Title: Shindou & Touya's Nineteenth Golden Week
Warning: reversible yaoi pairing of Akira x Hikaru
Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go belongs to Yumi Hotta & Takeshi Obatta
Author's Note: I'd be glad to accept correction for any mistake—be it spelling, punctuation, grammar or misinformation.
CHAPTER I
The Aftermath of a Nightmare
The black and white stones formed constellations on the silent go board beneath Touya Akira's pensive stare. This was the replay of his seventh Honinbou match with Shindou Hikaru, to whom he had lost four moku, and thus allowing his rival to hold the title of their contention. He moved the black stone on 16-5 three grids above. If, if he had placed it there during the match, there could have been a chance he'd make a comeback.
Touya extended his arm to reach the jouseki that lay atop the previous month's issue of the Go Magazine, of which front cover headline blared: "The Youngest Meijin in History" over his colored photograph. He was flipping the jouseki pages in search for a certain section bearing Shuusaku's kosumi when the house phone rang. No one else was at home, so he rose from his seat, scurried his way across the tatami, and slid his bedroom door open.
Picking up the phone, he said, "Hello, Touya's residence."
"Waya Yoshitaka's speaking," a trembling voice replied, "Shindou got hit by a truck about half an hour ago. He had passed away before the ambulance arrived. His last, unfinished words were 'I still haven't reached Hand of God with Touya … why now—'."
First, emptiness came sweeping into Touya's mind. Waya's voice, the corridor he was standing, his parents' house, and everything else in the universe dispersed into void. Then, an invisible knife pierced through his heart, and the pain spread throughout his body in a deluging torrent of grief.
Touya woke up with tears streaming down his cheeks. Undoubtedly, after such a nightmare, the first thing he did that morning was calling the most important person in his life.
"Touya, this isn't even 6:30 yet; what's so urgent?" Shindou grumbled over the line, voice thick with sleep, accompanied by the background noise of cell phone rustling against bed sheets.
There was an impregnable pause before Touya's apologetic answer filled Shindou's ears. "Sorry. I was thinking if we could get a short vacation together this upcoming Golden Week."
At the mention of "Golden Week," Shindou emitted a stagnant air of silence. Of all those years of knowing his rival, Touya was aware that Shindou tended to be hard to be found around the Golden Week. Nor did it escape his memory that three years ago, right after Shindou became a pro player, the Golden Week also marked the start of Shindou's three-month absence from the go world. Shindou obviously harbored some painful memory about the Golden Week, but Touya didn't feel it right to press on Shindou until the latter was ready.
Touya continued, "It's okay if you don't want to."
"No, that's a great idea," he replied, though not without a sleepy croak. "You've got a place in mind?"
Relief washed over Touya as he responded, "Not yet. What about you?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact … how do Innoshima and Kyoto sound to you, Touya?"
"Innoshima? The one in Hiroshima Prefecture?"
"Yup."
"I've never been there." As Touya delivered his answer, he wondered if his voice sounded too restrained and if Shindou could sense the question Touya actually wanted to ask: 'Kyoto is indeed a popular tourist spot, but why Innoshima?' Then it struck his mind that Shindou had gone there three years before, right after Shindou played a heavily drunk Ogata, and before Shindou ditched his matches.
When Touya found his voice again, his words sounded almost as polite as when he talked to his shidou-go client, "I'd love to visit it with you, and, yeah, Kyoto too."
"So, the day after tomorrow, 10 'o' clock at the station?" Shindou offered.
"Sounds good."
"OK, I'll book the accommodation later on today, but for now, just let me get back to sleep. See y—"
"Wait!" Touya hastily interrupted, "One more thing…," he took a sharp intake of breath, "… I love you."
The young Meijin heard a gulp preceding his speaking adversary's panicky reply, "Touya, you're not moving abroad or something, are you?"
Touya blinked. "No. What makes you think so?"
"Well, you're not the type who blurts out your feelings for no reason." The insecurity in Shindou's voice as he said these words reminded Touya of an anxious mother while waiting for her child's turn in a competition.
"Don't worry." Touya replied, his tone soothing and reassuring. "It's just some nightmare I had … it made me think I don't want one of us die before we spend time together in the best possible way."
"Oh."
CHAPTER II
Memory
Two days later, Shindou arrived at the station at 9:51, only to find that Touya had been waiting for him despite their appointed time.
Touya's arm was reaching for astation lunchbox tuna set when another buyer's arm was aiming for the same ekiben. Seeing the other customer's superior age and the copious availability of the same variant of this lunchbox, Touya let him have it first.
"Thank you," the middle-aged man remarked. Yet as he turned to face the young man, he gasped, "Touya … Touya Meijin! Sensei, I am a fan of yours! May I have your autograph, please?"
Poking his head from his queue in front of the cashier, Shindou asked, "Touya, are you done yet?"
Touya opened his mouth, but the middle-aged man's overenthusiastic exclamation drowned his reply. "Shindou Honinbou, what a pleasant surprise! Never thought I'd see the youngest Meijin and the youngest Honinbou in history traveling together like this; after all, the both of you are known as the greatest rivals in the go world."
As Shindou watched Touya give him a courteous smile, he grinned widely in the inside. At the mention of his rivalry with Touya, a tingling sensation coursed through his nerves. It was good to be alive.
Together, the two professional go players strode into the shinkansen. Even though the train was nearly full courtesy of the Golden Week, they managed to secure themselves vacant seats next to each other.
After playing with magnetic go board for quite a while, Touya drooped down to sleep. Shindou gazed lovingly at his sleeping boyfriend and smiled. Fighting the urge to stroke Touya's silky hair in public, Shindou recalled the memory of how they confessed to each other.
How could Shindou not remember? It would have been one of the worst times in his life—almost—had Touya not dropped a taste of heaven at the end of the day.
###
Shindou was supposed to have his fifth, life-and-death Jyudan match with Ogata at ten o' clock that day; of the four preceding matches, they pocketed two victories each. On his way to the Go Institute that morning, the young Honinbou took the bullet train. Among the crowd, a woman in her early twenties screamed about sexual harassment. Being the nearest person standing to her, plus no belonging in his either hand, the blond-banged young man became the main suspect.
