These are not my characters. They belong to the author Janet Evanovich and thank you for letting us borrow them and run with our fantasies.

This story begins after the deal is consummated in the JE book number eight. I often wondered if Stephanie had not demanded a defined relationship the next morning would Ranger have pushed her away and left town. I thought not, I think he would have come back every night and this is the story of Steph's words never being spoken. Stephanie instead, hatches a crazy plan with Lula's help to get Ranger hooked and keep him.

Thanks to Mandyh my beta for all the help and patience with my questions and issues!

Warning-There will be smut and some big belly laughs

Words Never Spoken

Chapter 1

His watch alarm went off and he rose from the bed and began dressing. I got up out of bed and put my arms around him and kissed him. "Come back tonight. I want more."

"You want more what?" He had concern on his face.

"Just what we had together last night." He grinned and nodded.

(These are the words that change the outcome of this one night)

"I'll call you later." He softened and kissed me and left the apartment.

The 'deal' turned out to be a bigger deal than I could have ever imagined. I was hooked and I wanted to re-negotiate for as long as he would let me. About a month ago I was chasing bail jumper Eddie DeChooch who was trafficking contraband cigarettes all over Trenton and then shot an old lady and left her in a shed for worm food.

When I found out my Grandma Mazur was involved and things were spiraling out of control, I asked for Ranger's help. He shocked me by asking for one night in my bed for his help. I agreed. No brainer. How hard would that be? He was the hottest thing wearing pants that I had ever laid eyes on and I had secretly always wanted to know what it would be like to sleep with a super hero.

I had been dating or let's re-phrase that screwing Joe Morrelli since I cleared his name and saved his job with the TPD a while back. I can't remember him taking me on a date or doing any of the things boyfriends who love you usually do. Dates were at Pino's Pizza or in front of the TV watching ball games followed by playful and satisfying yet hurried bouts of sex. The rest of the time, he grouched at me over my choice of career and my level of competence in doing it. We had broken up recently and hey, I was a free woman.

On the other hand, Ranger was my mentor and had never wavered in his support of me and my job. He was always there and when I called, he came. Omigoodness, did he come last night. I had to shake my head to clear the memories. The man was magic and he had worked that magic on my body and I was hooked. I made a vow last night and it was that there would never be anyone else for me. Me and my 'doodah' had made a pact. My doodah was far from girlscout material but still I'm Burg. I had an idea how to get a man and this man will be mine!

I showered and dressed and fed Rex a kibble and headed to the bonds office. I walked in and both girls looked at me and grinned. Lula smirked, "What? Did Morrelli invest in a wind up toy?

I blushed. "Hell no!"

Connie said, "Oh, this is going to be good. Spill it girl!"

"Nope. But, I need to know how to lure a man and lock him down. The big guns girls. I want this man."

"Holy shit! The metaphor, It's Batman!"

Connie asked with pleading eyes, "You got a taste of the man in black?"

"Omigod, I'm still feeling the aftershocks", I squealed.

"Shit!"

"Double shit!"

"Triple shit and fuck a duck!" Vinnie poked his head out of his office.

"Ewww! Vinnie you pervert! Where is that fucking bug", Connie yelled and began picking up items on her desk and stomping like she was under an ant attack.

As sick as he was, Lula and I burst out laughing.

Lula grabbed my hand, "You dating, what's the scoop?"

"Not really sure. We didn't really commit to anything. Just one night of sex."

"Okay seriously girl, was it good? You want more of that?"

"Oh hell yes! Preferably every night."

"Then we need a Bat Plan."

I giggled, "What do you suggest based on your expertise?"

"Girl! This is serious shit. We have to plan your attack very carefully." Connie nodded furiously.

"Okay first, to the Pleasure Treasures and then to the mall!"

"What?"

"Yeah, girlfriend. You said it yourself. You need the big guns." Gulp

I stood on the sidewalk outside of the Pleasure Treasures and glared at Lula. "I'm pretty damn sure that the pervert guy over by the DVD section snapped a cell photo of us at the check out counter with this big load of kinky shit in this bag spread out all over and my mother will be calling shortly!" Just then Elton John's 'The Bitch is Back' ringtone sounded. I leveled a more lethal Burg glare at Lula. She whimpered a little and shrank back. I put my phone on speaker so she could share this with me.

"Hello?"

"Stephanie Michelle Plum, You have embarrassed me yet again!"

"As usual..Sorry bout' that."

"I just got two phone calls and my call waiting is still going off. Why can't you shop at normal stores for normal stuff? What do you need that stuff for?"

"Uh…Undercover work. Yeah…I need it for a special job?" I gave Lula a thumbs up. That was a pretty good one. Under the covers for sure. Snicker. I heard a struggle, curse words and then a thump.

"Hi Stephie girl."

"Hi Grandma."

"Are you still there? Can you pick me up a pair of those candy panties? Get the cherry flavored. A pair of them ben wa balls to exercise my cooter and…" Oh gack! Lula chuckled.

"Hold on a minute Grandma. Lula you got a pen and paper? Write this down."

"Go ahead Grandma."

"Oh okay. I need a box of condoms too. Do they come in sizes? I reckon' if they have dinky, just get that size. Wilbur's not what he used to be but, dinky or not I was told all it took was one squirt to get a girl preggers back in the day. A girl can't be too careful." Double gack! This time Lula had a grimace on her face and it's hard to gross out an ex-ho.

"Okay Grandma got it. Got to go…" I disconnected before another word came out of her mouth. I think I had already puked a little in my mouth.

