When you're eight, you go to kill the old lady, just to make your mom shut up. Easiest fight you've ever had. Your new subjects whisper 'supersedure,' and do their best to crawl away without you noticin, but whatev. Nothing but a mercy killing. Dunno how none of her heirs ever got her before if this was all the fight she had in her. Lucky you got here first! Hell if you're ever gonna be such an easy target. You peel off all her jewels and bangles and deck yourself out right and grin as the tyrian seeps into your clothes. Aw yes. This is the life.
Once you've dumped her corpse off for someone else to take care of and settled in on the throne, you think you could get used to this. It's feelin pretty awesome to see all the fear in the room. To see the way they jump when you ask them a question. Now this is some coddamn respect. They're going on about things that hafta be done, but who cares? Not your problem. You're in charge now, and ain't none of them can tell you what to do. Even when some jumped up indigo tries to step up with papers or somethin for you to sign, all you gotta do is wave your trident at him and show a few too many teeth, and he just about pisses himself.
Ha, mom. So much for all that nagging, huh? The only thing left buggin you is some little rustblood off in the back with some straight up ridic curvy horns, actin all high and mighty, staring you down, like she's got no reason to be bowin and scrapin like the rest. You give her a look, but she only pulls her shoulders back a bit and smiles. Oh, that is it. If she's gonna be actin like this, she's gonna get what's comin to her. You bend down for a sec to order a guard to bring her forward, but when you lift your head again to point her out, she's gone. You snarl and order a search of the palace, but nothing ever turns up. Who even cares. Stupid rustblood's probably just too dumb to see what way's up. Twenty sweeps and she'll be dead and gone, and you're good to go for twenty thousand sweeps or more.
Even if the shine wears off in a hundred sweeps or so, there still ain't nothin feels as right as bein the empress. They've settled on callin you Her Imperious Condescension, and hey, you like the sound of that. Much better than Her Annihilation or whatever it was they'd been calling the old lady. Mom's been a lot easier to deal with since you bumped her off, too. She still nags too much, but she's the only thing you gotta listen to. Lately it's been aaaaall about quadrants and descendants and the rest of that crap. Ugh. Can't you have a break, just one little break before you start having to deal with the kids? It's gonna be such a chore, and watch, they'll find the worst times to bust in and mess with your day.
Besides, you don't wanna be explainin this to your mom, but maybe you ain't really found anyone you'd want to fill a pail with anyways. Everyone's too boring or too fragile. At least people've stopped takin you not killin them as an invitation to jump into a quadrant. You still hafta smile at what happened to that one idiot who tried to pap you in public. Ha, the servants were shaking for perigees after whenever you walked into a room. Good times. It bugs you a little, not that you'd ever admit it out loud. You mean, of course you're on top of the heap and nobody else can compare. But it maybe gets a little lonely sometimes, and you have to believe there's some kind of runner-up, someone who's not quite as good as you, but who can at least sorta keep up. Maybe you'd be interested in at least tryin a feelings jam, or really getting what it's like to hate someone that special way. Ain't your fault that nobody's got it in em to handle you.
When the church gets a new head, you don't really pay attention. Subjugglators are worse than seadwellers for the killin, and you're pretty sure nobody understands what they've got going on with their mirthful messiahs or whatever it is. This is the third Grand Highblood since you've been crowned, and this new one'll probably be dead too before you can turn around. When he gets presented to you, though, you do notice that he's young. Maybe younger than you were when you took the throne. You study him a bit while they're reading through all the formalities that keep the pen-pushers happy. He sees you watchin, and grins all big and sharp without saying a word. After it's all over, you're expected to say something, and just to tweak him, you make sure to call him a remarkable little wiggler in front of the whole audience and say you're sure his lusus is proud.
He just laughs, all big and loud, and tells you he thinks he can recall some other luminaries who got their murder on at a similar age. His eyes are bright under the paint, and you catch yourself laughin too. This dude's okay. The church headquarters is adjoined with your palace, and that's always bugged you before, when the faithful wander over into your hallways and spill Faygo and blood on your floors, but now it makes a convenient escape when being empress gets annoying. It's a good joke when they're trying to find you for some important audience and you're off sittin in church and listenin to the Grand Highblood preach. You laugh, a course. Shit's hilarious. And even if the subjugglators are dumb enough to glare at you out a the corners of their eyes, the Grand Highblood joins in too, laughin over all the whispers.
Your people know where to find you, after a while, but they don't like to actually come over to get you. It's great. Every so often you jank a fresh skull from the church decorations and set it up in your throne room, just to see the way people give it the side-eye and try not to get too close. It's a nice break. You get all your ruling done nice and fast, and if the bureaucrats who couldn't think of anything interestin to do with their lives want you around every day of every perigee, they've got another thing comin. Just cause they can make up more work to waste your time doesn't mean you hafta care. The important things get done, and then your time is your time.
One day you toy with the idea of sneakin out for a nice long swim, but you can't deal with your mom right now. You'll outlive everyone on the planet by thousands a sweeps, so there's no rush to be pailin anyone right this instant. You've got all the time in the world to make and kill descendants, and she needs to get off your case. Even though it's late, you slip over to the church instead. When you get there with a plate of snacks and sprawl across an empty pew, the Grand Highblood is already up there, preachin about whatever today's homily is.
He pauses to announce to the whole room that Her Imperious Condescension has condescended, ha, to join us, and tells the congregation to greet their empress. Once the honking and whooping dies down, you're glarin at him, but as far as you can tell he's still grinning under the paint. If he were smart he'd stop now, but he goes on and asks, all humble-like, if Her Condescension would care to speak to her loyal subjects. It's practically a dare. Yeah, okay. Whatev. You head up to the podium with your snacks, and munch on them as you pull somethin good out of the air. A nice bit on the joy of killin your superiors. Takin them down and takin their place, that special kinda feelin when everyone can see you were the best all along, all that. From where he's sittin in the front row you can tell he's definitely grinning.
