Ezra's heart

An:don't own rebels

Ezra's pov

So cold...so very very cold..., ever since I came to this cell I have only known cold. I don't really remember our capture, I only remember Kanan trying to talk to me on the small ship we were on, only to have our faces hit as we were told to shut up. Since then I have not seen him or really felt him, even though I have tried..., tried and failed, just like when I summoned that creature from the abyss.

"So boy, do you think your Jedi master will want you now? I have forced you to use the dark side over and over again. Will he still want a padawan that has been so tainted?" the inquisitor asked or more like taunted.

He had been saying the same sort of things over and over again. It does not help that the torture droid comes in too and has a field day with its instruments all over my body. I shake,shiver and scream out as the little machine does it...it hurts so much. I am surprised that Kanan has not heard me or maybe he has but can not do any thing about it.

I had to know what Kanan thought, I had to try and connect to him. As I watch the inquisitor leave, I breathe a sigh of slight relief, only to have the droid double its efforts to hurt me. Little does it know that I am slowly loosing the ability to feel much of any thing any more.

I am sure I only have a week or two left in me before I die, and I know as soon as I do...my master...my father Kanan will follow if he has not been rescued by then that is. For the inquisitor has used the images of Kanan's torture to torture me. I wonder if he has done the same thing to Kanan, some how I think not.

"Kanan" I think, my soul wants so much to hear him.

"Ezra"

Kanan has finally got through to me, suddenly I feel warmer, feel better,stronger. It is as if Kanan's strength is flowing into me, maybe it was. I close my eyes, I know from my torture that I am bleeding and have broken ribs but that means nothing to me now. Kanan is my world, keeps me here in this moment.

"Ezra, I am here. How...Where are you?" Kanan replied.

Kanan is worried how I was, it is just like him, just like... he reminds me of my dad in that way. When ever I would get hurt or was scared he was there to help me out, well at least until he wasn't. Maybe he is to me, my father or will be one day and I like that. Now as for where I was, I opened my eyes again for a better look at my cell, but it looks like any other cell, except that it is covered in my blood. I sigh, I can not tell him that.

"Master, I don't know where I am. It just looks like a cell, just like the ones I have been in before"I sent back, coughing a little, talking like this is draining what little strength I had, but I had to smile, I knew what he was going to ask originally "I know you were just about to ask how I was".

"Well how are you?" he sent back.

I knew it, the worry wort, but I worry, how to tell him without worrying him even more "physically I am fine, a little banged up but nothing that I haven't had before" I smiled a little again, that should stop the questions over my heath for a little while at least.

I let out a breath, he would probably see through it but I could not tell him the truth, there would be time for that later. At least he had not asked me how I was doing mentally because that was a different story. I did not want to think about the voices in my head that would not leave me, even when I tried to sleep they were always there.

He must have sensed my distress because next he sent "Ezra, you know that I will get us out of here some how or at least our friends will" that is true Kanan will find a way. I know he will, but what of our friends? I still had some doubts on them. I mean given the choice between me and Kanan, who would they rescue first.

"Master I know they will come for you, but for me?I..." I did not know how to tell him of my fears.

Maybe he knew because then he sent "Ezra, you know I would never leave you and Hera,Sabine, will be here. Soon,you know they will. Even Zeb and Chopper will do their part, no one will be left here in his control".

This made me feel better. Okay I might fight with Zeb and Chopper but I know they care about me and Hera, she will go crazy at them if I am left behind again by any one. She baby's me so much but I kind of like it, it reminds me of my mom. Maybe I do have a family after all, it just took its time to find me.

"Kid you do also remember that we came for you when you were taken by the empire before do you?"he asked.

How could I forget that day, it was the day my life began again "yes and that was Zeb's fault...first he pushes me to the back of the group trying to get away, then when the bucket head grabbed me, he leaves me behind" it took ages but I forgave Zeb for that, also seeing Zeb apologizing to me, some one who barely comes up to his waist. It was laughable and I held it over him for weeks.

"Zeb did not tell me of that, well not all of it. Once we get back I should have a little talk with him"Kanan said, sounding a little leader like or maybe a little father like again,I was not sure but I did not mind which one it was. I think I just Zeb into trouble, for I knew that he had only apologized to me in private. Too proud to do it in front of the others.

"Can you do that? I didn't think Zeb listened to any one much except when he was battling or planing to battle some one" I said. I knew it was true, and that had me feeling lighter.

"True, he is like that but what can you do, he is the oldest on the ship apart from Chopper and taking orders from me or Hera, both very much younger than he is" he replied.

