Nobody puts Rory in the corner
Summary: Balalaika's my way. Rory's not going home alone. Is that wrong? Angsty, bitter, cynical. Typical Jess.
Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R. Jess can't seem to keep his mouth and thoughts clean, and Rory isn't always a good girl.
AN: I have no clue where this came from. I was just listening to Fall out Boy, and I got this idea. The words just kept coming out. I hope you'll all like it, even though I know the Balalaika rewrite has been done. (Just not my way :wink: )
Disclaimer: I so own Gilmore Girls. :alarm clock rings: Yeah, I so own Gilmore Girls, I so own Gilmore Girls, I so own Gilmore Girls. If I say it 34 times, it'll be true. At least, that's what I was told. (So NO, I don't own Gilmore girls. Not even the dialogue I borrowed.)
Chapter one: Nothing comes as easy as you
I knew it was not a good idea to go to dinner with that dick present, I knew it. It's just that I couldn't say no to Rory, to that begging look in her eyes.
I had always been helpless for that look, even back when I was seventeen and I first met her. If that look appeared in her eyes, I could do nothing but agree to everything she said. I was like a puppy damnit! And if I anything's the furthest from what I am, it's a puppy. Only Rory Gilmore can do those things to me.
I can't believe that after those years of not seeing each other, she still has that power over me. I hate it that she has that power over me, that she can make me do things I never wanted to do, things I absolutely despise. But I can't help it.
I'm aware this makes it sound like I hate her, hate being around her. I do hate her sometimes, hate the fact I fell for her, hate the fact that something always keeps pulling me back to her.
Some people might call it love, I would call it unfinished business. I left so many things hanging with her when I left her for the first time, and the second time, and every other time I left her, to go off somewhere, scared of what she made me feel.
Yes, me, Jess Mariano, the badass hoodlum himself, scared for what this smart, funny and beautiful small town girl made him feel; and still makes him feel. My New York friends would have laughed their asses off about that. That's why I never told them about Rory, they wouldn't understand.
Nobody understands things between me and Rory, I don't believe even her and myself understand all this. She's surprised about it, I know, because I feel the same.
I watch her over my drink, not even trying to pretend I'm interested in anything other than how she looks, what she's saying and how she acts. Fuck that dick, I think, and send Rory one of my apparently famous smirks, while the dick is starting to annoy me even more, mocking me about my novel. My novel I would want to change if I got the chance to rewrite it, but it is still my novel he's mocking.
The atmosphere is tense at this table. It feels like one word said wrong could make everything explode. I wonder who will be the one to say it. I wonder who will be the one to get mad or walk off first. I wonder who will be the last to sit here, the other two long gone.
When the dickhead tells me to send him a copy, I know I am going to be the one to leave first. This whole night had been a mistake anyway. I don't want to spend my time with him, and a girl I don't even know anymore. The Rory I knew wouldn't be like this.
"Sure," I say, trying to get a rise out of him. "Where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?"
Rory is not going to like me saying this, but I don't care anymore about what she thinks. At least, I try to pretend I don't care what Rory thinks about me. Maybe it's working.
"Jess," she says, her eyes begging me again, this time begging me not to leave like this. But this time, I don't care. This new Rory, I don't like her. I don't like the DAR-snob she has become, living at her grandparents', dating a rich blond prick, quitting Yale, quitting her mother. That's not the Rory I fell for, the Rory I couldn't help but love. That's a damn society wife to be. I never thought Rory would be like this.
I'm disappointed, so I get up, wanting to leave this place, wanting to forget what happened, wanting to forget all about Rory, knowing I can't forget about her.
"Whoa, whoa, we're just trying to keep it friendly, here, buddy," the prick says, standing up in front of me, getting in my way.
"Get out of my way," I say, giving him my cold, harsh city boy stare.
I walk out of the bar, not even looking around once, still hoping Rory will follow me, and I will get a chance to talk to her alone. Tell her what I really think, tell her what I think about her boyfriend, and what I really think about the new her.