You finish, to another chorus of honks and whoops, leavin your empty plate behind as you head back to your seat. When the ceremony ends, you lay there until the Faygo showers are over and the room empties, until it's down to you and him and he comes over to sit next to you, like it's nothin special. You tell him you could cull him for that kind of thing. He just laughs and compliments your choice a sermon. He tells you nobody in the room could ever appreciate the sentiment like the two of you can, and he looks forward to teaching some harsh truths to the trolls who've gotten some bright ideas in their pans.
You don't really want to go back to signin papers and hearin petitions yet, so you stay and talk for a bit. At some point, he tells you his name is Kurloz, and before you catch yourself, you're tellin him yours is Meenah. It's been a long time since anyone but mom called you that. After a servant finally slinks in to ask if you're able to attend to matters that require your authority, he stands to face him. He's still young and you doubt he's full-grown yet, but he towers over the servant, bowin forward so their faces are almost level. He'd be honored to escort Her Motherfucking Condescension back to her quarters. Unless the servant thinks he can do better? You laugh at the guy's face as he scuttles off. They're used to you, and it's so hard to get those kind of looks out a them anymore. The next time the Grand Highblood has to see you for church matters, you make sure to call him by his hatchname in front of the whole audience, and he doesn't miss a beat when he calls you Meenah.
What does start to bug you after a while is that you realize everyone just assumes the two of you have jumped in a quadrant together, and that your mom still won't shut up about descendants. You actually threaten to send your whole army down to bomb the shit out of her, before realizing how dumb that sounds, and she doesn't even have to say anything, but you're fuckin pissed at herself and yourself, and it's too much, and there was a servant or anyone in the room, they'd be in pieces on the floor by now. But nobody's there, and the hallways are stupid empty, and you wonder if maybe someone saw how you were gettin and warned everyone else, and that just makes you angrier. By the time you've gotten all the way to the church hallways, you've decided you're just gonna rip into the first troll you see.
The first person you find is Kurloz, painting the altar. You think about it anyways, but that'd be a bit of a waste. You stand in the doorway and just watch for a minute. You'd assumed that he was too important for a chore like this, but he explains that it is not only important, keeping the paint fresh, but it is also one motherfucking soothing job. He offers you a brush. Yeah, okay. Why not. It is almost nice, addin layers of cobalt and jade and yellow, workin without a word. You're a bit surprised he hasn't said anythin, it's usually hard to shut him up, but he stays quiet until finally you say somethin about stupid lusii who can't keep their noses out a people's personal coddamn business. He looks interested, and as sympathetic as it's possible to look with that ridic facepaint, so you continue, about how it's been dozens of sweeps and your mom won't get off your case, and before you know it, you've gotten around to the private worries that you try to avoid ever even thinkin about.
It takes some time longer to use up all your paint. He doesn't say much, but he doesn't say anythin that makes you want to stab him, which is better than most people. You stand and stretch. There's paint in your hair, but whatev, that's a problem for someone else to deal wtih. It nice to see all the colors shading together like this, but it's missing somethin. You reach out and drag a claw across your palm, dripping tyrian down the altar. There, you tell him. Finishin the spectrum for you. He laughs loud and hard at that, calling it the best motherfucking miracle this church has ever seen.
You laugh with him too, but you've been puttin off work all day, and you have to head back and get started. If you go back on your own terms, you win. It's better than someone comin to get you and herdin you back like a stray woolbeast. Kurloz escorts you back to your chambers, listenin as you complain about everythin that needs doing, and how your mom won't let up even though she knows just how busy you are. When you're almost at your doors and know he's about to turn and leave, and that nagging thought is irritatin you more and more, he stops and pulls you to the side. He's overfamiliar and you know it, but that is a step too far. You're just openin your mouth to snap at him, when he puts hand to your cheek and says, shoosh.
It takes a minute for your pan to catch up. All you can do at first is stare at him and ask if he meant that. He just lifts his eyebrows and looks down at you until you're blushin like a coddamn wiggler, but then you get it together. You call him a grody clown, and if you reach up and he bends, just a little, you can put your hand up against his paint and brush his hair back. You go in to do your work, and he goes to do whatever it is he does, but you grin to yourself the rest of the day. Suck it, mom. You got a moirail.
Things are good for a nice long time. It ain't any kinda touchy feely moirallegiance like you see in trashy movies, but he knows the right ways to defuse you when you get all wound up, and that's what it's really about, ain't it? It's weird to have someone you know you shouldn't kill, even if you really really want to, and it's even stranger wonderin if maybe you wouldn't win the fight. He's a lot smarter than the dumbass clown makeup makes him look, too. He's the one with the great idea that even without a matesprit or kismesis, it could be worth pailin someone anyways. It'll shut your mom up, and if you pick lameass partners, it's just gonna make your descendants that much easier to bump off.
The first time one a them shows up at your palace, it's the most pathetic thing you've ever seen. You don't even try not to laugh while you kill her, and you take the time to have her body dumped back in the ocean, so your mom can see what you did to her pretty little daughter. Were you ever that young? You must have been, but that was just sad! She'd better try harder than that next time. Even if you were young, you can't have been that weak. You're almost lookin forward to the next one, cause that shit was hilarious.
After a while it stops being so funny. You can tell when your mom gets a new one, cause she starts ignorin you, and you're the one fighting to make her listen instead of the other way around. It bugs you. It really fuckin bugs you. These kids are just sad is what they are, and you're the one who did a damn good job, and is this how she's gonna act after you did just what she asked? What happened to takin care of you and whisperin about how strong you were, and how proud you were gonna make her? Well you did what she wanted, and apparently that means dump Meenah out on the curb, time to find someone new and train her up to kill the old favorite. A couple a times, you even go to the caverns and cull every tyrian wiggler and egg you can find. It's impossible to do anything with the slurry already there, but you put off pailin anyone else for sweeps and sweeps, until the nagging is just too much to take.