While he was denying his accusation against other passengers' animosity, one of the bystanders pointed, "Isn't that the pro go player Shindou Honinbou?"
Others whispered, "The youngest Honinbou in history? What a waste of talent he had considering his decadence! He is so unlike Touya Meijin, although they are at the same age and claim their titles in the same year."
On and on they went until the mention of "He's not worthy of Honinbou!" pricked Shindou so badly that he blurted, "Will you cut that out? You're accusing me with no proof, and I'm not even interested in women in the first place!"
Some of the passengers now murmured, "Did you hear that: the current Honinbou is gay?" Others just assumed he had lied to save him from the groping charge. Fortunately, in the end, due to lack of proof, Shindou was freed from the blame.
Just when he reached his pocket, he noticed the absence of his wallet and fan. Did the thief take advantage from the sexual harassment commotion back then? With no ticket at hand, he had no choice but to explain his pickpocket case to the station warden, which he finally able to speak to after at least twenty minutes' queue.
When at last Shindou could get out from the station, he was two minutes late for his match, while the distance between the station and the go institute required fourteen minutes of walk. A mugged guy couldn't afford a taxi; running was his only option.
Thus, ignoring the splash from a water puddle made by a passing car, Shindou kept running. His steps became so reckless that his left foot landed too heavily and sprained its ankle. He had to drag himself while wincing in pain all the way through to the go institute. By the time he reached Yuugen—the Room of Profound Darkness—where the match was held, he was twenty-six minutes late.
"I'm very sorry for being late" was all he said. The sweat drops on his face as well as the wet stains on his suit and trousers prevented anyone from asking the reason of his tardiness. He kept staring at the tatami floor as he made his way to his seat, trying his best to conceal the otherwise agonized expression from his face. Every step he took was torture, still this was nothing compared to the moment he had to sit on his sprained ankle seiza style during the match for hours to come.
"I started to think you were too afraid to come today," Ogata remarked jokingly.
"I'm sorry for my late arrival," answered the lower dan player, swallowing the pain that spread across his partially torn ligament.
Puzzled though the Jyudan defender by his challenger's sudden politeness, Ogata cared more about their last match than Shindou's wellbeing. Adjusting his spectacles, he asked, "Shall we begin?"
Shindou never let his gaze off of the go board, but his mind was somewhere else.
'I'm friggin' late for a title match.' Pachi.
'This pain is excruciating.' Pachi.
'The fan, the only concrete material I have to memorize Sai, is gone.' Pachi.
'It hurts.' Pachi.
'No money, ID card, and bank card either. No. I have to respond to this 5-6.' Pachi.
'OUCH!' Pachi.
After fifteen moves or so, Shindou's fate was sealed; his defeat was no longer inevitable. He had played his worst game since entering the pro world. In the post-game discussion that followed, Shindou still did not take his gaze from the go board, as though counting the ripples of its wooden texture, and spoke only while being asked with answer as little as possible. Displeased by the youth's attitude, soon the spectators chose to focus their comments on congratulating Ogata instead.
However, out of concern, Amano the reporter asked, "Shindou-kun, you look pale. Are you all right?"
Predictably, Shindou stated an insincere "Yes."
The defeated challenger still did not budge when everybody else was leaving, at the completion of the post-game discussion. When the match recorder asked why, he merely answered her, "I still want to stay here." No more was spoken, for everyone presumed Shindou just needed time to be alone after such terrible defeat—everyone except for Touya Akira.
"What's the matter with you?" Touya's voice was benevolent and compassionate, but it rang like a thunderclap to Shindou's ears; he had not paid attention to Touya's arrival in the post-game discussion.
Shindou's pupils dilated. 'Great! As if what happened from the morning train to my game lost had not been bad enough; now I have to suffer humiliation in front of him, of all people!'
"Leave me alone, Touya!"
"You cannot drive me off from public place." Touya took the liberty to sit vis-à-vis his rival.
The usual Shindou would have retorted, 'You don't even have a match here today! This place is off-limit!' The Shindou today, however, answered, "Just give me some privacy, okay!"
"Not until you tell me what's wrong!" Touya replied, eyes blazing with anger. Shindou wasn't supposed to be this subservient; he had never been, nor should he be.
"Nothing's wrong. You can't win forever in go," a lifeless answer came out of Shindou's mouth.
"How can you say nothing's wrong when you played this poorly? You were obviously distracted!"
"I don't want to talk about it. Will you leave me in peace?"
"Why can't you be honest with me? Am I such untrustworthy person to you?" This time, Touya's voice sounded pleading instead of furious.
No matter what Touya said the next minutes, silence remained Shindou's answer. The young Honinbou would not even look at him, but fixed his gaze at the shoji instead. The Meijin title holder gave up in the end and stormed out of the room, livid.
Only after he had heard the sound of lift's ding and then moving down did Shindou dare to rise from his seat, whimpering—his ankle had become swollen. The sprain proved to be more serious than he had assumed it could. 'There's no way I'd show Touya this pained expression. There's no single sound outside; I bet everyone has left.'
Dragging his injured ankle, Shindou went out of the Yuugen Room. "Aw, man! Why does everything have to be so wrong today?!" he quetched, not aloud, yet audible enough to the person standing before the lift door. The young Honinbou's heart thumped loudly. 'Crap! As if all those years of suddenly appearing before me aren't enough, now Touya comes with a new strategy: ambush.'
The last person Shindou wanted to hear his pathetic complaint did not waste any opportunity to start interrogating him, "What happened to your leg?"
Shindou saw no point hiding now that Touya had seen his injury, nor did he see any chance for running in his current condition. He answered reluctantly, "Sprained ankle on the way here."
"So that's one of the things that disturbed you during the match, especially since Yuugen is set for seiza seating! You should have asked for a room rearrangement, at least!" Touya shook his head. "And what else?"
"What else what?"
"The other things that distracted you, Shindou! Tell me now or I'll nag you all the way home!"
"Mind your own business!" Shindou barked. Yet, even his defiance could not fully conceal his admiration for Touya's ability in detecting what the others had failed to notice.
"Not today!" Touya's tone rose, his eyes blazing with fury once again.