I turn around when I hear someone also exiting the bar, and I smile when I see it is Rory who's coming outside, clearly looking for me. I hope she dumped that jerk inside.
"Jess, wait," she says, trying to stop me from leaving, probably wanting to apologize for the behavior of her boyfriend. I hope that is the case, so I can tell her what I think about the buttfaced miscreant she seems to like.
"We shouldn't have done this," I say, turning to her, finally having the chance to tell her what has been bugging me ever since what's his name showed up. I still regret agreeing to this sorry excuse for a dinner, and I'll let her know.
"He's just in a bad way lately," she says, pleading for her boyfriend, pleading for me to come back in and pretend everything's just fine and lovely. Like hell I am going to do that!
In a bad way? What a sorry excuse for an excuse is that anyway? If he is in a bad way, you just dump him, or make him feel better like you always did to me.
Oh right, I forgot. Rory Gilmore doesn't do dumping. She just stays with the guys until they dump her. It has happened with Dean – two or three times, I believe it was – and I also did it to her. This guy is just going to be the same thing all along. She's going to get hurt again.
"He's a jerk," I exclaim, trying to make her see what her boyfriend really is like. But I guess she's blind to his faults again, just like she was to Dean's faults, and my faults. Rory Gilmore is always logical, always following the same pattern. Boyfriend after boyfriend.
"He was," she admits, making it hard for me to hide a smile, because she finally realizes the truth about jerkass. "In there, definitely. I'm so sorry."
And my smile drops again. She is not seeing the truth, she just realizes he was acting jerky in there, and it's really not the same thing. Someone needs to break the truth to her. That person is going to be me, I think. She kicked every other possibility out.
"I read that guy the second I saw him," I say. "I should have begged off."
For some reason, I want her to say that she really wanted me to come with her in that bar, because she really wanted to talk to me.
"Well, I didn't want you too," she says, and I can't help the fact my smile is growing by the second, even though I don't want it too. I shouldn't care about this.
"He'd better not come out here," I reply, letting her know I will leave the second fratboy walks out of that door. The only reason I haven't left yet is because I have the chance to try and make her realize that her life at the moment is wrong for her. I don't want him to come here and ruin everything, pulling her back into society.
"Please Jess," she pleads again, again probably, hopefully pleading for me not to leave. "He had a lot to drink. He's tired form travelling. This isn't him. I swear."
She has to be kidding me if she thinks she can talk me in to actually being nice to the guy, actually believing he is in fact a really nice guy. I am never going to believe that. I am not that stupid. I feel bad she has become that stupid.
"What the hell is going on," I ask her, changing the subject to something more usefull. A subject which I can help her with. This life she's having now is so messed up it isn't Rory anymore. She has to realize this isn't her, that this is more like that snobby grandmother of hers, and that she has to change back to Rory, to the Rory I knew.
"I told you, he's tired! And his family's bugging him right now," she says, not realizing I am not talking about her precious Logan, or whatever his name is.
"I mean, with you," I yell, probably for everyone to hear, but I don't give a damn about what everyone hears. "What's going on with you?"
She can't possibly be changed that much, she can't possibly be that stupid. I am incredibly mad at her, at everyone who made her that way. At that jerk, at her grandparents, and I have a feeling the jolly green giant also had something to do with this. He's always trying to stuck his nose in Rory's business, why not in this?
"What do you mean," she asks me, a very surprised and almost scared look in her eyes.
"You know what I mean," I yell, suddenly mad as hell. "I know you. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you."
I can't believe I just said that. I can't believe I told her I knew her better than anyone. It's way too corny for me to say. But it is true. I know so much about her. I bet I know more about her than Dean ever did, than this jerk will ever do!
"I don't know," she says, making me smile, because she's finally really thinking about what I am saying. She is finally realizing this isn't right for her. I am going to continue with this.
