Disclaimer-I have lawyers and big, hairy friends, so there
would be no point in suing me. This is
a character-bashing fic in which I kill off many characters because it's fun.
DIE! DIE!! DIE!!!
Relena was walking along the beach near her 4-story mansion. She was contemplating her relationship with
Heero, wondering whether he would ever make any advances. As she reached a rocky outcrop, she sat on
the rocks, watching the sunset. Since
Relena is a complete idiot, she stared straight at the sun. After a few minutes, she went blind. Since she couldn't see and was on rocks, she
started screaming.
"HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Eventually, Heero
actually showed up (in Zero) and shot the crap out of her, like he should've
done a long time ago. After a few
hours, Wufei was practicing with his katana and his mouth:
BAKA! :WHOOSH!: ONNA! :WHIF!: WEAKLI-:SOUND OF KNIFE
STRIKING CASABA MELON A LA PSYCHO:
Ow…my neck…ugh…
And with that,
Wufei fell to the floor, dead, thank God (or Kami-Sama, whichever you
want). Another few hours later, Treize
(I don't care if he's already dead, I hate him, so I'm killing him again!) was
sitting in his room thingy and waiting for Une to come in and give him his
daily bubble bath. Suddenly, she ran
in, grabbed him, and forced his head under the water until he drowned.
"My psychiatrist said this would be the only way to have
single personalities."
Suddenly, a piece
of plaster fell on Une's head and killed her, since it had an oven attached to
it. As this happened, Quatre was in his
room at the Winner Mansion, reading through a magazine. He was reading an article about forced
spontaneous combustions. He was
laughing at the article.
"This is total bull!
There is no way to force anyone to explode without a bomb or something."
Since Quatre was
a curious boy, he followed the instructions on how to do it that were stupidly
printed in the article. Suddenly, he
exploded (of course) and his room was splattered with blood. Later, Dorothy was in her cave watching a
Ripley's Believe It or Not! On it was a
guy with a foot wide handlebar mustache.
"Ha! I can beat
that!"
So, she at once
started to pull and tease at her already freakishly huge eyebrows. After an hour, they were 137 times
bigger. They were so heavy that they
ripped all of the skin off of Dorothy's face and neck (and breasts and stomach
and legs…)and Dorothy of course bled to death…DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD, THE WITCH IS DEAD, THE
WITCH IS DEAD…Ok. As this was
happening, Zechs was practicing dramatic mask removal in his room.
"No, this isn't right either…I got it! I could do it like a pair of glasses!"
So he did, and in
the process, dropped the heavy mask onto his foot. As he was stomping around aimlessly, he knocked over his
collection of very sharp knives, swords, and daggers, and every single one of
them fell on him, and, needless to say, killed him. After this, Trowa was sitting on his bed, trying to pull off his
tight pants. Somehow, they had shrank
during the day, and he could hardly get them to move. When he finally succeeded in getting the pants off with one huge
tug, he held them up like a trophy, only to discover his legs had been ripped
off and were still snug in the pants.
He then died of blood loss. An
hour later (it's now 10:00 PM) Heero was researching some files on his laptop
when he sneezed. His head flew forward
and hit the screen, destroying it.
"SH---!"
Heero didn't have
time to finish, since the extremely frayed adapter cords hooked up to the wall
had gotten drenched, and when Heero's head hit, he was electrocuted. He was dead before his smoking body hit the
floor. As this happened, the Braided
Baka was busy braiding his hair for a party he was going to go to with a bunch
of the guys. When he got to the meeting
point, he realized he was the only one there.
"Where is everyone?
Hmmmm…I'll just walk to that bar across the street until they show up."
As he crossed the
street, he was hit by a bus. After he
came to, he was in Hell. There, many
demon people welcomed them, and he was crowned the new Devil, since he was the
God of Death. He also saw all of his
friends that were dead. He let everyone
be his assistants, except Dorothy and Relena, who he made clean his throne with
pieces of rabbit fur.
Well, that's it.
I've always wanted to kill Dorothy and Relena. R+R. Yaoi Sucks!