"But he did come with you and Sabine to save me. Even though he didn't know me...Kanan, no one has ever done that for me before"I sighed, too many times it has been up to me to get myself out of the trouble I was in "Kanan, I believe you, they will be here soon I just know it"in my heart I knew it...I believe it.

"If not I will plan our escape"Kanan told me.

Well that did not really happen much. I mean he does try to plan but it usually never comes off that way "really? a plan,you master...I thought you did what ever you thought of on the fly. I mean when you plan some thing it rarely goes that way"making me laugh a little.

"Mostly I try and plan"he growled out a little.

Now it was my turn to make him laugh, he needed it "master there is no try. There is only do or do not".

"Yes master Yoda"

What was that? or who was that? I wondered. I knew it was probably a Jedi that he once knew, maybe he still knew and one day I would meet him. It would be nice to meet other Jedi other than Kanan.

"Yoda? who is Yoda?" I asked. He had said this name to me before I remembered but I still had no idea who he was or is.

"Yoda is probably one of the best Jedi masters around. Wish he was here, he could take care of those bucket heads and get us away without any problems at all"wow Kanan sounded like he knew Yoda well. Then I feel a change in his force signature, some thing was up.

"Ezra I have to leave you for a little bit. Some one is coming and if it is who I think it is, I will need to focus but I will tell you this...I know where you are now and as soon as I deal with this I will come and get you...I have a plan"he said.

I chuckled at the word plan but I was starting to weaken again. I did not want to loose the connection with him now that I had it. I felt him gather his strength, and I was then afraid he would cut me off but all he did was block me out, even this was not completely.

"Ah my dear Jedi, ready to give in, to die, to save your padawan's life" there was no mistaking that voice, the inquisitor had come to question Kanan, and that had me shaking but with fear or pain, I did not know.

"What and have him turn to the dark side?"Kanan had said.

Like that was ever going to happen. No matter what happened to me in the future, what the empire had done to me, to my friends, to my family and even to the people I did not know, I would never willingly go to their side.

"What other way is there. The Jedi are all but dead, but there is another path for him, for you too if you so desire. I think though like all Jedi you will be a problem to the last".

"A trait I share with my padawan. He will never join you".

You tell him Kanan, I thought but did not send, then I felt a quick rush of pride for my master, if he thought he was like me, did that mean...I had more to think on this.

"Ah but I think he will".

"What makes you say that?"said Kanan

Yeah why did he think that?I wondered.

"The boy has too much anger,too much fear to be a Jedi"the inquisitor answered. He had told me that much before. First while we were on the cliff and second while he and the droid were torturing me but still was he right? was Kanan wasting his time on me.

Then I hear "I don't know about that. Yes he has fear and he has told me of this, well some of it. I don't know many people that don't have fear of some kind".

Kanan he believes in me, he really believes in me.

Then I hear "and what of his anger, if you think his fear is not going to be much of a problem, what of that?"

Yes that is one of my biggest problems, it always has been, but Kanan has been helping me with it and I think it might be working or it might not, at the moment I was confused about the whole thing. Kanan had said some times I had to let my guard not and tell him what is wrong and not to let my emotions get the best of me. Easy to say not so easy to do.

"Yes his anger is a problem but it can be moved. He just has to deal with it, just like I did"Kanan answered.

Kanan had a problem with anger some times, just like me? was that now or in the past, or a bit of both. I knew he still had problems talking about what happened when order 66 came down and the Jedi were all but wiped out. He told me some things but not all and I would not press him on it, he will tell me in time, just like I will tell him in time of my past.

"You had a problem with anger? so the Jedi are not so great after all".

The Jedi are great. I knew it, I didn't need Kanan to tell me that. I felt it, it was as if the part of me that was Jedi or going to be Jedi knew it. My heart knew it.

"Yes I was angry when the order 66 came and my friends were destroyed, that was the time I almost fell, almost gave into the dark side but I didn't. For a long time I wasn't a Jedi, I wasn't any thing"Kanan said.

I could hear the pain in his voice. That made me feel some thing I had not felt for some one else but me. I felt sorrow for my master. To watch that kind of thing when he was only my age. When we got home to the ghost I was going to make my master feel better about that time in his life. I would help him, just like he was helping me. Then the Pau'an said.

"What were you if you were not Jedi?".

What a stupid question, I thought.

"I was just Kanan. A person who knew how to use a light saber and the force. That all changed when Ezra came into my life and I am not going to hurt him now"Kanan said and then I felt a rush of energy from my master.