"This has nothing to do with go! You only concern is my go, don't butt in my life!" The moment he said this, Shindou realized he had overstepped a certain line. Gone had the frail hope that Touya would love him back.
"Don't you dare say your go is the only thing I care about you!" Touya snapped. Without giving Shindou any chance to retort, he grabbed his rival by both wrists and pushed his lips onto Shindou's.
'How could Touya force a kiss on me when it hurts me enough just to stand up?! Wait, kiss … KISS?! This is my first kiss! What the…' Shindou couldn't move a muscle; even breath was chocked in his own throat.
The next minute, both were panting. While shock drained color from Shindou, embarrassment flushed redness all over Touya.
"You…," Touya managed to speak at last, "…mean much more than a rival to me."
Shindou wanted to say many things—objection, swearing, disbelief, anything—but what slipped from his mouth was a low murmur of "Since when?" instead.
"Years. I don't know the precise time. You've always preoccupied my mind whether I like it or not. Don't ask me how or why … all I know is that I don't think of only strategies to play go against you but also how to keep you happy, how to ask you out for things which aren't necessarily related to igo, how to make you turn to me as more than a rival, and so on."
Shindou's expression must have looked mortified, because Touya gulped and announced meekly, "Sorry, it was very selfish of me … kissing you without permission. I don't even know whether or not you mind going out with a guy."
"Actually, this morning I kinda made a public announcement that I had no interest in women." Shindou had no idea how a single kiss could kiss away all his self-restraint. Somehow, he just felt like confessing to Touya what befell him that day.
At the end of Shindou's story, Touya's eyes blazed with fresh fury—the kind that was reserved only for Shindou. "I can't believe you were about to go home, limping, with no money for transport!"
"No, I was going to borrow some money from one of my friends; the insei are having their matches on the second floor right now."
"So any of your insei friends could share your problem, but I'm not allowed to?" The anger in Touya's eyes subsided, ousted by despondence. Even the timbre of his voice was overcome with desperation.
"Well, what if you looked down on me? You might think I'm an unworthy rival for crying out loud over such trivialities and I don't want that. I don't want to lose you, Touya. You're the most important thing in my life." Shindou felt his cheeks grow hot as he said his last sentence.
Touya stared at Shindou that instant. His eyes demanded a further explanation.
Shindou inhaled deeply. "I feel the same about you. You know, more than a go rival. But all these times I was afraid…" Shindou's words trailed off, his fingers clutching anxiously at the hem of his shirt.
"I understand, society doesn't look kindly upon homosexuality, and with your pro go player reputation—"
"That's not it!" Shindou interrupted him. Then, seeing Touya's bewildered eyes, he softened his tone, "What others think of me doesn't matter … but what if you were appalled by my … I mean, I wouldn't be able to stand a life where you stop chasing me."
Touya's face brightened. All the tranquility that had associated people with the entity named Touya Akira forsook him, ousted by the same giddiness of a happy five-year-old at Tokyo Disneyland. Had Shindou not seen it in person, he wouldn't have believed Touya could make such an expression.
The next thing Shindou knew, Touya had already stationed one of Shindou's arms over his shoulder and supported him to walk. "Let me take you home."
After just one step, Shindou said, "Guess I owe you one, huh?"
"Let's say we're even. Just accept my apology; I really shouldn't have kissed you by force."
"Nah!" Shindou grinned, "I'd rather have another kiss, a proper one to correct our disastrous first kiss." Shindou was surprised at his own boldness in blurting these out of the blue, but Touya wasted no chance to draw his face closer again.
"Like this?"
This time Shindou reacted; he parted his lips to welcome Touya. The kiss itself was unsophisticated, for neither had ever practiced before. Despite the couple of times their noses and teeth bumping into each other's, both were too oblivious to think about anything but bliss.
###
Shindou jerked his head as the Kyoto signboard on the station platform came into view from the train window. "Touya, wake up!"
CHAPTER III
Sepulchral Storytelling
Shindou dragged Touya to tour all historic Heian period places they could find in Kyoto. Touya had indeed noticed some classical Japanese literature books intermingled with manga and go magazines on Shindou's bookshelf, back in the house, but he never thought his boyfriend would be this obsessed with Heian-related subjects. Every now and then, Touya found melancholic yearning in Shindou's eyes, especially when they visited the site where the Heian court would have abided a millennium ago. Still, Shindou wouldn't tell him what went wrong.
On the fourth day of their vacation, May 5, Shindou and Touya left for Innoshima. They traveled with a bullet train from Kyoto to Onomichi station, and then caught a bus to Innoshima. They saw seagulls flying on the crystal clear sky from their bus window as they crossed the bridge which connected the ancillary island from the main one. For Touya, the day seemed perfectly fine; for Shindou, every second felt like hour.
"You seem restless," Touya remarked.
He decided not to press Shindou on despite the obvious lie when the latter replied, "I'm okay."
After putting their luggage in their booked inn, Shindou asked his travel mate, "Are you tired?"
When Touya shook his head Shindou said again, "Come, there are things I want to show you."
Shindou brought Touya to a cemetery. The two young men passed several tombstones until Shindou halted at a particular grave marker bearing Shuusaku's name.
Touya's breath was stuck in his throat. No matter how similar Shindou's play to Honinbou Shuusaku's from time to time, Touya had never imagined the extent of Shindou's admiration for the historical figure. Yet here Shindou was, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, as if pleading with the grave owner to lend his strength. Touya watched in silence as a gentle spring breeze swept over Shindou's hair.
When Shindou reopened his eyes, he broke his prolonged silence, "Touya, will you listen to a ghost story?"
Although Touya had no particular interest for supernatural beings, he did not fail to notice the resoluteness within Shindou's tone and the repressed urgency in his voice. He nodded.
"One rainy day, twelve-year-old boy and girl found an old igo board in the attic of the boy's grandpa's house. The boy saw bloodstains on the board, but the girl didn't. Then, there was a voice asking whether the boy could hear him—voice which the girl couldn't hear either. That voice belonged to a ghost in Heian court attire. He used to be the emperor's go instructor but died before he had his fill of the game."
