It's too late to save me…
Pairing: Rizzoli and Isles
Rating: M for language and potential content
Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than the situation I have put these characters in.
The whole evening had been difficult; Jane couldn't even remember if she'd tasted the food she'd eaten at lunch, something she'd forced down in the middle of the case. A quick snack pressed into her tired hands by her partner as they moved from suspect to suspect, it had been 3 days and the case was no closer to being solved. Luckily there had been a moment of brilliance on the part of BPD and a moment of pure stupidity from a suspect which meant that the case had finally be sown up in 2 hours, leaving Jane a tired, dejected form of a person slumped in her chair in the bull pen.
"Are you off home Jane?" Korsak asked, his own body only upright through sheer will not to crumble into the painfully uncomfortable chairs before he made it home to bed.
"I will be, as soon as I find the energy to move my sorry ass." Jane almost laughed, she knew that she would have the whole weekend to recover, but the small steps to the car park seemed to be an Everest.
"Well, see you Monday Jane, make sure you rest, and say hello to that Fiancée of yours will you?" Korsak winked as he turned and left.
At the sound of Korsak leaving Jane snuck a glance at the ring that she had been twisting and twisting with her thumb, a nervous habit she had developed the second she put it on, almost as if, if she kept it moving she would not have to accept its place upon her hand.
"Shouldn't this be easy?" she whispered to herself, the bull pen empty, the night shift not quite set up ready for the onslaught of a Friday night in Boston.
Jane's mind drifted to Casey, and to the moments they had shared, the laughter and the rush of happiness when he would pull her into him, his body flush with hers. It felt like a distant memory now though, even his body when it lay next to hers felt too familiar like an old memory or smell, not the pure buzz of the then and now. She knew that it was running away, taking the ring from Casey and putting it on her finger was running away. The easy way out, it put her in a box away from everything else she would ever need to think about, she could be his wife, legally and even physically when he would return from War. She might even fall in love, at this thought she let her head drop onto her forearms and rest upon the desk. In the silence that was the office, before it became the claustrophobic silence of her apartment Jane could take a moment and remember why she needed to say yes to Casey.
He was an escape, he was everything her mother wanted, everything she'd wanted at 16, everything she should want now, and yet he was nothing but the big green flashing 'Fire Escape' sign in the muddy mist of her life. Jane could admit there and then to herself, in the quiet Friday air that she didn't love Casey, each time they had slept together she'd allowed herself to think that perhaps, one more time might make it special, might release something in her that makes it wonderful. Makes him wonderful. In the end waking up each morning she would feel cheated, robbed of a little bit of promise, wasn't love, and sex, meant to be this overwhelming rush of emotions, a spark so bright that you had to close your eyes for fear you might burn their image upon your corneas for all eternity.
She was starting to sound like Maura, this romantic notion of the happy ever after, and yet with the thought of Maura her skin bristled, there was the buzz, a flutter in her heart that she needed to quell, her best friend had left the offices hours ago and she was too tired to fight the images that would surely come if she let her name float around her mind for too long.
Her straight best friend, who only dated intelligent, adventurous, rugged looking men had left at least an hour ago, and already Jane knew she would miss seeing her. At least here by herself she could let her settle in the truth for a moment, she had to marry Casey because if she didn't, if she didn't marry the easy way out she might die from the heartbreak of watching Maura find someone else.
Pulling her tired body out of the chair Jane grabbed her jacket and slunk towards the exit, casting a wave at colleagues as she floated through the precinct and to her car, she was in no fit state to drive and halfway home found that she had turned into Maura's street and was pulling up on her driveway. If she was quick she knew she could turn around, make it home and not make herself known to the house owner, if she was quick she could, quick.
Sadly time has stood still and the porch light was already on, a silhouette of a figure played against the hallway light, even in the shadows Jane knew that Maura would look breathtaking, she would be tired and perhaps even reached the point where she had taken her make up off, she would look beautiful, Jane knew that without even having to look past the end of her fingernails, she was still clutching the steering wheel.
"Hi Maura, Hi, Maura, Maura…" Jane practiced to the silence of the car, she was at her worst when she was tired, she feared herself the most when she had no energy left to keep the guard up.
By the time she was done practicing her welcome, Maura had already gone back into the house, the front door left a little ajar, a welcoming call sign to Jane that it was safe to leave her car. Within three strides she was at the front door, the beeps of her car locking the only sound to break the nighttime silence of the neighbourhood.
"Hi," was the first sound Jane heard, the door softly pushed shut.
"Hi, Maura, sorry I found myself here, I must be so tired I just went to auto pilot, can I stay?" Jane found herself shuffling, not looking directly at Maura, knowing that she would have a robe pulled tight around her body, and maybe, just maybe there would be nothing underneath. That thought made her shiver and she quickly pulled her eyes up to meet Maura's.