When Kurloz tells you there's rebellion, it's a good distraction. Really, it's not your problem, but it's interestin to listen to anyways. There's apparently some dirtblood out there walkin the planet, collectin followers and preachin against the hemospectrum. That's almost too funny to believe. You laugh at it just fine, and so does Kurloz at first, but you can tell it starts to get to him after a while. It's the first time anyone's challenged the church like this, and even if he doesn't wanna take it seriously, this dude means business. He shoulda been dead sweeps ago, but nobody seems to be able to catch the guy. He mighta started out as a lunatic preachin to empty air, but he's got followers now, and the longer he keeps slippin out a these traps, the more trolls start whisperin that maybe he's right after all.
Kurloz starts to get angry when you laugh at the news comin in. You try not to show that it makes you shiver when his calm cracks and you see the subjugglator inside. There's the guy who killed his way to the head of the church before he was ten. Makes it even funnier he can't catch this kid, whoever he is. There's rumors now that he's some kinda mutant cullbait who shouldn't have even survived the hatchin caverns, but the whole church and army still can't bring him down. It makes Kurloz furious when he tells you that you should worry and you don't.
Well, okay. You do start to worry eventually. You've found trolls in your palace, in your own coddamn palace, that've been there for sweeps and sweeps, and are suddenly spreadin this shit around. Not just dirtbloods either, but greens and blues and even a purple or two. They're all culled, painfully and slowly, given evidence, or even just given suspicion. But it doesn't stop. There's rumors that this preacher, the signless or whatever, has powers, that he's more powerful than you. That's too much. You order Kurloz out into the world, give him all the soldiers and authority he wants. You order him to do whatever it takes.
That's what does it, in the end. He finally captures them, the preacher and his sad, little, pathetically devoted cohort. One of em's even a psionic, with more than enough power to get away on his own if he'd a been smart enough to ditch the others. That makes you smile for the first time in a good while. Kurloz returns to you, leaving his new favorite pet blueblood to carry out the execution. You two have a live video feed, and that shit's awesome. Best date you've had in sweeps. You tease Kurloz that he coulda picked somethin even nicer and slower than the hot shackles to cull him, but after the shape he was in after Kurloz finished with him, it's more a surprise that he was even alive for a public execution. This is good stuff. You can see the arrow in his side move every time he breathes.
He screams so pretty right at the end. You keep lookin back and forth between watchin him and watchin the way the crowd reacts. You made sure his friends were there to watch, a course. One of em's a jade, and there are rumors you almost believe that she stole him from the caverns and played lusus to him herself. The psionic is cuffed with power limiters and drugged so hard he's barely conscious, which is a shame, but he's apparently so strong that they couldn't risk anythin less. You almost overlook the pretty little oliveblood, and you're guessing her guards did the same, because she's been quiet, but all of a sudden she wrenches herself free and breaks for the body. What an idiot. Not going for revenge or freedom, or anythin halfway smart like that.
Kurloz and you are laughin to each other as you wait for the executioner to finish the job. The bow is raised, pulled, aimed, but the shot never comes. It's a long slow moment, and then she dashes for a hole in the crowd, fights her way through, and is gone before the pursuit can follow. It's a little, unimportant thing, but it wrecks the day. You're angry, but Kurloz is furious. In the chaos, you see a pair a curved horns near the front of the audience that seem familiar, but before you can lock down where you've seen them, Kurloz smashes the screen.
You get to be there while he deals with the executioner. You were expectin he'd just get culled, but Kurloz is more creative than that. He takes his index fingers and shame globes. It's fascinatin to watch. The guy doesn't even try to defend himself. A psionic restrains him while the parts are taken, but he doesn't even try to fight back. It's more symbolic than anything, but it's nice and cruel. At his age, he must've already given slurry, but what a perfect way to let him know just how badly he fucked up. And he ain't gonna be pulling that bow again with his hands like this. When you hear the way he's trying not to whimper and smell the burned flesh as the wounds are cauterized, it's almost like you got to be at the execution yourself. When he finally stumbles out a the room, on his way to a life in exile, you feel a little better. With blood that blue, he'll hafta live on like this for a good long while.
And even if the girl got away, you still have two presents left from the execution. The psionic is still drugged to the tips a his ears, but your engineers are startin to say he might be the most powerful psionic they've ever seen. Maybe suitable for a flagship. That news has you in a good mood as the jadeblood is brought in to see you. It's curiosity more than anythin. You've never seen somethin like this is all your sweeps as empress, and the histerrorists are going crazy trying to figure out how it even happened. She's drugged up too, and she ain't even knocked around that bad, but she's definitely been cryin. Cod, it's been days. She needs to pull her shit together.
The interrogators got all the details of her past out of her easy enough, but you're still wonderin why she'd do something so impossibly dumb. She had a good setup down in the caverns, and you just don't get why she'd throw it all away to take care a some cullbait wiggler who wasn't even on the hemospectrum. Didn't she like tendin the mother grub, the way she was meant to? Yes. Didn't she know he'd hafta die young? Didn't she know she'd die? Yes. What about once he started preachin, didn't she get that he was just gonna get them killed faster? Yes. Then why'd she stick with him even once she knew that they were facin off against the whole Empire, and they were gonna get taken down no matter what? Because she loved him.
