A.N. This one's for my best friend of ten years, a hardcore Harry Potter nerd like me, who loves Snape to death and back. Alicia, thanks for being such a great friend and encouraging me to write more fanfiction. This one's for you. Love you chica! Enjoy the story everyone!
You were standing in the wake of devastation
And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down, your insides crying "save me now"
You were there, impossibly alone
Halloween night, 1981. The streets paving the quaint village of Godric's Hollow, which had been crowded with children in costumes mere hours ago, were silent and still. A brisk wind disrupted some stray leaves on the ground. Not a soul was awake to hear the quiet but distinct pop announcing the appearance of a young man on the end of the street.
Severus Snape stood perfectly still, staring down the dark, deserted street. He listened and watched for someone, something, anything…but the village was silent as though it had been vacant of any life for years.
The first thing he heard snapped him out of his daze—a soft rumble of approaching thunder. It seemed to act as a trigger, and before he knew what he was doing, Snape was walking slowly down the dark street towards his dreaded destination.
His feet seemed to grow heavier with each step he took, as though someone were filling his shoes with lead. A feeling of sick, intense anxiety was beginning to roll in his stomach. His foggy mind was not connected to the rest of his body; it was as though he was someone else, watching the young man in black robes move slowly down the street. Although he did not know precisely where he was going, his feet continued to carry him forward, and he knew where he would eventually end up. Because though his thoughts were hazy and unclear, they were all ultimately centered on one person—Lily…
A flash of lightning illuminated the dark sky for a brief moment, and the thunder rumbled louder than it had previously. Snape knew he was getting close…the nauseous anxiety was beginning to take him over.
Without realizing what he was doing, Snape stopped a few yards after turning a corner and looked up at the little house that stood before him. For what seemed like an eternity, he could do nothing but stand and stare, stare at the roof, mutilated and caved in to form a wide, gaping hole…
Do you feel cold, and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration, and let it go
Let it go
In the same trance-like state, Snape approached the front of the house. He reached out for the doorknob with hands that he hadn't realized were shaking, but stopped when he realized the door had been blasted off its hinges and now lay in shredded bits of wood at his feet.
He stepped over the ruins into the dark, silent house just as the rain began to pour down outside. Again, he stopped to listen, and the anxiety turned into real, sickening, intimidating fear.
The lighting flashed, the thunder roared, and the torrential rain increased as he began to climb the staircase, his wand now lit.
And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace, falling into empty space
With no one there to catch you in their arms
He was nearly to the top of the staircase when he noticed a foot hanging off the landing and onto the stairs. A few more steps revealed a full body, sprawled out on the floor with debris and rubble from the roof surrounding it. He shined his wand downward just as the lightning illuminated the face of James Potter. His glasses hung sideways off his face, and he faced away from the hallway, as though he had gone down trying to stop Voldemort from continuing further.
Snape couldn't look down at James' body any longer than a few seconds. He remembered all too clearly the arrogant teenager who had bullied and harassed him endlessly at Hogwarts, and ultimately stole the one thing from him that had made his life worth living. But for those few seconds, standing in that hallway, Snape didn't see that boy—he saw a man, a husband, a father, who had selflessly given his life to protect his wife and son.
Snape looked up and continued down the hallway. The lightning flashed once more, seeming to illuminate only one thing—a doorway, all the way at the end of the hall, with shards of glass and pieces of wood surrounding it.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration, and let it go
Let it go
As Snape made his way down the nearly destroyed hallway, his thoughts were no longer swimming in a haze of confusion. Scenes from another life, from his childhood, were playing like a slideshow in his mind—Lily and Petunia on the swing set that day, the day he had told Lily she was a witch. Laying under the willow tree, sharing secrets and stories and counting down the days until they started at Hogwarts. Running through the fields by her house, playing tag, or hide-and-seek, or whatever their own imaginations could conjure up. The images were so vividly real that, for just a moment, Snape felt that he was really there, living those moments.
It all fell away when he stepped through the doorway. The baby was crying, still in his crib, a thin gash on his forehead causing blood to run down his face. But Snape had eyes only for the woman on the floor, eyes staring like two vacant emeralds, her fiery red hair splayed every which way. Lily, his Lily…
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration, and let it go
Let it go
Snape felt his world come crashing down around him, the already broken pieces of his life shattering beyond repair as he nearly collapsed against the wall, shaking madly and gasping for breath. He couldn't force himself to look away from her. Some insane part of him was waiting for her to move, to get up, to do anything. But Lily Potter stayed as still as still could be, and that was when Severus Snape broke down and cried.
He wasn't sure how he had gotten down on his knees beside her. Through the tears that were stinging his eyes and blinding him, he managed to reach out with two trembling fingers and close her eyes. Then, he did the only thing he could think to do—he held her in his arms and sobbed as though his heart was being ripped out. For the first and last time ever, Severus Snape and Harry Potter cried together.
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go…
Snape's logic eventually began to gain some amount of control over his emotions, as was natural for him. He couldn't stay here. It would only be a matter of time before Dumbledore found out, and someone would be coming for the boy…he had to go.
He gently laid Lily back on the floor and cleared away some of the pieces of the roof and wall that surrounded her body. He knew that this would be his one and only time to say goodbye. With hands that still shook violently, he reached out for his dropped wand and waved it in a graceful circle. A dozen lilies fell over the body of his best friend. He allowed a few more tears to escape his eyes as he bent down to place a kiss on her forehead. "I love you, my Lily…always." He whispered.
As he shakily stood up and dusted himself off, another pair of those striking emerald eyes caught his attention. Little Harry had pulled himself up by the bars of his crib and was now standing and staring at him, his face streaked with tears. Snape approached the crib and stared down at the little boy who was now an orphan. It occurred to him that he had never actually seen the baby in person before. As he placed his hand on the top of the crib, Harry reached out with one of his hand and grabbed hold of one of Snape's fingers.
Snape continued to stare down into his eyes, so like hers…and for a brief moment, he took the little boy's hand in his own.
"You have your mother's eyes…" he whispered. Then, he took his hand back and walked away from the crib back towards the doorway. Harry did not continue to cry. With one more glance at the best friend he had ever had, he turned and walked away. Moments later, a soft pop could be heard, and Severus Snape was gone.
All was still.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration, and let it go
Let it go