a/n Well I like the L1 tree even if no-one else does. My baby bro, who's up there in his love nest, hates it. I have sort of referred to some events from series 5 & 6. (I'm finding them quite irritating to watch in places, and I haven't even started S7.) Sorry if it's a bit bleak, but Bread wasn't always light hearted. It tackled some serious stuff for a sitcom.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

Joey pushed the buggy along the Pier Head. He leant forward and addressed his baby grandson. "Let's go and meet nanny then."

He'd rung Martina earlier suggesting she walk down to them after work to meet outside the museum. The baby smiled back at him, Marina's blue-grey eyes looking up, crinkling just as hers did. Joey was at ease with babies, he'd done the majority of caring for his own, as Martina had been keen to return to work, and was happy to do some childcare for the next generation.

As he crossed the bridge he could see Martina, by the row of lambananas waving as she caught sight of them.

"Shall we show him the tree?" Having kissed her grandson, Martina turned to Joey.

"Could do, it's not a tree, tree though is it?" Joey's tone was slightly disparaging.

"We could argue all night Joey about what makes a tree. I like it anyway." Martina wasn't going to get drawn into a lecture about what a tree should be.

"Yes, well you would," smiled Joey sliding his arms round her and kissing the top of her head. Martina always had an eye for the new or different, he was more of a traditionalist. A tree needed to be green, recently cut and decorated to within an inch of its life in Joey's eyes to count as a Christmas tree.

He recalled the year they'd discovered she was pregnant, they'd each ended up spending a miserable Christmas with their families and how amused he'd been when he finally did escape to hers to discover she'd twisted some wire coat hangers into a tree and decorated it. Her words came back to him, 'it's me alternative Christmas tree.' His, 'it's not a traditional tree,' had been countered by, 'only came in with the Victorians Joey, I'm harking back to a Yule log, or at least my take on it.'

Having looked at the tree, with Joey still complaining that it wasn't a proper tree they wandered through L1 looking at the lights and decorations. The baby waved his arms around and gurgled appreciatively.

"Who'd have thought thirty years ago that all this'd be here?" Joey was thoughtful.

"Yeah, I think it's an improvement, just about, on balance."

"Martina! It was abysmal. It was…"

"Yeah, but at least it belonged to the city not some ducal landlord." Martina had lost none of her political edge over the years, and had mixed feelings about the whole development. "We could argue about this all night as well, so let's think about Christmas instead."

Joey's mind drifted off, thinking about Christmas past, when their children were little, and further back to when he was a kid himself, waiting for a dad who never turned up. He frowned, I might not have been the perfect dad but at least I've always been around for them. His mind came back to the present.

"Do we know who's where yet?"

"No," Martina shook her head. "I haven't a clue, but I'm sure we'll find out in due course."

"There's only a eight days to go." Joey was indignant.

It was a family joke that the old fella wrote lists about everything, planned things months in advance, fussed, worried and generally drove their easy going, laid back mam to distraction.

"Just how long does it take to buy a turkey, that you're not gonna eat anyway, and a few bits of fresh food. And if it's just you and me we can have what we fancy, how we fancy it, when we fancy it. Or we can invite ourselves round to Aveline's or Adrian's or Billy's for dinner. I'm sure you've got everything else bought, wrapped, and ticked off. The fridge, freezer, cellar and every cupboard are overflowing." She rolled her eyes. "Don't go looking for problems Joey."

"What about me mam?"

"What about her Joey? She's going to Aveline and Oswald this year for dinner."

"Do you remember our first Christmas together, properly together?" The thought that they might be alone for Christmas had sent Joey into memory mode.

"Course I do, your mam throwing a hissy fit and giving away the tree and all the presents, and not buying a turkey, then everyone turning up at me flat on Christmas morning. It'd be hard to forget that." She spoke blandly. 'And you being at the Adelphi with Roxy,' she thought, her lip still automatically curling in distaste.

Roxy, the third person in their relationship, the elephant in the room. She'd made herself part and parcel of their lives over the years, though never openly acknowledged by either of them.

Martina knew when Roxy was on the scene, even though she'd never let on. She'd kept schtum, but it had stopped her making the final commitment to him and they remained unmarried to this day. She'd never given up either her flat or her job, and was now a senior manager at the DWP.

And she knew that Roxy was around at the moment, and figured this was a good enough time to bring things to a head.

"Or you can do your own thing Joey. It's up to you." Her voice was even, unemotional.

Joey stopped dead. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like Joey." She took over the buggy and continued walking, leaving Joey standing behind, dumbfounded."

He caught her up. "Martina, what's got into you? Is something wrong?"

"You tell me." Her eyes were firmly looking at the ground.

He frowned and shook his head perplexed. "I don't understand."

"All I'm saying Joey, as I said to the family, that it's up to you now, how, where and with whom you spend Christmas."

