What Dies Inside Us
Summary: Yamato and Mimi just lost their child in an accident. They are trying to start over when they realize something hasn't completely left them alone. Mimato
A/N: This is a bit of a dedication to my old fics I would write in 2001-2003, mainly the use of Mimato and a certain surprise character. I hope you all enjoy. This fic will be a tad angsty, romantic, suspensful and fluffy... Also, it's slightly AU. As in no Digital World, but more or less the same goings-on as they got older.
Warnings/Pairings: Nothing too extreme in this fic, thank goodness. Um, pairings include Mimato (obviously), Taiora (for once!), Jyoukeru (cuz, why not?), and Kenyako.
1
[Moving On]
"Mimi, don't lift that," Yamato started, scooping up the box from her arms and hurrying it through the door. "That's why we have real men around, remember?"
"Like you hardly constitute that," she joked. "It's not like I'm pregnant yet."
"Taichi, Koushiro, Jyou, and Takeru will lift the rest okay? Why don't you go unpack the kitchen stuff with Sora and Hikari?"
"...so I can listen to them complain about Taichi? Or, even better, their kids?" Mimi was glaring, the word definetly dripping with envy. Yamato did his best not to bundle his fists and put a hole in their new apartment wall like he had the last place... and, despite the box clearly reading 'Living Room', took it to the bedroom just to avoid that tension. From the doorway he watched his lover- they had never been married –go take his advice and join the girls in the kitchen. Yamato heard laughing. Not Mimi's. He couldn't remember the last time in the past four months that he had heard himself laugh, either. He set down the box on the bed and stumbled around other boxes on the ground to reach an oddly placed light switch. An ugly yellow-orange glow eminated from above and made the blonde squint as he gained his bearings again.
Then his dark blue eyes landed on the box on Mimi's side of their queen sized bed. The name 'Russel' was squiggled onto it and crossed out and rewritten and crossed out.
Mimi was sitting on the floor of the empty room. They had turned the electricity off and so the cold was already seeping in, making the entire place feel, well... dead. Mimi placed a pink hoodie in the box and then took the permenant marker from her side and scribbled out the child's name.
Yamato watched breathlessly from the doorway. She hadn't even noticed him. He had hated to go to work that morning. God, she hated it when he left normally, but now... Yamato feared the worst each day when he came home, even insisting that their friends check up on her, which had led to a serious amount of fighting. In fact, Mimi made some snide remark to him about being the one who hadn't tried to kill himself once before and chickened out last minute. It was a low, personal blow and he let it slide. As much pain as he was feeling for their deceased son, Mimi was feeling it twenty times over. Yamato hadn't held the being inside him for six months and then had to watch helplessly as the baby struggled on for another two months after... Foolishly, his training kept him gone weeks at a time and his eyes began to tear up in the realization he was slowly becoming his father. Hence, no marriage so when this entire thing did fall apart like it was, he wouldn't have to deal with that horrible word. He could further take comfort in the fact that Russel wouldn't be subjected to such pain.
After a few more scribblings out and rewritings, Mimi just broke down crying, throwing her body over the cardboard box and clenching her undone nails into the sides of the cube. She felt her oak colored hair fall over her slender frame, hiding her sobbing.
Yamato's heart broke a little further as her wails echoed in the empty, cold room. He glanced around, looking at the walls that almost seemed faded, too. He recalled Russel complaining about having to paint the thing a few weeks before it happened... and the next day his arms were sore. Yamato told him he couldn't be spoiled forever- even Mimi learned her lesson eventually. The day after, Russel had thanked him.
Yamato let a squeak escape his throat as he rushed over to Mimi. She shivered at his touch- the jacket around his body was cold and wet from the rain. He kneeled next to her and held her tight, letting his tears disappear into the strands of her hair. "I'm sorry," he breathed.
She clutched his wrist tight and sobbed some more.
"Oi, Yamato."
The blonde grumbled, being snapped from his thoughts so rudely by no other noise making monster than Taichi. "Yes?" the blonde asked with sarcasm.
