A/N: This idea for a one shot came after watching Bridge to Terabithia(that movie still makes me cry) and it got me thinking how a boy/girl friendship would change if one of them started dating someone else. This one shot explores the idea of friendships changing once another person has been introduced. I have taken some ideas from Bridge to Terabithia but put Everlark in the centre. I hope you enjoy.
They met in science class. Mr Beetee had paired them to be lab partners. I didn't think much of it at the time. There were many classes we didn't share together and I had never paid much thought to who he spoke to when I was not there. I was secure in the knowledge that he would always be there waiting for me at the end of the day. That I was his best friend.
But after a few weeks her name kept appearing in our conversations more and more. At first it was just an odd remark about some fascinating bit of knowledge she had on plants. Then it became retellings of something funny she had said. Soon I couldn't get him to shut up about how great the sound of her laugh was, how beautiful she was, how she'd hum when she thought no one was listening. Our evenings in the tree house became a place where he could fill me in about every little detail about her.
I had never seen him like this. He was completely smitten. His blues eyes shone and sparkled even more brightly when he talked about her. Her face began to appear in his sketch book more and more.
I didn't know how to handle it. It had been just the 2 of us for so long. I didn't know how to react to this intruder in our relationship.
I just assumed that it was a crush. He was allowed to have one. He was a 16 year old boy after all. His crush would fade and then things would go back to how they had always been. Just the 2 of us escaping to our sanctuary in the woods.
And then he asked her out.
I didn't have many friends before I came to District 12. I was the daughter of two writers and spent my days daydreaming of fantastical lands and swashbuckling heroes. My parents only had time for me when they were not writing a book. I had a lot of time to amuse myself.
The other kids at school found me too whimsical and strange. They mocked me for my make believe stories and adventures. None of them understood me.
I hoped that with a new town and a new school I'd find someone who could share and escape with me into my fantasies.
The Mellarks were our neighbours. They lived with their 3 young sons in the farmhouse at the end of our lane. They weren't very rich and their house had tiles missing from the roof and shutters hanging off their hinges. But I was fascinated by the blond haired, blue eyed boy who I spied sneaking into his greenhouse with a flash light in the early hours of the morning.
I soon realised that he was like me. He sat alone in class, bullied for being a dreamer and his hand me down sneakers. I often heard his mother ranting at him for spending too much time drawing and not enough time doing chores. I could see in his eyes that he wanted his mother to show him some more motherly love. Just as I wanted my parents to notice me while they were writing.
He acted indifferent to me at first. I was a girl to start off with. 8 year old boys were just coming to terms with the fact girls didn't have cooties. And it didn't help that I beat him in a running race on the first day of school.
But then he accepted my suggestion to explore the woods behind our houses one day after school.
I had always found the woods to be a magical place. With gnarled tree trunks shaped as goblins, murky, babbling brooks and the melodic sounds of song birds even the simplest of minds could imagine they are in an enchanted forest.
I raced him to the edge of the forest with my two braids flying behind me until we came to the edge of a trickling stream. A knobbly tree stretched its long branches out over the stream and a rope swing hung from a particularly sturdy branch. I turned to him with an impish grin and dared him to swing across.
He was hesitant at first, questioning the strength of the rope but I just rolled my eyes and decided to take the first step. I jumped onto the rope and swung across before he had time to try and convince me otherwise. I landed softly on my feet on the other side and let out a delighted laugh. For a brief moment it had felt like I was flying.
Not to be out done by a girl, he caught the rope and swung across, landing a lot more heavily on the ground. He picked himself up and brushed the dirt off his knees. He asked me what would we do next and I just smiled at him before darting off deeper into the woods. He followed closely behind as we rushed through the gently rustling trees.
We came to a small clearing where I stopped and spun round with my arms wide open. I looked up into the leafy canopy and watched as the greens above blurred together as one. He stood watching me as I lost myself in the surroundings. I could sense he was a little unsure of me and he stood with his hands stuffed in his short pockets waiting for me to finish.
I stopped when I felt something drop on top of my head. I looked down to discover a pine cone at my feet. I touched the spot on my head where I was hit before looking up and scanning the trees to discover my attacker. I spied something small and fluffy jumping from tree to tree as another pine cone was pelted down at us.
"Run and hide!" I exclaimed dashing behind a large rock. "The winglemutts are attacking us!"
The blond boy looked on at me confused.
"Winglemutts?" he inquired. "It's just a squirrel."
I shook my head at him from behind my hiding place.
"No. They are the evil winglemutts from The Kingdom of Seam. Half squirrel, half dragon, these evil mutts are the foot soldiers of King Coriolanus. They are sent to this magical land to kill the innocent inhabitants of Panem," I said.
"Panem?" he asked raising an eye brow.
"Yes. The Kingdom of Panem is a magical land that starts just after the stream. It is full of sweet mockingjays whose song is said to be the sweetest sound in all the land. It is said that it can cure any black heart and overcome all evil. That is exactly why the winglemutts have to kill them. They don't want to be cured from their evilness," I replied.
I could tell he was still unconvinced. I knew he had it in him to open his eyes and see the things I did. Anyone who doodles as much as he did had the capability to imagine big. I picked up the pine cone and flung it back at the winglemutt.
