AN: I was just in the mood for some fun family domestic fluff. Enjoy.
Rachel knew something was up. She couldn't hear any noises from her husband, not even the sound of the rapid fire texting he and Mercedes would do on his off days. She continued to spoon out the chocolate chip cookies onto the baking sheet to stick them in the oven. Ana's class was having a cookie party and they had to make a few dozen so there would be enough for both sections of the grade.
Which, she would have had enough by now if Kurt hadn't been blatantly and sneakily taking cookies from the platter AND doling out spoonfuls of the cookie dough for himself.
Kurt's sweet tooth was turning troublesome on this task. She had already banned him from the kitchen after he would lay kisses on her neck and shoulders and sneak cookies into his pockets. He was the better cookie maker, but if they were going to have anything to take to the party, then she needed to take charge and make them herself. But the only problem with that is that Kurt was a cookie thief of the worst sort.
The first two or three were fine, but when six came up missing at once…
She heard her phone go off and she saw it was from Kurt. She looked at it, smiling at the picture he had sent of Ana when he had picked her up from school a couple of days ago. But he was wandering around the apartment, so why was he texting her?
Rachel turned around quickly and looked at their small kitchen table. One of the platters with cookies now had a few less on it. And she hadn't even heard him come in.
"He's turning into a cookie thieving ninja," she muttered. Placing her hands on her hips, she started to think of how she could block the entrance to the kitchen. At least this apartment had walls and doors unlike the Bushwick apartment they had lived in years ago.
"You're not allowed to send me text messages just so you can steal cookies!" yelled Rachel as she looked at the dwindling pile again and checked under the table just to make sure Kurt wasn't hiding underneath the long tablecloth. He and Ana both were good at that. She growled and went back to her batter.
But it had gone missing.
The kitchen was not that big, so how did he…
"KURT! You are so going to get it!" yelled Rachel as she marched through the house. Not in the loving room, bedroom, bathroom…
She pulled open the door to Ana's bedroom and there was Kurt Hummel, sitting on Ana's bed with the bowl of chocolate chip cookie batter and a spoon.
"Oops," he said, muffled. His mouth was so full that Rachel could have sworn he was a chipmunk by how inflated his cheeks were.
"And you're going to crash from sugar overload later," said the brunette sternly as she swiftly went over to the bed and grabbed the bowl, leaving Kurt with the spoon.
"Now I'm going to have to make another batch of batter," sighed Rachel. "And no more stealing cookies. I need all of them I can make."
"Ooh, then this bowl can be for me," said Kurt, reaching around Rachel to tug at the bowl. She smacked his wrist.
"No. It's the principle of the matter. We're supposed to be making cookies for Ana's class party, not for you to be a pig," chided Rachel.
"You could just get me a little trough, and…"
Rachel gave him a look of disbelief. He reached for the bowl, grabbing it, and ran out of the room.
"Kurt!" said Rachel, laughing. "You-you!" She ran after him and caught the tail of his shirt and held him fast.
"Give me that!" said Rachel as she lunged for the bowl. What happened however was that she wound up with her hand in the bowl from the struggle. She gasped, feeling the gooeyness around her fingers.
"Out of my batter," said Kurt as he tried to take Rachel's hand out of the bowl. She grabbed a handful of the stuff and with an evil thought, smeared it all over Kurt's face. Kurt's mouth fell open at Rachel's actions. She looked smug, and stuck a chocolate chip on the end of his nose.
"That's what you get," she said laughing. "You need some in your hair."
"Don't you dare," warned Kurt. Rachel walked forward, and Kurt took a couple of steps back, being protective of the bowl. He moved to wipe off part of his face, but Rachel made a grab for his hands.
"Well, you wanted cookie batter, so… I'm going to give it to you." She grabbed for the bowl again, but this time, Kurt took off like a rocket towards the kitchen. She caught up with him before he could open the lid to the trash can and she grabbed the bowl. But instead of getting the bowl, she ended up with cookie batter all down the front of her grey cotton shirt. She gasped as Kurt took his hands and was smearing it all over her breasts.
"You look good in cookie," he said smugly.
"Oh you're going to get it!" yelped Rachel as she pinned him against the counter. She reached for a cookie off the cookie sheet she hadn't cooked yet and left a trail down Kurt's chest. He looked murderous. Rachel laughed happily and started for the safety of the living room. What she hadn't expected was for Kurt to follow with the cookie sheet with evil intentions forming in his eyes. She squealed and headed for the bedroom, closing the door behind her.
Beth Corcoran walked beside her mother as they headed towards her sister and her husband's apartment. Technically Rachel wasn't her real sister, but her mom Shelby had always made sure they had contact. Beth was glad for it sometimes, because both Kurt and Rachel could understand how she was feeling about something better than her mom. Not that she didn't love her, but it was nice to have another adult to talk to. And they had known her birth parents. Beth sighed. She had this weird interconnected family and sometimes she didn't know how to deal with it.