Martina's roasts were legendary and Sundays often saw the children gravitating back home if she happened to be cooking one. Unexpectedly last week she'd announced to the family that she wouldn't have a problem if they wanted to spend Christmas with their respective partners. If he'd been taken aback by her words, they'd looked at her like she'd suggested sacrificing a live baby over the table.

But she was still making no sense. "Why wouldn't I want to spend Christmas at home with me family?"

She finally raised her eyes and looked at him, completely deadpan and shrugged. "The children are settled Joey, they're working, got their own places, their own lives to lead. We've done our bit, you don't need to feel obliged to play happy families any more if you don't want to."

With that she heaved the buggy up the steps and rang the doorbell of the house they'd stopped outside.

"Here you are luv, one little bundle." She handed the buggy over.

"Thanks Martina, you coming in?"

"No thanks luv, see you later."

Joey caught hold of her. "Martina please, explain what the hell is wrong with you."

The look she gave him went right through him and out the other side. He shuddered inwardly.

"Roxy," she stated baldly.

His eyes widened, throat constricted and stomach lurched.

"She's around now again isn't she? Like she has been, on and off, down the years." Martina was still speaking evenly, quietly.

His eyes darted about, mouth dry, she knew, she'd always known.

"I'm amazed you thought I could ever forget that Christmas Joey. Christmas Eve, and you at the Adelphi with her, and me at home with one baby and pregnant with another." Martina remained matter of fact, no hint of emotion in her voice.

With that she freed herself and walked off. This time he didn't follow her, he stayed rooted to the pavement.

The alarm went off as usual, Martina reached an arm out and switched to snooze. Joey feigned sleep, he wasn't sure what to say or do. Normally he'd have taken her in his arms for a cuddle or to make love, but he surmised that probably wouldn't be the best move right now. He'd been awake since getting in at around three, unable to get his head around her calm quiet words. He couldn't understand how she'd worked out about Roxy. He'd been the soul of discretion, never confided in anyone. There was never any question in his mind that he was going to leave his kids, and he had made that clear to Roxy. She'd been in Birmingham, then Bristol, and back to Birmingham, where she still lived. Less than two hours away by train. He wasn't like his dad flaunting her around, choosing her over his family, so how did Martina know? When Roxy was settled he wouldn't see her for years at a time, but as soon as she got restless she'd be ringing him with a 'Can we meet Joey?' And he always answered yes. Couldn't keep away. She was in his guts, and he knew he could never feel about another the way he felt about her. They weren't destined to be together, he accepted that, but the chance to spend time with her whenever he could was too much of a temptation.

The alarm went again, with a sigh Martina turned it off and got up. He heard the shower go on, same as he did every day Martina was at work. But today was different. And he knew that whatever happened next, for them nothing was going to be quite the same ever again.

Joey lay staring at the ceiling, her pillow clutched to his chest, taking comfort from the faint scent of her perfume. Martina had left ages ago, but he couldn't bring himself to get up, he wanted to stay where he could feel her presence. A lick in his ear and whiskers over his face reminded him that Giacomo would need walking. Martina would have fed him along with the cats before she left, but he was the one who took the dog out each workday morning.

"Ok, ok." He fended the dog off and forced himself up and in the shower.

Before long he was trudging, with Giacomo at his side, down the river path. Mired in his own problems, he eventually registered that he'd walked all the way down to what had been The Herculaneum Dock. He cut through the new housing to the Docker's Steps. Least they were still there, but the Herculaneum's old graving docks were now a gated development, separated from the steps by a substantial fence. He climbed to the top, and turned to look back. Housing and business parks where once there were docks and ships. The gas holders that had been the markers for his boyhood dismantled and the tennies pulled down. The teeming population of The Dingle and Toxteth scattered around Merseyside. Only a few lucky ones rehoused in the neat little suburban semis that had been put up in their place. With the customers going the pubs and shops had shut, along with the schools, and the whole place had a forlorn look, boarded up buildings and grassed over plots, safer and quieter now than it used to be. He turned into Kelsall Street and up to number 30.

"Hello luv." Nellie beamed as they entered. She got up and put the kettle on. Giacomo arranged himself on the sofa and closed his eyes. Now, in her late seventies, Nellie had mellowed a lot, perhaps due to age, perhaps due to Derek's influence.

"Everything ok luv?"

"Yes, just a bit busy, what with the baby and all." Joey wouldn't dare mention Roxy in front of his mam.

"Oh the little luv, how is he? They popped in with him on Sunday. He's so gorgeous."

"He's great, I'd forgotten just how much fun kids of that age can be."

Secretly Joey was proud to have provided Nellie with her first great-grandchild, and one who'd been baptised Catholic. It'd always irked Nellie that of her own children only Joey had raised his as Catholics, yet had been the one not to marry. Still at least the flame had been passed on. She credited Martina with this. She blessed the day that Joey had got her pregnant knowing that if he'd stayed with that Roxy then that would have been it.