"Take that you evil monster!" I yelled as I threw the pine cone.
The winglemutt jumped out the way and I pretended the pine cone had exploded and dramatically fell onto the ground, mimicking being hit by the blast.
When I opened my eyes I saw him biting back a laugh. Sensing I was breaking through to him. I got back up and picked up a pine cone up. I walked over to him and handed him the cone.
"Close your eyes, but keep your mind wide open," I stated.
He looked at me questioningly but did what I said. He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes trying to imagine the things I did. I saw the exact moment he saw what I saw. His whole body relaxed and his eyes fluttered open, now bright with wonderment.
He smirked at me and took the pine cone out of my hand.
"We need to stock up on grenades. Maybe we can get a few before the trolls come," he stated with a grin.
I smiled broadly back at him, ecstatic that he was finally playing along.
"Quickly before they get away!" I exclaimed.
He smiled at me before we both darted off collecting the fallen pine cones. We threw them up into the trees and hid behind rocks to shield ourselves from the explosions. We spent the afternoon fighting the winglemutts and dodging hideous trolls. At the end of the day we rambled back to our houses breathlessly with scrapes on our knees and mud in our hair. We agreed to do the exact same thing the next day.
We developed a routine. Every day after school we would drop our school bags at my gate and rush to our safe haven in the woods. I pretended I was a elfin Princess who was deadly with a bow while he was the master of camouflage. We battled side by side whatever magical creature we had made up that day.
A few weeks after we found an abandoned tree house and begun transforming it into our fortress. We rebuilt the roof and he filled the walls with his drawings. We created a flag and flew it proudly above the roof.
It became our safe place. A place where we drew up defensive strategies against King Coriolanus's evil mutts and battled our demons. It was a place where we shared our deepest secrets and wildest dreams. Here we could truly be ourselves.
At school the bullies still made fun of us. His mother still berated him. I still craved more of my parents' attention. But it no longer mattered. We had each other. And our tree house. Panem became our kingdom. Our bond developed and became rooted in those woods to a point where our lives were deeply interwoven. We did everything together. There was no him without me. And no me without him.
He took her for a bike ride and a picnic for their first date. He spent hours meticulously mapping out their route and baking her a copious amount of delicious cakes. I had sat and watched as he worked himself into a tizzy as he tried to plan the perfect date.
Being the good friend that I was I helped him decorate the cakes and make the lemonade. I would do anything for him. And if I tried hard enough I could imagine that he was doing all these things for me.
I stood watching him cycle down our lane, the massive wicker basket strapped to the back of his bike and a nervous excitement in his eyes. Watching him go made me feel incredibly uneasy. I couldn't shift the feeling that the course of my life had just changed.
I went to the tree house while I waited for him to come back from his date. I predicted that he would only be gone a couple of hours. I just had to occupy myself until he came back to me.
I was restless in the woods. We so rarely came without the other. I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I tried writing in my notebook, extending our story of the occupation of Panem. I tried to repair the rope ladder to the tree house. I tried swimming in the cool lake. But I couldn't stick at anything for long. I was constantly checking my watch and counting down the minutes to when he would realistically appear.
2 hours went by and no sign.
3 hours.
5 hours.
6 hours and he was still not back.
Nearly 6 and half hours later he clambered up the steps of the tree house and hauled himself in.
"Sorry. I'm a bit later than I thought I'd be," he said, settling down beside me.
I gave him a forced smile.
"It went well then?" I asked trying to hide the hurt in my voice.
I didn't need to hear his response to know the answer. I could see it on his face. His eyes were bright and his smile wide. His blond curls were mussed, suggesting that someone had been running their hands through them.
His appearance hit me right in the gut. Part of me had hoped the date would have been a disaster and she would have been out of our lives. It hurt more than I thought to know he had fun with someone other than me.
"It was amazing," he said. "She loved the bike ride and actually beat when we raced. She's quiet, but every word she says is thoughtful and intelligent."
I gave him another fake smile and pretended to look happy for him.
I told him that it was great. That I was happy it went well. If he knew I was lying he didn't show it. He spent the rest of the evening telling me every last detail of their "perfect" date.
A pattern began to form. He would meet up with her 3 or 4 times a week. They went to the movies and the outdoor centre. He would go round to hers and drive about in her run down truck. I spent more and more days alone in the woods. When I did see him he was often late and breathless, his lips still plump from his rendezvous with her. I mourned the fact he was so close with another person.
We had shared our first kiss together when we were 13, both of curious about what all the fuss was about. It was short and sweet and both of us agreed that we weren't ready for anything like that yet. I hadn't thought about kissing anyone else. I had assumed he had felt the same. But then he would turn up at my house flushed and his clothes wrinkled and I knew I had assumed wrongly.
I missed my friend. The woods and our tree house were just not the same. It felt too big and empty without him there. I no longer had someone to share my fantasies. I could feel our made up land of Panem slowly fading into a memory as he was no longer there to help me sustain it.
I voiced my concerns about hardly seeing him one day during lunch period. He seemed a little surprised by my thoughts but immediately seemed remorseful over his actions. He told me he hadn't realised and would make it up to me at the weekend. He promised to camp out with me in the tree house the entire weekend. Just the two of us.
