It was over. Jane sat at the Dirty Robber with a beer in one hand and fumbled with the platinum engagement ring in the other. She had retuned to Boston that morning and started drinking at Logan as soon as she deplaned. It was afternoon before she hailed a cab drop her off at her neighborhood bar.
"Shot down," Frankie shrugged as he snatched the ring from his sister's hand.
"Never asked," Jane muttered signaling the bartender for another beer.
"When does Jane Rizzoli chose to not "man" up," Frankie chuckled, "No pun intended."
"I couldn't ask her to stay, as much as I wanted too it just seemed to unfair. Maura is brilliant and though I tease her for being a walking Google, she needs to be with other brilliant minds. I mean my girlfriend, correction ex-girlfriend is head of forensic pathology at George Washington University. How could I ask her to stay, Frankie?"
"Janie, you couldn't. I hate to sound cliché but if you love something let it go and if it comes back to you then you know. Don't tell Tommy but I think you guys were good together. Ma loved her must have sent Maura with ten casseroles, before you guys drove Maura's car down to D.C. C'mon Janie, long distance really was just out of the question? I hate to agree with Ma but Janie who will love you more, who could you love more than Maura. Pop said she was your saving grace."
" Frankie, really? Can't I brood in peace? Pop is sick and I just took over as interim of Captain of Boston homicide. Her work load…my work load and the distance. I mean we just didn't want it to end badly like which is inevitable for most long distance relationships. Although, I wish there was screaming, slander, and swearing. Sometimes I hoped for an all out battle with scars and bruises instead of the overwhelming task of letting go."
Frankie patted the back of his sister like when she was fifteen and he was ten after Jonny Rosado, Jane's first love, dumped her after Mass. Instead of sitting on the stoop drinking Cokes as the they had done twenty years ago; They knocked back shots of tequila and sang old Matchbox Twenty songs before Frankie put his older sister in a cab.
"Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking of somebody else," Jane belted in the hallway as she fumbled for keys. Jane opened the door, surprised to see the lights on and Maura weeping at a home video of Jane's thirty-fifth surprise party in the Florida keys. Jane forgot she left it in the DVD player before she and Maura spent their last night together at Maura's boxed up house. For a moment Jane remembered the smell of the salt air, the softness of Maura hands over her eyes to ensure "no peeking." The smiles of Maura, their friends, Frost and Korsack. The cadence of the "I love you" which Maura whispered in her ear right before she blew out the candles. The only thing that could top the party, was that night. The intoxicating fragrance of Maura's perfume, the resistance of the silk negligee between Jane's teeth, the taste of the beads of sweat that gathered beneath Maura's collar bone. A year had barely even passed and they were already sobbing over the faded memory.
"Where were you," Maura chided as she quickly dried her face with a handkerchief.
"That birthday sure beat the stove blowing up and a burnt rug. You left, remember," Jane sighed collapsing on the couch next to Maura.
"You didn't give me a reason to stay. You're cranky, I get that. We've been friends for years and been dating for three but you've become irascible. I'm tired of wondering if it's me. I'm tired of questioning myself when I touch you why you no longer light up or why the majority of our conversations are about work. When you said " I love you" my soul would set a blaze and now it's just a flame. Maybe it's me, why aren't we the couple in this video?"
"Maura, I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not sure why you are here instead of DC where I left you this morning. I'm not sure why you insist on making this more excruciatingly painful than it is already. I love you and you are my very best friend," Jane said slowly.
"I love you too Jane but this is not about love," Maura cried.
"What is this about Maura?"
"Respect, respect of your feelings and mine. I know that your father had a stroke and there is tension between you and Korsack because they chose to promote you over him. You have been cold, you have systematically shut down, you haven't felt like a friend. We've been through Hoyt, Doyle, my parents and you have always come to me. Janie I can't understand, why now is different, why do you have to be so strong and aloof."
"I love you, Maura, more than you'll ever know. You are my best friend. I've been walking around with this in my pocket for four months," Jane chided.
Jane pulled out the ring and placed it on her coffee table among the files of open cases, wine corks, and beer bottles. Maura opened the ring box to find a Claddaugh ring with an emerald stone in the middle of the heart.
"A Claddagh ring. Jane it is beautiful. They say Claddagh ring was created by a blacksmith who left Ireland to make his fortune and was enslaved by pirates in the Caribbean. He some how in an Odysseus fashion made it back to Ireland to find his sweetheart unmarried. Apparently the woman refused to marry because of her love for the blacksmith and he created her this ring," Maura said.
"I know Garret asked with one of those fancy Tiffany rings, I just didn't want to," Jane shrugged.
"Are you asking?"
"No, not because I don't love you or I don't want to be your friend. The opportunity at George Washington was what you've been working towards the last few years. I'm sorry Boston U didn't offer you a position but sweetheart I can't say I love you and stand in your way. I didn't want you resenting me for pressuring to stay in Boston. Maura I'm no Einstein or Bass, I'm just a street smart broad from Charlestown. Not to mentioned I didn't want you overwhelmed with all my family drama with Pop and Korsack. I love you to much to bum you out. And though I don't say as often as I should; Maura your smile keeps me going, your laugh, your goofiness, and the unending supply of encyclopedic facts. Who was I to ask you stay."
"Why do you insist on being so selfish? I've waited my life for someone like you. A true friend, a caring lover and you stole that away from me; for my benefit? Jane I have shelves, racks of awards and accolades and though I would have loved to sculpt young minds. I would rather wear your Boston PD t-shirt, dozing between and during innings of a Red Sox game. I would rather you bring my coffee in the morgue every morning when we get to work with that gaze like you're seeing me for the first time that day. I love you, Jane Rizzoli and whatever insecurities that plague that thick skull you need to let it go. You are not in competition with my past because I chose you. I have a family because of you, your mother dotes on me like she gave birth to me, Frankie is like my little brother, and my heart broke with your when your father had his accident. Stop pushing me away because you feel inadequacies."
