Going to try something really new here so please let me know what you think. If people don't like it then I can scrap this piece and it's long (for me) chapters.
Let me know what you think here or on Tumblr: elletoile.
I own nothing except the mistakes, which I profusely apologize for.
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Nicole disembarked the train and looked across the sprawling plains and mountains of the area that would soon be the next stop on a very long journey. The landscape seemed dusty and barren compared to the vast tracts of manicured fields she'd grown up on. Her family owned an incredibly profitable tobacco plantation near Charleston, South Carolina. She was born in 1854, seven years before the outbreak of the Civil War. When Fort Sumter was bombarded and surrendered in April of 1861 her daddy left instantly becoming a high-ranking officer the Hampton's Legion of the Confederate Army due to his education and gentry status. She was nine years old when her father died in the War. He died at Gettysburg along with nearly 50,000 other men, becoming one of 620,000 souls that died in that God forsaken war. Nicole didn't understand why her father had to leave in the first place, much less why he was never coming home again. Sometimes she'd sneak into his study and put on his clothes, surprised that they still smelled of him.
Her mother hung the flag high the day she got the news. Nicole thought the red was too bright and the design was tacky. She missed the stars and stripes they had up before the War. She learned to count by picking out the lines on the flag and the stars in the corner. When she told her mother she missed the old flag, she was struck across the face and told her father died for the flag that was currently flying and her brother was still fighting to preserve it. Nicole didn't bring up the flag ever again, but she couldn't comprehend why her father had to die for such an ugly flag. The years pressed on and Nicole kept hearing information that the South was "losing the War". She asked her mother what that meant for them and she simply responded "Nothin' good."
In the spring when she was 12 she heard the names of all the famous generals and word that they were "surrendering". She didn't know what they were surrendering or why. She couldn't fathom what could be so important that men like her father had to die for it. In April her mother told her the war would end soon, they had lost, she was sure. General Robert E. Lee had surrendered to the Union. Nicole always thought the word "Union" sounded so much more hopeful than "Confederate". She didn't say so.
A month later the war ended. Two months later her only brother returned. She remembered a carefree youth. He came back completely different. "War changes people, Nicole."
Her mother and her brother argued nonstop. She didn't understand why the plantation was in trouble. She didn't understand why the kids she played with were leaving with their families. Her brother told her it was because they lost the war. She wished, without knowing what it meant, that they hadn't so her friends wouldn't leave.
When she thinks back on that thought now, she kicks herself for how naïve she was.
Her mother caught her one day in her father's study in his clothes, reading his books. She struck her again and told her that isn't the way a young lady should dress or behave. She told Nicole she wasn't being "proper". Nicole didn't know what "proper" was but she decided she certainly didn't want to be that—it didn't sound like a lick of fun.
When Nicole was fifteen her life drastically changed.
She was outside the drawing room when she heard a heated argument between her mother and brother.
"We need to introduce her to Charleston society. We need to find a suitable match for her. Our finances are dwindling and we need to now hire plantation hands!"
"She's not ready, Edward!"
Her mother's voice was shrill.
"Then you'll need to make her ready, mother! Increase her studies; I want every hour of her day planned with tutors. She only spends four hours with them now. Increase it exponentially. Get the seamstress here; she will be ready to be announced at the start of the next spring season. The first Debutante Ball is in April. Am I understood?"
Nicole found she didn't like her brother anymore, the man he was in no way resembled the boy she used to know. Her lessons increased the following day and she chafed at the lack of her freedom. She learned to sing, play piano, do needlepoint, she had several language tutors and a tutor that taught her to paint using water colours and oil paints. She didn't understand why or when she would ever need these skills.
The seamstress came that March and gathered all her measurements. She told her mother Nicole was "too tall" and her hair was "too red". But she would make her a gorgeous gown, nonetheless; hopefully one that would distract from "her inadequacies". Nicole's shoulders slumped and she cursed her hair colour.