I immediately brightened up at his words. That's all I wanted. Some quality time with my best friend. I eagerly accepted his offer and we began making excited plans.
On the Saturday morning I sat on my porch with my large rucksack packed to the seams with snacks, notebooks and camping supplies. I hummed happily to myself while tapping my feet excited for the weekend ahead.
I saw him come round the corner and I gave him a big grin in greeting. However this soon turned to a frown when I saw he had come without his own rucksack.
"Where's all your stuff?" I asked.
He looked down guiltily and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, something I now he only does when he feels guilty.
"I know I said we'd hang out this weekend, but there's this choir competition this weekend and..," he began.
I didn't need to hear anymore to know what he was going to say. He was going to blow me off to spend time with her. I began shaking my head fiercely, not believing what I was hearing.
"Peeta, you promised me this weekend. You spent all week with her!" I exclaimed.
"I know. I'm really sorry. But if the choir wins this they get through to the state championships. She really needs my support. We can do this next weekend," he said.
"I don't want next weekend. I want now. I never get to spend time with you anymore. You are always with her. And if you are not then you are talking about her! I miss us. I want things to go back to how they were before" I replied getting more upset. I began twiddling with the end of my braid as I tried to work out my frustrations
"She's my girlfriend. She makes me happy. Can't you see that?" he replied.
The sad fact was I could see it. It was so obvious in the way he talked and looked at her. He thought the sun shone out of her. He was more energetic and relaxed. But that didn't make his abandonment of me any easier.
"I used to make you happy," I stated sadly. "I never thought you would be someone who would ditch their best friend just because a pretty girl noticed them."
"She is more than just some pretty girl. I really care about her. I care about you too. Please don't make me choose," he said.
I smiled sadly at him.
"You've already chosen," I stated my eyes filled with sadness.
He stared at me intensely for what seemed like centauries before he finally let out a frustrated sigh.
"Well I now know how you feel," he said tersely before he turned and walked back down my path.
I watched him going trying hard not to cry. We hardly ever fought. I hated the thought that he might be mad at me. I hated him for choosing her over me.
I watched him until he had gone out of sight.
I didn't hear from him for a week.
I remember a time when we were in 8th grade. I was round at his house and we were lying on our stomachs doing our homework in his living room. We spent more time making up adventures set in Panem than doing any of our math homework. He was waving his arms about frantically as he re-enacted a scene he had just thought up. I had to clutch my sides as I was doubled over in laughter. He was a very energetic story teller.
One of his brothers came through and threw himself down on the couch before flicking on the old TV. He ignored us when he first entered but I was still trying to stifle my laughter and his brother kept throwing us dirty looks.
"Peet, take your girlfriend someplace else. I can't hear the TV," his brother said gruffly.
His comment made us both shut up and we both went a little red with embarrassment.
"She's my friend," my best friend replied placing emphasis on the word friend.
His brother snorted.
"Whatever bro. No one should spend that much time with a girl if you are not getting any. You know where to stick it right?" his brother said.
I went a deep shade of red. We got enough of those comments at school. It annoyed me that a girl and a boy couldn't be friends without everyone assuming things.
"I don't want to hear you speak like that to your brother," his dad said as he entered the room wiping grease off his hands. "Your brother is too young for that."
His brother rolled his eyes and my best friend smiled at his dad in gratitude.
"Though I am looking forward to your wedding," his dad replied with a cheeky smile.
"Not you too Dad," he groaned.
His dad chuckled as he then went on to joke about how he has already picked out his wedding suit.
He pretended to look embarrassed as both his dad and brother joked about us getting together but he kept sneaking me glances with a look that suggested he didn't quite mind.
It wasn't like I was opposed to the idea of us together. We had shared our first kiss together a few months previously and it had been perfectly pleasant. But we had both agreed that we were not ready for anything like that.
But I was teenage girl. I wasn't immune from those types of feelings. I wasn't ready for a boyfriend then but I knew one day that I would be. And I knew I wanted my boyfriend to be my best friend.
As his dad and brother continued to tease us he looked over at me with a sincere look that said "One day". I smiled back at him with a look that said "I know".
His brother and his dad were only interrupted by his other brother stomping down the stairs. The elder brother entered the living room in a dark suit and bow tie, tugging at the cuffs of his suit jacket.
"Where's the corsage?" he asked scanning round the room.
Their dad made a comment about it being in the fridge and he walked through to retrieve it.
It was the night of his senior prom. He was taking some girl from his bio class and he had complained continuously about having to rent a suit and buy her a corsage. He was meeting the rest of his friends at one of their houses later and was just getting ready to leave.
I watched him as he tried getting the corsage in the box while his mom fussed over the state of his bow tie.
"There's something magical about prom," I mused as I watched his brother gather up his things.
My best friend turned to look at me a little surprised.
"You really think?" he asked.
"Of course. Dressing up in a beautiful dress. Getting taken by a handsome boy and dancing until the small hours of the morning. It's a real life fairy tale," I said dreamily.
He looked back at me unconvinced. I knew he thought prom was a tacky affair where the guy just tried to get into his date's pants. He made enough comments while his brother was preparing to go. But maybe I was less cynical than him. My imagination ran wild with the thought of swirling round the dance floor with a man that I trusted completely. For me prom was a romantic thing I could only wish that I would get a chance to experience some day.