"What are you doing," I ask her, passionately trying for her to see my point. "Living at your grandparents' place? Being in the DAR? No Yale – why did you drop out of Yale?"
I need to know her reasons, if there are any reasons to justify this decision. I believe I am starting to understand why Lorelai got so mad at Rory for dropping out. I can't believe Rory's throwing her dream away. The dream she's had since before I met her!
"It's complicated," she responds, throwing another overused cliché at me, another sorry excuse for an excuse, showing me there can't be any real reasons for it.
"It's not! It's not complicated," I yell, not understanding this, not understanding why the hell she is evading the real reason, now realizing there must be something she is not telling me. The thing that really made her drop out, the real reason for all this.
"You don't know," she says, sounding very defensive, and now I'm sure she's hiding things from me. Why can't I get through to her? Damnit, I think and sigh.
"This isn't you," I tell her once again, trying to make her listen to me. "This! You going out with this jerk, with the Porsche! We made fun of guys like this!"
I look at her, and I still can't see any proof of me getting through to her. I want to walk away right now, telling everyone I tried, but I didn't succeed. I can't do it; I can't walk away from her being like this. Strangely enough, I can only walk away from her when she's feeling great, when she's fine, and I'm just there to ruin everything for her. Now I can't.
"You caught him on a bad night," she says, evading the subject we were really talking about.
"This isn't about him," I scream, wanting to make her get it this time. "Okay? Screw him! What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?"
I look at her, and I see some signs that she just might be getting it. But now she's looking unsure of herself, as if she could start crying every second. She's sad, and it was all my fault again. Like it has been more often.
Damn it Jess, I scold myself. You promised yourself you wouldn't hurt her again. But you also promised you'd just tell her about your book and nothing more.
She is still looking unsure of herself, and I look at her questioning, asking her to tell me everything, how corny it may sound. Rory Gilmore makes me think and say corny things sometimes. I hate that. But I like it at the same time. Weird.
"I don't know," she says, wrapping her coat tightly around her, looking around, avoiding my gaze, seeming to be thinking. "I don't know."
I look at her when she finally looks me in the eyes. It wouldn't be Rory Gilmore if she couldn't get me all emotional with that sad look in her eyes. Damn her!
"Okay, uh," I say, almost stuttering, not knowing what to say anymore, all of a sudden wanting to leave as fast as I can. "Maybe, maybe we'll catch up at a better time."
I was rubbing her elbow. Why did I do that? I'm so stupid, I think when I turn to leave, a sad smile on my face. Something makes me turn around. A memory of her birthday, realizing her birthday was a couple of weeks ago, thinking I should congratulate her.
"Happy birthday, by the way," I say, making her look at me in shock. "Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? Your birthday? The big twenty-first?"
She probably thought I wouldn't remember her birthday anymore, but I do. Not because anyone told me recently, but because I remembered.
"Yeah, it was," she speaks, softly, a sad smile on her face. That might be because of the whole weirdness thing between her and Lorelai. Maybe Lorelai wasn't there on her birthday.
Something sad in her voice makes me grab my always present pen from my pocket, rip a page from my small notebook, and write my cell number down. I don't know why I do it, but I hold out my hand and give it to her, a sad smile now also present on my face.
"Don't be a stranger," I say, before I turn around and leave this place, thinking she won't call anyway. She will just rip the paper apart and throw it in the trash can, I know it.
I walk to my car, an old crappy one, not a fancy and expensive Porsche, and I smile. No deviled eggs on it, that is nice, I think and get inside.
I like to think that this was the last time I would see Rory Gilmore, but deep down, I know better than that. I know something will pull me back to her, in a while. Maybe in a year, maybe two. Maybe it will only take me a few months, maybe it will take me five years. The only thing I know for sure is that I will be the one to visit her. She won't visit me, she won't call me, she will forget about me.
