Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I probably don't own it. That goes for characters and the plot of S02 E12.
A/N: I've been a fan of Merlin for months now, and I have to say, I was absolutely fascinated by S02 E12. I somehow came to ask myself the question what if Morgana had dreamed/Seen that coming? Would she really have believed it would happen? Criticism is highly appreciated, since I wrote this very late at night and plan to edit it soon.
*
Is it odd to long for a dream that is your most horrific nightmare?
Morgana had asked herself this question many times and Gwen, overhearing once or twice, had answered it. She never said anything out loud, but Morgana could guess what she was thinking: Yes, it's very odd. It's downright frightening. Should I tell Gaius, or should I let her tell him herself? Privately, Morgana had her reasons; horrific nightmares were awful. But only when they came true.
The ones she dreaded most were the ones where Gwen's heart broke over and over, where Arthur fought vicious foes and lost, where Merlin, with his quiet, awkward assurance, became a name on Uther's next death warrant. When she had those nightmares, Morgana woke screaming. She would spend the next fortnight on edge, watching for any sign that her dreams were taking shape in the world around her. The lower servants would avoid her or scurry by with their eyes on the ground as she paced through the castle, waiting. When - if - she let her guard down, she would eventually notice their nervousness and would make an effort to show them she had returned to normal.
There were other dreams which she did not understand. Strange things happened, things which made no sense but which filled her with fear all the same. She would wake quivering, unable to grasp the meaning of what she had seen. These dreams she forgot quickly, until something from them appeared in her life. She would blanch and gasp and some nearby nobleman or knight would cry "Look to the Lady!" Soon, she would find herself back in her bed with a cool cloth on her forehead and someone stroking her hand, telling her she had fainted and making some excuse as to why.
But the nightmare she looked forward to, the worst (the best?) of them all, came only rarely. She would wake from that nightmare not with a scream but with a fearful whimper. Her throat would ache and she would cough over and over between hysterical giggles. The one time Gwen had been there to comfort her, Morgana had had to stop her maid from running to fetch Gaius and Uther. Even when they had both calmed down enough to speak clearly, Gwen had insisted on sitting beside Morgana's bed for the rest of the night. She said it was to keep the nightmares away and so that she could get help if Morgana needed it, but really Morgana thought she was scared that her mistress had truly gone mad.
A nightmare like that could hardly be something to look forward to, could it?
In the end, it all came down to the contents. That was how Morgana saw it. The dream was comforting because it would never happen. No matter how much was wrong with the world, no matter how many sorcerers and innocents Uther killed, no matter how badly she wished to run away and be done with Camelot forever, this one thing could never be. She might be killed, it was true. Perhaps even poisoned. But the poisoner would never be the person she saw as she struggled for breath against an unseen force. She would never die in the arms of a murderer who looked like – as her dream-vision went grey and narrow – who looked like Merlin.
When Morgana woke from a dream of death, unable to breath or scream, she laughed. Because this was the one real, impotent nightmare she still had. Because it would never come true.