She's cryin again as she says that last bit, and before you even think about it, you sock her right in the face, and she goes down with blood pourin outta her nose. What the hell. What kinda mother is that? When the hell is any lusus that coddamn self-sacrificin and spoutin this touchy-feely bullshit? She's cracked in the pan is what she is. She's lucky she wasn't culled as a wiggler herself if that's how ass-numbingly stupid she is. You aren't any closer to understandin why she did any of this, but you're so done. If you keep talkin to her like this, you're just gonna kill her, and then you'll just be angry you let it end so fast.
No, you want her out of your sight for now. She might not live as long as Kurloz's blueblood, but you can make the rest of her life count. Jade's awful high for the slave trade, but that'll just make it even worse for her. You could just throw her out on the market, but there's always the risk that she'd luck into a decent master. No good. Fortunately, you got all kinds of workers as handle your dirty business. Easy as hell to rig the auction so she ends up in the worst position you can manage.
You're a little nervous that the job's outta your direct control, but your agent does just fine. She gets sold off to a gamblignant captain with bundle of other dirtblood slaves, and your agent assures you that this captain is exactly what you were lookin for. Once you make someone put together a report for you, you're definitely pleased. This lady sounds perfect. Turns out your people've been bitchin at you for ages about her fleet of ships, and you just didn't bother listenin, but hell if you're gonna do anything about her now. Even if she's technically workin against you, it's not doing you any real harm. Maybe she burns some of your ships, kills some a your people, it's no biggie. Plus, watching her is coddamn fantastic.
Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. It's one hell of a name she's picked out for herself. Maybe you envy her, just a tiny bit. She's almost a mini-you. She's got her fleet, like a little empire she rules with an iron fist, and she is your kinda lady. As far as anyone knows, she killed her way to the top when she was young (not as young as you, but hey, not everyone can live up to the stuff you've done). Some of these reports on her activities are so inventively cruel that you maybe take some notes for future reference. Wow. And the things she does with her mind control are just fantastic.
You're itchin to know what happens to your jadeblood when Mindfang gets her claws on her, and you spend enough money to buy up half a her crew just to make sure you get every single detail. At first you're maybe a little (a lot) upset when it seems like Mindfang is goin flushed for her, but you shoulda trusted that she'd turn it around just fine. Love as a punishment for love! Mind control really is great. Ha, gr8. Makes you almost wish you had some abilities in that direction. Even if this is flushed, it's just as twisted as you hoped, and you spend some nice time dwellin on how it's gotta be tearing the jade up. When you hear the way Mindfang took her in front of her own kismesis, it makes your day. You keep that report and read it to Kurloz the next time he calls you from where he's out purgin the signless' followers.
When you do hear that Orphaner Toolscar, or whatever the hell his name is, snapped and killed the jade, you're livid. That'd been goin so well! And this fucker had to jump in and ruin it. But it's not so bad, you've still got one distraction left. You had Kurloz's blueblood tracked after he left, and in the way he was actin, you half expected him to just roll over and let himself die. But he's been wanderin here and there, never near civilization and never staying in the same place. When he finally settles down, you hafta wonder what he's doing. Your people go and check the situation out, and hey! Turns out he found that oliveblood that wrecked everything for him in the first place.
You could just kill the both of them super easy, but you're kinda wonderin what they're even doing. Instead, you set a couple weak-ass psionics that washed out as helms to rig the area up with video, and wow is this shit golden. The guy's flushed for her, can you believe it? She holed up in this place, all writin the preacher's shit all over the walls with animal blood or somethin, and this guy rolls in like a lovesick barkbeast and sets up shop. She hates his guts, though, and not in that sexy way. You can't say you're surprised, but it is the funniest thing ever. He just mopes around the cave, tryin to be helpful and take care of her, and she clearly, clearly just wants him to go away.
Man, this is great. You couldn't'a done any better if you'd planned it. It's just pathetic is what it is, and you absolutely love it. When Kurloz comes back to the palace, you show him what's up, and that gets the first genuine laugh you've heard outta him in a long time. Just to spice things up, you have your psionics leave stuff here and there that let them know you're watchin. It's hilarious how he tries to protect her, but it's even more fun workin around him and makin sure she's the one to get your little presents. For his wiggling day, you surprise Kurloz by planting a pair of shackles right in her sleepin furs, and record the video of her discoverin them as a present.
The girl was only an olive, but she didn't even manage to live up to what half of her lifespan shoulda been. You're kinda pissed that she wasted away that fast and the fun's already over. The blueblood wanders off again once she's gone, and it just doesn't seem worth it to track him anymore. Nothin's ever gonna top that. Mom's still bitchin and bitchin at you, and to tune her out, you go looking for more distractions. The psionic you took earlier is magnificent. Even if you've got your own fleet of starships, you've never had much interest in going off-planet and away from the ocean. Whoever owned him before, they didn't know what they had. He was born to power a ship. He'll power your flagship. You're itching to get off a the planet and away from your mom, but your engineers insist they need to build a new ship from scratch and it will take time. Sweeps. You're angry, but when they explain that he's powerful enough he could burn out the limiters in your current ships, and that they'll have to strip the colonies for the materials to build a ship large enough to strain him, it gives you a delighted little shiver and you feel a bit better about waitin.
Kurloz finds a new tealblood legislacerator to train up in church business, and you ain't really that surprised when you find out that they're flushed for each other. You kinda thought he'd never find anyone to pail that wouldn't bore him to bits, but she's a sharp one. You gotta admire that she's got the nerve to pity him, and it's definitely interestin to watch him actually be tender with someone. Makes you a little jealous maybe, but hey, if he can find someone to pity him, there's gotta be someone out there who can pity you. When you check back in on Mindfang again, she's up to her usual business. It's not as good as when she was playing with the jade, but it's more interestin than what you've got to deal with in the palace. Your agents say her kismesis ran off after he killed the slave. Good. He didn't deserve her.