I slapped a couple bills in Lula's hand and said, "You're going back in to get this."

"I never saw no dinky size condoms before. Probably have ta' special order…"

"Lula! It don't matter! That uterus prolapsed, drug the ground and dropped off like a rusted muffler twenty years ago!"

My phone rang again. "What?"

"Babe, did you accidentally hit your panic button?" I heard peals of laughter in the background.

"No, why?"

"Your location is flashing and your transmitting sound." I could hear the amusement in his voice.

"For how long exactly?"

"A while. When we heard that you didn't sound like you were in distress…well in danger anyway, we waited to send out a team."

"How many heard this?" I still heard snickers and howls in the background.

"Pretty much everyone on duty. They saw the photo as well. Babe, may I suggest a couple additions to that bag of goodies?"

"Oh for cryin'…Oh fuck off. You tell your merry gang of goobers that I said funny…yeah…haha. Revenge will be swift and painful and more embarrassing than this. My stun gun is going to be charged and ready!" I hung up on him and growled at the phone. I looked at Lula. "So what's your next big bright idea?"

I fished the panic button out of my purse and stomped it. Lula said, "Minor setback. We're still on a mission. We take care of your Granny and head to the mall. We need everything sexy."

"Lula, the enemy knows my plan now and I can't afford everything sexy. We've been infiltrated."

"I think we need to stop at the library and check out that book, you know 'The Art of War'. This is a serious mission."

"Shit. Okay. I guess for lack of any other sane idea, we'll get the friggin' book."

We shopped within my means and then we got chinese take out to get in the mood and settled in at my apartment to read the 'Art of War'.

"Okay girl. War is like fire…" "Got my ass burned today."

"Lay down your arms or they can be used against you…" "Stomped the shit out of that sucker."

"Fight the war swiftly and don't allow the enemy to turn the war in his favor…hmm." "Duh. Don't hand the enemy your war plan on a silver platter."

"For the victor, capture the state..." "I plan to capture the whole flag pole and fly my own flag."

"Position your army to deal with quick and changing conditions..." "Yeah, like what to do when you get caught looking like an idiot."

"Plan your moves in a controlled environment... " "Yep, like don't get your picture on the internet shopping for crotchless panties and fuzzy handcuffs."

"Last, you need some trainin' girlfriend."

"What kind of training?"

"Kick some ass trainin' girl."

"Let's find some hottie to teach us some kung fu' shit."

We got the phone book out. Lula was going down the list, "Kung fu shit…kung fu shit."

"Lula, it's not going to be listed under that name. Give me that."

I went down the page and read the ads. "Hmmm…The Dirty Dozen, Twelve nasty fighting techniques for any self defense situation. That sounds promising."

Lula said, "Does it involve hair pulling?..." "Yep"

"Finger pokes and scratching" "Yep"

"Biting." "Yep."

"That's the one girl. Book it."

I called and signed us up to begin tonight. I speed dialed one. "Yo."

"Yo, to you."

"Were you really planning on coming over tonight. I have a headache." I lied.

"Is that right? I'll bring some food and medicine then."

"Nope. Not necessary. I have to visit my parents. Might just sleep there." I grimaced at that whopper.

"Sleep good then Babe."

"You too."

Lula and I went to the Cluck-in-a-Bucket and pigged out before we went to the self defense class. Turns out this guy was not funnin'. He was a badass, army special forces veteran. He was given an assignment for his fellow Green Berets and Army Rangers and it was this class and these moves...No shit?

The goal was to give soldiers a handful of hard-core techniques that could easily be learned, easily mastered and easily applied in any close combat situation. Twelve techniques, shockingly brutal and fast and effective. Hell yeah. We can learn these and get ice cream afterwards.

Within twenty minutes, the instructor guy, Jerry Gordon was standing over our pitiful out of shape carcasses glaring at us. "What exactly do you two pukes want out of this class?" He was bellowing at us. Pukes? Well I resent that. Although that fried chicken in my stomach wasn't settling too good right now. I opened my mouth to speak and barfed right on his boot. Lula gagged and backed away. Way back.

He grabbed me by my yoga pants and underwear and carried me by my ass to his office. How embarrassing! He took a paper towel and scrubbed the puke off his foot into the garbage can and looked at me. I was busy trying to remove his special forces wedgie from hell from my butt crack."Why are you here?"

"I want to learn some moves."

"Bullshit. The real reason. I'm also trained to recognize bullshit when I see it."

"What does bullshit look like sir? I see no bull. Therefore, I see no bull shit."

"Ms. Plum, you do not want me to lose my patience. WHY ARE YOU HERE?" He roared at me.

"Okay…okay. Don't get your boxers in a bunch. We read the book 'Art of War' and I wanted to learn some moves to maybe tackle my sorta' boyfriend and I'm a bounty hunter too and I'm tired of getting humped by packs of dogs, rolling in garbage and wrestling naked old people. I would like a little bit more control in my life and my job."

He surprised me and laughed out loud. "Who is your sort of boyfriend?" "Um…Ranger Manoso." His eyes became wide. "He's in Trenton?"

"Yes." He laughed.

"Fucking small world my young padawan. How serious are you about learning?"

"Uh…I think pretty serious."

"You want to whip him into submission?"

"Uh yeah…exactly that."

"Bring him to his Cuban knees?"

"Hell yes."

"Make him grovel at your feet?"

"Fuck yes!"

"Okay. Then you will do everything that I tell you to do. All or nothing!"

"All Sir!" He grinned.

TBC

You guys like my Ranger? Picture him with the long hair. He be smoking hot or what?