Angst, angst, angst! GOTTA LOVE THAT ANGST, AND IT AIN'T A JOKE! After I posted Cheater is What You Are I thought maybe I could do an actual angst one-shot without the funny ending. So I hope you guys enjoy this one-shot called...!

If We Live Once

"Alfred, what happens if we only live once in our life?"

That question alone was what made Alfred think of the impossible-separation of Arthur, his loving husband for more than five years-and that alone was what brought Alfred to think about the future. He and Arthur lying in bed, arms around each other in an embracing hug as their bare soft skin touched one another with only their long pajama pants holding their desiring need of one another. But the sweet feeling of passion was not now, Alfred knew, whilst pulling Arthur closer just to give him comfort.

"Alfred?"

"Hm?"

"Were you asleep?" he asked, sounding worried. "I'm sorry, I thought you were awake."

"It's fine."

There was a brief pause in the air. It worried him greatly.

"Did you...hear my question?"

"Yeah, I did..."

Arthur said, "I'm not trying to sound so negative or anything...I just wondered if anything were to happen, like say...an accident or something, we would obvious die but-"

"You shouldn't worry something so...tragic, man..."

"But that's the thing," he said, worried. "I know I shouldn't be worried, but I am. What would happen if we were going to die and you or I won't be there for each other?"

For a considered moment of noiselessness Alfred wondered about the same thing once in a while. It wasn't something he thought was important before he dated Arthur but it had pessimistic feeling about what would happen if Arthur wasn't there in his life. Would it be the same or just filled with dreadful reminiscence of the past brimming with only Arthur. As Alfred thought on an on about this topic he slowly began to realize how tired he was but wanted to consider his answer for Arthur.

"Artie," he whispered, "are you awake?"

"You git, I am,"

He smirked, "I thought about...what you said. I think that...if we do have one life, I want to spend it with you. I remember the moment when I met you, I thought you were an annoying British guy-" Arthur scoffed in response to that offence "-but as I got to know you better I felt more happier when around you. Sure, we argue at times and fight a lot, but that's okay with me since I'm determined to love you. So, yeah, if I know we're gonna live one life together, I'm wasting it wonderfully with you."

The darkness in their bedroom was adjusting Alfred's blurred vision as he felt cold wet drops of wetness drip on his bare chest. Alfred wondered whether that was drool from him due to his long spoken speech or was it tears, but with a tad audible whimper heard in his ears, Alfred was smiling to himself because he knew he gotten to him. Alfred's hand pet Arthur's hair which his golden locks slithered between his fingers as he whispered itimate whispers to Arthur as he clung onto him like a long-lost lover. It was bliss. Absolute bliss. Both wouldn't want anything to happen to one of them, and Alfred wanted to make sure of that.

"What were to happen if one of us...was gone?"

'Then," Alfred heaved a deep sigh, "I wouldn't want to live in this pathetic world. If you're gone, then it's pointless."

Arthur suddenly got up and looked down in horror of his lover. Alfred noticed the hot streams of tears were pouring overly down his lime-green eyes and witnessed his true self he only revealed to Alfred.

"Don't say that. It's never pointless to live in life. I'm having a great life with you... You made me believe that everything in life isn't pointless like others say. So if it were to come that...please, don't do anything harsh. Promise me."

Alfred felt his heart racing with every word he spoke, lifting himself up to sit he wrapped his arms around Arthur in a great closing embrace.

"I will never do anything harsh," he whispered in Arthur's ear. "I promise. But you need to promise that, too."

"Of course I promise!" shrieked Arthur who timidly wrapped his skinny arms around the larger male.

"Alfred?"

He ignored it.

"Alfred, are you in there?"

Alfred wanted Matthew's voice to just go away. How could he not understand that simple wish? Staring blankly upon the white ceiling of his bathroom he pondered whether or not to just...

Boom, boom, boom! Went the door.

"Alfred, are you in there?"

Alfred felt alone after what happened last year. It was so long ago but it felt sudden-as if it was yesterday. He touched the pistol with his fingertips as his tears of despair were felt hot on his cheeks. That car, that horrid night, that man who didn't get punishment... He wished none of this ever happened. Alfred remembered saying how he wanted to live his life with Arthur. He remembered what Arthur said, "If we live once," and began to choke himself with tears of agony. How can he live without him?

As the voice from outside were growing audible to Alfred, he wondered if he would see his beloved Arthur? He then could live on in his life with the man of his life and never have to suffer the harsher reality he was put in. No matter what he knew his life was meaningless, a pathetic excuse to exist in the world. How can he even live with himself knowing his first ever love was taken away so suddenly? No, he thought, this gun...it's my only escape. My escape from this terrible world... Alfred F. Jones continuously looked up at the ceiling and muttered...

"It's not worth living without you, Arthur..."

Slowly his hand lifted the gun...

Click...

"ALFRED, ARE YOU IN-"

But before Matthew from the other side could finish-

BANG!

And with that, he had his answer. He was in there, and Alfred F. Jones was not going to come out...

He couldn't keep his promise. Alfred wouldn't want to live in a world that was cold, ruthless, freezing with hatred. It was only Arthur, the man Alfred loved, who gave him light as Alfred showed him meaning in life. So why?

Why couldn't he keep his promise?

The end.