Well, when he shows up at the palace it gives you a shock. You're surprised he has the nerve, an outlaw with a huge bounty on his own head. And then you're surprised that he's trying to give information on his kismesis and offerin a bounty of his own for her death. Huh. That goes a bit beyond bein pitch for her. You're not surprised he didn't try to take her out himself. That's a fight he definitely woulda lost. But it's still a pretty lameass move to pay someone else to do what he'd never be able to manage. However, the biggest shock of all it what he does with you. Dude comes right up to you, bold as brass, proclaimin his flushed feelings, and expectin you to reciprocate.
Wow. What the hell. Okay, yeah, maybe you've been waitin for sweeps and sweeps to go flush or pitch for someone and you're sorta desperately wishin for that kinda romance to sweep you off your feet, but that does not mean you're just gonna take the first asshole who's got the globes to straight-up demand that you jump in a quadrant together. You guess you learned something as empress, cause you actually manage to hold back from culling him then and there. The more you think about it, the angrier you get. This guy, this pathetic, sniveling ass, not only has the nerve to pity you! But he proclaims it in front of a whole audience, actually tries to throw himself at your feet, and clearly, clearly expects you to take him!
Yeah, you keep your control, even though all you wanna do is stab him. You gotta keep your distance, or people'll start thinkin the empress is gonna get down and dirty with just anyone. You're openin your mouth to order your guards to cull him, but Kurloz gets there first. This Orphaner guy ain't small, but Kurloz towers over him, practically picks the guy up with one hand as he hauls him back to his feet. When you catch a look at the way he's grinning, you relax a bit. This is gonna be good.
When Kurloz demands that he earn his place in the empire's good graces, the guy starts trippin over himself trying to offer all his treasure, gold, whatever. Ha, no. You've got more of that shit than he could imagine. No. Kurloz orders him to tell a joke, and the dude just goggles at him all open-mouthed for a moment, looking like an actual fish. Haha, oh man. This is it. He gives it a go, in the end. There wasn't any chance the joke was gonna be funny, but damn was it hilarious to watch him try. Kurloz doesn't even bother with a strife specibus, just his bare hands. He goes to one knee when he's done, offering you up the guy's rings and jewels. You wear the violet-stained jewelry all day, and man is it amazin how fast it makes your audiences fly by.
You kinda assume that the information about Mindfang would be left unused like all the information you already had, but eventually you hafta admit that she's gettin a little out of hand. A few tax ships get taken, and your people just won't shut up about the damage she's doin to the empire. You don't think it's such a big deal and you're draggin your heels a bit, but finally you agree that maybe someone can have a go at bringing her in.
You're the only one that Kurloz tells when he finds his little tealblood wearing the sign of the cult. You've never seen him so angry, not even when he was trying to take down the cult, never. He's so furious it comes right out the other side to calm, and for a few moments you wonder if he's going to try to kill you. You wouldn't say it out loud, but you grin a bit on the inside. This is what happens when you make yourself vulnerable to someone. She coulda been as strong as you, and she never woulda been able to hurt him this much. Really, you know what he's waitin to hear, and you're in complete agreement. Make her pay, make her pay.
It's perfect, really. You need to make a token effort at bringin down Mindfang, and he needs to put her in a hopeless situation. Maybe you could even have a reprise of what happened with your jadeblood, only without an asshole kismesis around to ruin everything. She's grinning as she takes her orders, and you smile yourself as you wonder just how it will go wrong for her.
Well. You weren't expecting her to actually bring down Mindfang. And what's more, you weren't expecting her to take her down so completely. She's brought in missing an eye and an arm, which is one hell of a shame. You'd thought Mindfang would do so much better. As far as reports can tell, it was the teal's lusus that turned the battle her way. You should have realized. And now everythin's gone wrong. Your pirate queen will stand trial and be executed, and the legislacerator will go on her happy way.
Kurloz reminds you, though, that everything isn't over yet. He won't tell you what he's plannin, only that it'll be a surprise. You hadn't really been wantin to follow the trial. Shit's gonna be depressing. Of course she's guilty, and of course she'll hang. Once she was captured, the ending was never in doubt. It's just gonna bug the shit out a you to see her be sentenced and die. And it'll just annoy you more that the legislacerator shoulda already been dead, but you fucked it up. Still, Kurloz insists that you watch a video feed of the trial.
You're sittin together as it starts. You're not really payin much attention, but you do see when Mindfang stops listenin to the teal drone on and on, and takes a look around the chamber. You can't tell what she's lookin at, but you can see her concentrate. And the whole audience moves like one creature. They swarm the tealblood before she can even react. You're laughin your ass off by the time they're placin the noose around her neck, and Kurloz joins in as they hoist her off the ground. By the time she's stopped kickin, the two of you are leaned up against each other, laughin yourselves sick. Even without an eye and an arm, Mindfang takes down His Honorable Tyranny, and then she's gone. Perfect.
Your people did take the precaution of plantin a tracker in her, even though she was scheduled to be executed. Her fleet is gone and her crew killed, so you expected her to take some time to regroup, but the first thing she does is steal a ship and make her way to a miserable, rocky island a ways off the coast. Well! You hadn't expected that. It's Kurloz's blueblood, managin some kinda lonely, wretched existence out there on his own. He's buildin her a new arm, and even though it's funny at first to watch him trying to do the fine metalwork with missing fingers, it goes so slowly that you get bored long before he finishes.
The only interestin thing to happen is that the engineers are finishin your ship. You insist on a test flight the moment work is done. The very last thing is to strap in your psionic and let him wake up. It's beautiful. Of course, he doesn't like it, but that was never the point. All the implants are there to make him do whatever you want, and what you want is all that matters. You immediately plan a tour a the colony planets. The way the engines hum underneath the deck floors is like no spaceship you've ever flown, and you spend hours just sittin down in his helmsblock watching him snarl at you as he's forced to fly your ship. Usually these blocks are just a closet to hold the engine, but you make sure his is expanded enough to put in a nice big couch for you.