"It's not like I will ever get to go. We all know it is only the popular girls that get asked out on dates," I stated sadly.
He pondered my comment for a while, his eyebrows furrowed as he thought.
"I'll take you," he stated confidently.
"Really?" I asked a little surprised. "How do you know we are still going to be friends in 4 years? I might have up graded you by then."
I smiled at him cheekily. He snorted and gave me a playful shove.
"Like you could do any better than me," he said. "And I wouldn't want to go with anyone other than my best friend."
I smiled at him broadly.
"Okay. I'll go to senior prom with you," I replied.
"We'll pinky swear on it," he said sticking his pinky finger out at me.
I smiled even wider as I hooked my finger round his. He smiled at me sincerely, his blue eyes bright as he declared his promise to take me to Prom. I giggled girlishly at his words.
His smiled widened as we squeezed each other's fingers before then letting go.
I knew then he was being sincere. It didn't matter that he couldn't care less about prom. It was something I wanted and he was willing to do anything to make it happen for me. To make me happy. I could see the cogs in his brain turning as he thought of the perfect corsage and magical mode of transport for me.
That was the moment I knew I was in love with him.
Just over a week after our confrontation over his girlfriend he came up to me and apologised for the way he had treated me. He told me he hadn't realised just how many times he had ditched me for her. He said he had been a jerk. He said he was sorry for neglecting me. That I was still his best friend and he didn't want that to change.
I accepted his apology mainly because I missed him and hated not having him in my life. He smiled so brightly when I forgave him that it gave me hope that things would go back to how they were.
Things did improve after that. He made sure that he set aside time to hang out with us both. I later found out that it was her that got him to apologise to me in the first place. She had told him straight out that he had been a bad friend and she hated seeing him upset about something that could be easily fixed. I wanted to hate her so much but actions like that made it really hard.
I got some of my afternoons in the woods with him back. We added to our story book and expanded the small structures we had built in our kingdom. Our inside jokes returned. It wasn't exactly the same. The woods were still lonely whenever he was not there. He discovered a new found passion for cooking after spending many evenings at her family home helping her mother prepare the meals. He'd always arrive to our safe haven with the latest sweet smelling concoction he had made up.
He was happier at school too. School was no longer a place where he tried to avoid bullies, but a place where he got to spend time with her. His eyes would always quickly scan the corridors searching for her before they settled back on me to join in with my stories.
But on the whole I had my best friend back.
This meant I was very surprised when I heard his excited jabbering approaching one Saturday afternoon. It was clear from the sound of his voice that he was with someone. I could hear him enthusiastically pointing out to the person the tree he had fallen off while battling winglemutts and resulted in him breaking his wrist. The soft chuckle in reply confirmed my suspicions on who that person was.
They both clambered up the rope ladder of the tree house, his blue eyes bright with excitement and hers flitting down in nervousness.
My whole body froze at the sight. He had brought her to our special place.
I immediately felt betrayed by him. This was our place. We had never taken anyone else here. It was suppose to be a place just for us. A place where we could forgot about everything else around us and get lost in our imaginations. This wasn't supposed to be a place we shared.
He babbled some words about how he hoped that I didn't mind but she had heard so much about it and wanted to see it. And he said it was a good excuse for us all to get to know each other better.
I wanted to scream at him that of course it wasn't alright. That I couldn't believe he would bring her here. That I didn't need to get to know her any better after hearing him go on about her so much.
But I couldn't do that. I still remembered what happened the last time I had challenged him about her. And even after it all he was still my best friend and I owed it to him to try and get along with his girlfriend.
She stood behind him as he talked to me. She gave me a nervous smile and twiddled with the ends of her hair.
"It's nice to finally meet you. Peeta has told me so much about what the two of you get up to out here," she said politely.
I could see how nervous she was and realised that maybe she found this just as hard as me. Even though she had encouraged him to make up with me it still couldn't be easy having your boyfriend leave you to go and spend his time in the woods with another girl. I decided in that moment that I would really try. For all our sakes.
I smiled kindly at her and told her she was welcome here. I saw him visibly relax after our initial introductions. He smiled brightly at us both before flinging an arm around her shoulder and exclaiming how excited he was to spend the afternoon with his two favourite girls.
The afternoon was pleasant enough. I soon realised that she was quite shy and let him do most of the talking. But she had an equally big love for the outdoors and was very excited at the variety of birds that flew above our heads. We showed her our story book and she seemed memorised by the words and images we had created. Her fingers spent a particularly long time trailing over the rough marks of the fairy cave he had drawn. She even seemed eager to help us complete the construction of the small bridge we had been building over the stream.
Part of me wanted her to feel uncomfortable here. This was our world we had created. It had been made when no one else had understood us. No one else was supposed to understand this place. But I saw the wonder in her eyes I knew she understood the magic of the place too. She wasn't out of place. She slotted into it perfectly.
