. Is that unbelievable?"

"Not at all. But I want to tell you something that may be a little… shocking if you don't have any previous experience with the supernatural."

"Oh, I have plenty of experience. Do tell."

"Suzumiya-san is… God."

Izaya cocked his head. "God."

"But she doesn't know that she's God. So whenever she's feeling bored or unhappy, supernatural things pop up because that's what she's interested in. But if we keep her busy looking for something she won't find, she won't get bored."

"Hm…" Izaya grinned. "You know, that sounds like fun. I think I'll tell your friend everything I know about the Headless Rider."

"No, Orihara-san, you don't understand—"

"Come, Saki~! We have matters to discuss with Suzumiya-san." Izaya stood, taking Saki by the hand, and skipped out of the room before Itsuki could stop him.

"Who on Earth would be encouraged by that…" he murmured to himself. "Well, we have to find a way to keep him away from Haruhi."

Simon chose that moment to peak in. "You want to keep Izaya-san away from your friend? I know someone who can help you."

Itsuki chuckled. "You know a lot of people, Simon-san."

—

"Ne, Izaya-san," Saki said as Izaya dragged her down the street, "you can't possibly believe all that nonsense about her being God, can you?"

"Well, either they're telling the truth or they're insane. Either way, this is more fun for me."

"What are you going to do?" Saki looked up at him coyly.

Izaya's smirk widened. "Mikado gets out of the hospital in a few days—"

"How do you know that?"

"Looked at the nurse's charts. Anyways, I told Suzumiya-san to go to his apartment then. That should be a good start for her."

—

"Heiwajima-san?"

"What's it to you?" Shizuo took a drag of his cigarette and looked at the boy out of the corner of his eyes.

He was only a kid, but he couldn't have been from around here. Or maybe he wasn't a kid and it was just the streetlight playing tricks on his eyes. He needed to get his eyes checked. Regardless, people from around Ikebukuro didn't come up to him like this. Except that stupid reporter—

"Heiwajima-san, my name is Koizumi Itsuki. I have a friend that needs to be kept away from Orihara Izaya. I was told you could help us with that?"

"Any excuse to beat the shit out of that flea…" Shizuo dropped his cigarette and ground it under his foot. "Who's your friend?"

—

"Are you sure you don't mind staying?" Anri asked Kida before she and Saki left.

"I'll be fine. Mikado's going to be asleep most of the time anyways, with all the pain medication they have him taking, and Shinra-san should be coming over this evening anyways, right?"

"Oh, Masaomi," Saki said, pulling him outside the apartment for a moment, "I'm going to work at Izaya-san's office, just while we're here, of course. Is that all right?"

Kida frowned. He really didn't want her anywhere near Izaya, but at least she'd be safe there, unlike with him while he figured out who exactly hurt Mikado and made them wish they hadn't… "Fine, but be careful, please?"

She nodded and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. "You be careful too."

Then they left. Kida sat down next to the futon where Mikado was sleeping quietly. He brushed a few short locks of black hair out of his friend's face. Whoever did this to Mikado would pay.