"Lunch is almost ready," he said, noticing where his best friend had been looking. He frowned slightly- but nothing that would indicate true, heartfelt regret. No, just pity. Yamato hated that. Still, he knew Taichi didn't mean anything by it. It was just who he was. "You will eat something today, won't you?"
"Yeah, if you'll stop pestering me," Yamato smiled and gave a chuckle as he brushed past his best friend.
Taichi shivered. Sure, four months had come and gone, but the pain in his friend had only time to fester and it worried him. "Oi," he called. "We should all talk about that mission you got assigned to."
Yamato nearly stopped halfway down the hall. "Yeah, Mars. Can you believe it? Three years in space." He shook his head and continued to the kitchen. He was relieved at least to see Mimi smiling, but he knew they were both just trying to act tough in front of everyone. Inside, Yamato wanted more than anything to just shut down and die, but that was what was expected of him and he just couldn't fall victim to something so weak. Mimi, on the other hand, was very good at showing her emotions when she was younger, but learned later on that there was a time and place and it wasn't in a room with your friends who were clearly there trying to support you. Or in Yamato's case, pity you.
"I hope cucumber is okay," Sora said happily, setting the plate down. "There wasn't much else."
"It's fine. Thank you," Yamato whispered, taking a seat on the couch. Cucumber sandwiches and sushi were laid out in front of him. He didn't feel like eating, but Taichi's stare was threatening. Yamato took at least one piece and ate it and was glad, it was good. However, it only stirred a rumbling in his stomach. "So, what are your plans for your big tenth anniversary?" He gave a hinting smile Taichi's direction.
The slightly tanned skin of the boy's cheeks flushed pink, "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"None of that," Sora started, "Last thing I need is you two boys bickering." A pause as she gathered her own plate, "Yamato, thank you for asking. We're actually going to a resort on Tuesday. It's not just for what you think, either. There's plenty of things for couples to do."
"You guys should go," Taichi said without thinking.
Mimi and Hikari were joining them and Mimi and Yamato exchanged glances. Mimi sighed with frustration, "We can't. Yamato's leaving in a week."
"Oh, is it that soon?" Taichi questioned.
"Yeah. It is," Yamato confirmed, eating a sandwich just so he wouldn't have to talk.
"Must be exciting for all that hard work to pay off," Koushiro noted. He and Jyou had caught the tail end of the conversation as they brought up yet another box of books. They had never taken Yamato to be much of a reader, and, thinking it to be a box of Mimi's dime-store romance novels, tore open the box in an attempt to throw them down the elevator shaft in anger. Then they realized it was just notebook upon notebook of Yamato's old songs, drawings, and even a dabble of writing. Not ones to snoop, they promptly closed it and headed upstairs.
Sora noticed the quiet fall over the room. She had every intention of this not being one of those awkward get togethers where someone said something to piss Yamato off that would result in a huge fist fight or him getting wasted or Mimi running off crying. Like the old days, she thought. It was funny then, but they were adults now and things had to be handled maturely and delicately.
"Where's Takeru?" Yamato asked suddenly, still ever-watchful over his younger brother to this day.
"Oh, he said he was locking up the car. Should be up any moment," Jyou explained, revealing he no longer had Yamato's keys.
Takeru was satisfied after the third click and fifth honk that the large van was locked and then began to hop up the stairs and into the building. In the lobby he passed by a young man with smooth, purple hair and a trenchcoat. He wouldn't notice such a thing normally, except that the shine of a golden police badge had caught the light of the ceiling and blinded him as he walked past.
"Hey," the cop said. His voice was surprsingly sweet.
Takeru, always eager to be social and friendly, "Hello there."
"Moving in?" the man asked, motioning to the van outside.
"Not me. My brother and his girlfriend," Takeru replied.
"Ah. This is a nice place. My name is Ichijouji, Ken. If you see my around, give me a holler if you need anything."
"Thank you," Takeru said, bowing.
Ken just smiled and turned on his heels, leaving into the pouring rain with no umbrella.
"He's gonna catch a cold like that," Takeru chuckled.