Shindou's jaw clenched and unclenched before he continued, "From that moment on, the ghost had taught the boy how to play igo. He told the boy where to place the go stones on the board and triumphed over all opponents with absolute victories. Nobody knew about the ghost's existence since he could only be seen and heard by the boy who hosted him, and so people came to assume the boy was gifted in go. In truth, the ghost had done the same method before, on another boy named Torajirou in the Edo period. The ghost had even earned Torajirou fame far and wide under the name of Honinbou Shuusaku."
Touya's mouth was agape at the mention of the name, but he let Shindou carry on without interruption.
"And yet, there were times when the ghost's current host grew selfish and wanted to play his own games. Worst of all, this boy sabotaged a game with an important opponent who had gone through such length just to an opportunity to re-challenge the ghost. The game ended in catastrophe; the opponent's expectation was betrayed."
No longer was Shindou able to look at Touya in the eye. His voice grew weaker with every second, as though each word had been dragging his ponderous tongue.
"The boy wanted to repent for his mistakes and become a worthy opponent for the one he had disappointed. He couldn't afford the ghost to play with any other player face-to-face again, however, so he played net go. The ghost's capability was soon recognized globally, leaving the boy no choice but to quit net go."
Automatically, Touya's mind recalled the last Sunday of August in which he ditched his first pro exam match in favor of Sai's net go challenge. After that match, the brilliant player had disappeared and only reappeared once in a match against his father, before he was gone for good and the former Meijin retired from professional go.
"Step by step, the boy strode the path of go by becoming an insei first and then pro. Just then, three springs since the boy met the ghost, the ghost disappeared. Therefore, the boy stopped playing go, in hope that the ghost might return if he let the ghost play as he used to. After months of waiting, the ghost did not return still." At this point, Shindou looked like he was fighting back tears, but persisted, "It was one of the boy's friends made him realize that the ghost did not vanish completely. Instead, he lived within the boy's go. Thus, the boy resumed his go path, pursuing his life-long rival."
Shindou ended his story with painful tone and balled fists, and Touya couldn't help but gaze at the sadness in the eyes of his eternal rival. Tenderly he spoke, "This story is about you, isn't it?"
Shindou nodded. He did his best to hold back the bulky tears at the brink of his emerald eyes from gushing.
"… and Sai?" Touya added, though with a considerable degree of hesitancy. He had mentioned that the other Shindou was Sai, and Shindou had once promised that he'd tell Touya everything one day, but Shindou had always vehemently denied his connection with Sai to anyone else.
Shindou shuddered at the very mention of Sai's name, no longer forbear weeping this time. "Do you believe me?"
Touya took a deep breath before answering, "Well … it did sound like a tall story at first, but then some facts do fit. The first two games I played you in my father's salon were enough to display Shuusaku's brilliant moves although you held the stones so awkwardly. Besides, you've got … er … mysterious aura of an extremely experienced player back then. And then you held the stones correctly enough when we played in our Junior High tournament, but your go skill reverted to beginner's level. Sai's name disappeared from world igo net after you found out the ruckus about Sai's identity. But you finally became a pro with your own strength—this was the truth we can't deny."
Shindou's tears flowed more liberally, and Touya had to fight the urge to envelope Shindou's body in his arms.
"I'm guessing that your guilt for not letting Sai play to his heart's content before Sai's ghost left is why you ditched your matches for months."
Shindou nodded.
"And you were extremely pissed off when Ko Yongha insulted Shuusaku in our first Hokuto Cup—though you won 7 moku against him the following year—because the ghost who resided in Shuusaku changed your life. The ghost, whose talent people recognize to be Shuusaku's, introduced you to the wonders of go. And thanks to him, my life has no longer been dull since I met you."
"Urgghhhh, Akira…!" for the first time Shindou Honinbou called Touya Meijin by his given name. Grabbing Touya's shirt, he leaned his head over the crook of Touya's neck and wailed there.
Surprised as Touya was with so many things jamming in his mind, he managed to reach for the tearful youth and gently patted his hair.
"I … I was afraid you were g-going to … leave m-me … thinking I'm a … liar or lunatic…!" Shindou stuttered between his sobs.
"Hikaru," Touya called, his voice overflowing with affection, 'I trust you, love you and admire you too much to think so lowly of you."
Go had been Shindou's heart and soul. Touya Akira, the man standing before him was his reason for seriously playing go. This was his most intriguing opponent. The one who understood him better than any other creature alive. His best friend. His eternal rival. His one, true love. His raison d'être.
After a while, Shindou broke his cry and faced his boyfriend. "Fujiwara no Sai," he said, "That's his full name."
'Fujiwara no Sai,' Touya called inwardly as he gazed solemnly at the gravestone, 'Thank you for helping Hikaru into the person he is today; I will treasure him all my life.'
CHAPTER IV
On Kissing
Touya and Shindou looked at each other straight in the eyes. Their difference in height was less than half an inch, to begin with. Shindou's hands were on Touya's back, clutching his rival's shoulders from underneath his arms. Touya placed one hand on his lover's nape and the other hand on the small of his back. Both drew themselves closer and kissed.
Touya's lips touched Shindou's lightly but certainly, profuse with all the care that Shindou needed.
"I've never thought our 111th kiss would be this … wet!" Shindou smiled at Touya. The traces of tears were still on his face.
"You actually counted them?!" Touya half-shouted in disbelief.
"Not that I can help it," answered the blushing Shindou in an undertone, "I thought about go pretty much every day. The game of go requires an opponent. Who else is the most fascinating opponent I've ever had? You know … all these sorta linked together."
"Just because you think of me doesn't mean you have to think about kisses, as well!' Touya snapped. "Anyway, it's harder to believe you about this matter than about Sai's."
"Hey, I'm seriously being honest here!" Shindou protested.
"Prove it!" Touya challenged with half-hearted vexation. His true concern was captivated by how Shindou's hair glinted in the sun.
"I can describe each kiss in decent detail. Name the number!"
"Oh really, what happened to kiss #99 then?" Touya dared his boyfriend. Since it was supposed to be quite recent, Touya was sure he could recognize mistakes in Shindou's description, should there be any.