We all separated briefly to find ferns to help decorate the bridge we had been constructing. I knew the woods so well it didn't bother me to wander off the beaten track. I gathered the ferns in my arms and sang quietly to myself as I tried to not let her presence bother me. If the day had taught me anything it was that she was a perfectly suitable girlfriend for my best friend. She was quiet, sure, and a couple of times I had seen a hint of stubbornness but she was also kind and intelligent and from the few words I heard her speak about her friends and family, extremely loyal. She seemed a very genuine person.
On my travels I stopped to stoop down and pick some bluebells. These flowers always made me smile. They didn't bloom in our woods for long but their colour so closely matched the eyes of my best friend that I couldn't help but love them. I inhaled their sweet scent and let myself bask in all the memories I had gathering them previously. He would laugh when he saw them.
I skipped back towards the tree house clutching my flowers and ferns. Even with her here I felt content.
However I was stopped in my contentment when I heard a soft laugh.
"Peeta…we're in the woods. What if she comes back?" I heard her say.
It was suppose to sound like a warning but even I could hear the smile in her voice. I jumped back to hide behind a tree but cautiously peered round the side to catch a better look.
She had her back against a tree, one arm still holding a bunch of ferns. He stood opposite, his head bent forward so their noses were almost touching and had a hand braced beside her head on the tree.
"No one's around. Do you know how hard it was to watch you all sexily concentrating as you nailed in those planks of wood. I wanted to kiss you so bad. You know stick your tongue out when you are concentrating. It's adorable," he replied as he stroked a thumb across her cheek.
She giggled and shook her head at him, looking at him with a glint in her eyes. His smiled broadened before he raised his hand up to cup her cheek more firmly. His lips then descended down on hers for a slow kiss.
I jerked back fully behind the tree clutching the ferns close to my chest. My heart raced at the rate of knots. I shouldn't have seen that. That was something private between them. I felt like an intruder.
I couldn't get the image of the kiss out of my head. He had clearly learnt a lot since our sloppy first attempt years ago. He knew exactly how to tease her and make her want more. And then there was the way she looked at him. A look filled with hope and longing. If I had been in any doubt about her feelings towards him I knew now. She was in love with him just as much as he was in love with her. She wasn't going anywhere any time soon.
Another crack in my heart appeared at this knowledge.
Because I realised that although I had my best friend back it wasn't enough. I wanted more. I wanted to be the one he backed up against a tree and kissed thoroughly. I wanted to be the person he looked for in the corridors at school. The person who made his eyes shine when he talked.
I was in love with my best friend but he was in love with someone else. Someone who loved him just as much as I did.
After that day she began spending more and more time with us. She'd sit with us occasionally at lunch. She helped us make repairs to the tree house. She lay with us on our stomachs as we completed our homework. I began to accept her as a presence in my life.
I did try to get to know her on those days she hung out with us. It was hard for us both. I didn't want to share my best friend and she found it difficult to let new people in. But we both loved him enough to try and we began to find common ground. I enjoyed her stories of her escapades in the woods and her family's mangy cat. She enjoyed reading the many stories I had written. The look on his face whenever he saw us getting on made hanging out with her worth it.
But soon I was not just hanging out with her. Her friends began inviting him to their get togethers. And then the invitations were extended to me. I ended up spending my weekends round at one of their houses, sitting back and watching them drink cheap beer as they made fun of each other. Her small group of friends treated each other very differently from the way Peeta and I did but it was rather amusing too watch. Under all the teasing I could tell that they cared about each other greatly.
I felt a little bit of an outsider as they shared inside jokes or retold various amusing episodes from their childhood. But Peeta tried to make sure I was never left out for too long by retelling some of our own stories from our tree house.
I was surprised that he wouldn't spend all night by her side at these things. Yes she often sat on his lap with him nuzzling his nose into the side of her neck but he was just as often challenging one of her friends to a game of pool or joining in with a drinking game. I could see that her friends had fully accepted him into their lives and he was a now solid part of their group. It made me feel even more of an outsider.
I found all the drinking a little uncomfortable. It was something he and I had never done. I didn't see the appeal of losing control of my body and mind. I resented her a little for making my friend enjoy such an activity. It turned out he was a cheery drunk that talked even more than usual but I still didn't like it. It still changed him.
During the course of these nights they would always draw closer to each other until they eventually began quietly making out in the corner somewhere. I would always turn away when this happened as I tried to ignore the pain in my chest as I heard their quiet sucking noises. Her friends would always joke about this telling them to get a room. They would moan that they couldn't take the sexual tension anymore.
I blushed slightly at their words. My own sexual experience was limited to that kiss he and I shared when we were 13. I knew that he had a lot more experience than me by then but I had taken solace in the fact they hadn't taken that final step. The year previously I had assumed that it would have been something we would share together. As long as they hadn't done it I could still hope that we could experience it together.
However the one weekend he and I were alone in our tree house. I was completing an essay that was due the following week while he was absentmindedly doodling in his sketch book. Something was clearly on his mind as his frequently ran his fingers through his hair and kept erasing and redrawing lines. I put my pen down and sat up straight to look at him.
"What's got you all nervous and twitchy?" I asked as I watched him furiously erase a drawing of a flower.
He put down his pencil with a sigh and ran another nervous hand through his blond curls.
"It's nothing really," he said. "It's just date night at her house tonight and her parents are out."
"You go to her house all the time," I replied with a frown. I was confused about what had got him so twitchy.
