December 20, 2012

Brittany Susan Pierce's Final Journal Entry – 10:22 PM

Dear Diary,

Here's my final confession: I'm really tired of being sad.

And I don't just mean it like, "Oh, it's really suckish that I'm sad right now." I mean I feel quiet all day and all night, and no matter how much I sleep, it's still so hard to wake up in the morning. Even when I know I can have a bowl of Lucky Charms with only the marshmallows, most days, it doesn't even seem like a good enough reason to walk out of my room.

But things are looking up for me, I think.

School's really good, and so is glee club even though we lost Sectionals. It wasn't how I wanted my second senior year to turn out, but if I'm with the people I care about, I don't think it matters.

And I got to see Santana a lot for a few weeks, which was nice, even though it was also sad. It's strange. As much as it hurts to be around her now, I guess I'd rather be hurt than not be near her ever again. I just need her, you know?

And there's Sam. He's really funny, and all of his impressions are so good, even all the ones I don't get – which are a lot, but I laugh anyway. He's helped a lot and he's been around and he doesn't let me get too sad anymore. It's all still there, somewhere deep in my belly, and I remember it sometimes when I'm by myself at night or when I hear songs on the radio… But he keeps them away. He makes me forget in a way where I can still do well in all my classes.

Not that any of it really matters now, right?

'Cause, you know, the Mayan Apocalypse.

It's super terrifying, yeah, and I'm really going to miss seeing all of my friends when we're all burning and drowning at the same time. And I don't even know what I'm going to do about Lord Tubbington because he's always been against swimming ever since he was disqualified from the Olympics for doping.

But I'm not really as scared as I should be, maybe. I mean, I'm never going to know how my friends made it. Or didn't. Not knowing is scary.

But, I guess, it's like… what does it matter anyway? If we're all going to explode and stuff, I mean… That's crazy, but then it's over, and then you're gone. It's like sleeping for hours and hours after staying up all night cramming for your last final. Or resting after a solid hour of scissoring. You just go to sleep, and it's so easy. That's what it'll be like tomorrow. And I'll have Sam with me… Maybe he'll do impressions while he's alive and just keep me smiling. I might not even notice all the meteorites flying through the sky.

Sam's asleep on the bed, by the way. He's got his watch on that's supposed to beep at midnight to wake him. I turned it off though. It's like I said. If we're going to be endangered by the end of the world, I'd like to be asleep for it all.

And Sam's an innocent and naïve child who needs to protected from the harsh realities of this decaying planet. And he could use a nap. He's just so stubborn… But that's the married life. Marriage is about doing what's right for the other person, even if it isn't necessarily right for you. That's partnership.

That's actually why I married Sam. Because he wanted me. And I care about him a lot, and I like his smile, and his lips are super soft, and I want him to be happy. And I don't want to be alone when the world ends. So maybe I wanted him too. Now we're married and yeah, it's supposed to be a big life decision. But I don't have much time left anyway and in the end… I just mean that it won't matter. I can be happy with Sam for another hour more. And that'll make him happy. And we're happy together. That's all I want.

I lied before. I have another confession. Don't tell Sam, but… I talked to Santana tonight.

Well, no, I didn't. I called while Sam was using the bathroom for the last time and it went to her voicemail. But I heard her voice for a little bit, and I left a message. It was kinda long. I didn't know how to say everything I wanted to say. San hasn't come around lately. I had tons I wanted to let her know when I called because I wouldn't get the chance again, but once I had to say anything, the words just smushed together. They got lost somewhere. I've found them now. They've been hanging out in my stomach with all those sad feelings Sam makes me forget. But Sam wasn't there then and he's asleep now.

I guess it can feel kind of lonely even when you're with someone. Even though he makes me smile and laugh until I cry… When I go to bed alone at night… Everything's still there. Just kind of waiting for me to come back home to it. Like a really mean, rabid puppy I've adopted from the local shelter.

It's getting late and my favorite pen is running out of ink. I guess it's time to put this away. To whoever should find this sacred text, please respect my old world customs and keep all of this content super private.

Unless you're going to tell everyone that I, Brittany Susan Pierce, was the hottest girl at William McKinley High School. You can do that. Please see attached photo.

By tomorrow, I won't be sad anymore. And that's good. And still sort of sad.

Good night,

- Britt

-x-

-BEEP-

"…San… Hi. I was looking at our prom picture on my nightstand and I was just thinking maybe I should give you a call or something. I know you're really busy. So voicemail's…it's totally fine.

"So… School's good. And Glee Club's good. And uh…

"I don't know if you noticed or heard on the news or any of that stuff but… The Mayans predicted a long time ago that the end of the world would be December 21, 2012 and that's… that's tomorrow. And um… I know you can't come home or anything to be with your family, because you were always a lot more practical about money than me… I just bought Tina a new car… Um…

…

"… Sorry. I'm still here. This is still recording, right? I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time. You're really smart; I know you must be out buying food rations and medical supplies and a raft and all that. I'll try to keep this short.

"I just… I'm really sad. And not…not even because everything I know and love is going to be smashed into pieces in a few hours. I'm sad because I'm never going to know how things turned out for you. I mean, we're all going to go the same way, but… How do I know someone was protecting you for as long as she could? I know you can take care of yourself, but this is the Apocalypse, you know? It's different. And who's going to make a fire for you, because you can't figure out how to strike matches? I don't know. It's worrying. And will you miss me? Because I miss you right now and I'll miss you tomorrow and there's just a lot more questions than there are answers when it comes to me and you.

"… I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I just… I had to call. Even though I can't see you. Even though talking is kinda weird sometimes because of reasons. Even though there's a lot that I don't know and you don't know. It doesn't matter now, right? I just wanted to hear your voice and talk to you one more time. I… I had to, you know?

"So… I mean… I guess… Good luck. I'll be thinking of you. Stay on land for as long as you can, okay? I know your swimming isn't that great. All right. Well…

Good night, Santana. Love you. Bye."

Like I'm meant to believe Britt really wouldn't even think to give Santana a call before the world ended. Pfft. That's real funny.

I wrote this last week.

Maybe a sequel to my other Brittana fic?

Happy Apocalypse!