Reggie's Zine was for shit. She knew no one read it. To be fair though Reggie couldn't even stand to proofread it. With topics like "How does boys do dat" and "Shore Shack Do's and Donuts" why would anyone read it?
"I know," Reggie fucking said, "I'll get Sammy's help. He knows big words and maybe them will help my Zine sound smarter so more people will read it."
Reggie skated down to Sam's house. Oh Yeah!
Reggie got to his door and with her arm knocked on it. No one answered. Reggie peered in through the window. All the lights were on.
"He must be in his room listening to music too loud and that's why he can't hear me," Reggie said aloud for some reason.
She then opened the door and walked into the house. She walked to his room and opened the door. Sam was sitting naked at his computer. He was watching porn. Sam had 8 penises which is why they called him the Squid. Each penis was consecutively longer than the previous.
"Talk about more bars in more places," Reggie said.
"Alright I'll bite," Sam said, "What are you doing in my room?"
"No. I'll bite," Reggie said eyeing Squid's octocock.
Sweet saucy porn music began, but that's probably because Sam had porn playing on his computer.
"You know what beats the heat?" Sam said, "For you to beat… my meat."
"Oh yeah?" Reggie said alluringly and then once again just because.
"Yyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh."
Just then Otto and Twister walked into Sam's room.
"Hey fagbag," Otto said to Sam.
"Oh hey Otto. Twist."
"I just did a McFuckYou, so suck on that Squid."
"Hey Squid," said Twister.
"Shut up Twist. You're ruining my story. Speaking of which tell him what happened to us today."
"Some dude named Sōsuke Aizen is trying to something something souls make a key open other dimension something something and the amount of souls he needs is the-coincidentally-same amount as there are in Ocean Shores.
"Nigga Goddamn," Otto said as he exhaled his bong hit.
"Well then I'm going to go train in the other room," Reggie said.
As she was walking through the hall Ulquiorra came and told her that he would kill her friends if she did not come with him.
"We should go to the Shore Shack to see if dad knows what's going on," Twister said.
"Fuck yeah we should," Otto said.
At the Shore Shack.
"Hey Tito," said Otto.
"Hey NIÑOS!" Tito exclaimed. "Hey Tito," Otto said again. "Do you know anything about Captain Aizen or the hogyoku?" asked Twister.Follow this user Share this profile"Ancient Hawaiians have a saying about Captain Aizen and the hogyoku. Hell they have a saying for everything. Captain Aizen needs to collect enough souls to make a key, the hogyoku, so he can unlock the dimension where the rulers of the soul society live. You're going to have to go to Aizen's fortress in order to stop him," said Tito.
"Where is it?" Otto asked.
"Raycomundo."
Tito then opened up a hole in their dimension and sent them flying into that.
"So are we in Raycomundo?" Sam asked.
"Of course we are you fuckin' slut," Otto replied.
"Why is there so much sand here Otto-man?" Twister asked.
"Dad likes to surf bro. He also likes to beef it in the sand. Unlike me who am great at all things," said Otto.
"I'm Grimmjow Jaggerjack and I'll be your host for this evening," said Grimmjow.
"You be trippin'," said Twister.
"I'm the strongest Arrancarr ever."
"But you have a six on your back," said Sam, "Wouldn't that make you the sixth strongest Arrancar?"
"No I'm the strongest. I've got a past and everything," said Grimmjow.
"Yeah fuck you Squid," said Otto, "He could kick your ass any day. Besides you're number six in our group."
"But there are only four of us."
"Exactly. Now go sit in the car."
"I was going to help you, but you really pissed me off," said Grimmjow.
"Tell me where my friends are," said Otto.
"Only if you defeat me, which is impossible."
"Then why even put it on the table," said Twister.
"Kitty can mode!" Grimmjow screamed into Sam's ear.
Grimmjow then evolved or whatever it's called into his other form.
"In this form I'm faster than anything. If you can beat me from Raymundo's nipple to his other nipple then I will tell you where your friend is," said Grimmjow.
"You're on," Otto said.
Otto beat Grimmjow to the nipnap.
"But how? How could you defeat me? I'm the fastest. How?" said Grimmjow.
"There's a reason they call it Rocket Power," said Otto.
Grimmjow exploded at how stupid that sounded.
"But how will we find Reggie if he exploded?" asked Twister.
"That's what we're doing? I didn't even notice she was missing, the bitch," said Otto.
"How could you have not noticed she was missing? She's your sister," said Sam.
"Yeah I guess I should have noticed she wasn't here, due to the lack of nagging," said Otto.
"Nice one Otto," said Twister.
"Woogetti woogetti woogetti."
"Hello bois. I'm Nnoitra Gil-gaaaa," said Nnoitra Gilga after he showed up.
"You're a fucking spoon," said Otto.
"I'm Arrancar 5. You should fear me," said Nnoitra.
