24 Parody
THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 AM
"Jill, it's a first, but we have a serious problem here at the office," the president announced. Palmer had a strange tendency to calling Jack Jill, and sometimes Kiefer.
"Whoa there! Don't talk so fast!" Jack was a little out of it from being awake 24 hours every day for five seasons. "What was that first thing you said?"
But by that time, the president had been reduced lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth muttering, "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water… Jacqueolate milk, Jacqueolate milk," in a very heavy Swedish accent.
Jack decided to deal with the situation by stirring very energetically multiple jugs of coffee then proceeding to dump them on himself.
Chloe walked in. "Jack?"
"I have yet to master the complexities of drinking."
Chloe ran.
12:15.57, 12:15.58, 12:15.59 BEEP BEEP BEEP
"Time to save the world…again!" Palmer proclaimed.
"Dude, that's my job. No one steals the spotlight from Jack!" Jack let out a screech and jumped on innocent passersby, pretty much anyone except for the president. He was the boss, after all.
"Yo man, who do you think you are?" asked a scary lady in ghetto clothes with a bunch of other frightening women around her.
"You're frightening!" Jack whined.
The woman turned out to be Sherry, with her newly created gang that included Nina, Kate, Audrey, and Michelle.
"How come I'm not in the gang!" Chloe complained with her awkward speech.
"You're not cool enough," said Sherry.
"Hey Hun! I didn't know you were in a gang!" exclaimed the president.
"It's a new thing I'm trying out, kind of like a second job. You think I can pull it off?" Sherry wondered.
"Definitely. So what are you doing now, fighting a rival crew?" asked David Palmer.
"Actually, yes." Jack magically appeared in his street clothes, with his gangster buddies Chase, James, and Tony. "You wanna fight? Let's fight!"
"Wow, the white collar jobs not working for any of you, huh?" the president asked. The two rival gangs continued to make cool poses and show off their bling, occasionally making worthless statements like 'Want me to put some hurt on you?' but never actually hurting each other.
12:49.57, 12:49.58, 12:49.59 BEEP BEEP BEEP
After maybe 30 minutes of this 'intimidation' of the two gangs in the office, the employees were getting bored. Cries of complaint for the no pay for the overtime were commonly heard.
Palmer had an idea. "Hey you two, how about a game of mercy?" the president asked to the leaders of both gangs. "Just to liven things up a little."
"I'm ok with it if you are, Sherry," Jack said.
"Sure. You know, we should have you over more often, Jack. How does lunch Sunday sound?" asked Sherry.
"Wonderful! I'm bringing the chicken salad!"
"Ok now on to the game!" said Palmer.
The members of both gangs cheered their leaders on as Jack and Sherry joined hands.
"Ready to loose?" asked Jack.
"I don't think so!" shouted Sherry.
"Ready, set, go!" shouted Palmer.
Sherry proceeded to dig her fingernails into the backs of Jack's hands, while Jack tried to twist his opponent's arms in ways they are not supposed to go.
Sherry and Jack were struggling for several minutes. Finally a coworker decided to make things interesting. He looked around for something he could use to create more action in this rumble, but all he could find was half a pot of Jack's coffee. He snuck up to the fighting two, and before anyone could stop him, he dumped the scalding coffee all over both opponents' hands.
Jack, of course, was use to the burning pain, since a regular pour was often a part of his day. Unfortunately for Sherry, she had normal reflexes.
"Ahhhhh! The pain! The pain!" Sherry exclaimed in pain. "Mercy!"
"Yes! Yes yes yes! I am king!" Jack was excited. He dropped Sherry's hands, which she held and examined in pain.
"You've won this round, Jack!" Sherry spit out his name in disgust. "But I'll be back for more!"
12:59.57, 12:59.58, 12:59.59, 1:00.00 BEEP BEEP BEEP