"You ready to go home squirt?" said Beth to Ana. Rachel and Kurt's little girl had been holding her hand the whole time since they had left the park. Shelby had wanted to spend some time with Ana since she had been so busy lately with the daycare and working on Broadway herself. Starting school had taken Ana away from them getting to see each other on a daily basis.
"Cookies," said Ana happily.
"That's right," said Shelby as they came to a stop in front of the apartment building. "Your mom and dad were supposed to be making cookies for your class party, aren't they?"
"Uh-huh," said Ana. "Chocolate chip. Daddy's favorite."
"Yours too," smiled Shelby. "I used to make them for you all the time."
"What's your favorite cookie?" asked Ana to Beth.
"Hmm," said Beth. "Cheese and boogers."
"Eww," said the little girl, wrinkling her nose. "You eat that?"
"Beth," laughed Shelby. "You're 15, not 8."
If any of Puck's friends had seen her just then, they would have seen a familiar mischievous smirk on her lips as she shrugged.
"Doesn't mean I can't have fun with my favorite niece."
"She's your only niece," said Shelby with a laugh. "At least for now anyways." A ringing came from the dark haired woman's purse.
"Oh shoot, that's my agent. Beth, can you take Ana upstairs?" The teenager nodded and Shelby traded off Ana's bag to her. "You remember the apartment number?"
"344, right?"
Shelby nodded, answering her phone.
"You owe me that phone case I saw the other day."
Shelby rolled her eyes, but nodded at her daughter. Beth grinned happily as she adjusted the strap on her tank top. The bag was dragging it down as they headed for the elevator. Ana wanted to press the button, so Beth lifted her up to press the arrow.
"Do you really like cheese and booger cookies?" asked Ana. The little girl's face looked contemplative.
"No," laughed Beth as the elevator dinged. The doors opened and she guided Ana inside. "I was just teasing. My favorite cookies are mom's almond and apricot ones."
"Aprilcot?"
"Apricot," said Beth. "It's a fruit, like apples."
"I want to try one," said Ana.
"Next time you come to visit," said Beth with a smile. "You can get her to make them."
"Grandmommy makes the best stuff."
"She does," agreed the blonde haired teenager. She took out her phone as she heard a couple of text messages come through. Beth checked them quickly and stuck it back in her pocket. She'd respond to them after she got Ana safely back home. The elevator dinged again and Ana stepped out and headed down the hallway by herself. Beth followed behind, reading the door numbers. But she didn't have to as Ana had stopped directly in front of her own apartment.
"This one's mine."
"Yep. 344," said Beth as she knocked on the door. She frowned when she heard a squeal coming from inside. There was some banging and what she thought was the sound of scuffling feet across the carpet. She had heard it enough being around her mom's daycare when she was not in school. The door opened quickly and Beth came face to face with Kurt Hummel, covered in cookie dough.
Beth was fairly certain wearable cookie dough was not part of the cookie party experience.
"Oh Beth," said Kurt relieved. "I don't blame you for that tank top, it is too humid out." Beth heard him make a noise and saw something flicker out of the corner out of her eye. Kurt pulled Ana in front of him before she could protest. The little girl had been staring in awe at her daddy being so messy.
"Now Rachel…" began Kurt, crouching on his knees. "You wouldn't hit your child with cookie dough, would you?"
Beth knew she shouldn't look. She should just back away from the crazy and pretend she didn't see a thing. But curiosity got the better of her and she peeped around the door. Rachel was standing there with a cookie sheet and a spoon. She, like Kurt, was covered in raw cookie dough. They looked like they had been in some sort of battle.
And from what she could see, so had the kitchen and part of the living room.
"Daddy?" asked Ana. "What's Mommy doing?"
"Mommy," said Rachel, coming over and kissing Ana on the forehead. "Is trying to get your daddy back for something he did."
Beth looked around the space. "And it must have been pretty bad, whatever it was."
"Oh good, you're still talking," said Shelby as she came up behind Beth in the hallway. "I wanted to ask Rachel…"
But she, like Beth, stopped and stared at the scene in front of her. She looked strangely at Kurt using Ana like a shield. The little girl at the moment was rubbing what cookie batter was left on his cheeks like she was finger painting. Rachel looked sheepish when she saw Shelby.
"I can explain. We-"
Shelby just laughed out loud, looking between the two of them with an amused smile on her face.
"Do I need to take Ana for a couple more hours and let you… ahem, work this out?" she said suggestively.
"Please," said Rachel, trying to ignore the tone in her mother's voice as she looked down at the piles of cookie dough on the carpet she was certain had come off her and Kurt's clothing. "Just until we can get this cleaned up."