"Yes but this is the first time that we will be there alone," he replied.
I continued to look at him a bit confused until it finally clicked what he meant. They would be alone. No one would be there to disturb them. They were going to have sex. I mouthed a silent "oh" as I let this fact sink in.
I looked down and fiddled with my braid as I was unsure of what to say. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes but I could sense that he wanted some words of encouragement from me.
"Maybe if you are this nervous you shouldn't do it. Maybe you are not ready," I said.
I desperately didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want to have to imagine him with her in that way.
"No. I'm ready. I want too," he stated confidently. It hurt to hear how sure he sounded. "I'm just worried that it will be horrible. I mean we've done stuff but I know it is not as easy for a girl. I'm worried I'm going to mess it up and hurt her."
I stared at him for a few moments. Why did he ask me this? I had even less experience than he did. And I didn't want to give the boy I love advice on how to be with another girl. I wanted the girl to be me.
But I could see that it was stressing him out. I could see he needed me to reassure him. It broke my heart to see him like this and I loved him too much to deny him something he needed from me.
I took a deep breath and scooted closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"It will be fine," I said. "You love her. And she loves you. It doesn't matter if you don't get it right the first time. You'll have time to try again. And it won't matter if it is not perfect. What you guys have is very real. You will be sharing something special and that is all that will matter."
He looked down at me with his deep blue eyes.
"You really think so?" he asked.
I nodded my head in reassurance. He let out a relieved sigh.
"Thank you," he said giving my hand a little squeeze.
I smiled back at him and told him it was no problem. He visibly relaxed after that and I watched him at the end of the day walk back to his house with a spring in his step.
I didn't sleep that night as I kept imaging him kissing her, undressing her, moving inside of her as she moaned his name. I curled into a ball to try and stop the pain that radiated from my chest.
The next day he met up with me with a huge smile on his face. It turned out I was right. It didn't matter that they didn't get everything right and it was a bit awkward in the beginning. They loved each other and shared an intimacy neither had experienced before. That is what made it perfect.
I forced a smile and told him I was happy for him all the while my heart was cracking.
Our senior year passed in a blur as everyone sent in college applications and prepared to leave home for the first time. I was excited when I got my acceptance letter into NYU to study English. I had dreams about becoming a writer just like my parents and couldn't wait to escape the small town and rub shoulders with a whole hoard of inspiring authors.
My only regret about leaving was leaving him. I couldn't imagine not seeing my best friend every day. Before he had met her we had talked about moving to New York together. I would write and he would paint. We both dreamed of the metropolitan lifestyle that wasn't stuck in its small town values. But his ambitions had changed since he had met her. He had more to stay for in District 12. He didn't want to leave her.
His passion for cooking had only magnified in the years he dated her and he no longer had dreams to become a painter. Becoming a chef was his new dream and he had ambitions to open his own restaurant. She was less sure about her own ambitions but as soon as she got accepted into the college in the neighbouring town I knew he would accept his place in the culinary school in the same place.
It hurt that once again he had chosen her over me but it was something I had become used to by then. I spent the whole year having my heart repeatedly broken as I watched them sneak kisses and get so lost in each other that they weren't aware of anyone else in the room. I became an expert in masking my emotions and pretending to enjoy being in her presence.
There were moments when I realised that I could actually like this girl if she wasn't in love with my best friend. We both had a love of the outdoors and the nature that inhabits it. But then I would see her run her hand up his thigh and I was reminded exactly why we could never be friends.
So I quashed my emotions to ensure they were never aware. I was kind to her whenever she was around but savoured every moment when it was just me and him.
To help distract myself from the fact of how much in love he was with her I joined the Prom committee. I was still fascinated by the romance of the night and took heart in the fact he had promised to take me. I knew he would never break a promise.
So, much to the disgust of the popular girls, I signed up for the committee. My high school experience hadn't exactly been rosy but this was one aspect I was determined I was going to experience and enjoy. I didn't want it to be ruined by some silly girls who thought diamantes were elegant. The blonde girls sneered at all my suggestions at first but they soon realised that not all my ideas were completely lame and reluctantly embraced me into their fold.
As the date grew nearer my anticipation levels grew. I had managed to convince the other girls to go with "A Night in the Clouds" theme and our rented ballroom was going to be transformed into a magical palace in the sky. I got very caught up in the romance of it all.
Tickets were about to go and sale when I confronted my best friend about our deal.
"So tickets go on sale tomorrow. Do you just want me to put our names down? I have to say I am excited for the horse drawn carriage and glass slippers you have promised me" I said as I pulled my books out my locker.
He looked at me a little surprised before flitting his eyes to the ground a little nervously.
"You still want to go with me?" he asked a little downtrodden.
I closed the door of my locker and turned to face him with a slight frown.
"Of course. You're my best friend and we made a promise to each other. I am not just going to back out of it now," I replied.
"Right," he said a little disappointed.
My heart began to hammer in my chest. I didn't like the tone of his voice. He didn't seem to be thrilled at the idea and he still avoided my gaze. I didn't want to acknowledge what that all meant.
"Just spit it out," I said.
"What?" he asked.
"Whatever it is that is going through your head right now. We don't keep secrets from each other remember," I said.