Shindou gave a few second pause before answering, "It was the last snow of winter. We were in your father's salon that evening. You've got a new hairstyle because I made fun of your old one two days before. I couldn't fully concentrate on the game, so you asked what was wrong. Luckily, other players were seated rather far from us, so I confessed in low voice that your new appearance made me fall in love with you again, but it made me feel as if I had been cheating you over some new guy. You sighed and said you needed to show me an old kifu concerning my keima. I followed you to the little storage room at the furthermost back of the salon.
As soon as we were inside, alone, you pinned me to the bookshelf and kissed me passionately. You parted my mouth with sudden movement and you would not cease before I kissed you back. You did not only chew my lower lip, but also invaded the cave of my mouth mercilessly with your tongue. You were so intoxicatingly aggressive, like there would have been no tomorrow. My head was spinning; you didn't give me enough time to breathe! Yes … it was one of the most voracious and fiercest kisses that we've shared so far!"
As Shindou recalled the happy memory, a shade of crimson imbued on Touya's cheeks. That remembrance was indeed flawless. "I suspect kisses aren't the only thing you count."
"You're damn right on that!" Shindou smiled proudly "For instance, I know that it's been 9 months 16 days 3 hours…," he looked at the clock on his cell phone, "… 47 minutes and 5 seconds since we officially became couple!"
For a fleeting moment, Touya did consider to ask, "Did you count it since my forced kiss, my explanation, your reply, or the kiss that you asked me to perform?" but his pride prevailed over his curiosity. "Hmp, such detail we've got here, considering you didn't even look at your cell phone or my watch back then!"
"There was a clock hanging on the wall."
In a rather exasperated tone, Touya replied "F.Y.I., I'd be really annoyed if you decide to look at the time every time we kiss, so don't you dare to time them! Besides, you should use your brain capacity more effectively on kifu instead of kisses!"
"You're the one to talk!" the Honinbou chided, "If you used yours properly, Kurata would have lost his Ooza title!"
"The same to you regarding Ogata-san's Jyudan title!" countered the Meijin.
"Oh yeah? What about Serizawa's NEC Shun-Ei Cup!"
"Not as bad as your defeat from Ichiryuu Kisei!"
"Are you telling me Serizawa has the same level as that baldy Ichiryuu?!"
But at that moment, Shindou managed to remind himself of his current situation. He turned to Shuusaku's tombstone and prayed, "I'm sorry, Torajirou. Four years ago, I promised myself to bring Sai here when he returned … but instead I bring back a brat for shouting contest in the middle of a cemetery."
Touya also prayed alongside Shindou. "It's my fault. I started our quarrel. It was very rude of me, Torajirou-san. I do apologize."
Then the couple left the cemetery in peace, hand-in-hand.
CHAPTER V
Pre-bedding
After visiting Shuusaku Memorial Museum, buying souvenirs, having dinner and playing several games of speed go, the two of them wanted a relaxing bath in the onsen. The actual bath, however, turned out to be as tense as a title match. Neither could have guessed that the sight of each other's naked state frenzied them. Sure, they'd had sleepovers, but never bathed simultaneously.
Because of that, now they bathed in silence. Each stationed themselves on different edges of the pool with at least three meters distance, while keeping gaze fixed upon the water. Both suspected that they were unlikely to be able to restrain themselves from touching each other in public otherwise. Even the simplest move Shindou made sent tingles across Touya's skin and the tiniest glimpse Touya made sent rapid heartbeat within Shindou.
They were still too nervous to speak to each other until they returned to their bedroom and finished arranging their futon mattresses next to each other.
Shindou cleared his throat, though he didn't succeed clearing the blush out of his cheeks. "Akira, according to some yaoi manga, anal copulation is supposed to hurt, but some lubricant can help. So, have you got any?"
"No, sorry. It's too risky to enter an adult shop."
"I don't blame you. We can't afford people pointing, 'Look, Meijin's buying lube!'… Wish we had moved together in a small apartment. Well, preferably the one with a ramen shop nearby. That way, it'd be convenient to buy lubes or anything else via mail order without worrying for our parents' prying eyes."
"Shindou Hikaru, don't tell me we're moving just for lubricant's sake!"
"Not just for that! Mom has been nagging me about getting a girlfriend for the last three years. Lately, she even went as far trying to set dates for me and my childhood friend, Akari; our mothers are close friends. She kept saying how harmonious our names in meaning were that it must be God's will to unite us in marriage … blah … blah … blah … (akari = light, beam; hikaru = to shine, to lit)! Can't I have a friend who's a girl without necessarily being my girlfriend?! Not only that! Mom also persistently asked what type of girl that I like, using female celebrities on TV as examples … which, I bet, is for miai purpose. Why should arranged matchmaking exist in the first place? Jeez!" Shindou muttered.
Touya looked at his boyfriend apprehensively. Occasionally, after dinner, his mother also questioned him on the very same subject: girlfriend.
"Wanna move in with me?" Shindou suggested.
Touya did not answer immediately. He trailed his fingers on his beloved's sideline first before saying "No … not now, at least. I may consider moving close to you one day, though. You know how often we argue; it's better if we have our own sanctuaries to come and go as we please. Furthermore, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Shindou let out a small sigh. "I guess, you're right."
"By the way, who's the friend that made you realize Sai lived within your go? Waya-kun?"
"Nope. It's Isumi-san." Shindou grinned. "Are you jealous?"
"Can't pretend that I'm not." Touya admitted matter-of-factly.
Shindou's shoulder's tensed up even as he managed to keep his tone casual. "Seriously? There's nothing between me and Isumi-san. And compared to me, Waya is a lot closer to him—they've known each other years before they met me, after all. Why would you be jealous to someone like him?"
"He achieved something I didn't. Why did you let him but not me?"
"Can't be helped. There wasn't any go equipment when you tried to convince me back at the Haze Junior High library."
Touya looked unconvinced. "Are you saying that if I brought you a foldable magnetic go back then, you'd recover from your grief sooner?"
"Well, I wouldn't know for sure … the go board that me and Isumi-san were playing with is the one in my room. It's the one my grandpa bought me and holds the special memories of my daily practice with Sai."
"You let him into your room before you ever let me?" This time, Touya's voice blatantly blared barbed tone and his eyes flashed jealousy.
Smirking, Shindou rolled and pecked his lover's forehead. "But you're the first person I wanted to know that I returned to go world; I came rushing to the institute that evening, remember?"
