Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first Hunger Games fanfic, so I hope y'all enjoy. It's a modern-day parody. Leave some feedback please, I want to know what y'all think, even if it's bad. Thanks!

"Katniss!" I hear Prim yell from her bed.
"Shut up, brat, I'm trying to sleep." I scream back, throwing the pillow over her face.
"muff fief fetch minke." Prim mumbles from under the smothering pillow.
"Fine", I sigh, relieving her face of the pillow, "what do you need to tell me?"
" I was trying to say, I dreamed they picked me for the Games." Her mushed, yet smiling face says. Getting chosen for the Hunger Games is all any teenager between 12 & 18 would dream for.
"Its your first year Prim, there not going to pick you." I reply, dreading the idea of my sister getting to do something I've only had chance to dream of.
"Yeah, well, my dreams usually come true." Prim replies, and falls back asleep.

"Hey Catnip, wait up!" My best friend Gale yells. I slow down my jogging to let his fat butt catch up. Ever since the mining accident, Gale's really let himself go. Gale finally reaches me after several awkward minutes of me cheering his obese behind on.
"Huhuh, H-hey, Ca-huh uh-Catnip." He gasps between breaths.
"Hey Gale, how's life?" I reply steadily, even though I've been the one jogging for thirty minutes.
"Huhuh, Good, besides my mammy's trying to get me to lose weight. I do-huh-n't see the problem." He poses before me, his large breasts over-power mine.
"Me neither." I lie, looking at his crotch sweat stain. God, that kid needs to work out.
"Happy Reaping Day!" He says, finally gaining his composer. "I brought you a present!" I stifle a groan, last time Gale brought me something, it was a dead squirrel he'd stepped on. I look away as he pulls something out of the flap between his stomach and breasts. I turn back and see the foulest piece of bread I've ever laid eyes on.
"Oh, gee, thanks." I reply, taking his "thoughtful" gesture.
"Go on, eat it. I paid good money for that. Had to trade my cat a squirrel." He stares at me intently, waiting for me to eat the bread. Should I even call it bread? Sweat has soaked through and lint has covered it like powdered sugar on a donut. I take a deep breath, hold my nose and take a bite. Vile flavor reaches even through my plugged nose, I retched my stomach onto the neighbor's front lawn.
"OmehGawd, what was that!?" I yell between gags. He starts bawling.
"Well, your always complaining how hungry you are, I was just trying to help." He starts to storm away and I feel guilty. Gale's always been a "special" boy.
"Wait!" I call to him. "How many times is your name in today?"
He turns around, hope gleaming in his eyes. "42, you?" I want to scream, of course Gale gets more times, him and his fat everything. The Peacemakers always have felt sorry for him.
"20." I mutter and storm back to my house.

"Katelynn, honey, time for your scrubby-dub." My insane mother yells. "Do you want my help?" She floats down the stairs, humming a kiddy tune even though Prim and I are teens.
"Mom, we talked about this last week. I'm sixteen, I don't need your help." I say and she burst into tears. For the second time today, I feel horrible. "Fine." I reply and her cuckoo face lights up.
After a very awkward bath, my mom hands me the dress I'll be wearing to the Reaping ceremony.
"Mom, isn't this Prim's?" I ask, holding up the three sizes too small garment.
"No, no, I don't think so." She shakes her head.
"Well, I think its too-"
"Shut up, you ungrateful, little wench! I spent all our grocery money on that and I expect you to wear it!" She screams at me. I nod my head, not wanting her to beat me again, and force the tiny dress over my head.
"Oh God, it's so tight." I gasp as I finally get it completely on.
"That's what he said." Prim calls from the other room.
"In your dreams' Little Duck." I call back, using my mom's crazy nickname. She's the reason I'm called Katniss. My real name is Katherine, but she can only remember that it starts with a K. The town bell goes off, warning us its time for the Reaping.
"Come on, Kelsey and Poppy, its time for the Raping. Maybe this year they'll use condoms." My mother calls as she heads out the door. Prim and I shake our heads and follow her.

"Welcome, welcome. To the 74th annual Hunger Games Reaping." Effie Trinket says from the small town stage. "And may the odds be ever in your favor."
I quietly walk to my spot next to the other girls my age. The turn away at the awful smell I give off. Since mom's crazy and doesn't work, she uses pickle juice as bath water and mayo as shampoo. Let's just say I don't exactly smell like roses. Effie starts rambling about unimportant crap, so I'll just explain what exactly the Hunger Games are.
74 years ago, rebels rebelled, angered by the crap we called reality T.V. They started protests trying to get America to stop watching it. Saying it killed brain cells and made people obese. The protests lasted for months and about a third of the country was in. So many channels relied on Reality TV. The networks were in ruins. But a light shone through the darkness. Panem. A little-known network, with crazy ideas usually copying from other shows. They thought of a brilliant, and somewhat already done idea. Creating what we now know as the Hunger Games.
Each year a girl and a boy from the twelve districts are chosen to compete. They fight for the chance to win two million dollars, or live in the shame of being a failure. It's every girl's dream to win the Hunger Games. Winning doesn't just mean money, oh, wait, yeah it does. And if anyone needs money, its me. My mom only has twenty cents to her name. I have to sell my body for us to survive. Oh, but not in the whore way. I mow lawns. But let me tell you, some of those dads look for anything besides their wives for enjoyment,and they're not too selfish with their money, if you know how to work 'em. Wink, wink.
"And that concludes a brief history over our game show." Finishes Effie, a collective sigh of relief spreads through the crowd like Herpes spread through our school last year. Now it's time for the fun part. I just know I'm going to get picked' I have to.
"Ladies first." She reaches into the huge glass bowl of names. She plucks one from the bottom.
"Everdeen," I start to run up, I can't believe it! "Primrose Everdeen." I stop dead in my tracks.
"That little b-otch!" I scream. The girls shoot me dirty looks but I don't care. How could my sister, my bratty, self-obsessed sister win? She pranced through the crowd and shoots me a snarky glance. Man, I want to slap her. I run up and shove her as hard as I can onto the pavement.
"WHAT THE FU-" She starts to scream, but I kick her in the ribs.
"I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!" I race up the stairs and rip the paper into shreds before Prim can get me.
"I don't think-" Effie draws in her thick southern accent, but I interrupt.
"She's a lunatic! You heard the language she was using. Do you want that on there?" I defend myself.
"Well, actually-" But I interrupt again.
"As her sister I feel it is my duty to take her place." I shoot Effie a threatening glance, and turn my ankle so she see the compact bow I have hidden in my dad's boots.
"Oh," She says, getting the message. "I see. Alright, tell me, female tribute represtin' District 12, what's your name?" Joy floods through my veins.
"Katniss Everdeen." I say proudly.
"Alright Kat, Gents next." She reaches into the boy bowl. "Mellark," three boys step forward all glaring menacingly at each other. "Peter Mellark." The smallest boy runs forward and I instantly recognize him.
"No, not him! He's my stalker!" I yell pushing him off the stage. He flails his arms back trying to gain his balance. At the same time Prim wakes up.
"I HATE YOU, KATHERINE, I HATE YOU, BIT-" But Peter lands on top of her, and I hear a loud snap as her spine breaks in two. Somehow, she's still alive, for I can hear her loud screaming. Gale waddled over and help Peter up.
"What's your name, clumsy?" Gale asks.
"Well, my mame ish Peeta." He replies with a heavy speech impediment. Gale chortles loudly and throws Peeta on stage.
"Come along, Peeta. Shake hands with Katniss." I shake Peeta's clammy hand and we head our way to the train.