I will find her living happily ever after with some guy when I return to visit her. I will drive past Stars Hollow, find uncle Luke married to Lorelai, find Rory happily married to some guy who doesn't deserve her, and find nothing else has changed.
I turn the keys, start the engine and hear some stupid song on the radio, which I turn off right away. I start driving, on my way to the hotel I stay in.
I've only been driving for not even ten minutes when somebody is calling my cell. I stop the car somewhere down the road, kill the engine and look at the caller ID showing an unknown phone number. I shrug my shoulders and pick up. What could happen?
"Hello, this is Jess Mariano speaking," I say, thinking it might be someone wanting to talk to me about my book. It could be anyone, so I pretend to be polite.
A long silence answers me, a silence like those silences I had every time I tried to call Rory when I was in California. It's a strange sense of deja-vu to me, and it is this feeling that makes me realize who the person calling me probably is. The muffled cries confirm this.
"What is going on there Rory," I ask, thinking it has to be her. "Why are you calling me? Did that jerkass say something? Did he do something to you?"
Still, I can't hear anything but muffled sobbing on the other side, and I am thinking about hanging up on her. But I'm not able to do it. I can't leave her when she's like that.
"He broke up with me," she cries, making me sigh at the clearly visible pattern. "It was because I yelled at him. Because I told him I didn't want that life anymore. I told him I didn't want him to mock you, because you did something, and I didn't. And suddenly, everything was about him, though I didn't even meant it that way, and he broke up with me and left!"
He broke up with her, typical, I think. She sounds really sad, and I hate to see her sad. Maybe that is the reason why I start my car, turn around and get on my way back to that bar in Hartford. I'm going to pick her up, I'm going to fix her. I broke her once, now I'm fixing her.
"Are you still at the bar," I ask her, already driving that way. One hand on the wheel, one hand holding on to the phone for dear life. I can't risk dropping it.
"Yeah, I'm still there," she answers, sounding a bit surprised at my question. I guess she wasn't expecting me to just turn around and come pick her up. I wasn't even expecting myself to turn around and go back to pick her up. There's something about that girl.
"Then stay there," I instruct her, manoevring through the late night traffic. "I'm on my way to pick you up just now. I'll be with you in about ten minutes. Don't worry."
And with that, I hung up on her, dropping the phone on the passenger seat, while speeding a little. I'm already driving faster than the speed limit. I look at my speed and slow down just a little bit. I don't want to be late because I got a speeding ticket, or because I got in a car accident again. Lorelai will kill me if I get Rory in another accident. I don't want to indure her wrath. Not again. The first time was bad enough. I thought she was going to kill me.
I drive for exactly eight minutes, and then I'm at the same bar I left earlier. I look for Rory, and I can't see her small frame anywhere, so I stop the car and look around. I find a crying Rory in the same place we were arguing earlier.
She looks so lost there, wrapped in her coat. I help her up, and she starts crying even more, making me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I am helping her, not hurting her.
She is finally standing, but she falls back almost straight away. I have to hold her up, and I am not really good at that, so I just lift her up. She gasps when I start walking all the way to the car, where I put her down on the passenger seat. I notice the phone just in time, and I throw it on my seat as she sits down.
I stretch my back. Rory isn't heavy, but I'm not that big of a guy. I should not risk breaking my back for her, but I do. I'm crazy like that. I am crazy for Rory like that.
I get in the car, close the door behind me, and start the engine. Then I realize I don't know where I'm supposed to take Rory. I don't know if she wants to be in her grandparents' house right now. She's in a fight with Lorelai, so I guess that's not an option. Maybe I should just ask her where Lane is. Maybe I should just ask her where she wants to go.
"Rory, where do you want to go," I ask her, looking at her. She's still sobbing, and I can imagine her being confused. I don't even know anymore why I decided to play hero.