He looked at me then and I could see the inner turmoil in his eyes. He chewed his bottom lip nervously and shifted about uncomfortably on his feet. I knew before he opened his mouth what he was going to say. I wanted so badly to be mistaken.
"I didn't think I would have a girlfriend that I love so much when we made that promise. I didn't think there would be another girl I would want to take more than you," he said.
I could feel the tear in my heart that has been developing the last 2 years rip further. I couldn't believe he was doing this.
"You want to go with her," I stated sadly desperately trying to prevent the tears from falling.
He looked at me guiltily with his hands stuffed in his pockets.
"I'm sorry. You more than anyone know about the romance of Prom. You should go with someone you love," he replied.
"I love you," I said sadly.
"That's not the same. It's a different kind of love. Don't you want to go with someone you actually have a shot of something more? You can't find that romance with me," he replied.
His misunderstanding of my words felt like a shot in the gut. He only saw me as a friend. How could I explain it to him that I loved him? That for just one night I wanted to feel like his. It took all my resolve not to break down in tears in front of him.
"I can find you another date. Maybe Gale or I could bribe my brother…" he carried on.
"I don't want a pity date. I wanted to go with my best friend. Someone I know I am going to have a good time with, not some stranger that tries to cop a feel," I replied.
He looked at me sadly.
"If you really still want to go with me I will," he stated but I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
I studied him as he stood with his shoulders slumped and head hung forward. He looked so defeated and unhappy. I wanted to be selfish for once. To tell him that he had to come with me but I hated seeing him upset. And I knew I was the cause of his unhappiness at that moment. I loved him too much to force him into something he didn't want. So with all my courage I tipped his head up to look at me and told him;
"I'll put you down for 2 tickets. You can have fun with your girlfriend"
He smiled at me gratefully and pulled me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes and pretended he was hugging me for another reason.
"You are the best friend anyone could ever have," he whispered in my ear.
I smiled at him weakly as he pulled away and told him I better hope so.
I did end up going to Prom. A redheaded guy called Darius unexpectedly asked me to go a few days after the tickets went on sale. He was in Peeta's math class and I strongly suspected that Peeta asked him to take me. I swallowed my hurt and agreed to go with him. I hated the look of guilt on his face when Prom was brought up. Going with Darius at least stopped that.
Darius was perfectly pleasant. He bought me a bluebell corsage (that I knew my best friend told him to buy) and picked me up in his Uncle's BMW. He acted a gentleman at the dance fetching me drinks and didn't try and feel me up.
But he wasn't my best friend. Prom didn't sparkle like I imagined it would do.
The ballroom at least looked magnificent. Thousands of small lights and candles illuminated the room, perfectly creating the effect of star lights. There was even dry ice to replicate the feel of swirling clouds. I really did feel like I was suspended in the sky.
Darius offered to dance with me for the last song of the night. It was a slow song and the dance floor was filled with horny and love sick couples. I reluctantly agreed and felt a little uncomfortable swaying in Darius's arms. Over his shoulder I could see my best friend gently swaying with her.
She looked beautiful in an orange dress that closely matched the shade of his favourite colour. He looked handsome with his broad shoulders filling the black suit perfectly. Their heads were leaned in towards each other, their foreheads touching as they never stopped gazing into each other's eyes. They didn't speak but the small smiles never left their lips.
The sight was excruciating for me to watch. The joy and love they had for each was so evident, particularly compared to all the lust fuelled couples that surrounded them. Another tear in my heart.
He had left me behind. Our woods and I were no longer enough for him. In the last 2 years he had made new friends, actually enjoyed school and discovered a passion for cooking that we never knew he had. He was happy and it was all because of her.
I knew then he could no longer be happy without her.
Graduation followed Prom soon after and I was seen standing in front of our high school in my blue cap and gown as I clutched my diploma. She giggled not far away from me as he swept her up in the air and spun her around, both of them excited to start the next chapter in their lives. A chapter where the other would feature prominently.
I watched them with a sad smile thinking about how different things would be if he hadn't met her. Maybe it would have been me that he was sweeping of her feet.
He eventually put her down and after numerous photos of the pair of them together he made his way over to me. He gave me a big hug declaring that we made it out alive and I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. We posed for our own photos together but I knew it would be one of the last times we ever did so.
Our parents fussed over us and exclaimed how happy they were we had stayed friends for so long and that they couldn't believe that we were finally leaving home. We both laughed off our embarrassment at their over sentimentality and eventually persuaded them to put the cameras away and go back to start our private celebrations.
We had a joint party with her and her family at his house. The adults all stood round reminiscing about times when we were little kids and making jokes about how we were going to fend for ourselves over the next year. His brothers gave us unhelpful tips about how to avoid washing for 2 weeks and how to score alcohol. Her little sister exclaimed how much she was going to miss her.
They did their duty and mingled with the party guests but where soon drawn back to each other, whispering and teasing each other. I stood on the outside of the party and couldn't shake the feeling that I didn't belong. Their families were well acquainted with each other by then and there were many inside jokes that I didn't understand. There would be many more occasions over the years where their two families would unite like that. Occasions where I wouldn't be invited. In that moment I felt like an intruder.
