What if the events of Timeless had happened a little differently? Basically this is just a Timeless J/C add-on because there was totally something between them in this episode that I couldn't help but explore.
I really don't see the relevance of Tess in the episode so, for the sake of this story, she was with Harry and not Chakotay.
Disclaimer – I don't own Star Trek Voyager or anything here you may recognise; they belong to their respective owners.
The soft classical music was the first thing that Chakotay registered when he entered the Captain's quarters. Next, the dim surroundings illuminated by candlelight and the way it reflected and bought out the auburn in Kathryn's hair. She looked relaxed, which was refreshing for him to see; too often was he used to seeing her stressed and overworked to the brink of exhaustion, but the prospect of getting home seemed to have reignited the light in her eyes and the smile on her lips.
They'd become closer in the past few months, especially since she had received the 'Dear John' letter from her former fiancé. They were subtle changes, but Chakotay had gotten to know both the Captain and Kathryn well over the past four years and he noticed the changes in her personality and attitude towards him almost immediately. It took longer for him to respond to them; having kept his feelings locked away since she drew up parameters around them, creating a chasm between his heart and his actions. Kathryn was more open and talkative, even flirting with him in a way that she hadn't done with him since the early years of their journey.
"Commander, I hope you've got an appetite." Kathryn asked, pulling Chakotay from his thoughts, and back to the Captain's quarters.
"Famished, but I assume you called me to talk about the slipstream flight." He questioned, following her lead and sitting at the far side of the table, never leaving eye contact with her. She seemed more anxious at the mention of the flight and she crossed the room to replicate wine, her voice never wavering.
"There's no reason to cancel our dinner plans." She poured him some wine; "I've programmed a dish my grandmother used to make back on Earth, Vegetable Biryani." She smiled and took her seat opposite him.
"Sounds delicious. I didn't know you can cook." He smiled, thinking back to all the emergency calls he'd gotten over the years, concerning fights between the Captain and her glorified toaster, and of her brief mentioning of her impatience with cooking on the planet they'd deemed New Earth.
"Normally I draw a line on the pot of coffee, but tonight is a special occasion." Her voice changed tone slightly, and Chakotay knew that she once again meant to discuss business.
"Oh?"
"Our last night in the Delta Quadrant. I'd say that's special enough." She sounded sure and Chakotay knew that her mind was already made up; any attempts at trying to change it would be futile.
He exhaled, and made no effort in hiding his disappointment. "You've made your decision." He looked intently at her, but her eyes were cool in the dimness of the room and gave away nothing. She answered without hesitation.
"We launch tomorrow at oh eight hundred hours. You and Harry will take the Delta Flyer; Voyager will be right behind you."
He nodded sharply and sighed. "The crew will be pleased."
"You can tell them yourself. After dessert…" She never broke her gaze with him and her voice softened. "What about you, Chakotay? What do you think about my decision?" She absentmindedly propped her elbows up on the table and wrung her fingers together. It was a habit he hadn't noticed before and realised then, in that moment, how much his opinion meant to her.
He cleared his throat, and ran the padd over his hands, bringing it to eye-level. "I've analysed Harry's flight plan; the theory is sound but there are just too many variables. If something goes wrong in that slipstrea-"
"This could be our only chance to use the quantum drive." Her voice was steel with certainty and he rose to match her argument.
"True. But if you showed this data to any Starfleet engineer, they'd think we were out of our minds. We can find another way home. We've waited this long-" He knew his Captain; she was stubborn, determined and even reckless at times and Chakotay couldn't shake the feeling that this test drive was heading for disaster. He'd read the test plan over and over, a momentary lapse, a second's hesitation could result in fatal consequences for the crew. Something will go wrong. But he also knew Kathryn; equally determined, but guilt-ridden and burdened with the responsibility of one hundred and fifty lives. He could understand her desire completely; the chance to be relieved of that burden must be like a dream. She was ready to grab the opportunity with both hands and he would follow her anywhere, if it were what she wanted.
"Long enough. We've waited long enough. I know it's a risk; probably our biggest one yet but I'm willing to take it. Are you with me?"
He faltered at the sudden sincerity in her voice but knew the answer in a heartbeat.
"Always." He smiled and her eyes softened, any hesitation she'd been braced for melted away in the warmth of his eyes and sincerity of his voice. He leant forward, reaching his hand out to her, willing her to do the same. She did so almost cautiously and their fingers intertwined; a gesture familiar to them both. For a second they were basked in artificial light in a grey survival box on a temporarily named M-class planet, and Kathryn knew she couldn't make the same mistake twice. This time tomorrow they'd be home; she needed to let him know how she felt, how she'd felt for so long, before they got caught up in endless Starfleet debriefings and Maquis questioning. No, they needed to enter the Alpha Quadrant together.
She stood and he followed her lead and in a step they met at the side of the table, hands still clasped together. His eyes were clouded, searching for an explanation to her actions and she smiled and bought her free hand to trace the teal lines of his tribal tattoo.
