Role-reversal fun, Clark and Lois style.

Disclaimer: Smallville has nothing to worry about from me, or my stories.

More Exposed

Clark Kent was keeping his best friend, Chloe Sullivan, company during a late night shift at the Daily Planet. It was a slow evening of manning the Info/Tip Hotline. That all changed when a call came in that got Chloe's attention. Seeing her body language change from bored beyond belief, to adrenal rush, Clark could hear the rising panic in the callers voice. As Chloe hung up, Clark had gathered their things. Looking up at Clark, "You heard?" Clark nodded. The panicky sounding guy on the phone had managed to tell Chloe that he thought he was in big trouble, the kind that didn't need police attention attached to it. Chloe agreed to meet with the man, to help if she could, and to get a story if there was one. Her instincts told her not only was there a story here, it might be a big one. A night away from the wrong numbers and dead-ends, was just what she needed. Clark had offered to super speed them to the rendezvous, but after 2 hotdogs and some popcorn from earlier, she didn't think she could handle being a human sidecar. Arriving by Chloe's car at the designated meet point of 7th and Edgemont, the duo got out, and looked around. In the glow of the sign from the 8 Hotel, they saw a person standing on the opposite corner under the elevated train tracks. The person called out to them, "Over here!" Clark and Chloe advanced toward the figure, as the man did the same. Clark suddenly felt as if his blood had begun to boil, and fell to his knees. Chloe cried out, "Clark!" At the same time a car sped toward the other person, Chloe tried to warn him, but too late. An awful sound of body being met by metal, the body never standing a chance as it was hurled up and over the now speeding away vehicle. Clark managed to croak out, "Chloe, go…" Chloe went to the crumpled body. Personal items had been flung out of the person's clothes, Chloe saw a meteor rock that was in a money clip, she hurled it as far away as she could. She went back to try to find a pulse she knew couldn't possibly be there, and it wasn't. Clark, now recovered, went over to try and help Chloe. Seeing the shake of her head, a dispirited Clark saw a wallet near by. Picking it up he found the man's ID, name of Christopher Andrew, and a card that on one side had the words The Windgate. Flipping the card over was an address, that wasn't far from where they were. The name seemed familiar to Clark, then it came to him, Lois had been to this club. She had teased Clark about what she had seen there, of course making him blush in the process. It was a male exotic dance club. Clark cleared his throat. Showing Chloe the card, she nodded her head and said, "Lois." After phoning the police about the "accident", Chloe next phoned Lois, giving her a rundown of what happened. Lois was willing to help, and they hashed out a plan for her to get into the club, and see what she could she find out. After giving their statements to the police, and promising not to get into any more trouble, Clark and Chloe headed over to The Windgate.

Chloe sent Lois a text to see if she knew of a way they could sneak in, and got their answer. Lois' responding text mentioned an entrance near the dancers dressing area. Chloe and Clark went around to the back of the club, and sure enough, there were several male dancers outside of an open door. The twosome exchanged a look, and went inside. There were all sorts of half-dressed males milling about, as Clark and Chloe made their way to what looked like an office. Inside, they saw filing cabinets, and started looking for anything to do with the man they had tried to help. Voices outside the office had the two whirling around just in time to see a woman enter. She gave them a hard look and asked, "What are you two doing here?" looking down at her desk planner she continued, "You don't have an appointment, state your business before I have you both thrown out." Chloe didn't think, just reacted. "My friend here wants to dance." She gave Clark an awkward smile, and Clark in turn, tried not to let his eyes go the size of dinner plates. The woman introduced herself as Sarah Douglas, co-manager of The Windgate. "Usually, my business associate, Christopher Andrew makes those decisions, but since he's not with us tonight, I'll need to see your …qualifications." At the mention of that name, Chloe and Clark exchanged a look, they were definitely onto something. Sarah Douglas gave a sweeping and appraising look at Clark. "Not bad." she murmured. "Now show me what ya got."

Chloe sat on a chair near where Clark was getting changed, she had been trying to subtly question some of the dancers, but they didn't much want to talk about their former boss. Chloe checked her watch, "Clark? Are you almost done?" There was a sound of Clark clearing his throat. "Chloe! This is really embarrassing." Chloe gave a shrug of her shoulders, "Think bigger picture Clark, we're here to get at the truth." Clark peeked his head around toward Chloe, "Yea well, I wish the truth were more comfortable. Chloe, I can't believe this outfit!" Chloe cocked her head to the side, "Is it that bad? Come on, get out here, you're almost on." There was a big sigh from behind the changing screen. Clark moved out from behind it, while trying to adjust his costume. Chloe's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Well? Chloe, what do you think?" Chloe mouth opened for a second, a pause that seemed to last forever to Clark, "All I can say is…God Bless, Krypton!" Clark choked out, "Chloe!"