All that annoys you is that it isn't quite you drivin the ship. It's the engineers and techs who know how to program his wetware and give him commands. You order them to teach you, and even if you don't have the same knack as they do, you can reprogram him well enough to get by. It's fascinatin to sit there with an interface, watchin him react to your commands as they reach him, seeing him try to fight and fight before he sinks under and gives it. It's lovely to watch him thrash against the wires, knowing that even if he tore free, he's got no legs or arms left to speak of. It's completely pathetic.
Playing with him passes the perigees. You spend more time in space, even when you don't hafta. It gets harder and harder to hear your mom the further you fly away, and every time you make landfall, you just kill the new princess and then there's nothing to bug you. Even if your psionic woulda died of old age sweeps ago, it's easy as anythin to stretch his life out longer and longer. Letting him last only a pissblood lifespan would have been the biggest waste a your life. It's so beautifully pitiful when he begs you to let him die. Your engineers tell you that you could set the wetware to take his voice, but you'd much rather be able to listen to him talk.
You check in on your gamblignant every so often, but she's not doin much of anythin at all. It's too bad. Even with her new arm and sweeps to recover, she's done almost nothin to reconstruct her old fleet. It bothers you seeing her just gettin by, but havin one less thing to interest you on-planet just means you spend more time in space. You try to talk with your psionic every so often, but even after lifetimes a refusin to answer you, he's only just barely starting to come around. Instead of thrashin and fightin, he just hangs limp in his wires while you sit and talk.
It's nice. It's different from Kurloz. As a helm, he's not even properly a troll anymore, so it's not too hard to open up and talk about how hard your life can be. You tell him about your mom, about the little princesses she raises to kill you, how hard it is to fill quadrants when you're the empress. He hangs there and doesn't say a word as you talk. In a way, you'd kinda rather he was back to the yellin and shoutin. This sorta feels like he's ignorin you, even though you know he's not. You're the only person allowed in his block except for maintenance, and he's pathetically desperate for the stimulation and contact. Instead a flinchin away when you touch his face, he just shuts his eyes and shivers, and as you're walkin through his block and talkin, you can see his head follow you. It's the most pitiful thing you've seen in your whole life.
You're in the middle of a sentence when you suddenly understand just what that pity means, and the realization is a rush of feeling. The sentence trails off into nothing, and you're caught up in your own thoughts. Could he pity you? He must, right? You've been tellin him and tellin him everythin that's hard about your life, and he just sits there and takes it. You sit back down in front of him and try to look pathetic. Is it coming across? It's hard to tell with those weird-ass eyes of his, but you think he's focused on you. He pities you, right?
The flat no takes you by surprise. It's the first time you've heard him talk in sweeps. He doesn't pity you? How can he not? You made yourself so vulnerable and opened up to him more than you've opened up to your moirail, wow, and this pathetic piece a equipment can't even find it in himself to pity you! The rush of anger sweeps through you and for a moment you hate him more than you've hated anything else. Ah! Wait! So, he hates you? You can work with that. Another flat no. You snarl at him, losin control like you haven't since you were a wiggler, sinking your claws into his wetware just to watch him squirm and try to twist away. But he closes his eyes and doesn't say another word.
You spend a few days holed up in your own quarters, trying to figure out how to program his emotions. You'd die before you asked your engineers to teach you how to do this, but it must be possible. The wires are in his pan, and there has to be a way to do it. Even if it doesn't work, it's worth it just to see him suffer. The mistakes in your programs make him shake and cry out until your techs can slip in behind you and fix your work. In a way, it's almost better than gettin it right. Just hurtin his body wouldn't be as nice as this.
You're eventually interrupted by an unexpected call from Kurloz. You're expectin something dumb and unimportant, but he tells you that there's another revolution. It's not like the signless' cult, but it's still not good. Your psionic gets you back to the planet before any a your other battleships can arrive, and you step up to take charge right away. In some ways this revolution is worse. It's another cullbait mutant, some dirtblood with wings, but this revolution is rooted in your army, your motherfuckin army. The cavalreapers practically worship this freak, and your other units aren't far behind.
The worst part of it is this guy's partner. It's your pirate queen, lettin herself take second place to this worthless dirtblood garbage. And the reports are universal: matesprits. Not only is she letting him command her, she's also lettin him pity her. This is what she falls for? This kind of trash? You're so furious that you cull the messenger who brought you the news. She coulda been something great, and instead she's fallen to this level. She used to be the greatest outlaw on the planet and now she's helpin lead a rebellion against you. You smear the blue back and forth between your fingers as you try to work out a plan.
At least you have experience now that you didn't when you put down the cult. You don't underestimate them, and you are merciless. If this had been the first revolution of your reign, you think that perhaps you mighta lost. Even if this dirtblood had something knocked loose in his pan, you don't understand how so many people are siding with him against the empire, and it frightens you a little. You put a lot a work into splitting up this guy and Mindfang. As far as your reports tell, it's the combination of her military command experience and his ridic idealism that're making them such a good pair a leaders. More and more a your army is defecting, and you hafta take him out now or everythin is gonna fall apart. You still have all the money in the world to play with, and there are always trolls willin to let themselves be bribed. Once you've bought enough people, you start feedin them misinformation as hard as you can.
This angle is actually much easier than you'd thought. Even if he wants to work for the good of all trollkind or whatev, she's spend hundreds of sweeps workin outside the law and trustin no one. In a way, you're pretty impressed he ever won her over at all. It only takes a few perigees of pushin before she's convinced he's turned on her, that he's plannin to kill her, that she'd better act first. That's more like the Mindfang you know. You're expecting her to kill him and for the revolution to fall apart like that, so you're taken completely by surprise when reports start to come in that he's killed her.
