Hasook's Story
Hasook was fed up. He knew that he had messed up. He understood what was at stake. He was trying his hardest. Why was that so difficult to see? Was Mako really so short-sighted? Hasook usually tried to cut Mako a lot of slack. He was always insufferable before a match. And during a match. And after a match. And sometimes during training.
But Hasook's own evolving feelings towards Mako only served to complicate matters further.
"Hasook's a no-good no-show." Is that what Mako really thought? Hasook turned around and made his way out of the arena before anyone noticed him. I'd hate to make him a liar.
As he sat drinking, Hasook felt awash with self-pity. He hated that feeling. He was the one who let his team down. He should have sucked it up and honored his commitment, pushed his own feelings of anger or rejection aside for another night. But it was always just another night. He hated that it was always him who was making allowances. Mako was just stressed—he didn't mean to come off so abrasive. He's just under a lot of pressure as the team captain. Hasook should be more understanding, more empathetic. Hasook was sick and tired of greeting anger and belittlement with empathy.
He knew when it started to happen. When his performance during matches started going down-hill. It was shortly after the season started. When he began to realize what exactly he was feeling for Mako. He started growing flustered just being around him. It was harder to concentrate. He became so self-conscious. Hasook's performance during tournaments grew poorer and poorer. And Mako's constant admonishments became more and more difficult to handle. Mako hadn't changed, but suddenly his comments sounded more biting and acerbic to Hasook's ears. Hasook spent more nights drunk and crying in frustration than he cared to remember. He didn't dare tell anything to Mako, or to Bolin. They would not be understanding or accommodating. He instead forced himself to endure his feelings on his own.
But then Hasook found his breaking point. "You did more harm than good out there. You almost cost us the match." That was the straw that broke the camelphant's back. Hasook just wanted to make Mako regret his harsh comments. Maybe if he showed up at the last minute, Mako would realize that Hasook wasn't someone to take for granted, someone to abuse with the assumption that he would always understand. Hasook no longer wished to accommodate Mako's mistreatment.
It wasn't until years later that he saw Mako again. He wasn't even sure Mako would recognize him. Hasook kind of hoped he wouldn't. But to his surprise, Mako was friendly. He didn't mention Hasook abandoning their team. He made pleasant chit chat. Hasook was grateful.
"I heard that you're dating someone a bit…special," Hasook ventured carefully.
Mako nodded. "It's kind of weird… We just got engaged last week."
Hasook's heart fell. He knew he didn't have even a modicum of a chance with Mako, but it still hurt to see him so happy with someone else.
Mako looked pensive. He opened his mouth to speak, but then he paused. Finally, he managed, "I'm sorry."
"About what?" Hasook asked. He could feel his heart beating in his ears.
"I was awful to you back then," Mako stated flatly. "I don't know why I was like that."
Hasook felt self-conscious as he flushed. How was it that Mako could make him feel this way all these years later? It was as if no time had passed at all. He felt like a teenager all over again. "I'm sorry too," Hasook finally replied. "I should've honored my commitment instead of ditching you."
Silence.
"I have a confession," Mako said quietly. "I saw you here at this café a month ago. I was too surprised to say anything." He paused. "Actually, I was too scared."
Hasook didn't respond.
"I've come here every day now for a month hoping to bump into you again."
This was too painful. I don't think I can take much more of this.
"I just regret that we weren't able to overcome our differences back then."
Hasook managed a smile, if only for a moment. "I regret it too."
When they parted ways, Mako made Hasook promise to meet him for drinks soon. It was a promise Hasook did not intend to keep. It was too much. Years later, and it still wasn't over for him. He told himself that he was happy for Mako, that he had found a girl he was happy with, and was getting married, probably starting a family. He didn't bother to wonder if he was actually able to feel happy for Mako or not. He would just stubbornly believe that Mako's happiness was enough for him. With sufficient luck, he would be able to forget about Mako. He would move on. It would finally be over.
Hasook hoped that day would come soon. He didn't want to relive those drunken, sleepless nights spent sobbing over unrequited feelings. But even now, a short conversation could leave him reeling. It wasn't over. Would it ever be?
Maybe it would be enough to find someone like Mako. Someone strong, dedicated. Someone who gave all of their attention to the task at hand. Someone a bit more caring, or understanding. Someone tall and dark-haired. Hasook sighed. There was no one like Mako. To think someone else could compare was delusional.
But Hasook would try. He would spend every day trying to find someone to compare. Someone who would wash away his feelings of rejection and inadequacy. Someone whose embrace would let him know everything would be alright.
Someone like him.
Thank you for reading! ^^ Please leave a review if you feel so inclined~. I drew some inspiration from this story from the idea of Adele's song "Someone Like You," but from Hasook's perspective. I always disliked the idea that Hasook was just flakey. It seemed like there was a bigger reason besides just being a "no-good no-show."