The Christmas Dress
Chapter One
Kitty
As I stared at the Christmas dress I had the seamstress make for Ella, my mind went back nineteen years to another Christmas dress. I hadn't thought about it in years. It was so similar to the one in my hands; I was surprised that it took this moment to remember. I laid the dress on the bed and headed to the closet. Reaching up on the shelf way back in the corner, I pulled out an old hat box. Removing the lid, I looked at the red velvet dress with white lace. It brought back so many bittersweet memories of a time so long ago. So much of that time I would like to forget. Yet, it was a period in my life that would never be gone.
"Kitty, are you up here?"
"Yes, Matt, I'm in the bedroom."
Just before Matt walked into our bedroom, I put the dress back in the box and placed it back on the shelf. I would think about it later, but for now I had a daughter and husband who needed me.
"Hey, honey, I think our little redhead is getting hungry."
He walked in the door carrying our daughter whose face was scrunched up ready to let out a howl. I took her from her daddy and headed to the rocking chair. Sitting down, I opened my shirtwaist and it didn't take long for Ella to latch on. She had an appetite like her daddy as she sucked noisily. One would think I hadn't feed her all day instead of just a few hours ago.
Matt sat down on the edge of the bed watching. It always amazed him when I was breastfeeding our daughter. He loved the intimacy of the bonding time we had as she nursed. I loved this time with Ella as well. As I sat there watching her, her bright blue eyes looking up at me, my mind flooded with a memory of another time with another redheaded, blue-eyed baby. My heart all but stopped as I remembered and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong."
I looked up into those beautiful light blue eyes of my cowboy. They were filled with such love and concern for me.
"Oh, Matt, it's just memories coming back to me. I will be alright."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Thanks, but not right now."
"Okay, just know I am here whenever you want to talk."
After Ella finished, I closed my shirt and stood putting my sleeping girl in the cradle. I looked down at the sweet innocence as she slept. Then I walked over and sat down on the bed by Matt. Pulling me into his arms, I laid my head on his chest and sobbed. The memories hurt so much, yet I wasn't ready to talk about them. I was sure Matt had figured out what was going on, but I knew he would wait until I was ready to discuss it. Finally, I pulled back and put on a smile for my husband.
"I bet you're getting hungry too."
"Well, just a little." He said with that crooked grin I loved so much.
"Come on cowboy and I'll fix you something to eat."
We stood both checking on Ella before heading out the door and down to the kitchen.
I got a fire started in the stove and put the stew over the fire to warm it up. I also had some cornbread left from lunch and apple pie. I hoped that would be enough to fill him up.
Once everything was ready, I sat it on the table. Matt had placed plates and utensils on the table as well as pouring us both some coffee. Sitting down, we ate in silence. We had always been so comfortable with each other that words weren't necessary at times.
I felt Matt watching me and knew he was still concerned with my outburst of tears. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him about it; I just wanted to hold the memories within for a while longer.
We finished supper and Matt helped me clean up. I knew it would still be awhile before Ella wanted to eat again so I headed into the living room. Matt had built the fire up in the fireplace before he went out to do the evening chores. It felt so warm and inviting, I curled up on the settee in front of the fire and picked up the book I had been reading the night before, but instead of opening it I gazed into the flames lost in thought.
That's how Matt found me when he came in a short time later.
"Honey, it's snowing outside."
"Oh, that means a white Christmas. Just think the day after tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Do you think we will get very much?"
"From the looks of things, I would guess several inches. It's coming down pretty fast."
"I hope we don't get too much. Doc and Festus will be coming in on the afternoon train tomorrow and I don't want them to be delayed. It will be so good to see them."
I got up and walked to the window pulling the curtains back to watch it snow. It wasn't quite dark out so I could see it coming down in huge flakes. It was so beautiful. I watched until I couldn't see it anymore then went back and sat down by my big teddy bear of a husband. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. We sat cuddled in front of the fire both mesmerized by its orange glow and the flicking candles on the Christmas tree. Matt had gone out the day before to get it and we had spent the afternoon and evening decorating it.