Nicole made the mistake of asking her mother why she had to go through all this training. Her mother usually kept her answer to a simple "to find you a suitable match." "Why, so that I may start a brilliant fire?" Her mother responded that she didn't know what they were paying the tutors for if they hadn't managed to break Nicole of her smart mouth. On this particular day, however, she said that the purpose was to find Nicole a suitable husband from a well-to-do family that would bolster her family's finances and status within the community. She informed her that times were tough in the aftermath of the war and this match could either insure the prosperity of her family, or it's ultimate demise. Nicole couldn't imagine spending her life with some man, kowtowing to his whim. She bit her bottom lip to keep herself from blurting this to her mother. Her mother swatted her, telling her it wasn't proper of a lady to chew on her lip like that.
Nicole didn't think she had any interest in being a "lady". Her mother dismissed her and she ran out the front door and to the stables. She had to get away. She'd always been an excellent rider. She saddled her horse Prince quickly and galloped through the open gates of the plantation. The chilly wind billowed her cloak and reddened her face. It exhilarated her. She rode the hour it took to get to Anna's family's plantation. Anna had been her closest friend since she was small. Her family owned a cotton plantation, and their families had always been close. She dropped her horse off at the stable, smoothing her riding dress, and knocked on the door.
"Why, come in Miss Haught. What brings you here this afternoon."
"I'd like to see Anna, please."
"It is customary to make an appointment for such things."
The butler admonished her, but there was a hint of a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth and she beamed at him.
Anna came down the stairs, slowly, elegantly. Just the way Nicole's mother wished she could come down the stairs; until she reached the bottom two steps, which she skipped down in her eagerness to get to Nicole. Nicole bowed low in greeting, causing Anna to laugh at her silliness. Anna grabbed her hand, taking her in for tea.
"I am to come out this April," she said sadly. "My brother insists it's the correct time for our family. My mother maintains that I am not yet ready."
"Are you?"
She catches Anna's gaze and the weight of it forces her to look down.
"I wish I was more like you. You fit in so well. You do exactly as you're supposed to, you're great at all the things our tutors insist we must be fluent in. You seem to enjoy these things. Do you enjoy these things?"
"Of course I do. We must do what is expected of us Nicole. These times are hard."
"I know that, Anna. Believe me I know what's expected of me. I just don't…I don't fit in here. I don't fit into this box they're trying to shove me into. I don't care to find a 'suitable match'. I don't want a husband. I want to ride my horse freely and shoot at things."
She makes finger guns and pew pew noises at Anna, which causes her to burst into an unladylike fit of laughter.
"You'd make an excellent cowboy, like in all the stories," Anna concedes.
"Well, I suppose I would be a cowgirl." Nicole winks at her.
The smile drops from her face and washes from her eyes.
"I don't belong here, Anna. I don't think I can be the person they want me to be and live with myself."
"Who do you want to be?"
Nicole was quiet, contemplating her friend's question. Who did she want to be? She wanted to be independent, to be sure. Independent and far away from the lift and expectations thrust upon her here. She'd heard there were mountains in the west. She desperately wanted to see them. She just wanted to be…free. She wanted to see more than the confines of her family's plantation, or some man's plantation, or the city of Charleston. She wanted to see everything. When she looked up from her contemplation, Anna was staring at her lips and patiently awaiting a reply. The way Anna was gawking at her stirred something dormant in Nicole. She could think of nothing else except kissing those lips. She leaned over on the couch and did just that, threading her hand behind Anna's neck and into her beautiful blonde tresses. To her surprise, Anna kissed her back. When she finally pulled back her eyes were wild.
"Nicole, we shouldn't have done that. We shouldn't have…."
But her eyes went back to Nicole's lips and they continued where they left off only breaking the kiss again because they heard footfalls down the corridor.