I took one last glance at him and her dad trying to coax her onto the dance floor before quietly slipping out into the dark night.
I took my flash light and made my way to our tree house. I climbed up the rope ladder and stopped and stared at the surroundings once I hauled myself up. The place held so many memories for me. I had grown up here, felt safe here. Soon I would be leaving it all behind for a new life in New York.
I took a seat in my favourite corner, picked up one of my notebooks and decided to write one last adventure in Panem.
A little while later I heard heavy footsteps coming along the path and a beam of light wobbled as someone climbed up the ladder. His blond curls appeared from below and he hauled himself up to come and sit next to me.
"What are you doing out here Del? You're missing the party," he said as he made himself comfortable on the wooden floor beside me.
"I didn't want to be an intruder," I admitted honestly.
"But it is your party too," he said.
"You only included me because you felt you had to. Let's not pretend I am anything other than a third wheel."
He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion then.
"I thought we sorted this. I have tried hard not to exclude you," he said.
I gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand.
"You have done a really good job of making time for us both," I said.
He shook his head at me still confused.
"Then why are you speaking like this?" he asked.
I stared into his blue eyes for a long moment. My hand was still clutching his. Maybe it was because I knew I was leaving soon but I felt compelled to tell him the truth. He looked so hurt and confused.
"Because it was supposed to be me," I stated after a long pause. "You were supposed to fall in love with me."
The shock was evident in his features and he jerked his hand away from mine. It hurt to know he felt such a way. That he really had no idea how I felt. Yet another tear in my heart.
He didn't know how to respond and I could tell he was still confused so I decided to carry on. Now I had got that statement out of the way the rest seemed to follow easier.
"I have never had a friend like you," I began to explain. "I will probably never have a friend like you. You just took so little convincing to come and join my world. You accepted it without judgement and shared with me all your imaginations. There was nothing I wouldn't have told you."
He sat silently letting my words sink in. He looked at me warily not entirely sure what it all meant yet.
"I know our families used to joke about dancing at our wedding and the names of our children. At the time we both brushed it off, annoyed that they were teasing us, but deep down that's what I expected to happen. My 8, 10, 13 year old self loved you and even though I didn't fully understand romantic love then I knew one day my love for you would develop into that. I just didn't know when. Maybe one day in the tree house. Maybe at the Prom you would have taken me to but one day it would have happened and we would have been together. Because I knew that I didn't go looking for anyone else. I knew you were supposed to be it for me."
He stopped looking confused and sadness and regret suddenly appeared. Regret that he had made me feel such a way.
"It's my own fault I suppose. I assumed that you felt the same. That after our first sloppy kiss you were just waiting for us both mature enough to experience that type of relationship. I didn't realise that you were looking for anything else. I can't blame you for finding Katniss," I added.
He moved forward then and grabbed hold of my hand. He rubbed soothing circles on the back of my hand.
"I had no idea Del. Why didn't you say something?" he asked his eyes full of sorrow.
"Because I didn't want to lose you. It would have made everything awkward. I couldn't bare that. I have been desperately hanging onto you for so long now. I can't imagine my life without you. I can't imagine not sharing my world with you," I cried. The first tear escaped from the corner of my eye.
He surged forward again and wrapped me close to his chest. He rubbed reassuring circles on my back. He found it no easier to see me upset than I did when the situation was reversed.
"You're never going to lose me. I will always be your best friend. I need someone to give me inspiration for my drawings. To help me teach my kids the wonder of this place," he said.
I looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. But I knew him. I knew he didn't need me anymore. He had her. New friends. New passions. He would be fine without me.
"I'm sorry I have made you feel this way. I guess I assumed for a little while that we would end up together as well but I didn't bank on meeting someone like Katniss," he said as he stroked some of my blonde hair off my face.
I just stared up at him with my blue eyes and my tears beginning to dry. I could see how much it pained him to see me like this. Part of me wanted to take it all back just so he wouldn't look at me like that. But I knew if I was ever going to move on I needed to say it.
"I love you," I stated.
He brought his forehead down to rest on my own, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry Delly," he said before leaning in to press his lips gently to mine.
It was a lot less awkward than our first attempt 5 years ago. He knew what he was doing. His lips were soft and I felt a tingle go down my spine as I pressed my lips back into his. A warm feeling began spreading from the centre of my chest. My love for him seemed to burn through my skin. I wished I could have frozen the moment and lived in it forever.
All too soon he had pulled back and was looking at me apologetically. The kiss may have been something out of one of my dreams but I knew it wasn't the same for him. He didn't feel the same thrill as when he was kissing her. It was a pity kiss. I kiss to try and take away some of my pain.
"I need to let you go now," I said after, still locked in his arms "I need to move on."
I saw him opening his mouth to object but I just shook my head to tell him it was no use. I had made up my mind. I untangled myself from him and made my way over to the rope ladder.
"Goodbye Peeta," I stated as I paused at the opening.
He looked at me sadly and nodded his head.
"Goodbye Delly."
I gave him one last sad smile before I descended down the ladder for the last time. I somehow new I was never coming back. That I was walking away from him for good.
I wrapped my arms around myself once I reached the ground. I walked slowly back to my house and away from the boy and life I could have had in another lifetime.