The revolution falls apart anyways. The guy just shuts down after that and barely seems to function, and there's both a the commanders out a the picture. He doesn't even put up a fight when your soldiers finally take him. Among the other captured officers, there's a rustblood with massive, curling horns that reminds you of someone you can't quite place. When you order her to be brought to you, your soldiers tell you that no such troll was ever taken prisoner. The revolution is crushed, but it's left you shaken. After that, you don't trust anyone left on the planet not to plot while you're off in space. Well, then. The obvious solution is that everyone needs to get the hell off a the planet.
Kurloz backs you. You can't move absolutely everyone off the planet, it turns out. Wigglers and the mother grubs have to stay behind because you are so not dealin with all that shit aboard a spaceship. Then you need enough jadebloods to keep the mother grubs alive. But between the church and the army, you're able to force all the other adults into space. It takes time, takes practically all the resources your colonies had to offer, but as soon as you've got enough spaceships, everyone is gone. Good luck trying to start a revolution now, assholes.
All you've really got now is Kurloz and your psionic. Kurloz spends what time he can on your flagship, but he spends more time on the church ships, star systems away. Every so often he tries to tell you that you're wastin your time with your helm, and you always tell him to mind his own coddamn business. You've got all the time in the world and maybe everybody ain't so lucky as to trip into having a cute little treacherous cultist matesprit like he got. He just shrugs and tells you that he thinks this won't end any more pleasantly than that did, and then you just catch yourself getting angry that he isn't bothered.
It's hard to feel the sweeps passin out in space, especially with hardly seein him like this, so the first time you feel the wrinkles under his paint it is a shock. He's so high up the spectrum, it always felt like the two a you would last forever together. You feel a bit smug that you're still as hot as ever while he's starting to fall apart, but also it frightens you to think that if you'd hadn't been lucky and ended up in the same corner of the galaxy just now, you mighta lost him. You start to rewind time for him, but you've hardly even started to get the feel a the sweeps when he reaches out and grabs your wrists, just hard enough to hurt. No matter how loud you yell at him, he won't let you turn back his life for him. Not even when you drag him to the helmsblock to look at your psionic, show him how you could match his lifespan to yours. He refuses. By now you're just about panicking. He's gonna be dead before your life is hardly started, and in thousands a sweeps, he's the only quadrant you've ever found for yourself. You're thinkin a waitin until he stops payin attention and savin him anyways, but he knows you too well. If you do that, he says, he's motherfucking gone. His life is his life, and if you won't deal with that, then he won't deal with you.
It's awful. You don't wanna let him out a your sight, but also you don't wanna be face to face with all the evidence that one way or another, he's gonna leave you. He makes the time to spend about a perigee on your ship, the most time you've gotten to be together in hundreds a sweeps. You're torn between just wantin to touch him all the time to be sure he's still there, and not wantin to touch him and feel the life all startin to leak away while you're not allowed to put it back. He even watches your favorite trashy reality shows with you, puts an arm around your shoulders and lets you lean all up against his chest, and you pretend like you can't hear the way he wheezes with every breath. All of a sudden, you regret that stupid-ass sermon you gave back before he was your moirail. That Kurloz coulda taken this one down without a thought, and you're suddenly not sure that he's the strongest troll in the church, and you really don't want anyone thinking about killing him when you have so little time left together already. He has to leave eventually, and he does try to reassure you that he's still got quite a while left, but you can't feel any better when you can feel the beat of the life left in you and the life in your psionic, and compare them to the weak flutter that's all that's left in him.
Still though, you ain't even had the time to start makin peace with it before other things start goin wrong. It's worked out okay to have your mom's little princesses killed when all the young trolls go off-planet, and you haven't had to deal with any personally for ages. Your mom bitches at you every so often, but from out here, it's easy to ignore her. You never talk to her if you can help it, but she hardly ever shuts up unless she's raising another kid to kill you. You're pretty sure she's got another daughter again because you haven't heard from her in a while, so it comes out of nowhere when you hear her voice louder than it's been in hundreds a sweeps. You wonder for a moment if you're closer to Alternia than you thought, but her voice keeps rising and rising and you feel rustblood lives winking out and realize what's happenin.
Fuck dignity, you're shrieking orders as you race through the ship, and slowly, too slowly, your words are sinkin in and the ship is comin around, new commands going through to your psionic to get you the fuck back to Alternia. There go the browns. Yellows are going and you freeze, and reach out to your psionic, desperately trying to keep the life in his body. It's like tryin to hold water in your hands. You stumble into his block, put your hands on his face and focus with everythin, tryin to keep him in there. The power's humming through him, you can feel it in your palms, but you can also feel the life drainin away faster than you can put it back. Olives, jades, everyone is dying. You're beggin your mom to stop, but her voice is only getting louder and louder. The midbloods are all gone. You can feel blues droppin all over the ship. The few indigos. Then even the seadwellers are gone and it's just you and your psionic. You focus everything you have on keepin him there, but it isn't enough. You hold on for minutes or hours, but then it's over, and you drop to the floor, exhausted, as he sags in his wires.
When you find it in you to stand, you're alone. There's nobody left on the ship but you. The silence is terrifying. You've always been able to feel the faint points of life from the rest of your fleet, like lookin at distant stars, but it's all gone now. There's nobody left but you. You mostly just feel numb as you make your way up to the bridge, corpses lyin all through the halls and rooms. You don't understand the controls. Why the fuck would you ever have learned the controls, you always had people to fly the ship for you. You realize you've been starin at the screen without movin for over an hour, and leave. You go to your quarters, drag all the bodies out to the hall, and go to sleep. Surprise, nothin is better when you wake up. You eventually go back to the bridge, because what the hell else are you supposed to do. You don't even want to think about how long you fight the controls. You're half afraid and half hopin that you'll depressurize the ship and then you won't be stuck as the last troll in an empty universe anymore. It's dumb luck more than anythin else when you figure out how to tell computer to continue on to the last programmed destination. At least your crew managed that before they all keeled over. The computer tells you there is an error with the helm and recommends engagin backup engines. Sure, why not. You didn't even know that was a thing. Even if you're alone on the planet, that's better than bein alone on an empty spaceship of corpses.