"Why is your head shaped like a spoon?" asked Twister.
"My head isn't shaped like a spoon! It's like a collar," said Nnoitra.
"Maybe it harnesses some kind of power or something," said Sam.
"Sam you're a faggot and an asshole, but not nearly as much as this cunt. This…cunt…right heeera," said Otto.
"Hey! Don't call me a faggot. Everyone always makes fun of me. Stop it!" said Nnoitra.
"First I'm gonna rape ya. Then I'm gonna fuck ya because you'll like it so much the first time that you'll want more. Now tell me where Reggie is before I tear some new holes in ya buddyboy," said Otto.
"No I will defeat you to stop the bullying," said Nnoitra, "Who is that girl."
"I'm Nell!" yelled Nell.
"She looks so familiar," said Nnoitra, "Who is she?"
"Faceplant!" Otto yelled as he smacked Nell in the face with his skateboard.
Nell started crying, then grew taller and big old danglers.
"Now I remember. You're Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck," said Nnoitra. "How did you not know? I look exactly the same only smaller. I even have the exact same skull thing on my head. I mean for god sakes I tormented you every single day," said Nelliel. "I guess I goofed." "Someone blast him already," said Twister. Nnoitra grabbed Nelliel. "Careful, guys, if I go kaboom, this girl goes up too," Otto smacked Nnoitra to the ground and he exploded. "The only one who will go kaboom is you," Otto said. Just then Kenpachi Zaraki showed up. "Ichigo you idiot. How could you be so stupid?" Kenpachi said to Otto. "Who the fuck is Ichigo?" "Ah I guess you aren't Ichigo. Forgive me, I have only one eye and can't see too well." "Why don't you just take it off?" "Kenny where's an eye patch because he's awesome…in the sack," said the little pink-haired slut called Yachiru Kusajishi who dangled from Kenpachi's shoulder. "Well anyway shouldn't we be trying to get Reggie san back?" Sam asked. "Who is this Reggie?" Kenpachi asked. "Just some bitch," Otto said. "She's your sister Otto!" Sam yelled. "Yeah I've seen a girl like that. About yay tall," Kenpachi said even though he didn't make any hand movement to signify a measurement. "Yeah that's her," said Twister. "Well I can take you to her," "How will you do that? We're in the middle of a desert," said Sam. "Gaze into my eye," said Kenpachi. They all looked at Kenpachi's eye. "Not that one," Kenpachi said, "This one." Kenpachi slowly flipped up his eyepatch. "I don't get it," Squid said, "Twist come on let's go find her ourselves. Twister?" Sam turned to face Twister. Twister looked dead ahead, away from Sam. Twister's head fell off. "Oh my God!" Squid screamed. "God can't help you here," said Otto's head which was now attached to Sam's right shoulder. It had a two foot Otto body dangling from the normal sized head. Sam screamed and smacked the head with his backhand. It snapped off of his shoulder and fell lifelessly to the ground. His body grew a mouth and wailed in agony. A zipper began to close the mouth. The further the zipper went, the quieter the wail got. Once the zipper was fully zipped, Otto's body spontaneously combusted and the ashes rose up into the sky. Sam turned back to Twister's head which was still on the ground. "Oh my god. What am I gonna do?" Sam said still terrified. Twister's head grew 8 scorpion tails for legs. The legs pushed the body up and it stumbled toward him. "You did this. All of this is due to your selfish act," Twister's head said. The head jumped toward him. Sam tried to take off running but tripped over Otto's body. "What's shakin' chiefy baby?" Otto said. Sam stood up and looked over his shoulder. The scorpion legged Twister head was still running toward him. With each step the scorpion tails poisoned the ground making dark black purplish streams coming from the origins. The head lunged at Sam. "Oh no!" Sam screamed. The head was grasped to his face. With four of its free legs it stabbed at his face. It shrieked at him. Then a smaller Twister head came out of Twister's mouth, snapping at his face. "No, no no no," Sam yelled trying to push the head back as much as he could. "No no." Sam was lying on the ground rolling back and forth slapping at his face. "What is this lamo doing?" Otto asked. "Well when we teleport, um, sometimes people of weaker constitutions experience some rather negative hallucinations," said Kenpachi. "Yeah Kenny's the best. He's a sociopath," said Yachiru just so cheerfully. "What just happened?" Sam asked, now relieved of his hallucinations, "I just had the." "No one cares what you think," Otto said. "But it was terrible. There." "Shut up. Geez. Geez. Friggin' asshole. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a fuck of a shit." "There she is," Zenpachi said as he pointed up in the air. Aizen was hovering in the air. His is face vacant of any emotion. His one strand of hair blowing back and forth across his face. "Give her back to us!" Sam yelled up to Aizen. "I refuse to hand over anything that belongs to me," Aizen said, "Especially to you." Aizen removed his glasses to reveal Twister's brother Lar's face, "Wizza wozza lamos."