The room fell silent but peaceful like the calm after the storm. The only sound was laughter from the DVD. Jane began to weep she laid her head on Maura's lap as the doctor ran her fingers through her dark brown curls. They stayed that way glued to that position for an hour until Maura announced they needed sleep. Jane hopped off of Maura's lap and extended her hand, the ME then kissed the healed but fresh scars upon the detective's hands and they walked to the bedroom.
No teddies, no lace Maura slipped on her silk pajama top while Jane tried to scrub the stench of Tequila and self pity from her pores in the shower. Maura wanted to meditate while she waited for the detective but felt too frazzled and tired to attempt. She stared at the engagement ring the weight of platinum around her finger, the intricate detail of two hands holding an emerald heart and she wondered how Jane managed to keep it from her. The doctor was also impressed by the quality of the ring Jane must have invested quite a bit to purchase a ring of that caliber. The detective emerged from the bathroom, her long brunette mane covered in a towel but nothing else. Jane slipped on a pair of Incredible Hulk pajama pants and a plain white tee shirt over her damp and exhausted body.
"Jane I want a better engagement proposal. Although, you haven't proposed; some drunken presentation after an afternoon at the Dirty Robber won't cut it," Maura whispered.
"Oh Dr. Isles I had it all planned out. After we closed the Guthrie case, the Mayor said I could have access to one of the luxury boxes at a Sox game. I was going to invite the Rizzoli clan, our friends, and of course Frost. And after the seven inning stretch the Jumbotron was going to say "Dr. Maura Isles will you marry me?" It was truly going to be beautiful."
"Your being sarcastic and smug now," Maura chided.
"Maura remember after your first interview three months ago at G-dub. Your flight was cancelled due to the snowstorm in Washington. We had tickets to the Boston Pop featuring Yo-Yo Ma. Well before Ma walked off the stage, he was going to say. "Maura, Janie wants to know if you will marry her?"
"Really Jane, please stop."
"I wish I was making it up but the Mayor told Ma he was doing a personal favor to the city of Boston if he asked that question. Unfortunately, the snow storm ruined everything the show was cancelled and still hasn't been rescheduled, the flight was cancelled, and my plans were cancelled. I don't why but I took it as a sign, that maybe you needed to be in DC."
"Jane," was all Maura could mutter. "What do you want now?"
"The same thing I've wanted since our first kiss in my mother's kitchen, you. I've always wanted you."
Jane laid her lanky body next Maura and began to kiss down her shoulder blade. The doctor ran her thin fingers down the spine of her lover as she kissed her forehead. The detective position herself on top of the petite reddish blonde ME slowly moving her long fingers up Maura's inner thighs. Just before Jane slipped her fingers into the doctor's sweet spot, Maura grabbed the detective's hand.
"Stop, we aren't that couple that just whitewashes everything with sex. Jane, you made me feel alone and abandoned over the last three months even within your presence. I regressed to that ten year old girl looking for boarding schools to please parents because I want to conserve their affection. I'm not that little girl anymore and I swore I would never be and you brought me back to that place. I know we all have our own demons and battles, you have a lot on your plate but I need to assured you won't hide from me. I need your honesty even when you think it might hurt because I don't need your protection. Jane, I need you!"
"I messed up, Maura. I'm incredibly sorry I didn't make you feel you were the amazing, beautiful, and talented woman, I always dote. I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I'm not sure how to make this right and repair the fractures."
"Do something that no one has been able to do for me since I've been born. Fight for me! And I know it sounds so Dickensian, so Tennessee Williams but fight for me. You made me believe love is all you need and now I don't know.
Morning came with a vengeance. Maura was gone and the hangover from countless drinks Jane down had taken their toll. Jane made her hangover remedy in the kitchen, hot sauce, a raw egg, orange juice and tomato juice followed by half a gallon of water. Jane was halfway through the gallon of water when Maura walked through the dorm.
"I thought you headed back to the Capital," Jane grimaced.
"I don't have meetings until ten Monday morning and I had to have one more Rizzoli Sunday dinner before I left."
"Where did you go?"
" Bikram yoga. I had to clear my head, lately you and I have exceeded my capacity to handle."
"Babe I understand. You said fight and I'm willing to brawl with everything I have."
"Jane do you remember the first time you showed romantic affection for me. We were washing dishes after a Sox games and my hand innocently touched yours as you passed the dripping glass to dry. We looked at each other. Then you touched my hand again and held it sopping and wet. And you said "All I've dreamed about is holding your hand" and you kissed my forehead. I said…."
"Do you love me, I mean more than a friend," I asked.
"And then you kissed me and you tasted like Amstel lights, lasagna, and spearmint gum. I melted like a popsicle in the summer sun and for moment I was nothing but a puddle. Whether you believed it or not I had nothing witty, charming, I had nothing to say. I couldn't logic myself around this moment. Then your mother walked in and the moment evaporated into washing dishes."
"Then I drove you home," Jane smiled.
"Then you drove me home and kissed me again in the doorway. I began to shake from the fall breeze, then you wrapped your arms around me and whispered,"
"I know what could warm you up," Jane interrupted. "Then you lead me to your bedroom and I unbuttoned your jersey as you unbuttoned mine. I kissed your neck, then worked my way down slow and deliberately to your navel