Touya still pouted. At times like this, Shindou found it hard to believe that person before him was the youngest Meijin in history.
Shindou straightened his face at once, "Look, I'm very grateful to Isumi-san, but the best he can be is my brother. Not much different from how Ashiwara-san means to you, I guess. Even Waya's nice to hang around with, but he can't compare to you. No one entices me like you do. Ever. Can you imagine how many times I think about you in the presence of others in contrast to how many times I think about others in your presence? You always get a special place in my heart."
"But you hadn't even realized your feelings toward me before I forced that first kiss on you after your fifth Jyuudan match!"
"Of course I had! Three years ago, on one of the rare occasions when we left your dad's go salon without a fight, Ichikawa-san jokingly told us to have a nice date. Then it clicked. I couldn't get you out of my mind since we were twelve, to start with. I never had any interest in finding someone to love; well, at first I thought that was because I don't need anything of that sort as long as I could play go … but then I figure out that I wanted to play go so badly because I want to face you … to be with you … and that I didn't need to find someone to love because I had already found you! I just hadn't had the courage to tell you what I felt before you confessed to me." Shindou's volume grew smaller as he pronounced every word. In fact, the end of his answer was barely above a whisper. His cheeks even gave out tints of pink.
Nevertheless, after giving Shindou chance to breathe, Touya inquired further, "And Sai? What is he to you, apart from a mentor and a teacher?" His tone was not demanding, but patient. He had braced himself for whatever outcome that might turn out, perfectly knowing this was an ineffable subject which would make his lover wince. And Shindou really did.
"Sai … is very important to me. I suppose you could say he's my closest friend, to certain extent. But I've never lusted for Sai's body—not that he had a physically tangible body, anyway; he had already been a full-grown man when I was a boy and he perennially will. I can't exactly claim that to me he's like your father to you … but then there's the tutoring thing. Uh! I don't know!"
"A guardian spirit?" Touya suggested.
"That's the term I'm looking for," Shindou replied with much more certainty than his previous answer.
"If he were alive with his own physical body, would you still choose me over him?" Touya's voice was compact with hesitancy and sadness. He did not want to nag Shindou, but the prospect of Shindou's other lover pained his heart more than he intended to be.
Shindou looked veryconcerned now. "I can't prove what doesn't happen. All I know is that I've never seen him from a romantic angle—not until you brought up the subject tonight."
"Maybe," Shindou continued, "if he were alive as a real person, I'd drag him here and there, take him to play go against loads and loads of opponents—especially Ogata-san, your dad and Kurata-san; I'll probably take him to hang around with my friends … but I wouldn't fancy a date with him, if that's what you're thinking!"
Touya chuckled. "He would have been a phenomenon in the go world, for sure."
"Yeah," Shindou replied, "and if he became a pro, anyone would be having hard times claiming or defending any title!"
"But he isn't," Touya pulled them both back to reality, "You made me realize that your go defined everything you are. I no longer chase Sai's shadow; I chase youinstead. Together, we will create the Divine Move to reach the Hand of God."
"Yeah." Shindou smiled.
CHAPTER VI
Meijin's Attack
On hearing Shindou's words, Touya leaped from his futon to face his boyfriend. He approached the seated Shindou while kneeling. They pressed their fervent lips against each other. Their hands busied themselves with stripping each partner's yukata. Having kept in mind that they had come to do this, they did not bother with underwear when they left the onsen.
As soon as both draperies were laid on the tatami floor, the two lovers drew their lips together, engaging their tongues in a wrestling contest.
Touya moved closer, adjusting himself between Shindou's inner thighs. During this temporary break from their prolonged kiss, Shindou let out a small gasp. A rather worried look lingered in his eyes.
When Touya opened his mouth to calm his beloved, however, Shindou spoke first, "I want you, Akira. I don't care if it hurts." There was neither hesitation nor reluctance in his voice. With these words, he wrapped his arms around Touya's neck.
"Hikaru, I've dreamed of this for years," Touya murmured to Shindou's right ear before nibbling its lobe. From there, he explored Shindou's jawline, chin, neck and collarbone with his trail of kisses, making his boyfriend gasp every now and then despite Shindou's effort to keep his volume as low and as imperceptible as possible.
Shindou's reaction when Touya teased him on the nipples was unforgettably a mixture of mortification and ecstasy, of torment and rapture, of fantasy and reality. He cried out, "Nngrh!", but by the sound of it, Touya decided to decipher it as "Moreeee!"
After kissing Shindou's navel, Touya tilted Shindou's legs, resting them over his shoulders. He then kissed the tip of his lover's erect member and let his tongue perform a dance on the engorged shaft, in accordance with Shindou's melodious moans.
Breathing laboriously, Shindou looked above and saw his own trunk slanting and culminating with his boyfriend's head sucking to and fro. Some of Touya's saliva trickled down Shindou's stomach. Again, a part of Shindou's conscience was ashamed of this position, yet the rest of him couldn't help basking in this enthralling moment.
Apparently the sensation of fellatio was unbearable for a first-timer like Shindou. A couple of minutes—that was all he needed before screaming, "Get away from there, Akira; I'm—ah!"
But Touya did not shift his head. Instead, he sucked and swallowed Shindou's emission.
"So-sorry," quickly Shindou apologized.
"So this is how it tastes." Touya licked his lips.
"How does it … taste?" Shindou asked curiously.
Touya glanced at him, and then, wearing a sensuous smirk, he answered "Won't tell ya." He licked Shindou's shaft clean once again, serving only to make his partner shiver.
Touya now removed his mouth from Shindou's erection and concentrated on the butt. Stretching the cheeks of Shindou's bums with both hands, Touya delved his tongue into his boyfriend's aperture. He spelunked Shindou's cave as far as his tongue could extend, adding some zigzag and circular motions every now and then and letting a generous amount of saliva dribble in due course.
"Akiraaa…" Shindou emitted a sound which he himself was unsure whether that was a discouragement or an encouragement.
Touya sent one of his fingers to explore Shindou's interior, causing his lover to quiver at the foreign sensation. He delegated his second finger to add the exhilaration only a few moments after. He could tell how much Shindou took delight in his scissoring movements, and even more as he did his pedaling ones.