He wondered briefly if something was amiss and continued towards the elevator.
He had been happy to see Yamato with Mimi and even happier to have a nephew. Takeru and Jyou hadn't found time for children of their own, so on the occasion they got to take care of Russel, the younger blonde remembered those times and kept them close to his heart. The boy had looked more like his mother, with the attitude of his father. Not the best combination. He had an arrogance he couldn't shake, but it didn't mean it got in the way of his kindness and loyalty to others. Taichi and Sora's children and Russel had been good playmates, even.
Takeru held the metal wall of the elevator in his palm, steadying himself. He couldn't break down, not when his brother was suffering more than him... but Russel had truly been like his own child in a way and like Yamato and Jyou, Takeru had learned to hold things in and surely, they would break.
He joined the others who were sitting in silence and eating. "Aw, come on, what's with the long faces? Isn't this place great?"
"It really is," Sora agreed, giving Takeru a nod. She could always depend on him to brighten the mood. Usually she would turn to Taichi for such optimism but even he was feeling the pain his best friend was feeling. One of his greatest fears had been losing his own children, especially early on. Now that it was becoming a somewhat reality to him, Sora could forgive him for being down. "I hear there's even a cop living here, so it must be super safe."
"Yeah, that last place you guys were at was going to Hell," Taichi admitted with a smile.
"Don't remind me," Yamato said, bundling a fist. He had wanted SO badly to outright murder their last landlords, especially with how they had treated Mimi. Luckily she had handled things towards the end, knowing Yamato's threats of arson to be not-so-farfetched.
"I saw him on the way in," Takeru said, sitting down.
"Who?" Jyou questioned, giving his husband a glance.
"The detective living here. He seems nice. He even said to let him know if you need anything," Takeru continued. "His name was Ichijouji, I think. Kind of hard to forget, right?"
"Ichijouji?" Yamato wondered. He had heard the name before.
"Mmm? Someone you know?" Taichi questoined.
Yamato, deciding the name was merely as unique as his younger brother made it out to be, nodded the thought away, "Nah."
"I'm sorry," Sora said suddenly, looking up at the antique clock on the mantel of the fireplace. "I have to go..." she trailed off as if saying more, but hesitating.
"Oh, Tsukuyomi and Jaciru..." Taichi whispered. "We're late. They're gonna be mad as hornets."
Yamato smiled. He didn't notice as Mimi clenched the napkin in her hands. The couple thanked them and in turn, Yamato thanked them for the food, then they left. It seemed like everyone left quickly after, exhausted from a hard day of moving, save Jyou and Takeru, who had more time to spare. Their jobs were rather free-flowing and with no children to distract them, they both agreed in silence that their time was better spent consoling those they knew how to console.
Yamato had gone off to the balcony for a smoke and Takeru followed. That left Jyou and Mimi finishing their tea at the tiny coffee table, still scattered with crumbs, saucers, and paper towels. "How are you doing, Mimi?" Jyou asked finally. "I'm sure you've been asked that a lot lately."
"Yes," she said, her voice strained. "I'm so glad everyone came by. Everyone's trying so hard. I wish I could be stronger, like Yamato. Then again..."
"He's not being strong, I assure you," Jyou replied worriedly. The two were good friends and he knew right off that the man was troubled. He could sense it in the way he subtly carried himself and when Takeru did have an off day, the mannerisms were rather similar. "...then again, what?"
"He's leaving, so it doesn't matter, does it?" Mimi sniffled, tears welling around her eyes.
"He's not leaving you, Mimi," Jyou pressed.
"He's going to be gone for three years, Jyou. Three!" Mimi barked, ripping the napkin in half. "I need him with me right now."
"...you know he isn't going to open up about this," Jyou reminded, "And he's been looking forward to this for almost a decade now. You saw this coming when you got back together, you knew about this a year ago-"
"That was when Russel was still alive!" she wailed.
"...I know," Jyou breathed.
"He's so selfish..." Mimi sobbed, not even bothering to hide her drooling make up with her hands. "In a week... he'll be gone. He acts like he cares, but I know he doesn't."
