In the city of Agrabah, all was peaceful as the morbidly obese sultan ate his pet canaries. He sang Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" to himself until he realized he was alone. He decided to find a friend, so he went to the streets to look.
He came to a fruit stand, and saw a man who looked like he could be a good friend. He tapped on the man's shoulder. The man turned around and pepper sprayed the bastard. "No one messes with Chuck Norris" said the man, who turned out to be Chuck Norris. Chuck flew away on his magic carpet or rug or whatever. The Sultan then tapped a menacing looking man on the shoulder and asked him his name; he said he was Jafar, and that he was amazing. The Sultan knew he was the one, so he asked Jafar is he wanted to work for him, Jafar said yes. So the Sultan thought all was good and peachy…
He was wrong… so wrong.
The next day Jafar moved in. He got comfortable and enjoyed canaries with the Sultan. It was the Sultan's dream come true. That night, the Sultan got on his footy pajamas and watched 24 all night long, while Jafar sat in his room and planned his demise. Jafar would break into the Sultan's room and steal his magical staff. He would then impale the Sultan with it, and let the scabies inside the ball at the end multiply inside him, until he was nothing but bones, which Jafar would sell as a premier line of dog bones.
That night, Jafar's plan was close to fruition, as he crept up to the Sultan's room. He quietly walked in and grabbed the staff, and walked up to the Sultan's bed. Right before he was to be impaled, the Sultan grabbed an Uzi and started firing. Jafar grabbed a .22 pistol and fought back. Jafar, trying to escape the Sultan's insane clutches, climbed out of the windows onto those turban like structures on the palace. He ran like hell, but the Sultan was too fast. In minutes, Jafar was shot in the head, sixty two times, and fell on the slippery edges of the turban structure. He was dead, and the Sultan celebrated with, not canaries, but twelve of the almost extinct California Condor.
Epilogue:
While the Sultan never had a friend, he got a passion for solitaire and wolf hunting, (not illegal in Agrabah). All in all he died a somewhat happy man.