"Kitty, are you ready to talk about those tears I saw earlier."
"Not really, cowboy. I just want to sit here in your arms until our daughter demands to be fed which probably will be soon."
Matt pulled my chin up looking deep into my eyes. I knew he needed to see that I was okay. The memories were hard, but just having him hold me was enough for now. He then leaned down brushing a feather light kiss on my lips. It felt so good to be in his arms and feeling his lips on mine. I opened up for a deeper kiss which he obliged. Just as things started to heat up, I heard a tiny cry that began to build. Pulling away, I stood up. Leaning over, I whispered, "We'll take this up again as soon as I take care of your daughter."
"Oh, she's my daughter now."
"Always, at meal time. I think she has a bottomless stomach like someone else I know."
Laughing, I walked up the stairs to change Ella into a dry diaper and feed her. Hopefully, this would be the last feeding until morning. She had been sleeping through the night now for about a month. We couldn't believe she had just turned three months old and was growing like a weed. I was still in awe that Matt and I had been blessed with a baby. We went all those years without getting pregnant. I knew early on I had taken precautions against it, but as time went on I left it up to nature. It never happened so it was such a surprise three months into our marriage that I found I was pregnant. The result was Miss Ella Grace Dillon and she was the light of our life.
Surprisingly, it was quiet by the time I walked into our bedroom. As I looked into the cradle, two sparkly blue eyes looked up at me and she let out a squeal waving her arms and kicking her legs. I chuckled at her. It was obvious that she was happy to see her mama or at least that her meal was here. I picked her up taking her across the hall to the nursery. As she squirmed and wiggled, I changed her diaper and put a gown on her. Then taking her, I sat down in the rocker.
"Little one, if you want to eat you need to quit wiggling so much. Blue eyes met blue as she latched on and began nursing. Without realizing it, I began reminiscing out loud as the tears began to fall. I just couldn't seem to control my emotions.
"Ella, you look so much like your sister did at this age. How I miss her. I don't want to miss a minute of your life like I did hers."
I hadn't thought about that Christmas so long ago in what seemed liked forever. Yet, ever since remembering the Christmas dress, I couldn't stop the memories. It was uncanny that both girls were almost the same age on their first Christmas. I just hoped that I would be here for Ella for a long time. Regrets filled me thinking about how I wasn't there for her sister.
Just then, I noticed Matt standing at the door. Tears were running down his cheeks as well. I knew from seeing them that he had heard what I said and was remembering too. Not that long ago Christmas, but the week we had spent with her just two years earlier that made us both look at our life a little differently. Oh, I know our relationship didn't change much after what happen and we went through that difficult time when Will Stambridge almost came between us, but in the end we came together and married bringing us to this day.
Matt walked over, brushing the tears off my cheeks and looking down at our daughter. I moved her to the other side and looked into Matt's eyes. Without saying a word, we knew we needed to talk soon. He kissed me lightly and left the room and went off making sure the house was locked and the fire banked before heading to our bedroom.
Placing a sleeping Ella in her crib, I made sure she was covered warmly for the night. With the heavy gown and warm blanket, I knew she would be fine. Placing a kiss on her forehead, I whispered, "I love you," and headed to our room. Matt was just coming out of the washroom wearing his pajama bottoms. I stepped into the washroom to take care of my needs, undress, and put on my gown. Coming back into the room, I sat down at the dressing table taking the pins from my hair and picking up the hairbrush. Matt walked over taking the brush from my hands and brushing it for me. It felt so good and relaxing. Finally, I reach up and took the brush placing it on the dressing table. Standing, I turned toward him. He took me into his arms and pulled me close joining his mouth with mine in a passionate kiss. Coming up for air, I saw the burning desire in his eyes and the anticipation of what awaited us.
"Matt, please make love to me."