You manage to be patient for a few perigees. Even with your psionic alive, gettin back to Alternia wouldn't'a been any kinda fast trip. You maybe tear up some parts a the ship a bit, but it ain't satisfyin when there's nobody around to be frightened and nobody but you to clean up. You mope around for a while longer before you go back to tryin to figure out how the computers work. Since there's nobody around to see you lookin for help, you go searchin for simple 'how to fly a spaceship' tutorials on the net. The little successes are nice, but when you go lookin at the stars, you still don't recognize any constellations and you have to wonder how long it'll be until you get home. Sometimes you pretend Kurloz is there and tellin you to be calm, and you miss the way his nasty facepaint used to get all over your hands and how he'd laugh when you complained that he tangled your hair. Eventually, you do find where in the nav computers you can ask how long until the automated flight plan is complete, but you don't look right away. You wait for a while. You still don't recognize any stars. You're not sure you want to know the answer. When you think you're about to actually die of boredom, you give in and finally look.
Six hundred sweeps is a long time. You try to rationalize that it's just a tiny blip in your lifespan and it'll pass before you know it, but then sometimes it's worse to think about you've got thousands and thousands a sweeps left in you as the last troll alive. Once in a while, you dream that maybe a mother grub or two managed to survive without her jades, raised a new batch of wigglers from the slurry that was left, that the planet is slowly repopulating. You try not to think about that shit often, because you know it won't be true. There's the net to distract you for a while, but server after server must be dying as the sweeps pass, and the world slowly shrinks to just you and a ship full a bones. You never thought you'd miss your mother.
When the computers warn you that a perigee remains until landfall, you're sure it's just another dream. If you ignore it, you can't be disappointed by how much time you actually have left. At first, you'd checked the computers every few days to see how long it would be until you were home, but you haven't made that mistake in a very long time. The computer won't shut the fuck up, though, and when you go to find a way to manually disable alerts, you happen to look out the window and realize you recognize the stars again. A perigee. One perigee! That's no time at all!
Well, it's the longest perigee a your life, that's for sure. Now that you're so close, you keep checking and double checking for the little sparks of troll lives, even the faint glow of a wiggler or two. There's nothin, but you'd already known you couldn't expect anything better. There are a few battered, empty ships still managing to hold orbit around Alternia, and when you figure out how to pull up video feed, you can tell that the surface of the planet is covered with meteor craters where the plants still haven't grown back to properly fill again. Fuck, no wonder your mom flipped out. Woulda been a hell of a lot better if she'd just managed to take it quietly, and you only woulda lost a generation of wigglers instead of every troll in the fuckin universe.
You don't know what the planet even has to offer you, but after being stuck here alone for precisely six hundred and twelve sweeps, four perigees, and thirteen days, you are so fuckin done with this spaceship. You want to take manual control for the landing just to get it over with faster, but in the end you just let the ship handle it while you stare out the window at the stretch of ocean before you. Even if the planet's empty as shit, anythin is better than what you've been putting up with. You are goin for the longest swim a your life.
You musta been really distracted, because the moment you step off a the ship and onto the sand, you come face to face with another troll. What the actual fuck. How did you not feel her? Huge-ass curly horns, rust by her eyes, and standin tall and lookin at you in a way that straight up pisses you off. Well, you can be gracious. You've been stranded for hundreds of sweeps, and she probably ain't more than ten or so. You're just drawin yourself up to tell her who the hell she's lookin at, when she cuts you off with some long-ass speech.
Okay, at first you don't hear a word because you're so pissed that it's all you can do not to cull her right where she stands. You even whip out your trident before you convince yourself that hey, this is maybe the only other troll left, it's better to rule one asshole than to have nobody to rule at all. She rolls her eyes and starts again. Well. Maybe it'd be worth it to cull her after all. Wipe that fuckin smile off her face. She looks at the way you're toying with your trident, stares straight into your eyes for a moment, sighs, and whips out two needles that crackle with too many colors.
When she comes to the end of her speech, you're only barely payin enough attention to hear her ask if you're willing to accept lord whatever's deal. Well, whatever she wants you to do, you ain't gonna do it. You snarl and tell her you'll only do it if you get to cull her ass first, and she doesn't even miss a beat before saying that those conditions are acceptable. What. She gives you this fuckin look that makes you feel like a coddamn wiggler, and lists off her points again, wrappin up by askin you if those words were short enough to understand. The fuck. One way or another, you're gonna kill her. You do manage to pull it back together long enough to think about what she's sayin. Maybe it ain't empress, but sounds like you're gonna be the second in command to somethin even bigger than what you had. And hey, you got to be empress in the first place by culling the idiot in charge. Yeah, sure, whatever.
You're steppin up to take your payment, and nothin ain't ever felt so good as the weight of your trident in your hand. She lifts her needles, and you can feel the air pressure shift as she concentrates. Good. Wouldn't be any fun otherwise. It feels too good to even take your time with it, and soon enough you're walkin away, leavin rust colored footprints in the sand. Fuck yes. Whatever happens next, totally worth it. There's only a moment of warning when the air twists and cracks ahead of you, and suddenly he's there, looming tall over you, bendin down and smilin with way too many teeth. He opens his mouth, and it's a fight not to run.
"HELLO. BITCH. YOU ARE NOW MY INSTRUMENT. LET US BEGIN."