Lois was seated in the rowdy club, absent-mindedly rattling the ice left in her drink. Chloe had called a couple hours earlier and told her what had happened to her and Clark, and asked if she would help them. Chloe needed her help with a story, and Lois was only too eager to help out her cousin. Besides, any reason to get out of Corntown, USA, for the night. Lois had asked a few questions to the bartender, and some other members of the wait staff. While there hadn't been much in the way of useful information, Lois did get the feeling they knew more than what they were saying. It was enough to make her want to dig deeper. In the meantime, there had been plenty of hot guys parading on stage. Right now, there had been some male version of a can-can dancer. She wondered who could be up next.

Just off stage, Clark had been watching, and seeing how excited the crowd was getting. Between the costume, and just dancing in general, let alone in front of a group of screaming women, Clark was feeling a bit queasy. He turned to Chloe, "Uh, on second thought." Chloe stopped Clark from leaving the area. "No. No. No. Thinking bad, dancing good." Chloe threw a look at the huge bodyguard who was giving them a stern look. "Just ask Mr. Shoot First And Ask Questions Later, over there. Clark gave her a look. "Chloe, that wouldn't hurt me." Chloe's eyebrows shot up, "You, no. Me? Big yes!" Seeing Clark frown, Chloe changed tact. "Now I need you to dig deep and find your inner Chippendale." Taking in deep breaths, she managed to get Clark to do the same

Club announcer: Ladies, lets give Pierre a nice au revoir. And now, making his first Windgate appearance, welcome to the stage, All-American Man… Dandy Andy!

Lois heard the excited shouts from the crowd at the new dancer on stage. Lois thought, Wow, who is this? Whoever he was, that was quite the costume. Sailor suit with cut-out crotch. A red, white and blue g-string, with an golden anchor on the pouch. Topped off with a cap and sunglasses. Hot! The announcer got the crowd going further by saying: Ladies, what do you think of him? He can swab my deck anytime! That made the dancer nervous, but he quickly got into the spirit of things by flinging off his cap and sunglasses. It was Lois' turn for her eyes to go wide. Holy crap! Smallville!

To the strains of- In The Navy, Lois watched as Clark took his shirt off, whirled it over his head, and tossed it into the throng of ladies now crowding the stage. Well, thought Lois, he sure is a quick study. Next off was the tear away pants, meaning that Clark was now down to just the g-string. Lois could see just how excited the crowd was getting, watching his performance. Lois narrowed her eyes at the sight. Even though she had already seen Clark's "full monty", being surrounded by a room full of lust-crazed women wanting to see it, that was suddenly different. Why? Come on, Lois, its just Clark. Who cares if the dorky farm boy is shaking his ass up there. His fabulously formed, no doubt firm as can be ..(sigh).. ass. Lois felt heat rush to parts of her body that didn't normally travel that way with her usual thoughts of Clark. Shaking her head, Lois focused back on the scene on the stage. Clark had several women attempting to tuck him, and by the looks of the hip band of his g-string, many more had already done so. Lois felt her teeth grind watching one excited woman take way too long to tuck her money. She felt herself moving toward Clark, partly because of the crush of the crowd around her, but also partly due to her being drawn toward the man on stage.

Lois managed to get a few feet from where Clark was gyrating up on stage. His head turned and their eyes met. He moved his way over to her, closer and closer, eyes never leaving hers. Her heart was pounding, what was going on? Stretching out he leaned over as if to kiss her, she found much to her surprise, she wanted to kiss him. Just as their lips started to touch, Lois felt enormous pain from her scalp, she felt herself being dragged away from Clark by some wench who had a hold of her hair. Lois looked up at this Barbie the Barbarian, who looked down and screamed, "He's mine, bitch!" Lois scrambled to her feet, assuming a self-defense stance, and yelled back, "Bring it!" Other women joined in, and rushed toward Lois, who ran at them, launching herself in the process. Clark stared a little dumbfounded at the melee before him. All the women that had been surrounding him, seemed to lose interest in him, and went to the edge of the stage to get a better look at the action below. Chloe came out and grabbed a hold of Clark. "Chloe, are you alright?" the petite blonde answered, "Yea, but the police are on the way. I heard the sirens out back. Where's Lois?" All Clark had to do was point toward the fight. All Chloe could see was a mass of moving female bodies, with a bobbing ponytail in the middle. There were articles of clothing flying around, tufts of hair floating down to the floor, cursing, and the women watching from the stage were throwing their drinks at the fighters. Chloe grimaced as she saw Lois get chucked out of the pile. Lois hitched her sleeves up, and wearing a slightly maniacal expression as she ran back for more. Shaking her head, Chloe then saw the first wave of cops come into the club. "Clark, Lois is on her own, we need to get out of here!" Tossing a concerned look over to where Lois was apparently having the time of her life, Clark indeed super sped the two of them out of there.

