She shouldn't have come.
How the hell she managed to let Nell and Rose talk her into this she will never know. Three guys, three girls, one night of hanging out. And the possibility of three times the rejection, she thought to herself. Rose had joined some kind of groupster dating thing and had asked if them if they would go with her. So, here she was, dressed up and waiting with Nell and Rose to meet Alex, Jesse and Mike. They had agreed to meet at one of the local bars first. Rose had suggested they grab something to eat first and for that Kensi was glad.
She watched as what she presumed were their dates for the evening come walking up. They weren't bad looking, handsome even. She looked around and noticed that most of the ladies, single and taken, were watching the men as they walked over. All three were about the same height, 6 foot or so and all of them looked like the visited the gym regularly.
Alex introduced himself first. He had brown hair, green eyes and was clean shaven. Mike was next, with his short blonde hair and dark blue eyes. Jesse was the last to come up, sporting almost black hair and brown eyes. Making the introductions, they all grabbed their drinks and went to find a table.
She half listened to the conversation around her, checking her phone for the third time in 10 minutes, hoping beyond reason Deeks had texted her. Seeing no new messages, she sighed.
"Everything okay? You keep checking your phone," Alex asked.
With a forced smile, she shook her head. "No, yeah, I'm fine. Everything is fine." No, everything was NOT fine. Her partner, her best friend, was ignoring her. Nell heard her response and raised her eyebrow at her but stayed silent.
She kept replaying that night in the bullpen, when he had finally communicated something real, telling her she was the place he went to in his head to block out the pain. Seeing the look on his face as he told her he needed to get away from everything. And everyone. She had desperately wanted to tell him that it meant everything to her that she was able to help him. But before she could respond, Sam and Callen had walked in. They had gone out for drinks that night, but Deeks had been quiet, despondent. This was not the man she knew, but she would give anything to help him.
How was she supposed to help him if he didn't return her calls? Answer her texts? She had even gotten him a cronut, putting it on his doorstep the night before. She had been hoping he would answer the door when she had knocked, but after 5 minutes of standing there, she knew it wasn't going to happen. So she had left the bag with the cronut there for him.
Nell coughed loudly, looking at her pointedly, bringing her back to reality. Rose was laughing at a joke Jesse was telling.
"Kensi and I are going to get another round. Anyone else need anything?" Rose raised her hand, indicating one more. The guys all said they were good.
"Kens, I know you don't want to be here, but we are doing this for Rose, so she can get out and actually meet people. Please, try and look like you are having a good time." Nell smiled a little. She knew where her friends thoughts were at, and she couldn't imagine being in that position with Eric. Nell had no interest whatsoever in the three guys with them, and just like she told Kensi, they were just here helping out a friend. But she was trying to be polite.
"Well, Rose sure looks like she's having a good time" Kensi said. Smiling and looking over at their friend, noticing the blush on her cheeks and the sparkle in her eye from the attention, she knew she owed it to them to at least pretend. And come on, if she was good at one thing, it was pretending.
Grabbing the beers and walking back to the table, she could hear Mike say something about her being quiet and distracted. Rose just laughed a little, telling them Kensi was probably just thinking about the new art deco piece that was supposed to be arriving soon. Seriously, why did she try and keep up this art curator alias? She had zero knowledge about anything. She couldn't tell you the difference between a Monet and Michelangelo if her life depended on it. She's pretty sure someone did something with water lilies.
They had agreed before meeting the guys that they were not going to know their real occupations. That was a given with Nell and Kensi, but they all felt it was a good idea for Rose to make something up as well. Nell went with a kindergarten teacher, Rose was a nurse and Kensi, without thinking, had gone with her most hated job.
Nell and Kensi sat back down, smiling. She looked over at Jesse. "So, what do you do?"
As he started telling her about his construction business, she felt her phone vibrate. She tried nonchalantly to check it, but in her haste to look, she knocked her beer over. Feeling the blush on her cheeks, and noticing the message was NOT from Deeks, she cleaned up the mess.
"God Jesse, I am so sorry. I am not usually this jumpy or such a klutz. My boss told me to be ready to go if the new piece came in early. Guess I am just anxious to see it."
She could tell that he wasn't buying it, and she didn't blame him. The distracted looks, constantly checking her phone, she wouldn't have bought it either. Nell and Rose both gave her small smiles, appreciating that she was trying, but not blaming her at all for her lack of interest.