He untied the bow on my gown and gently pushed it off my shoulders letting it drop to the floor. Picking me up, he carried me to the big brass bed and laid me down in the center. Quickly removing his bottoms, he climbed into bed moving over me with his weight on his arms. The first kiss turned into a passionate night of love. We came together with such intensity that nothing else mattered, but the love we felt for each other.
I awoke early the next morning despite having such a late night. Matt was still sleeping which was surprising since he usually always woke before me. I slowly pull out of his embrace and got out of bed. The air was chilly as the fire in our room had gone down. I placed some logs on the fire so the room would warm up.
I picked up the robe at the end of the bed and pulled it on as I walked to the window. Looking out at the wondrous sight so white and pure, I felt it was truly going to be a white Christmas. I would say there was around six inches of the white fluffy flakes on the ground and it was still floating to the ground. I was excited about the day and seeing old friends again.
"Hey, gorgeous, why don't you come back to bed?"
"And why would you want me to do that cowboy."
"Well, come here and I will show you," he said with that familiar grin.
As I looked over at him, I could see the desire in his eyes. I started toward the bed when a cry came from across the hall.
"Sorry darling, but duty calls."
He groaned his frustration as I leaned over kissing him then went to the nursery to care for our daughter. I heard him get up. We had a lot to get done before heading into town for last minute things and to pick up Doc and Festus.
Crossing the room to Ella's crib, I looked down to see her playing with her feet. Somehow she had maneuvered out from under the cover and gotten her feet out of the bottom of her gown. It was so cute to see her trying to suck on her toes.
"Hey, little one, I think mama has something better for you than your toes."
Picking her up, I found her soaked so before she could eat I had to wash and change her into clean clothes. By the time I was done, she was making a ruckus and definitely ready to nurse.
Once Ella was finished, I went to our bedroom. Laying her on the bed, I dressed quickly then she and I headed downstairs. Matt was already back in from morning chores and had the coffee going. It smelled heavenly. Walking over to me, he handed me a cup and took our daughter. I gave him a grateful smile and headed to the stove to fix breakfast.
After breakfast, I cleaned up as Ella lay on a blanket near the stove in the kitchen. She was so fascinated with her feet and hands that she amused herself. Matt had gone to do something in the workshop and hitch up the team to the buggy. I imagined he had to finish up something for Christmas.
Thinking about the gifts I had hid away, I knew even with the sad memories that this Christmas was going to be extra special for all of us. Matt and I had an incredible life here in Colorado with a lovely home and a miracle in our beloved baby.
Just as I reached down for Ella, Matt came in from outside. Taking off his coat, he warmed his hands over the stove and then walked over holding out his arms for the baby.
"Here, let me take her while you get things ready to go."
"Okay, it shouldn't take very long."
Heading up the stairs, I went into the nursery getting Ella's travel basket, some extra clothes, and diapers. While gathering everything we would need, I thought I heard someone singing. Leaving the room, I made my way down the stairs. Reaching the bottom, I could hear humming coming from the living room. Peaking in, I saw my cowboy holding his daughter up to see the Christmas tree as he hummed Away in the Manger to her. The scene was priceless.
I hated to interrupt, but I knew we needed to get started for town. We had so much to do once we got there and I wanted to be done in plenty of time to pick up the boys at the depot.
"Matt that was a beautiful sight. You had her mesmerized with the tree and your song. I didn't want to interrupt, but we really need to get going."
Matt just turned and smiled at me. Ella was smiling too.
We went into the kitchen and got our coats on and placed Ella in her basket making sure she was cover and would be warm. Matt had banked the fires so we went out the door locking it behind us and climbed in the buggy.