They continued this affair well after the Nicole's coming out. The first time Nicole was up Anna's skirts she saw stars. She didn't think anything in the world could feel better than being inside of her. Their hidden tryst was the best part of Nicole's dull life. Nicole had successfully managed, thus far, to quietly but surely thwart away the advances of any "suitable matches" in her time on the society scene. Her mother was concerned and her brother furious. Her studies were increased. Her sixteenth birthday passes unnoticed in her house. She receives a letter from Anna. Anna is to be wed after the customary six month courting period to the eldest son of a prominent tobacco plantation owner. Nicole crumpled the letter and threw it into the fire. She rushed out of her house, but this time the wind on her face didn't feel freeing. She felt imprisoned. She didn't return the butler's smile when he opened the door. She didn't partake in their usual banter regarding her lack of an appointment. He sends her up to Anna's quarters, as Anna had evidently requested. She opens the door loudly and completely lacking any grace. Anna is sitting on her bed, head hung low. Nicole closed the door far softer than she barged through it and made her way to the bed. She lifts Anna's chin, seeing tears streaking down her face.
"I don't want to marry some idiot man. You were right, Nicole, we shouldn't have to do these things for duty. We should be able to marry whomever we wish."
"Who would you marry?" Nicole asked her hopefully.
"If we lived in a vastly different world, I would marry you in an instant. We do not, however, and I'll have to adjust."
The cerulean blue of her eyes was rimmed with red from her tears. Her beautiful hair of spun sunshine was more disheveled than Nicole had ever seen it.
"You do not need to adjust, Anna. We can run away from here, we can get far away from this place and leave everything behind."
"There is nowhere in this country where whatever this is between us is acceptable. This is not like the war, Nicole. This is not something you and I can quietly disagree with and nobody will know. This isn't about our politics and how they differ from everyone else's around here. This is about our lives, or livelihoods, and that of our families. So as much as I hate it, as much as I wish I could escape with you. I will stay. I will fulfill my duty. That does not mean I will change everything I am. I will still vehemently disagree with slavery. I will still rejoice that it's been abolished. These are things you and I can think quietly. Don't you see? Leaving here to get away from all of that is too loud. It's too dangerous. So I will stay. My guess is, so will you."
Nicole kissed her then, not realizing it would be the last time she ever did. Anna stopped accepting her into the house. Nicole only ever saw her twice after that day, on Anna's wedding day, and the day she left South Carolina for good.
A month or so after Anna stopped seeing her, her mother and brother declared they had found a suitable match. They expected Nicole to be pleased, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. He was tall, from what she recalled. Her mother insisted the man would have to be of a good height to not look ridiculous beside Nicole. Her mother told her he found her hair colour to be 'unique'. It sounded like a filler word for something less than enthusiastic. Nicole didn't point this out. Her mother was thrilled. Nicole felt trapped. A Christmas wedding was set, and the house was alight with preparations. She saw him twice a week. He thought her beautiful. She thought him plain. She wrote Anna weekly letters. She never received a reply. The months marched on, the wedding drawing too near for comfort. Nicole went out on her horse every day, eating picnic lunches by herself until the chill of the autumn air in the evenings forced her to return. Her only happiness was that she lived in a warm climate that allowed her even go out at this time of year. She'd heard of places where it got so cold you could see your breath when you exhaled. She'd heard of snow, but she'd never seen it. She wanted to.
The night before the wedding, her fiancé kissed her. He deemed it proper since they were to be wed the very next day. She did not. His facial hair tickled her face unpleasantly. Completely unsurprisingly, she thought of Anna. The thought didn't linger, his kiss was nothing like her's.
He left and the butler announced she had another visitor. Nicole heaved a great sigh, the weariness had settled in and she just wanted to retire for the evening.
When she heard skirts rustling, she followed her gaze from the floor, up the skirts, finally landing on Anna's face. Nicole was lost in the familiarity of her voice, not registering the words. Anna grabbed her hand and brought her to her quarters so they could talk in private.
Anna handed her an envelope.
"What is this?"
"It's enough to get you out of here. If you cash it with what's in the trust your father set up for you, you can leave this place. You can leave this place and never look back. You will be financially secure."
"I can't take this from you. I can't leave. It's my duty."
Anna gently tilted up her chin, forcing Nicole to look into her eyes.