"That's not true at all. Don't think like that."
"...I know. I sound like a little idiot, don't I?" she whispered. "All I want is... for him to just stop running away from me. Anytime things get hard, all he does is destroy himself to make himself feel better. He worries about me to the point I wonder if he thinks about anything else. See, how he's out there smoking? You know he quit when Russel was conceived..."
"He always promised he would. I will have to give him a stern lecture later. Took him a few years for his lungs to recover last time," Jyou sighed, realizing the doctor in him was coming out.
Mimi then giggled and it was a beautiful sound. "Thank you, Jyou. You always know what to say to me."
"I doubt Takeru is having an easy time," Jyou replied, chuckling a little. "Glad I'm not his brother."
Mimi snorted a little as she laughed and placed her hand on Jyou's, giving it a squeeze.
"Brother~, I thought you quit," Takeru whined, waving off the smoke from entering his eyes.
"I saved this as a reminder," Yamato said, holding up the freshly opened pack. Still, they tasted stale to him. They were seven years old now. "Guess I don't need it anymore."
"You're going to sit out here and brood, aren't you?"
"So what if I am?" the blonde remarked, leaving over the rail. He glanced down at the people walking below and the city ahead of him. God, he missed the country, but Mimi insisted. No matter, he would have all the wide open space he could conquer in a week.
"Mimi needs you-" "I'm there for her." Takeru paused as his brother cut him off, then continued what he was going to say, "No, Mimi needs you to open up to her. God, you look like an apathetic asshole, Yamato."
"Maybe that's how I feel," he retorted, giving a long breath of smoke.
Takeru's face scrunched up with frustration, "How can you not feel anything? He was your son!"
Yamato white-knuckled the rail, resisting the urge to push Takeru back through the glass sliding door. "I don't know!" he exclaimed. He heard Mimi arguing with Jyou as well... things certainly weren't going well for anyone. "I don't fucking feel anything. I know I'm supposed to be sad, miserable even, but there's nothing here. Nothing!"
"Y-Yamato," Takeru started, his face frowning. "I didn't know... I thought you were just putting up that front you always do."
"Well, I'm not," the blonde scoffed. "Now, can you leave me alone? I don't want to talk about this. Go make sure Mimi is okay."
"I'm not leaving you out here alone," Takeru whispered, still unable to look his brother in the eyes. Not that Yamato was looking at him until that very comment.
"Is that supposed to mean something, little brother?"
Takeru could take a hint. He opened the screen door and then slid it closed with a slam, startling Yamato, making him drop the cigarette onto whatever idiot was walking three stories down. He sighed and buried his face in his hands.
"Asshole," Takeru remarked, storming back around the couch, back around Jyou, who looked on worriedly. Their laughter had been haulted by the brother's cursing and Mimi sighed.
"I guess it didn't go well."
"Did he say anything at all?" Jyou pressed, just as worried as Takeru was about their friend.
"Just confirming to me that he doesn't feel a damn thing for anyone, not even himself," Takeru remarked, heading into the kitchen for a glass of water.
Jyou patted Mimi on the hand and rushed to his husband, having heard the cracking in the boy's voice. "...are you alright?"
"I don't know," Takeru replied. "I just don't understand. How can he not feel anything at all? Russel doesn't deserve that..."
Jyou held Takeru in his arms. "Takeru, give him time."
"It's been four months-"
"Some people grieve differently than others... his numbness is his sorrow, even if you don't understand that."
"...he's going off the deep end again," Takeru sniffled. "Just like when Mom died."
Jyou had noticed Takeru's gaze, never leaving the balcony. Jyou gave a sigh. "Mimi..."
The once-mother smiled, "Yes, Jyou, we would be happy if you stayed here tonight. Yamato needs a little company, after all." She gave a wicked smile that told him Mimi would manage just fine. If there was one thing Mimi loved more than her son, it was Yamato. And aggravating Yamato. She wasn't going to let her husband slip away so easily... and she still held the hope that he would decide to stay in the end, because if her efforts failed... then... she knew he would leave her either way.