"Our last night in the Delta Quadrant." She whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion and her eyes shimmering grey in the candle-light. She bought her gaze down to his dark eyes, which were staring intently into her own and he could see that she was wearing her feelings on her sleeve, presenting her heart to him as he had done for her so many times before. He knew that his own eyes must have betrayed him, must have shown her the overwhelming extent of his feelings because suddenly she was laughing and he felt himself break into a smile at how right this was.
He leant his head down slowly and she tilted her head and their lips met softly together, as though they were crafted perfectly to match each other's. Their hands unclasped and he bought both of his around her waist, pulling her as close to him as possible, while her free hand rested gently against his chest. Her fingertips traced the side of his face before her hand slipped from his forehead to around his neck.
She placed her hand gently against his chest and felt that the beating of his heart under her palm matched the pace of her own. She pushed him away gently, letting him know that this was as far as she was allowed to go for now. He pulled away hesitantly, resting his forehead against hers as they regained their breath.
"Kathryn?" He questioned, keeping her close enough to hear her shallow breathing and to feel her small frame pressed against him. He had longed for her like this, and would give anything for her not to shun him away again, like so many times before. They had crossed a barrier tonight, and words didn't need to be spoken for them to both feel the renewed connection and chemistry.
"I'm still the Captain, Chakotay. Maybe not for long, but for now…" Her tone was soft and full of regret but Chakotay recognised the finality behind her words.
"Shh, I understand." He tightened his grip around her once more as she rested her head against his shoulder. They were silent for a moment, each just relishing the feeling of closeness that had become so foreign to them both over the past years.
"Can you wait? This time next week any good for you?" she smiled, and he knew that she already knew the answer; that he'd wait a lifetime if he knew she would still be waiting.
"Well, I've already waited four years, two months and eleven days… I think I can last a few more weeks."
She laughed, her breath warm against his neck, and pulled his head down for another kiss.
Her body, perfectly preserved by the ice that had entombed them all, lay at the foot of her command seat. Her arm reached out slightly in the direction of his own chair, beside hers. He couldn't touch her; couldn't believe she could be so cold when the night before their departure she had been so warm and soft, pressed up against him in his arms.
He let out a shuddering breath and willed the tears that burnt his eyes not to fall as he walked past her and fell into his chair.
"But should our luck run out, I'd like to say for the record that the crew of Voyager acted with distinction and valour." The message cut off. Her voice, silenced for fifteen years and confined only to the darkest corners of his mind had been unleashed and it was as though its presence lit up the death around the bridge. Then it was gone, again. One of the last things she'd ever said; commemorating her crew, pondering the thought that their luck might run out. It was as though she had foreseen her own demise.
"You ok?"
He swallowed. "Yes. It's just… the last time I was in this chair, they were all here. Alive." Tessa placed a hand against Chakotay's shoulder, but the gesture was hardly felt due to the thick insulating layers between them, and Chakotay's mind wouldn't clear, couldn't focus on the present. Memories of times on the bridge assaulted him; endless battles and banter, discovery and the woman he'd come to love always by his side.
"We're here to get them back." Her voice was soft, a sharp contrast to the rough voice that had emanated around the disturbing silence of the bridge. Countless times he had sat in this chair and done nothing but listen; to the hum of Voyager's engines as they coasted through an abyss of stars and planets; to the light conversations that made even fourteen hour duty shifts fly by. This silence was… unnatural and he couldn't decide whether it was worse than the ice; the blank viewscreen; the empty duty stations; the frozen faces; her. How fitting it was that she died as she lived, thought Chakotay, where she lived, on the centre of the bridge during a reckless mission. If only he had fought harder with her, insisted that the danger and risk outweigh the possibility of success, then they would still be together. This was his fault as much as hers, as much as Harry's, as much as Voyager's.
"Can I see that tricorder?"
He smirked, "Look at me. Last minute jitters, cold feet; I don't know what to call it. Ridiculous, isn't it? Fifteen years leading up to this moment and now that it's here, all I can think about is whether it's really the right thing to do. Fifteen years of history erased, all for the sake of a lonely old man." Tessa moved toward him and in her eyes he saw empathy and a momentary glance at the Captain of Voyager.
"This is where you belong, Chakotay. Anyway, you can't miss fifteen years if they never happened. Things that have happened, important things, will all happen again." Tess smiled at him and Chakotay could only feel a pang of guilt at the young woman's loyalty. She knew how much this meant to Harry and was willing to sacrifice the last fifteen years of her life in order to get theirs back.
"But what about you? And Harry? Are you sure you want to go through this?" Chakotay stood and faced her head on, but she just smiled and nodded.
"Harry's heart has always belonged here, on Voyager. I accepted that a long time ago. Besides, maybe we'll meet again someday."
"Voyager's been thrown into normal space." Chakotay shouted, the increasing velocity at which they were travelling causing him to be thrown about in his seat. Through the viewscreen, space ahead of them had warped into an azure spiral, details unfathomable as they soared past them. There was no end in sight, and normal space had been cloaked, seemingly in another dimension, behind an endless curtain of dark.
"Alter our slipstream course, we've gotta go back!" Cried Harry, punching commands into the console before him, desperation laced into his voice.