"You have the most beautiful spirit I have ever seen. I cannot watch it be broken. This life, this marriage it will break you. It will destroy the beautiful and carefree girl I knew. It will quash the adventure in you. Leave this place, Nicole, leave and don't you ever look back. Find someone that can love you back fully, someone who won't give you up because of duty. Someone smarter than me."
Nicole frantically searched the cerulean blue eyes she was so used to getting lost in.
"Come with me. Please. We can leave together."
"Nicole, I'm not leaving this place. I'm….with child. My place is here, now more than ever. Your place is out there, in the vast world. "
"Do you love him?" Nicole's voice cracked when she asked.
"No. I suspect the only person I'll ever really love is you. Every time I'm with him, I think only of you. Which is why I need you to leave. I need you to go so that fire I see in your eyes doesn't burn out. You were not born to drown, my love."
She gently caressed Nicole's cheek before she stood up to leave. She stopped at the door to give her final farewell.
"Write me, but don't use your real name. I want to read about all of your adventures."
With those final words, Nicole never saw her again.
She woke early the next morning, the wedding was until later that afternoon, and she had plenty of time. She did as Anna said and cashed out her trust. She was told she needed her brother's approval, but she managed to sweet talk the bank teller. She went and gathered what meager provisions she could get away with without seeming obvious and hired a coach to follow her to Anna's husband's plantation. She dropped Prince off in the stables, leaving him in the more than capable hands of the stable boy, with word to make sure he is gifted to Anna. She cried when she walked away from him, the only other part of her life here she'd miss. Anna and Prince.
The carriage takes her to Charleston, and she boards the first outgoing train that will put distance between herself and her former life. The train is to New York City; she hoped she'd see snow.
She did.
She spent the next seven years travelling the country. She took odd jobs, and learned things her tutors never taught her, such as how to cook, mend clothes, start a fire, sleep on the ground, shoot all sorts of guns, hunt for subsistence.
Sometimes she wore a loose cotton blouse and, heaven forbid, trousers. She doesn't think of her family much, but when she does it's how her mother would react if she saw her in the trousers.
She thinks of Anna often, and writes her with every new place she goes. She writes her in Latin, Anna said her husband's Latin is atrocious. Anna named her daughter after Nicole.
She's a spitfire, just like you.
Nicole arrived in Purgatory on early in the morning her twenty-third birthday. She thought the town looked like a typical western outpost, nothing she hadn't seen many times before. She's certain her time here will be short.
She hitched her horse up to the post outside of a saloon called Shorty's, thinking she could get herself a glass of water. Her horse is no Prince, but he'll do for now. She pushed her way through the swinging saloon doors and into the darkened room. When she saw the girl behind the bar, her breath hitched in her throat, as if it was literally stolen from her. Her brain misfired and for a moment she was rooted to the spot. She was drawn from her reverie by a yelp by the aforementioned girl. She was wearing a soft cotton dress with small flowers, a neckline that was perhaps a smidge too low to be considered proper.
Nicole never liked the word proper anyhow.
For the first time in a long time, she didn't think of Anna.
She finally remembered to announce her presence.
"Hi there, ma'am. I came in here to get a drink of cold water to refresh my travel wearied body, but it appears you've dumped all the water this town has all over yourself."
A big smile broke across Nicole's features, which seemed to comfort the girl.
"Oh, you know, I just wanted it all for myself."
Nicole sidled up to the counter and extended her hand.
"You see, I've been standing over there at the entrance and I realized I should probably introduce myself instead of starin'. I'm Nicole, Nicole Haught."
"Waverly Earp."
"Waverly, well if that isn't quite the unique and beautiful name you've got there."
"Well, it's the only one I've got."
Her handshake was firm, yet soft all at once. Nicole's smile did not falter, which caused a matching smile from Waverly. Their hands slid out of the handshake, yet remained very close to one another's on top of the bar.
"What can I do for you, Miss Haught?"
"Just water, if you wouldn't mind."
"No whiskey for you first thing in the morning?"
"I'm not that type of girl." Nicole responded, accentuating it with a wink.
"I haven't heard an accent the likes of yours around these parts, where is it you come from might I ask?"