"Ahn!" was Shindou's reaction when Touya's third finger joined the party. The finger knew it could not stay for long, since Shindou's wetness confirmed that the place was doing great even in its absence.
Touya withdrew his fingers momentarily, only to replace them with his genital. When his rock-hard member entered his partner's moist flesh, he heard Shindou whimpering and noticed Shindou's back arched simultaneously.
Touya stayed still with part of him still buried inside Shindou. How tight Shindou's inner walls were squeezing his manhood! He felt Shindou's hands gripping his own arms very rigidly. He gazed at his partner's complexion and found pain there. This pain, however, was not undesirable; Shindou's eyes told him all.
After Shindou had his time to adjust to Touya's full glory inside him, he loosened his grips and moved his hips. Touya understood his lover's gesture and resumed their copulation.
Touya did not hurry his quest. Instead, he studied his lover's most desired spot through slow and careful probes. Then, after finding the sacred spot, he made sure Shindou become accustomed to his rhythm. Every sigh, twitch and whimper that Shindou made only urged Touya on. Touya pressed his thighs against his inamorato more arduously, thrusting deeper at each penetration. Tonight, he was a sword whereas Shindou a scabbard he wanted to be sheathed with. Tonight, only Shindou and Shindou alone mattered.
Shindou did not know whether he was in heaven or hell. He could see Touya's on his knees, supporting him and bucking his hips at the same time. The sheer humiliation … the throbbing pain … how can they be so delightful?
Touya kept stroking Shindou's erection since Shindou wrapped him with his legs.
'If lovemaking, fucking, mating, sexual intercourse—whatever it's called—was supposed to be this addictive, I … I…' "Akiraaa!"
When they reached their climax, Touya planted a kiss on Shindou's lips so as to swallow his last intake of pain. Naturally, his member was buried even deeper within his lover as he bent and Shindou's arms clung on him very tightly at this point.
Shindou thought Touya would have let out his release calmly like a deep river, like his personality. But instead, his sapphire-eyed boyfriend inundated him like a dam whose walls of reason, manner and restraint had crumbled. Shindou shivered with bliss as Touya's waves of passion swept him by. Yes, stirring emotion to Touya's usually calm, dignified composure was one of the privileges Shindou held—something most other people failed to accomplish—and he had been enjoying that subconsciously for years. Today, however, Shindou came to realize this and was more than happy with this intangible gift.
Catching breath minutes later as they lay side-by-side, sated and sapped of energy after their first sexual experience, Shindou remarked, "Dammit Akira, why do you have to be so good?!"
"I used genuine sincere feeling while doing it." Indifferent though Touya's tone was, a tint of scarlet blazed his cheeks.
Shindou stared at the ceiling, but intertwined his fingers with Touya's. "Do you know that I'm so in love with you?"
Shindou received a soft "mm" reply before closing his eyelids.
The pair of lovers succumbed to drowsiness and slept with their hands linked.
CHAPTER VII
Honinbou's Counterattack
The next morning, when opening his eyes, Shindou felt Touya's warmth next to him. 'No wonder in love stories people get upset when their sleeping partners are gone in the morning,' he thought, because at that very moment, he knew he had found someone he did not want to let go for the rest of his life. If plenary love just existed in fictions, what was this feeling that he felt right now?
The more Honinbou gazed at Meijin, the more he saw a living fairy-tale: Sleeping Beauty. His beloved Akira was still sleeping peacefully. His face was charming; his hair delicate; his bare skin exquisite. Although Touya Akira breathed regularly in his sleep, Shindou Hikaru did momentarily stop breathing!
Fighting the urge not to wake the resting enchanter, Shindou stared at the ceiling, pondering about a game of go. After a few moves, however, his concentration faded. That game was, after all, a game with his eternal rival who currently lay next to him.
Shindou's body was still aching as the aftermath of last night's activity, but who cared… the body next to him was too gorgeous to resist! He gotta touch his lover. He just had to!
Shindou Honinbou leaned to kiss Touya Meijin on the forehead. Cheerfully he said, "Morning, sweetheart!" when Touya opened his eyes, but would not let the Meijin gave his reply, as he stifled his lover's mouth with his own in a long lingering kiss.
Touya made no attempt to protest. After all, a good game required its players to play in turn.
"Hikaru…," he moaned softly, tracing his fingers on his beloved's cheeks and jawline.
Shindou cast a zealous glance at him before scurrying himself to Touya's end. There, he suspended Touya's left foot on mid air, making Touya recline at his sideline, and drew his face to kiss the edge of Touya's toe. Touya quivered, but his partner continued sucking his big toe. Touya gasped, and his lover licked his other toes one by one—gently but teasingly.
Touya felt his member hardening, but Shindou would not lose his focus from that damn foot! Only after several of Touya's heavy breathings did Shindou brush his lips against Touya's soft skin, trailing down to the ankle, calf, knee, thigh, and eventually…
"Aaah!" Touya did not bother to—or perhaps could not—suppress his sigh when Shindou's mouth arrived at his throbbing shaft.
With Touya's left leg on his shoulder, Shindou kept Touya's manhood within his oral range. He used his tongue for most the process, letting his saliva and Touya's pre-cum intermingle. Once or twice, though, he mildly raked his teeth to tease Touya's thick column of flesh. Being a first-timer too, Touya couldn't hold back his ejaculation for long. Soon it became Shindou's turn to taste the semen. Well, it tasted weird … but he couldn't promise himself not to swallow Touya's seeds again in the future. He wouldn't,anyway.
With one hand still hoisting Touya's leg, Shindou used his other hand to mold his boyfriend's balls. He played with them for a while until he saw Touya's prurient expression. Once again he felt special: he was the only one who could unclad Touya's tranquility. He drove Touya crazy.
Shindou moved to moisten his boyfriend's opening now. It had already been slick though, much to his pleasure. He smooched and licked it deep anyway, making Touya groan with desire. He was about to slip his finger when Touya's glance caught him, as if confirming: "no fingering needed."
Touya himself was surprised on how impatient he could be at that moment. The hours Shindou made him wait in the go salon was nothing compared to the seconds that Shindou made him wait today.
