A/N: I was reading the manga the other day and decided that basically, Zero has nobody to love. I mean, Yuki is completely tied to Kaname, which sucks because Zero loves her. So I made this little oneshot for him. (it was late at night, so if it sucks, just tell me).

:]

-SPOILER ALERT-I wrote this, ignoring the whole Zero-Drank-Kaname's-Blood-So-He's-Normal, thing. Because that is not dramatic. Haha.

This could be a two-shot if people actually like it and I get enough reviews. :]

Not Yuki

She wakes up beside him, smiling. The smile quickly vanishes. He is still asleep, and there is a name on his lips that he murmurs quietly.

"Yuki."

For two years, Yuki Cross has been missing. Well, that's what they're calling it. That's the only thing Kaien Cross will say on the matter.

Two years since Yuki picked Kaname, a pureblood vampire, over the man in the bed beside her. Two years since Yuki chose vampire over human. Two full years since Yuki abandoned him, condemned him to fall closer to Level E.

And he still says her name in his sleep.

With a sigh, the dark redheaded girl steps out of bed and begins to dress.

"Amaya?"

She doesn't have to look to know he's awake. His tone is different from a moment ago when he spoke Yuki's name. There he goes, she thinks. Calling me by my surname again. Her name is Suzue. Easy enough to remember, but she can't recall ever hearing him say it. She holds back another sigh and hears the rustling of sheets as he sits up.

"Come here, Amaya."

It's not his low, commanding tone that has her crawling over the queen-size bed towards him, nor the knowledge that he has to feed. She loves him, plain and simple. When the affection started, exactly, she herself doesn't know. Was it when she saved him from suicide the night Yuki left? Was it when she offered him her blood? Was it during the conversation when she told him of her older sister's descent into Level E after the murder of her father? Did it occur before or after their first night together almost ten months ago?

She doesn't have an answer for these questions. His fangs pierce her neck and she sits still as he drinks. The wounds from before are not yet healed. After all, they do this almost every night. The tender yet firm way he holds her to him momentarily distracts her. He stops sooner than usual, wiping his chin with the back of his hand and holding her gaze with his hypnotizing eyes. She glances down. The bed sheets are soaked in her blood. She'll have to wash them in warm water with a ton of bleach so it doesn't stain.

"Something's wrong," he observes.

"Nothing's wrong, Zero." For once, her voice is as flat as his. She turns away from him, begins to button her blouse. It's black, like most of her clothes. She learned early on that bloodstains don't show up on black.

"You're lying."

She waits a beat before responding. Searching the floor for her skirt, which she can't seem to find, she says, "This month's rent is due at the end of the week."

Her back is still to him. He doesn't reply; she didn't expect him to. Silence fills the apartment.

"Did you dream about Yuki?" she asks softly. She tries to play it off as casual.

He hesitates. "Yes."

Her heart, which has been steadily pounding harder and harder, suddenly stutters. She clutches at her chest, hunching over. She had known it would be his answer, so why did it still hurt so damn much?

"Why do you ask, Amaya?"

She doesn't say anything, doesn't look at him.

"Is your neck hurting you?"

She stands abruptly, her dark eyes closed. "Just go look for her already. It's killing you."

His eyes are narrowed, she can hear it in his voice. "You are so anxious to get rid of me? Do you not want me here, Amaya?"

She tries to hold back the laughter that threatens to bubble forth, and it comes out as a strangled snort. "Do you even want to be here, Zero?" she counters. "I'm a human. You used to hate feeding off of humans, it was like pulling teeth to get you to drink enough to survive. You were disgusted by yourself when you fed from Yuki. But with me, it doesn't even phase you. Am I disposable, because I'm not Yuki? Am I any less human just because I'm not Yuki?"

He looks a little stunned, the closest his expression can go to shock. "Amaya--"

"Stop it." Her eyes are wide as the pain in her chest becomes excruciating. Just once, call me Suzue, Zero. She sinks back onto the bed, rests her elbows on her knees, and tangles both hands in her hair. She tries to squeeze her eyes shut again. "I don't want to hear my last name anymore. I'd even rather you not call me anything at all than hear you say my last name again."

Seconds tick by in which neither of the two say anything.

"I know you're not Yuki," he says finally. He makes no move to reach for her, though somewhere in her mind she wishes he would.

"Do you?" she thickly asks. "Do you, Zero? Because I'm done being a substitute. I'm done!"

Plip. A drop of blood lands on her bare leg. Her neck is dripping. Plip. Another, but not blood. A tear. She touches her cheek in horror. She's crying. She hasn't cried since her sister, and that was years ago.

Damn him. She wraps her arms around herself, shaking. Plip. Damn him! Plip. Why did I have to fall in love with him? Plip, plip. I wish this had never happened! None of it! I'd give it all back if this feeling would just go away!

Just go away...

"Just go away."

The bed creaks slightly as he stands and dresses. "I see. I've hurt you."

She knows he's not just talking about her neck. His voice is robotic. She hears no remorse. Wiping furiously at her face, she turns to look at him. The apartment, however, is empty. Zero is gone. She buries her head into the pillow and screams in frustration and pain. Never again, she promises herself. Never again.

"I love you, Zero Kiryu," she whispers to the pillow. The sentence hurts her to much. It tears her inside out.

She holds the pillow tightly against her and cries alone until, drained, she falls into a dreamless sleep once more.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000

He doesn't need to go looking for Yuki. He knows where she is, has known for six months. She is happy with Kaname.

An overwhelming sadness surges through him, an emotion he does not want to feel. It is so different from the calm feeling of belonging that he had once had. The one he cares for doesn't want him. What kind of life can he possibly offer her anyway? He is a vampire, doomed to the inevitable madness of Level E. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves better.

Suzue Amaya is not Yuki Cross.

Maybe that is part of the reason why he loves her.

A/N: what'd you think?

i can do a second chapter if anyone liked this. please review and let me know.

^_^