"Can I come with you," she asks me, and my heart skips a beat. She wants to come with me? To my hotel? Is that really that good of an idea? I don't know, but I do know I can't deny her this. She doesn't have anyone else at the moment, and this thought terrifies me. I am officially everything Rory Gilmore has right now. This has to end bad, I know it.
"Fine, you can come to my hotel room with me," I say, putting emphasis on the word hotel, because I want her to realize what this all means.
"Thank you Jess," she says, and there's finally a smile on her face, a smile that – strangely enough – makes me feel like I can suddenly handle everything the world decides to throw my way. I don't know how this happens, but it does.
I drive on in silence, sometimes looking at her face. She looks more like an angel now then she ever looked before. A sad angel, one who just heard all the things going on in the world.
We arrive at the hotel, and I look at her sleeping. My back can't take lifting her again, so I have to wake her up, which I do by touching her elbow. She wakes up, and looks at me.
"We're here," I say, motioning to the small hotel I'm staying in.
She gets out of the car, and I follow suit. I close the doors, lock everything – cause we are not in Stars Hollow anymore – and walk over to her. Strangely enough, she grabs my hand and almost drags me inside the hotel.
I ignore the woman at the front desk giving me a suspicious glare, making me feel like I am corrupting an innocent girl by taking her to my room. She continues giving me that glare, until just before I walk around the corner and I notice her giving Rory a jealous one, and I can't help but smile. If she only knew what was really the case.
I open the door to my room, and again, Rory drags me inside. I don't know what she's up to, but I know she is up to something. She has to be.
She turns me to face her, and cups my face with her hands. Suddenly I know what she's up to, and what she wants, why she wanted to come to my hotel room.
She kisses me, and I forget my train of thoughts. I can't do anything but kiss her back, with all the passion I have in me, the amount of passion only she can bring up in me. This is so wrong, I can't help but think, but it's also really right. Maybe this is the closure I am looking for.
"Make love to me," she says, pulling back, while breathing softly against my ear, her eyes filled with something vaguely resembling passion.
"You have been watching way too much movies," I say, not wanting to do pity sex, even if it's with Rory. "Rory, don't do this. I know you are going to regret this in the morning."
This girl can't be serious. We haven't seen each other in years, and now she all of a sudden wants to have sex with me because her boyfriend broke up with her? No fucking way!
"So what," she says, carelessly removing her coat, dumping it on the floor. "It isn't even close to the morning yet Jess. Tomorrow, we'll see what happens."
Who is this girl and what has she done to Rory Gilmore? The Rory Gilmore I know would never even do things close to this. The Rory Gilmore I know makes pro's and con's lists about everything. The Rory Gilmore I know plans everything ahead. The Rory Gilmore I know doesn't do one-night-stands, even if it's with a boy she already knows.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me Rory," I say, angry with her for being like this. "I don't know what happened to you when I was gone, but this really isn't you. You are not the Rory Gilmore I once knew and loved. I don't know who you are anymore."
I can see her eyes filling with tears, and it hurts me, but I know it had to be said. I can't let her make even more mistakes; this one would be her biggest mistake ever.
She grabs her coat from the floor, tears in her eyes. I know she wants to leave, but I don't want her to leave. I have the strange feeling I should make a pro-con list about this.
"Rory, please don't go," I suddenly hear myself saying, and I curse my thoughts.
She turns around, and before I know it, I am putting my arms around her and I am kissing her passionately, to which she responds. Screw the morning, I think when she removes my shirt, and I see the hungry look in her eyes. Screw her regrets, I think when I see her topless, and I know I can't stop it anymore. Screw everything but this.
AN: How ya like that?
FYI: I never watched anything past Balalaika's, so there is NO April, and I'm feeling pretty good about a date named June third.
I know people will complain about Rory being out of character, but she is upset, confused, and we all know she still has some feelings for Jess. We all know stealing a boat was OOC, so why not this? I think there's more motivation for this than for the yacht thing.
Rambling, out! Anyway, please R & R. I'll send you cookies!