What was that?

"So you wish to fight...what of your padawan?do you think nothing of the pain he will be in, both when he feels your bond die and learns of your death"said the inquisitor.

So that was what was going on, they were fighting or some thing like that and my master wont die that easily. I know it. He will win, the inquisitor wont know what hit him.

"I am doing this for him, and I wont be dying any time soon but I will be getting away from here and I will be taking him with me"Kanan said, almost yelling down the bond.

Okay I believe you Kanan, then I chuckle at the face the inquisitor must be making. "You tell him master" I think but like before I don't send because I feel them fighting again and I start to feel dizzy. I felt weak, so weak I dropped to the ground. I was fading fast.

Then I feel pain as I was lifted up into a pair of arms. I shook a little, until I hear "Ezra it is time to go".

"M...master"I moaned out, my pain from my injuries was starting to tell on me and I was starting to see black spots. I knew I was going to be of no help in this escape, actually I did not think I was going to be conscious much longer either.

Kanan must have felt my pain because the he said "shhhh Ezra, I am getting us out of here".

And with that we were off. I felt my master move at lightning speed or maybe Jedi speed, I would have to ask him what was faster one day, any way it did not matter the speed we were moving through the hallways as long as we were moving through them. I did not know where we were going but he did obviously, but then darkness claimed me and I knew no more.

I came too to find we were on a tie fighter and that Kanan was taking care of some thing on the ship's control panel. I stood up but wish very quickly that I didn't. My legs felt strange, I Swede a little, so I thought it best to take hold of the chair to steady myself.

"Spector one to spector two, come in"I hear Kanan say, but I was barely there, my strength, what little I had of it, was about to give out. This had me shaking even more. My grip on the chair tightened as I tried to stop myself from falling.

"Spector two here, Kanan where are you? are you and Ezra alright? you have been missing for weeks"I hear...was that Hera?

It must have been because Kanan said "Hera, I am transmitting our coordinates right now. I am fine mostly but Ezra needs help, he is pretty much broken from head to foot, I will do what I can for him here but he will heal faster back on the ship".

"We will be there soon, spector two out"

I had to know what was going on "master where are we?was that Hera?"I said slipping a little, it was getting hard to stay awake.

"Yes that was her, Hera will be here for us soon. She will soon fuss over us for what happened and as for where we are...we are on a small moon that will help hide us from the empire until the ghost can pick us up, which I know will be soon"Kanan said before catching me and pulling me into his arms on the seat.

Soon I was asleep, my ear close to his heart and I could feel his hand on my heart too, we both needed this, to know that the other was safe. I knew that Kanan would protect me from all dangers, I knew it with all that I am, all that I will be, I believe in him. He is and will always be the one I trust most.

A few days later.

I was resting, my wounds were healing well and my strength was returning but some thing I hadn't told any one... The inquisitor had been visiting my dreams. I did not know if Kanan was having the same dreams but I...

Then my head hurt and I felt the inquisitor again.

"Boy your time in the light will end. You belong to the shadows"he said, then I felt like some thing was crushing my heart.

No I would never belong to him...I am Jedi.

I woke up with a start, I needed Kanan. I needed him so much. So much that I all but ran to his room, shivering and holding myself together so that the inquisitor could not get to me. I still felt him trying to get to my mind, even though I was awake.

Once I got there, just one look at Kanan and I raced in and wrapped myself around him, just like if he was really my father.

"Ezra,what,,,,,,,,"he asked but I stopped him with one word "inquisitor".

"I know Ezra, but he wont get us again, not without a fight"Kanan told me, pulling me closer to his chest.

Then I felt some thing and the pain, the voices from the inquisitor stopped. What did Kanan do? I could feel Kanan tighten his hold on me for a minute then loosen it. He did some thing to the inquisitor's voice but what? why didn't I hear him any more?

"Kanan...master,what did you do?"I asked, looking up at him. if it was some thing too bad I would ask him to undo it. No matter what it did to me, I didn't want him to be in pain.

"Don't worry about it"he said but before I could ask why he did it, he said "I did this for you because you are my light".

So I was his light but he didn't know that to me he was more than that...Once I was a street rat with a past that ran thick with pain and fear, Kanan rescued me from all that. He gave me a family, and a father but more than that,

He gave me my heart.

An: so now you have both sides of the story. I love this pairing, no matter how that pairing is. Also just a side note I have another one shot coming out monday called "bring him home" it will deal with what Ezra felt in "rebels resolve", that episode was beyond awesome and so that's how this story was born.

may the force be with you, always