"I'm off this afternoon to see Emily and Gracie in their Christmas Concert." Nellie informed him, pride in her voice at her youngest grandchildren.

Joey nodded, smiling at his mam, glad to take his mind away from his own problems for a moment.

After years of pinning for Julie, Billy had surprised everyone by reaching forty and taking up with Sandy. The quiet, stolid, bespectacled learning assistant in her mid thirties seemed to cope effortlessly with Billy, and they were married with two children before anyone realised what was happening. They lived at number 28 and Nellie loved it. She had never really taken to Leonora but her and Jack still lived at 43 along with their daughter. To herself Nellie categorised her sons' wives as in-laws and out-laws, with Martina and Sandy in the former camp and Irene and Leonora the latter. Martina was her favourite by a long way, to her surprise Nellie often found herself preferring her company to Aveline's.

"Of course it won't be a proper Nativity, I mean what can you expect at these heathen schools, but I'm looking forward to seeing them."

Joey smiled. "It'll be lovely whatever mam. Anyway I must be off, see you soon." Joey kissed his mam and turfed Giacomo off the sofa. He walked slowly towards home, hesitating at the top of Adrian's road, for if there were one member of his family he might have been able to confide in, it would be him. Unconsciously he shook his head, less said to anyone the better really, and carried on.

Back home he sat with his coffee and wondered if he could talk things over with his dad, back living in York House, the place he'd once told Joey he felt the most at home ever. The beloved flat he'd sold to bail out one of his kids.

After Lilo Lil's death Freddie had returned home cocksure that Nellie would take him back. He had the shock of his life when she refused with a, 'you go off, we don't see you for fifteen years, then as soon as that tart dies you come back and expect me to take you in. Well no, this door is closed to you now Freddie Boswell.'

He ended up stopping in the rooms above Billy's shop until Joey had managed to snap up a flat in the tarted-up block, the minute it came onto the market, even if he'd winced at the price.

He shook his head, his dad would just tell him to go for it. He closed his eyes, and tried to clear his head. It was no good he couldn't think straight, the only thought pounding through his brain was, how could he contemplate losing Martina? He couldn't even begin to imagine what life would be like. He had to talk to her, to find out what she was planning on doing. Dinner, he could sort dinner then suggest they needed to talk. With that in mind he messaged her to find out what time she'd be back. That was a start.

He stood staring into the fridge, unable to come to a decision. He checked his phone again. No reply. He was starting to panic, terrified she'd made up her mind, before he had a chance to try and sort things. Perhaps he should get something delivered, or book a table, then drive somewhere quiet.

His phone rang out. "Hello yes?"

"Joey, I'm at the Adelphi, like we agreed, so where are you?" The familiar whine filled his ears.

God Roxy, the last person he needed to talk to at the moment. "Roxy! Er I'm a bit tied up at the minute."

"But we spoke Monday and agreed this afternoon. It'd be alright you said."

"Yes well, things change."

"What now Joey, you can't be using the excuse of your kids any more."

"Well I'm minding me grandson.."

"Oh, it's your grandkid now is it? Then I suppose it'll be your mam, then your dad, your Jack, Adrian, Aveline, Billy, your kids, then your mam again, because it's always someone isn't it? The only person I've never heard you use as an excuse is Martina, and ..."

Joey cut the call. He couldn't handle it right at the minute. He switched his phone off, and sat down slumped across the table.

He was still there when Martina arrived home.

"Joey?" She touched his shoulder. "Are you ok?"

He started, "Martina." And looked up at her. "Can we talk?"

"Coffee?" She brandished the kettle.

"Please. So can we?"

"If you like." She sat down opposite him and pushed his drink over.

"Roxy. I don't suppose you'll believe me, but I've never made love to her since we've been together." Joey chose his words carefully.

"You suppose right." Martina held up her hand to stop him from continuing. "Listen to me Joey. I know you've only stayed around because of the children, and I feel guilty about that. Although I didn't intend to get pregnant, and it was as much of a blow to me as it was to you, I knew that whatever you decided I could manage anyway. But second time around well, that was down to me."

She held her hand up again as he opened his mouth.

"I know what you're gonna say, but it was me who didn't want to wait for the check. Of course if I had waited they'd have reminded me about contraception and how fertile you can be after you've just given birth. As it was I didn't consider it, and you know what happened."

She sighed. "So I've always felt responsible, I didn't do it deliberately, but, I kind of feel I trapped you into it. And I knew what I was taking on, I've always known about Roxy and how you feel about her. It was more like we had an unspoken understanding that we'd bought children into the world and we were gonna do our best by them. And we have, we've done a good job, they're kind and thoughtful, they'll understand. You've been a fantastic father to them Joey, you put your own life and wants on hold to raise them. I genuinely admire that."