"We can't. Even if they survived re-entry at this velocity, we wouldn't." Replied Chakotay harshly, trying to mask his own concerns that fell like a dead-weight in his stomach as soon as he'd uttered the words that could have been the fate of everyone he'd cared about.
"What are you saying, we've gotta find them!" Harry lunged at him, frantically reaching for Chakotay's console that he believed, in his guilt-induced haze, could turn them around.
"Ensign." Chakotay's voice was steel, "There's no choice."
"The slipstream collapsed. We were thrown out right along with Voyager." Chakotay frowned, scanning over the console readings before him. The evidence was clear; normal space was visible out of the viewscreen, but his readings gave no explanation as to why they had been thrown out of slipstream. The atmosphere on the small bridge was one of shock; just moments before they had been travelling at unfathomable speeds, adrenaline coursing through their veins and then nothing. All was suddenly still and quiet; the only sound was the hum of engines and beeps of consoles.
"Our Comm systems back up. Delta Flyer to Voyager, what happened?" Harry tapped his combadge as he continued to frantically search for an explanation on his console.
"You miscalculated, Harry. We entered the exact phase corrections you sent to Seven of Nine. They shut down the drive." Captain Janeway's slightly distorted voice pierced the bridge of the Delta Flyer and immediately commanded the space.
"Captain," Harry frowned, confusion evident in his voice as he set his eyes on Chakotay's, "I didn't send any corrections to Seven of Nine."
"She received a message through one of her cranial implants. It wasn't you?" replied the Captain, and Chakotay could just picture her on the bridge, probably looking over to Tuvok or Seven in order for some explanation, her brow creased, her eyes focused.
"No."
"Come in."
Chakotay looked up from where he was sat and watched as his Captain entered his quarters, her troubled expression betraying her calm mannerisms. They had come ten years closer to home, but Chakotay had never felt further away. Last night they had celebrated the end of their journey, crossed barriers that neither would have dared to cross had they even stopped to think otherwise. Now he was confused and anxious. He had made his feelings clear last night, and she had done the same, but he knew that she had conflicting feelings and that her guilt would almost certainly keep her from allowing herself happiness.
"Captain. What can I do for you?" He put down the book he had been failing to concentrate on and made eye contact with her. She gave away nothing in her gaze; instead she walked over to where he was sat and passed him a PADD, her fingers brushing with his own.
She spoke softly, as though not to break the atmosphere in the dimmed room. "Seven found two log entries encoded in the telemetry. One to Harry Kim, from Harry Kim. One to Chakotay. From Chakotay."
He looked down at the PADD she handed him and with a quick pat on the shoulder, she left him alone. He watched her leave, the gentle swap of her hips a pleasant distraction from what he knew would be hard to read in his hand.
He took a deep breath and opened the padd. An image of himself appeared and immediately started speaking. Chakotay listened, whilst studying the older man's face. It was him; that much was undeniable, but far more lined and aged, far more than fifteen years. His eyes were tired but he spoke with a fierce determination that Chakotay hadn't heard from himself since his days in the Maquis.
"Hello, Chakotay. Look, I don't have much time, so I'll be brief. Fifteen years ago there was terrible mistake and one hundred and fifty people died. Harry and myself were the only survivors. We've been spending the last fifteen years trying to reprimand that mistake, and if you're watching this then we've been successful. You may not be in the Alpha Quadrant, but at least you're home and have a chance of happiness again. You know how I mean; I lived fifteen years without her so that now you don't have too."
Chakotay swallowed thickly, willing the lump in his throat to subside and the image of his older self vanished into blackness. He held the PADD in his hand, staring blankly at the screen. He turned to Kathryn, but remembered how she had quickly left after delivering the message. Fifteen years. He'd lived fifteen years without her. It didn't seem possible; last night had held so much promise, so much hope. How could she have been killed not twelve hours later? It was impossible to comprehend and he had never stopped to think about such a possibility.
He stood abruptly, and began to pace around his quarters. To tell her the contents of the message was the only option that seemed feasible, the only fair option; his counterpart had been destroyed so that he could have the opportunity to tell her of his feelings. To let her go again was… unthinkable.
"Chakotay to Janeway." He hand and voice acted before his mind could reign them in and she had answered before he had really realised he'd contacted her.
"Janeway here." Her voice was soft, a sharp contrast to his own; determination had caused his tone to be confident. He cleared his throat and spoke in a tone that matched her own and he hoped she could feel the need behind his words.
"I was just wondering if you had plans tonight; we've both been busy and I'd love to cancel my date with the replicator if you'd care to do the same." The line was silent for a few seconds and Chakotay could practically feel her contemplating his offer. His heart was thudding in his temples and his stomach sank as he realised that she was going to shun him away as she had done so many times before. He was about to speak again, about to say something, anything, when she cut him off.
"I suggest you open your door, Commander."
He strode across the room, commanding the doors to open as he went.
She was stood perfectly still as the doors opened before her, and Chakotay guessed that she hadn't moved since leaving only minutes before. Her eyes were shimmering with unshed tears in the dim light of the room and for a moment they just looked at each other, both willing the other to take the first step, to make the change that they both needed to make. The silence between them spoke, and it was she who stepped towards him, into his open arms.
Some things were timeless.