Bits and Pieces
By: neen
Yep. Decided to try something new. A bit of a parody. It's weird. But funny, I hope.
Here's to summer almost being here and exams almost being over…and rave reviews? Enjoy!
"What, Potter?" Lily asked of the tall boy, looking annoyed at James's agonizingly long ruffling with his hair and his unwavering stare at her. "Do you honestly think that just because you unkempt your hair, I'm going to fall into this fanatical frenzy of love with you? Maybe a bit of snogging or eating face on the side?"
"Why. Yes." James looked astounded as Lily read through his thoughts. "Do you have the EYE?"
Lily rolled her eyes at this comment and sighed. "No, but, well, you are so right about the snogging bit. Come here, you hot breast."
"CUT! Wait, breast? That wasn't in our script, was it?" James asked, confused.
"Yes." Lily nodded, confirming this and showing him the parchment she had stowed inside her robe pocket. "Breast, because the authoress accidentally typed that in instead of 'beast', and for funny effects, she decided to leave it in instead of erasing my words."
"Oh, okay. Continue!" James said with great delight as Lily looked at James with a hungry look in her eye.
"Come to me, you sexy breastling!" Lily shouted passionately and grabbed hold of James's unruly hair that she so loves, pulled him ever so close to her, and smashed her lips against James, creating a burning, undying desire from both ends.
Slowly, Lily pulled apart from the tangled hair and throbbing lips.
"Damn."
Lily grinned at James's comment and pulled James towards her again.
Let the snog fest begin!
TWO HOURS LATER
Lily and James tore off of each other, breathless. Panting, Lily reached up to smooth down her unruly hair.
"Man, you are so good," James said, wheezing, but grinning. "That was amazing. The best I've had—ever."
"Thanks." Lily said in a concise manner, as she was still trying to catch her breath.
"You know, I'm surprised that we didn't have sex, considering all the passion we had."
"I know. But, the damn authoress doesn't want anything too intense, because it'd probably scar her mind forever," Lily said, laughing.
She stopped in the middle of a giggle and attempted to speak. Nothing came out.
Lily's eyes opened wide, and she flew into a panic, desperately clinging on to James.
James looked confused as well. "I think you might have pissed off the authoress."
In big letters on her script with the quill that magically (hah!) appeared in her hand, she wrote, "SORRY."
Immediately, her voice came back.
She coughed and looked around. "Isn't it weird that there's someone dictating what we're doing and saying? Like this now…I don't have control over my mind."
"That's surreal," James said, and then quickly said, "So, what were we talking about?"
Lily glowered at him until James quickly explained in an undertone that the authoress wanted to get a move on.
"Oh!" Her face considerably brightened, and she smiled. "We were talking about sex. Kind of."
"Lack of?" James asked, clarifying.
"Yeah. I'm a bit too pooped to do anything right now though," Lily said, looking sorry about it.
"Not a whim of worry in the world, Lily, my dear!" James said zealously and cuddled her in his scrawny arms.
"I RESENT THAT!" James shouted. "My arms are muscular and defined."
Ahem…
"Not a whim of worry in the world, Lily, my dear!" James said zealously and cuddled her in his strong, powerful arms. "We can just look like the legendary couple we are and embrace cutely."
"I agree wholeheartedly with that proposition."
"Hey, you do know that I love you now right? After this snog fest?" James asked, looking adoringly at the angel in his lap. An angel without wings, but you know, still an angel. Or are those elves? Lily did have pointed ears…
"Yep. I love you too. I've just never attempted to voice my great, wonderful feelings of pure, unadulterated love for you out loud before because I'm obviously such a wet blanket, and I never thought that you really liked me, as Lily Marie Evans, for who I am, and I was so insecure about everything, and I'm a commitment-phobic person, except, you know, when it comes down to you, James Henry Potter, it all melts away and disappears, and I feel so safe and protected, and yes, I love you very, very much," Lily rambled on the world's longest run-on sentence recorded.
"You wet the bed still?" James asked, referring to Lily's 'wet blanket' term.
An annoyed look crossed Lily's face as it seemed that James only heard 'wet blanket'.
"A wet blanket," Lily stressed, a bit angry, "is a pessimist. Someone who thinks things for the worst."
James looked enlightened. "Oh!"
"Yeah." Lily looked relieved that James had caught on so quick and dropped the subject.
Tant pis. Or in other words, for those who are French-impaired, 'Take a piss.' Actually, it means 'too bad'. But 'take a piss' is much better.
"Because you know, I totally thought that the term 'wet blanket' meant pissing on the sheets or something. Wouldn't that suck to wake up in the morning and to find all your blanket soggy and yellow, and absolutely reeking of smelly ammonia stuff, and then it's all over your legs and clothes, and people stare at you because you're, one, wet, second, yellow-looking, third, stinking, fourth—"
Lily stopped James in the middle of his diatribe by launching herself at his lips.
She leaned back from the kiss and swatted him. "Don't say stupid things. It turns me on."
"Uhhh," James managed to say intelligently.
"Stop!" Lily cried out, but it was hopeless. Lily zoomed straight for James's lips once more.
"EUUUUUURNGH," was James's muffled reply, which made Lily close in on his lips over and over…and over again.
It was going to be a very long night, indeed.
Author's Note:
Sorry it's a bit short, but this was totally random, and not really of relevance to any of my other stories, but I decided to give it a try.
Till the next time I decide to have a low-on-brain cells, but let's see if I can produce something witty fast-type inspiration.
Thanks, and reviews would be great.