Disclaimer: I do not own any harry potter characters.

James Potter considered himself to be a heart-throb of the girls loved his messy black hair and the way he styled it to look like he just got off his broom. They also loved his hazel eyes even if they were behind glasses.

James could have any girl except one.

Lily Evans was the most beautiful girl to james with her big emerald-green eyes, creamy skin and hair so red it looked like fire.
James knew he was in love with this girl and she was the only girl who hated his guts.
James had started to fall for Lily in their fourth year and since then he had pursued her.
To the public, every time she rejected him he played it off as not caring much. But it really felt as though she ripped out his heart and splinched it repeatedly.
Up until half way through fifth year james had let his pain and anger out by transforming into his animagus form and run until it became difficult to breathe.
But this stopped when the rest of his gang, also known as the marauders, found out he was leaving at night without telling them.
So now he tried to bottle his anger until the full moon and he'd go into the forest as his stag and use all his energy trying to contain his werewolf best friend. Of course he let his anger get the best of him at times. He once got into a fight single-handedly against five slytherins!
His mother had heard all the fights her only son was getting onto and came up with an idea. She sent him a journal for him to write all his feelings.
At first james didn't want to as it seemed so...girly. But eventually he started writing in it every time he was mad. And it worked. He didn't feel as angry and he didn't get into as much fights!
He kept the journal a secret, afraid if anyone read it and used it as blackmail. Even the marauders didn't know about it.
It was during christmas holidays. James was sitting alone in the heads common room writing in his journal.
Him and Lily had become a type of friends, but james still wrote in his journal.
He had stopped asking Lily out and didn't prank as much as he used to, which had been why they could become friends, but James sadness about not being more still overcame him.
Lily and james were the only seventh years at Hogwarts because the were head boy and girl. So if james wanted to talk to someone it was either some awestruck 6th year maybe 5th or lily.
Lily was now at the library so he felt safe enough writing in his journal without being caught. That is until he fell asleep.
He had felt tired for days. He was having trouble sleeping and eating all because of a certain red-head. So he had tried different things to focus on but nothing worked!
So james didn't mind that his head was on the table and he was out like a light.

Lily Evans was just returning from the library. She had studied all day and had missed lunch.
'Maybe james will bring me to the kitchens' lily mused to herself.
When she entered the heads common room she found the head boy with his head on the table asleep.
Lily walked over to him and shook him awake.
"James, wake up and go to bed! You'll hurt your back sitting like this!" Said lily
James grunted but did as he was told. He walked sleepily up to his room without a second thought and collapsed in bed.
Lily was placing her things on the table as she wanted to study for a bit more than go to bed.
She then noticed a book on the table that didn't belong to her.
She picked it up and opened the cover and found written in it was 'property of James potter'
Lily was about to put it down when she accidentally skimmed the first page of it thinking it was a note-book until she saw her name in it.

26/02/1976
My mother sent this journal weeks ago but I didn't think it would be of use so I didn't bother using it. But I'm in so much agony that I'm willing to try anything. I have tried to get Lily Evans to feel the same way about me as I feel for her but she hates me.
Every time I ask her out I'm filling myself with hope, just to have it ripped away when she says no. I play it off as non-importance when really my heart breaks. I don't know how long I will feel this much pain but I hope not long.

Lily looked at the entry and was shocked! This dated back to fifth year! James had written his pain in this book!
Lily felt bad but she had to read more. she tiptoed up the stairs and put her head to james door to make sure he was still asleep.
When she heard his snores she quietly but quickly ran back to the book.
She flipped through a few pages, her heart breaking to know she caused james this much pain!.
There was one entry she nearly screamed.

12/11/1976
I just ran into lily. Sirius egged me to ask her out and I knew she was mad about the prank we pulled earlier but I still walked up to her.
She glared at me and told me to bugger off.
I asked her to go with me to the next Hogsmead trip and she laughed in my face.
I walked away, made some excuse about needing to get something from the dorm and legged it up the stairs. I'm currently in the dorm room and judging from the map (what map? Thought lily), the guys are still in the great hall...which isn't so great at the moment.
I am currently trying to write and bandage my hand as I accidentally punched the bathroom mirror.
I repaired the mirror back to its natural way. I'm shocked to notice how every time I punched something like that I felt pain but now its numb. I feel numb.
I honestly want to jump off the astronomy tower to end it all. While physically I feel numb, emotionally I feel...I'm not sure what I feel and I hate it.

Lily knew there was tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe she had made potter so...vulnerable!
She thought that he had chased her for sport. That she was just another girl to him.
But in this book, she could feel his pain. He was desperate enough that he considered killing himself!
Lily continued reading it without realising the time.

The next morning james woke up with a start. He barely remembered getting into bed but he managed to somehow.
He stretched and got up and saw he was wearing the same clothes from yesterday.
He quickly changed and was about to leave when he noticed his journal wasn't on his desk! He ran over to it and searched it. He ran all over his room to look for it.
The last place he remembered seeing it was when he was writing in it the night before...downstairs!
"Bloody fucking hell!" James nearly screamed! How could he have been so stupid! he ran downstairs and found lily sitting at the table with her back to him. She was reading something.
James crept as close as he dared to see it and felt a pit in his stomach as he realised it was his journal!
Lily was on the entry he didn't finish last night.

28/12/1977
Lily has gone to the library so I haven't anything to do besides write.
I was planning on asking lily if she wanted me to teach her how to play quidditch in return for her helping me with potions, but every time I tried to ask her I get nervous and do something stupid.
It seems asking her any question-

Lily closed the book and placed it where she found it then stretched and checked her watch. It was 7:30 am! She had read all night!
She got up and turned around when she saw james standing there.
Lily's face flushed. She had just been caught reading his most private book and it was all about her!
"How much did you read?" Asked james looking at the floor and his face turning red.
Lily didn't know what to say. She decided there was no point lying.
"All of it I think" said lily becoming very interested in her hands.
"Perfect, well I'm going into the forest and hope I'm lucky enough to get trampled by a centaur or something said james about to leave.
"Wait!" Said lily running up to him.
James turned around, looking very embarrassed.
"What? You want to tell me of first before-" james didn't finish as lily bounded into him and pressed her lips against his.
It took james a few seconds to realise what was happening but eventually he relaxed and wrapped his hands around lily's made lily deepen the kiss and wrap her arms around his neck.
They were like this for a few minutes but it could have been hours without them realising it.
The sound of lily's stomach broke them apart and made them giggle.
James couldn't believe that it happened. He cupped her cheek and kissed her again. This kiss lasted a few seconds and when they broke apart james said "you don't know how long I wanted to do that" said james.
"I have a fair idea" said lily smiling.
"May I ask why the sudden change?" Asked james innocently.
"The reason I didn't want us to get close was because I was afraid I'd fall for you, and when I read your book, I realised I did have feelings for you that I was ignoring.
I hope you can forgive me for saying no all these years" said lily looking down afraid of what he might say.
James placed his finger under her chin and lifted her face up to meet his.
This time he kissed her with so much passion. He wanted to show her all his love for her in this one kiss.
When they broke apart again by lily's stomach, james smirked and asked a very important question.
"Want to get breakfast?
"Nothing would make me happier" said lily smiling.

Thanks for reading this one-shot. I hope you enjoyed this story! please review ! ~maraudergirl68448