Making a grand gesture of putting the phone in her purse and promising no more distractions, the group decided to go walk down the boardwalk. She made a more conscious effort to be her funny, flirty first date self, but she couldn't help the way the ocean air reminded her of someone she told herself not think of anymore tonight. If he would just answer the phone, let her know he was still alive, that's all she needed. She needed to know he was okay, and she couldn't do that if he was ignoring her.
Nell looped their arms together and leaned in. "Just a couple more hours, Blye, and then you are home free." Kensi put a smile on her face and tried talking to Alex.
"You any good at these games?" She nodded her head towards the booths that lined up and down the boardwalk, enticing patrons to try their hands. Alex rubbed his hands together and laughed. "I don't know, let's see."
The group headed over to the duck shooting booth. Kensi and Alex lined up, getting ready for the game to start. Rose and Nell knew she would win this one hands down, but kept their thoughts to themselves.
"Don't worry princess, I'll take it easy on you." Nell's head snapped up with a worried glance and looked over at Kensi to see how she was going to react to that.
Kensi's eyes narrowed dangerously for half a second. Remembering quickly where she was and with who, and knowing these guys wouldn't understand the reason why no one else but a certain blue eyed cop could call her that and get away with it, she schooled her features and looked him in the eye.
"I wouldn't, if I were you." Alex had a confused look on his face and missed the go signal.
Quickly grabbing the gun, Kensi made every shot she went for. Alex, on the other hand, missed at least half of the ducks. When the horn sounded, signaling the end of the game, she picked out a stuffed animal and handed it to Alex.
"Where…how…what just happened?" The look on Alex's face was priceless. Rose and Nell were busy taking drinks to keep from laughing and Kensi just smiled.
"Just something I picked up here and there." And with that, she and the girls went to get some ice cream. Mike had asked her if she was going to share it with him, but she had managed a strangled laugh and then managed to stuff her face with the rest it, making it apparent that sharing was not an option.
The rest of the night went without incident. They had walked some more. Whenever her mind started to wander too far off, Nell would gently nudge her and bring her back to the present. The rest of the group had decided to try their hands at the games, but Kensi had just watched.
She made a mental note to bring Deeks here one day. He would enjoy the noise, the games. He would understand her competitive nature and even when he lost, his pouts would be in good fun. She might even let him win a few. But the ice cream, she was definitely not sharing. Not that he'd be stupid enough to try and share it. He would get another flavor she loved, knowing she would end up eating at least half of it, too.
As the night drew to an end, everyone exchanged numbers. She wasn't expecting anything from it, knowing she had been off her game but not really caring. She hoped that Rose heard from one of them though. They weren't bad guys at all, and had the circumstances been different, she would have enjoyed the night.
Getting in her car, she tried calling Deeks again, not surprised when she heard the voicemail come on.
"Hey. It's me. Again. Just ah…just thought I'd call and see how you were. You wouldn't believe what Nell got me to do tonight. Ok, well, if you need anything, you know, someone to talk to, or not talk, you know I am here. I uh…I guess I will talk to you later. Bye."
She threw the phone into the passenger seat. Taking the route home that would pass by his place, she pulled in. She walked up the steps to his apartment and saw the cronut, right where she had left it the night before. She contemplated knocking on the door, demanding he answer, but she decided against it. Instead, she laid her head on the door and said to herself. "I'm right here Deeks. I'm not going anywhere. And one of these days, you will realize that."
Little did she know, Deeks had been looking out the window when she pulled up. He stood at the door, waiting for her to knock. When he didn't hear it, he looked out the peep hole and saw her staring at the door, and then step towards it. She had on a black dress and heels with her hair down, wavy. His favorite. He wondered for a second if she had just gotten done with a date. He waited for the knock, but heard a soft thud instead. Putting his forehead on the door, he heard the words she had spoken.
He wanted to open the door, to gather her in his arms, ask her to help keep the nightmares at bay. Find out if she knew how to get his mind to stop going into overdrive every time he thought about closing his eyes. But he didn't, he couldn't bring her down with him. Soon, he thought to himself, soon he might be able to open the door when the knock came, but not tonight. So he waited until he heard her walk away and watched her tail lights fade into the night before putting his headphones back on and doing whatever he could think of to turn off his mind. Little did he know, his sleep remedy had just driven away.