Settling in, I was so thankful for the basket our friends Joe, Marie, and Mark had given us for Ella. It was sturdy enough to hold a baby with a handle across the top making it easy to carry. It also had satiny pink ribbon weaved around the top of it. The basket was sized just right for her to lie in. It could also be used for a travel bed. What was really nice was it was large enough that at three months she still had plenty of room. It worked well when traveling to town and back because it kept her safe and out of the cold air. Marie had told me Mark was the one who saw it in a store in town and wanted to buy it for Ella. Mark was very smart for being three and he loved his Ella as he called her.
The weather was brisk, but the trip to town was enjoyable. Ella lay in the basket with just her little face showing giggling when her daddy would make faces at her. We had placed the basket on the seat between us. With all the snow, there was a holiday feel in the air, but even with Ella's laugh and the beauty around us, I was plagued with sad memories. I was trying hard to keep a smile on my face so Matt and Ella wouldn't pick up my thoughts. I was truly blessed with my sweet daughter and husband, but the memories of my other little girl in the Christmas dress stayed close to my heart.
Finally making it to town, Matt stopped in front of Murphy's store. Getting out of the buggy, I reached for Ella's bag and my reticule. Matt lifted the basket out with Ella. We walked into the store greeting Mr. Murphy and his wife. Matt carried the basket over and sat it on the counter.
"What have we here?" Mrs. Murphy exclaimed. She is so pretty Mrs. Dillon and growing like a weed."
"Thank you. She's a blessing to us."
Matt handed Mr. Murphy our list and went off to look at a few things he wanted to check out while Mrs. Murphy and I visited.
"Mrs. Dillon, if you want to look around I will be happy to watch the baby for you."
I trusted her to watch the baby, but I had an odd feeling like something was going to happen. Shaking off the feeling, I agreed.
"Thank you, I think I will look around for just a few minutes."
There were a few things I wanted to look at that weren't on the list. I knew Ella was perfectly safe at the counter. Matt was looking over a shotgun at the time. Just then I heard the bell over the door. Glancing that way, I saw a woman come in, but didn't get a good look at her. Thinking no more of it, I knew Matt needed some new socks so I headed over to that area. I also checked out a pair of shoes that I spotted nearby. Again I heard the jingle of the bell, but thought nothing of it. I turned to go back to the front of the store with Ella when I heard Mrs. Murphy holler. Moving quickly, I reached the front at the same time as Matt.
Mrs. Murphy was frantically looking around and Mr. Murphy was rushing out the door.
I looked on the counter and realized Ella's basket was gone.
"Where's Ella?" I screamed hurrying around behind the counter.
Her basket was nowhere in sight. Matt grabbed me by the shoulders.
"Kitty calm down. We will find her. There has to be some explanation as to where she is. Just give Mrs. Murphy a chance to tell us."
The storekeeper's wife had a panicked look on her face.
"The baby was just here on the counter. A lady came in and asked for a bag of sugar. I turned around to get it off the shelf. Before I even had it in my hands, I heard the bell over the door. Turning around, the woman was gone. Then I noticed that so was the baby."
"Can you describe her," Matt asked.
"Matt, the more we talk the farther the woman will get with Ella. We have to go after her." I shouted at him.
Pulling me into his arms, he tried to comfort me. "Kitty, I have to know what to look for so let Mrs. Murphy finish, please."
"She was shorter than me, with long dark hair. She had on a blue dress with a hat to match. That's all I can remember. I had never seen her before."
Laying my head on his chest, I sobbed.
"Kitty, we are going to find the baby. I want you to stay here with the Murphy's. I am going to find the marshal and search for this woman."
"I'm going with you."
"No, I want you to stay here."
I grasped Matt's shirt clinging for dear life. "Please Matt." Matt pulled me lose and lead me over to Mrs. Murphy.
"Mrs. Murphy, I would like you to take Mrs. Dillon in the back and try to calm her down? I will be back as soon as I can."
"Matt, please find her. I can't lose this baby."
Mrs. Murphy led me to the back as Matt walked out the door. I was devastated. All I could think about was the baby I had lost so long ago and the one that was gone now. I knew I would lose my mind if we didn't get her back.
TBC