Later, after convincing Lex Luthor to make a few calls and pull a lot of strings, Lois was released from police custody. Chloe, Clark and Lois all met back at the Talon apartment. Clark and Lois were watching from the couch as Chloe was pacing back and forth in front of them. Finally she stopped, right in front of her cousin. "Lois! You were supposed to help us with the story, not BE the story!" After removing the ice pack from her face, Lois tried to give Chloe a look, only to give a slight wince in pain. "Look Cuz, it's all Randy Andy's fault here, hitching a thumb in Clark's direction. "If he hadn't nearly dropped ANCHOR, I wouldn't have been forced to protect his hon…" Clark cut Lois off when he said, "Dandy." Lois and Chloe both looked over at Clark. "What? They said in unison. Clark looked back at each of them, "My name, my stage name, it's Dandy Andy." Both cousins answered with perfect timing, "Uh huh, whatever." Chloe then asked Lois to give the information she was able to get before going all mixed martial arts. Chloe next relayed what she had found out. The two cousins both noticed the slightly far-off expression on Clark's face. "Ok Clark," Chloe prompted, "How did you do?" Lois hoped like hell he wasn't going to mention their almost lip lock, but felt her eyes narrow when she heard him say, "I made nearly 300 dollars in tips tonight, and got 19 phone numbers." Lois threw her ice pack at him, "I'm so happy for you Dirk Diggler."

The efforts of the intrepid trio did pay off eventually, as the police opened an investigation into the suspicious death of Christopher Andrew, and the suspected activities at The Windgate. It was discovered that Sarah Douglas had her business partner Christopher Andrew killed so that she could have sole control over The Windgate. She had been wanting to make the club her base of criminal operations. She had been well on her way to achieving her goals, but in time, the police had gathered enough evidence to shut her and the club down. Putting an end to the only male exotic dance club in town, and ending the career of one Dandy Andy. Chloe was rewarded for her efforts by getting to write the story for the Daily Planet. While it didn't quite make it to page one above the fold, it was much closer than she had ever been.

A few days later, out at the Kent farm, Lois Lane and Clark Kent were huddled over Chloe's article. "Out of all that action, all that was mentioned about us was "private citizens"? Where's the part about your "dancing?" Lois huffed. "Or, my kicking of butt?" Clark looked over at Lois after pouring a glass of milk. "At least there weren't any incriminating photos of us." Clark started to take a sip, when, "Ohhhh, I wouldn't say that, Smallville." Clark didn't like the industrial sized smirk on her face. "Lois..?" Who then whipped out her phone and showed Clark what she meant. Lois' cell phone wallpaper was a shot of Clark in all of his g-string glory. Clark glared at Lois, who laughed uproariously. "Yep, that's DANDY, alright." She was still chuckling when she laid her phone down on the kitchen island, to go and get a glass out of the cabinet. Clark took the opportunity to super speed to the phone deleting the offending picture. When Lois returned to her phone, she exclaimed, "Hey! What happened to your pic?" She brandished the phone toward him, "Smallville, did you do this?" Clark shrugged his shoulders. "I'll never tell." Bringing the glass up, he took a drink to hide a serious smirk of his own. Of course, Lois being Lois, had a plan of revenge already in place. She waited until she had Clark's attention, and sauntered over to the kitchen sink, "Well Clark, while you were out milking Bessie, I found all those phone numbers." Lois dug into her pants pocket, pulling them out for Clark to see. Holding them in the palm of her hand over the garbage disposal. "Lois! You wouldn't!" Lois gave a haughty smile, "Oh, really?" Then preceded to put the pieces of paper down the disposal, giving a jaunty little flick of the switch. Listening in obvious relish as the bits of paper were being thoroughly chewed up. She reached over and turned the water on, getting rid of any lingering pieces of paper. Shutting off the disposal and the water, she turned back to Clark with a dramatic dusting off of her hands. "There, I'd say we're even, don't you?" With narrowed eyes, Clark replied, "You know Lois, somewhere, some how when you least expect it, revenge will be mine." Lois snorted, "Yea, right!"

Clark never did get that revenge he spoke of, but years later the further adventures of Dandy Andy and the G-String would come to light. However, that's a story for another place, another time.

~Fin