"I have cookie," said Ana with a handful of batter. Kurt took it out of her hand and shook his head no, wiping her hand off with the handkerchief he had taken out of his pocket. She pouted a little.
"You can have some later sweetheart," said Kurt. "When they're cooked."
"Come on Ana," said Shelby. "Guess you're going to go have lunch with me and Beth today while your mommy and daddy clean up."
"Daddy has a beard," said Ana. "I gave him one."
Rachel snorted at that, but held the hand with the spoon over her mouth and nose to stop herself from chuckling.
"You okay with going with Mom and Beth?" Rachel said after a moment, looking at Ana.
"Ice cream," nodded Ana. Beth laughed at that.
"My daughter has my husband's sweet tooth," grumbled the Jewish woman. Shelby grinned and scooped up Ana from Kurt.
"Not a word," said Rachel to Beth. The teenager raised an eyebrow and waved goodbye as she closed the door behind them.
"She so looks like Puck when she does that," said Kurt, standing. He realized he was defenseless and Rachel was still holding the cookie sheet, which had a few unbaked cookies still. He crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, expecting to be hit with more batter.
"And my mother thinks we're working out some of sexual aggression," grumbled Rachel. "I am however, banning you from the kitchen again while I whip up new cookie dough."
"We have to clean up first before that," said Kurt, opening one eye. "Or this stuff is going to start staining and we'll lose our security deposit."
"What were we thinking Kurt?"
"I'm blaming it on the sugar high," he said automatically. "Although you do look quite fetching in chocolate chip brown."
Rachel glowered at him, as she went to sit down the cookie sheet and the spoon in the sink. She came back with a warm wet dish cloth and started rubbing Kurt's face.
"I think Ana did try to give you a cookie beard," she smiled.
"I think it would be best if we showered and put these clothes in the washer," said Kurt.
"Probably," chuckled Rachel. "But don't get any ideas. You are showering alone my little bearded chipmunk."
"Me getting ideas?" scoffed Kurt. "Hardly. You started this. I was just taking delicious baked goods. You had extra cookie dough and chips. I counted."
"That wasn't for you," said Rachel, eyeing her husband.
"Technicalities," sniffed Kurt, waving his hand.
Rachel rolled her eyes and handed the countertenor the towel. "Go shower, and I'll start cleaning up the kitchen. I'm making you do the dishes and get the cookie out of the carpet."
She turned her back to go to the kitchen and didn't even see Kurt give an evil grin to the back of her head. But she squealed when Kurt grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up in his arms with one hand at her back, the other under her knees.
"Kurt!" she said as he held her tight to his chest. She smacked his shoulder, kicked at his hips with her feet, but she soon found herself unceremoniously dumped under their rain head shower, which was turned on full blast.
"Oh I hate you!" she yelled as her clothes were now soaked down to her skin.
"Have fun getting the cookie out of your hair!" he said as he shut the door quickly to the bathroom.
When Rachel got out of the shower, she was surprised to hear the stacked washer and dryer running in their little dedicated space in the hallway. And her wet clothes which she had finally gotten off were gone from the bathroom. She tied on her bathrobe and smelled the scent of cleaner. Curious, she wrapped a towel around her wet hair (melted cookie batter was hard to get out as she found out quickly in the shower) and walked into the living room.
It was clean. All the cookie dough was off the floor and walls. She walked on down to the kitchen and saw it had been cleaned up too. Even the dishes were washed and put away. The cookies she had already baked were neatly put away in plastic containers and two more batches were sitting on the platters cooling.
She knew Kurt worked fast, but this had to be some sort of record.
"Hey," he said as he came up behind her. "Good shower?"
"Thank you," said Rachel, turning around. She laughed. "Sometimes I forget I'm married to Superman."
Kurt sighed. "I knew I couldn't keep it a secret forever."
Rachel giggled at that and hugged him.
"I always wanted my own superhero."
"Well, you can thank me later," said Kurt. "I'm going to go get any remnants of cookie dough off my skin." He started out the kitchen. "Oh, and the third batch needs about another two minutes. Shelby texted you and said that they had just finished lunch when Beth pointed out a toy store to Ana. So don't be surprised if she shows up with another stuffed animal the size she is."
Rachel leaned her head back and groaned. "She is spoiling our child."
"That's her job I think," said Kurt. "Now if you'll excuse me…"
The Broadway diva watched as her husband walked away from the kitchen. She pulled the cookies out and laid them on the platter with the rest to cool. She sat the cookie sheet in the sink to wash later. Going back to their bedroom to change, she pulled out clothes, listening for the sound of the shower. She looked up the clock on the wall, timing it down to the last second. She smiled happily to herself, knowing Kurt had no hot water. The yell she heard from the bathroom was priceless. Rachel smirked in the mirror as she brushed her hair.
That's what he got for being a cookie thief.