"Of course you can stay, do you need some food?" Maura offered, her kind eyes taking in the sorry state of the woman in front of her.
"No, just sleep, is fine, thank you" Jane's words became muddled.
In a predetermined dance they set about making themselves ready for bed, a glass of water prepared, teeth cleaned, boxer shorts and tee-shirts switched into from tired 3 day work clothes, no words needed to be spoken, this was a dance they had done many times before, and ended with the soft dip of the mattress as they both folded their limbs under the duvet and the lights clicked off.
"G'night Maura, " Jane offered to the darkness.
"G'night Jane, if you ever want to talk, about the ring, you can you know?" Maura left hanging in the navy colours of the room.
And with that they slept, or tried too, each one, unbeknown to the other, dreaming of that moment when a hand might stray a little further across the bed, and find delicate flesh to caress, a body to pull oneself against and to kiss.
The grey dawn of the morning found their bodies pressed so tightly together that the sliver of skin that had been exposed by Jane's tee-shirt riding up was buzzing with the electricity of desire, and the throb she found coursing through her body was a welcome way to greet the morning. Until she realized that it was Maura she was pressed against, and her body was not allowing her the ghost of desire to enter her soon to be marital bed.
"Fuck" she whispered, and pulled herself away from the sleeping woman next to her.
"What?" her sleepy bedfellow offered into the pale lights of the morning.
"I can't do this anymore, it's too hard," dropping her gaze to the floor she turned and walked away quickly, hearing Maura call after her only made her walk quicker, ducking in to the bathroom, letting her hair drop and cover her tear filled eyes.
Resting her body weight against the cold china of the sink she let her eyes meet the reflection of her pallid ghost face. She hadn't slept in days, the cold metal of the engagement ring on her left hand a stark reminder of a jail sentence she was sure would eventually turn her into a soulless creature.
"Why?" she whispered to herself, "why?" a little more quietly as she finally let the tears run down her face.
"Why indeed?" Maura asked, having quietly followed her into the bathroom.
"I can't do this, not anymore, it's too hard" Jane offered to her reflection, refusing to look at Maura and the concerned look on her face.
"What Jane? You know I can't guess, you are going to have to tell me, has something happened?" Maura took a small step into the room, she wanted to rush to Jane's side but knew that her best friend may spook and not tell her what was bothering her.
Finding a small ounce of courage Jane turned and stepped forward, her body invading the Medical Examiners personal space, just an inch or so between their bodies, she pulled her eyes up level with Maura's, her pupils blown, her heart rate raised already from the dreams, it now bounced around her rib cage like a dramatic symphony.
"Nothing has happened, that is the problem…" Jane offered, her gaze never leaving Maura's.
Maura licked her lips, and for the merest of seconds glanced at Jane's.
"I can't feel this spark and this electricity, and…"
"And what?" Maura offered.
"And not push you up against that wall and kiss you like I might die if I don't…" Jane admitted.
"Why don't you? Why haven't you? Because God, I might die if you don't!" Maura whispered, her pupils blown to dark oceans of desire.
There was no pause, no second to think, Jane's lips were upon Maura's before she had chance to take another ragged breath. Their bodies pushed so close together that Maura's back found the cold tiles of the bathroom, the shock meant a gasp and hands found hair, hips, tugging on clothes that had been the barrier to keep them sane, now barriers to every desire they had ever imagined.
Tongues collided, in such beautiful poetry, lips caressed lips, caressed skin, caressed souls as they learnt each others language.
"Wait, just for a moment" Jane tried, pulling her body away for just a second.
"Why? I've waited for you, I've waited until I thought I might die if I had to wait any longer, and then you chose him, I'm done waiting" Maura argued.
"I want you, I want to discover you, and learn you, and love you, let me call him, let me become yours before we… you know" Jane said.
"Jane, are you shy?" Maura giggled.
"Yes, and you know I am, but I want to do this properly, because once I lay you down on that bed I will lose my mind and I want to lose it to you so completely that I never look back." Jane managed to offer, Maura's fingers had been ghosting around the back of her neck and the shivers were sending bolts of joy through her body.
"Please?" Jane added.
"Ok, for you, I will wait in the bedroom, but know this Jane, I have given myself to you already, from the moment we met I was only ever yours, I tried to hide it in other relationships, but I couldn't, I'm not ready to give up on having found you." Maura admitted.
"10 minutes, that's all I'm asking Maura, 10 minutes then I am yours in body and in heart."
Before Jane could turn away Maura pulled their lips together, in a scorching kiss that left her legs unsure of the power of gravity, her body pressed against the wall for support.
"Wow… just…" was all Jane could manage.
"10 minutes Jane, I'll be waiting."