I come up here more often than ever. It's so peaceful; I have yet to find
a place like this. I sit here for hours, thinking about my mother, my
life, my destiny. I say to myself, "Anakin, you are so much better than
all of this! Why do you stay confined to the rules and not stray from your
arrogant Master?" I ask myself the very same question every night, and
there is always the same reply: 'Because there is nothing else.' But I
fight with myself every night, and alas, I never win.
I see my mother. I remember holding her in my arms while she slipped past the world of the living. Tears of anger and hatred fall down my face, but I cannot stop them. What would someone think if they saw a Jedi crying? Certainly Master Obi-Wan would not approve. "Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin, they betray you." The same rubbish over and over again. I'm sick of it. Anakin Skywalker was meant for great things.
Thankfulness is apart of me as well. I do not hide the fact that I owe my life to my Master, but I feel like I am so much better- I know that I am better. My mind flashes back to the day on Tatooine with Padmé after I brought my mother back. I vowed that I would be the most powerful Jedi, and I still intend to keep that promise. One day, Padmé and I will have the perfect life. All people will fear me, respect me, and cower before me if I wanted them to. Yes, that is the way it will be. I want to build my world around Padmé; I will never let any harm come to her. If anyone ever touched her, I would kill them in a heartbeat.
My skill with a lightsaber has proven my worth. The force is unusually strong with me, and I know this. The council cannot hide anything from me because I am so much more advanced. 'No, Anakin.' I try to shake the voice out of my head, but a conscious cannot be shaken. It's unnerving the way the mind works. I sometimes think that I am not the only one that matters, but then another side of me thinks, and every other thought is washed away.
When I was a little boy, I remember my days- fixing droids, listening to pilots talk, and hearing Watto yelling at me from the junkyard... those were the days when I was innocent, pure; I had never killed anyone before, I was naïve. I had my mother. 'Damn, Anakin! Why must you always think about her?' I am locked in forever-torment with myself. There is no escape from my troubles, but there will be a fulfilling destiny for me, and everyone will know who I am.
I watch the stillness of the world below me- listen to the silence. I imagine everyone asleep right now, no one worrying about a thing, just sleeping, oblivious to the world for a couple of hours. 'How selfish of them.' Sleep is something I cannot do anymore. I have nightmares- unnatural for a Jedi. I am to fear nothing, hate nothing... but I hate much, and I'm told that it will destroy me. But what could a little anger do to me? I laugh at the counsel. 'Clouded this boy's future is, hmmm.' Yoda, what did he know? He acts like I'm going to turn to the dark side! Right... Anakin Skywalker, on the dark side. That was a laugh.
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*A/N: Thank you for reading this, and please read Torments of a Master!
I see my mother. I remember holding her in my arms while she slipped past the world of the living. Tears of anger and hatred fall down my face, but I cannot stop them. What would someone think if they saw a Jedi crying? Certainly Master Obi-Wan would not approve. "Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin, they betray you." The same rubbish over and over again. I'm sick of it. Anakin Skywalker was meant for great things.
Thankfulness is apart of me as well. I do not hide the fact that I owe my life to my Master, but I feel like I am so much better- I know that I am better. My mind flashes back to the day on Tatooine with Padmé after I brought my mother back. I vowed that I would be the most powerful Jedi, and I still intend to keep that promise. One day, Padmé and I will have the perfect life. All people will fear me, respect me, and cower before me if I wanted them to. Yes, that is the way it will be. I want to build my world around Padmé; I will never let any harm come to her. If anyone ever touched her, I would kill them in a heartbeat.
My skill with a lightsaber has proven my worth. The force is unusually strong with me, and I know this. The council cannot hide anything from me because I am so much more advanced. 'No, Anakin.' I try to shake the voice out of my head, but a conscious cannot be shaken. It's unnerving the way the mind works. I sometimes think that I am not the only one that matters, but then another side of me thinks, and every other thought is washed away.
When I was a little boy, I remember my days- fixing droids, listening to pilots talk, and hearing Watto yelling at me from the junkyard... those were the days when I was innocent, pure; I had never killed anyone before, I was naïve. I had my mother. 'Damn, Anakin! Why must you always think about her?' I am locked in forever-torment with myself. There is no escape from my troubles, but there will be a fulfilling destiny for me, and everyone will know who I am.
I watch the stillness of the world below me- listen to the silence. I imagine everyone asleep right now, no one worrying about a thing, just sleeping, oblivious to the world for a couple of hours. 'How selfish of them.' Sleep is something I cannot do anymore. I have nightmares- unnatural for a Jedi. I am to fear nothing, hate nothing... but I hate much, and I'm told that it will destroy me. But what could a little anger do to me? I laugh at the counsel. 'Clouded this boy's future is, hmmm.' Yoda, what did he know? He acts like I'm going to turn to the dark side! Right... Anakin Skywalker, on the dark side. That was a laugh.
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*A/N: Thank you for reading this, and please read Torments of a Master!