She laid her hand on his arm, "but we've done our job now, they're not dependent on us anymore. In evolutionary terms we're redundant." She paused for a moment.

"And it's time for you to do what you want to rather than what you feel you ought to do. You've done your duty to them and to me. And I'm grateful Joey. I could never have coped properly with more than one on me own, particularly given the timescale we had. As for your seeing Roxy," she shrugged and caught her breath, determined not to let on how she truly felt and guilt trip him further. "After that first Christmas when I worked out you were with her, I realised that I, we, needed you and if Roxy flings were the price for us having a stable home, I would just have to pay it, until, until they were older and I could manage. And when they were, we had a long Roxy free run, so I left it, hoping I suppose that she was with someone she was content with, and we might have a chance. But she's back again now and it's time to bring it out in the open."

She withdrew her hand, and raised her cup to her lips.

"Are you saying you want out?" Joey hadn't been able to process what she'd been saying. There was truth in her words, he couldn't deny that, but, not that it was an excuse for his behaviour, he in his turn had always felt that pregnancy had forced her hand, that she had only let him fully into her life for that reason. But over time he thought what they'd got going was pretty special. They were friends and lovers as well as being parents. She'd even managed to fit into his family without any major problems. He felt physically sick at the thought of being without her.

She put her cup down, still clutching it, as though drawing comfort from its warmth.

"No, not exactly, but I don't want to be an obligation any more." She was guarded.

"But you're not, you never have been. Martina," his voice broke. He took a deep breath and tried again. "Look we've been together for over 26 years, doesn't that mean anything to you?" He looked at her pleadingly.

"Of course it does Joey. But it's not me who's been having a relationship with someone else."

"It's not been a relationship, it's," he hesitated, he couldn't define what it was that kept him tied to Roxy, like a little glove puppet doing her bidding. It wasn't even passion, leaving aside the guilt, the sex was pretty perfunctory. Never satisfying, so what was it? He tried to be honest. "I do have feelings for her, they're not good for me, and they're not like the feelings I have for you, but somehow I can't fully break away. I don't know why. I'm just a wuss where she's concerned." He stopped again, remembering something his grandad had said years before he died. 'Be with her, be with her as much as you can, get it out if your system.' Of course he never had, he'd never done that, never worked through it and come out the other side. So she remained wraith like, beckoning, still drawing him to her. He'd had these flashes of insight before, most notably in Rome, they'd led to temporary breaks, but he hadn't ever managed closure.

He looked at Martina, calmly drinking her coffee, the grim realisation dawning that he was about to lose her if he didn't act quickly.

"Look, I don't want Roxy, I want you." For the first time ever he knew it was the absolute truth. He'd never really thought about it before, just taken Martina for granted. He'd always assumed he was doing no real harm with Roxy, thought he was sus enough keeping it all separate. He should have realised, she'd always told him she knew everything. He got down on one knee in front of her and took her hands in his. "Martina Delaney, I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction of turning me down yet again,"

"Just as well," she interjected, "at least it's saved you from committing adultery."

He blushed and chose to ignore that remark. "So I'm not proposing, but I love you, and I wanna spend the rest of me life with you. I can't even begin to imagine being without you, so will you promise not to move out, or make any rash decisions?"

Martina looked stunned. "You've never told me you loved me before."

"I'd of thought it was obvious. I assumed you knew. Mind you've never said it to me either. He moved one hand to her face."

"No, I haven't." Her voice was barely audible.

"Do you?"

She drew breath and frowned. "Yeah, I suppose. But Joey, it doesn't solve the Roxy issue. I'm not willing to keep going through the cycle."

"I understand sweetheart. I promise you I won't see her again. Please, trust me."

She looked at him pityingly. "Do you really think you can? What's gonna be different this time? Your dad and Lilo Lil couldn't keep away from each other and neither can you and Roxy."

"Because I've realised what an idiot I've been, how close I've come to losing you, and I'm not me dad." He gulped, desperately trying not to burst into tears.

"No, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree Joey."

"Martina, please give me a chance to prove it to you," he begged.

The minutes ticked on. His knee was aching. He tried to read her face, as inscrutable as he'd ever seen it.

Finally she spoke, slowly, deliberately. "Last chance Joey. You step one half inch towards her and that's it. Clear?"

"Abundantly." They met each others' eyes.

"Oh Martina." He tried to draw her to him, lost his balance and crashed to the floor.

He blinked as his head hit the flagstones, not quite the gesture he'd been aiming to make, but as he lay there watching amusement and concern vying for pole position on her face, a feeling of relief washed over him that she was still sitting there at all. That was probably the best Christmas present he was likely to get. Ever.

.