Nicole contemplated giving her standard answer of "oh, you know, all over," but something about this girl made Nicole want to tell her everything.
"I am originally from South Carolina, but I've not been back there in several years."
"Ah, a Confederate then."
Waverly's eyes harden a little. Nicole has to bite back her first fifteen or so responses before settling on the one she deems the least offensive.
"I'll beg your pardon, ma'am, but I was only seven years old when that blasted War broke out. Yes, my family was Confederate. My father died at Gettysburg. My brother came back changed for the worse. I'll thank you to never compare me to that cause or the people who fueled it, though. I am nothing like them."
Waverly must have seen something in Nicole's eyes, then. The guilt washed over her face like a tidal wave.
"I apologize, I meant no offense."
"Yes you did."
"Yes, I did. I am sorry."
Waverly poured her a tall glass of water from a pitcher and walked away. Nicole spent the next ten minutes in silence, contemplating their exchange. It wasn't uncommon, and certainly a reaction she was used to when people heard her accent. She usually just shrugged it off and moved on. For some reason, though, the idea that Waverly thought less of her because of her background didn't sit well with her.
"Miss Haught?"
Nicole looked up from her water to meet Waverly's eyes.
"I truly am sorry. The accent sounds beautiful rolling off your tongue."
A blush touched Waverly's cheeks and Nicole's face matched it.
"Apology accepted. Maybe we can discuss it further sometime?"
"Are you staying in town?"
"I think I just might." Nicole said, a hopeful smile ghosting her lips.
"So you don't have a place to stay?"
"It would appear I do not, Miss Earp."
"Lucky day for you, there are rooms upstairs. Guess who cant rent one of those rooms to you?"
"My guess is…you?"
"I'm a jack of all trades." Waverly grins at Nicole proudly.
"I can see that, well, if you'd be so kind. I'll gladly take one room, please."
"Are you sure you don't want to buy the whole place out?"
"Pretty certain, yes."
"Darn, just figured I'd try."
Nicole thinks Waverly's smile is like the sunrise over the desert.
Waverly grabs a key and leads Nicole up the stairwell to the rooms. She unlocks the door and steps back so Nicole can enter. The room is furnished sparsely with a small writing desk and chair, a small bed and a chest of drawers. Nicole thinks it's probably the nicest room she's seen in a long while, but that's not saying much.
Waverly's voice chimes in.
"Everything to your liking?"
"Yes, ma'am, thank you kindly. Everything is quite perfect."
"Dinner is at noon and supper is at five. If I don't see you come down I'll make sure to bring something right up here to you, alright?"
"Thank you, that would be most appreciated."
Waverly makes to head back down the hallway before turning around.
"Oh, and Miss Haught?"
"You can call me Nicole, you know."
"Alright then." Waverly smiles. Nicole melts. "Nicole. If you would be interested, I'm done here around 9. I could bring some whiskey up, you know, apologize for being rude. I'd love to hear about South Carolina, if you don't mind?"
"It's a date."
Nicole can't contain the smile that won't leave her lips.
"Oh, and one more thing! I really like your hair. It's the prettiest hair colour I've seen. It reminds me of the sunset. I love the sunset."
With a smile Waverly exits the room, leaving Nicole feeling as if a train at full speed has crashed into her. She figures she must be crazy to be feeling this way. It didn't work out too well for her last time, after all. She wonders what Anna would think of Waverly. It's the first time she's thought of Anna since she met Waverly. It's the longest time she's gone without her on her mind for seven years. She feels guilty.
Nicole thinks back on what Anna had said to her about finding someone new. She had yet to do so. She'd avoided any such dalliances since her last with Anna. The desire was there, the person was not.
Find someone that can love you back fully, someone who won't give you up because of duty. Someone smarter than me.
She couldn't deny that Waverly's smile had flipped her on her head that her voice was like water after days in the desert. She felt a nervous energy she hasn't experienced since the first time she kissed Anna. Something in Waverly's eyes made Nicole think she was somehow different. She had hope for the first time in years. She tried to put it away in the corners of her mind.
She dared not hope to dream.