Hence, Shindou straightened his torso. Positioning Touya's left ankle on the crook of his neck, he made his entry into his beloved's body. He saw Touya winced and clenched. Shindou gulped; it was not his intention to hurt his precious. "Shall I stop?" His voice was heavy with guilt.
"No!" burst his boyfriend, "Quit halfway, and I'll personally kill you!"
Shindou pecked Touya's ankle again before proceeding with his penetration. It was an apologetic rather than a romantic kiss, yet it did not fail to please Touya, nonetheless. Touya took a very sharp intake of breath while receiving Shindou's full lunge. He shut his eyes, feeling Shindou's undulating desire rocking him in the inside.
When Touya opened his eyes again, he realized his hips had started moving on their own. Shindou moved back and forth softly; anxiety still lingered on his face. However, neither sideway entrance nor anxiety hindered Shindou from satisfying his lover. As soon as Touya grew accustomed to his pace, Shindou moved more comfortably. His thrusts were neither too quick nor too slow, neither too firm nor too tender; neither too deep nor too shallow; they were incessant, zealous and gratifying, sometimes varied with drilling motion.
"Haa…!" Touya could only moan in pleasure as he felt Shindou's emerald intense stare behind him.
Touya's already palpitating heartbeats thumped even faster when Shindou shifted to align his head right behind his own. He felt Shindou's fervent breath on his nape, Shindou's hand patting the full length of his member down there and Shindou's torso pressed against his back. A peculiar sensation haunted Touya's stomach and he knew it had nothing to do with hunger.
'Is this what he felt last night? Is this the so-called 'ecstasy of lovemaking'? Hikaru, I can't get enough of you… years ago, now and years yet to come!'
Shindou felt his own drops of sweat ran down his back. He knew it wouldn't be long until he released his need, so he inquired, "Do you want it inside or outside?"
Touya gave him the answer he had already guessed. It was his pleasure to comply and when he did, his boyfriend curled his toes and screamed his name aloud.
The two young men panted. Gazing at the crumpled sheet that was stained with his own emission, Touya felt the warm liquid dripping down his thighs. Shindou had filled him to the fullest that it overflowed. Without retracting his member from Touya's body, Shindou embraced his lover. His elbow was on Touya's waist and his hand on Touya's stomach. Touya did not find being occupied to be uncomfortable. Instead he placed his own hand on Shindou's to encourage his stay.
"Sorry," Shindou spoke.
"For what?" Touya asked him back.
"I was supposed to bring you here for sightseeing, but we end up not able to walk till … uh, I'd say, lunchtime."
"Then you may as well make our rest worthwhile." Touya smiled and kissed his boyfriend.
OWARI
WARNING: I try to make death feel as less tragic as possible through afterlife depiction, but if it pains your heart to accept characters' death, do not proceed any further. Just stick to Shindou and Touya lived happily ever after.
OMAKE: CHAPTER VIII
The Heavenly Reunion
Quarter a century later…
The weather was mild. The sun poured down a tide of torrid brilliance amidst the cumuli of cloud and the breeze blew the swaying grass with its gentle caress. In a garden, underneath the wisteria tree by the koi pond, two men were sitting across a go board. One was in immaculate white Heian court attire with black eboshi hat. His long dark hair streamed like river flow. His amethyst orbs gazed unfathomably like deep purple abyss. The fan in his hand concealed his mystique smile. The other player plain was garbed in cadet green post-Meiji kimono, indomitably charismatic and sovereignly resolute. Nineteen long years they had been playing games after games against each other in this realm, yet they had not grown bored; they never would, for they shared the common goal of reaching Kami no Itte.
Two other men approached from afar, conversing with each other.
"Hey Akira, this is actually nice. I am holding your hand without worrying about public embarrassment."
"Is that all you care about death, Hikaru?! You're forty-four years old, for goodness' sake!" chided his speaking adversary without any gesture to undo their hand lock, if not tightening it instead.
"You're forty-four too, jeez! We were playing go just after we ate out for our silver anniversary celebration when that earthquake killed us in the small hours of the night, remember?!"
The dark-haired man's eyebrows furrowed. The memory of how they had perished was fresh in his mind. The previous night, he had been facing his eternal rival at the opposite side of the goban when the roar of the angry earth snatched over a thousand Tokyoite lives. Amidst the debris of their collapsed apartment and broken furniture, the two go players' motionless bodies lay, fingers connected to seal their last moment together.
"That's not the point. I'm telling you there's more in death than holding hands without worry of public embarrassment."
But Shindou beamed and smiled, "In that case, I want to thank you. You've been waiting for me since the age of twelve. You waited when I wasn't strong enough to be your opponent. You waited me to come at your dad's go salon. And recently you even waited for me to walk together in this chthonic realm, so that we're together, even in death and afterlife."
'Naturally! After all, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.' But since action spoke louder than words … Touya kissed Shindou without hesitation. Shindou did not mind in the slightest bit; he responded to his beloved's kiss as eagerly as he had always done so in his life.
The kiss lasted long enough for a runner to finish a mile, yet neither kisser panted for air. They were no longer alive; no respiration was needed! And what's more, they had an eternity to share!
"Akira…," Shindou murmured half-dreamily. How Touya loved to hear his beloved call his name—casually in the go salon, intimately on bed, or even angrily when they had their usual little fight. Whatever the situation might be, no one else on earth could call him the way Shindou did. Whenever Shindou enunciated "A-ki-ra", Touya never failed to notice the inherence of affection in Shindou's voice.
"Akira!" Shindou called him again, but with a rebuking tone this time, as if he would not give Touya more time to indulge himself at the sound of his name. His eyes widened.
Touya quirked an eyebrow. "Yes, Hikaru?"
"Look behind you!"
Touya turned his back and saw what Shindou meant to show him. The sight of two veteran go players yonder made him smile. They hastened their steps to approach the figures they had longed to see for decades.
"Long time no see, father," Touya beckoned the short-haired man in green kimono, and then turned to his father's opponent with a smile, "And nice to meet you, Fujiwara no Sai-san."
THE END
Note: At their first bedding session, neither Touya nor Shindou knew that lube was substitutable with more common fluid, such as body lotion.