Pity Hidden In The Eyes
She hates the way she looks at him.
There's pity in her eyes; so much pity, she can feel it burning through her eyeballs and making its way through the back of his head (because, hell, her eyes are just pity pity pity even he could see it so he turns around because he doesn't want to hate her although she wouldn't blame him if he did) and she tries to keep the pity locked up somewhere in the back of her mind and she tries hard to not let it come to her eyes but she keeps failing, she's always failing.
At least she manages to keep the words down. She pushes them down her throat, doesn't let them out even if it lets makes her want to puke. She chokes on them, but she keeps them in, swallows them down, doesn't let them out because the truth is she doesn't want him to hate her and just the thought of it makes her want to cry and cry and never stop because he is her best friend he is her family and without him she is as good as dead.
She's been FitzSimmons for so long the thought of becoming just Simmons scares the hell out of her.
But there are times when she can't look at him. Times when just a glance at his direction causes her eyes to water and her hands to tremble because he loves her so much even now, even when he is broken because of her, even when she never told him she loved him back.
He still loves her and she loves him, too, just not in the same way and it pains her that she can't return his affections.
She wants him to get better. Wants him to find himself again because she knows that just like she doesn't remember how to be just Simmons anymore, he doesn't remember to be just Fitz and maybe they should take some time apart, take time to find out where Simmons ends and Fitz begins and maybe then they could be FitzSimmons again. Maybe then their friendship wouldn't be as strained and complicated as it is now and maybe then he'll fall out of love with her and maybe they could start everything all over again.
She looks at him one last time and gives him a light smile. He smiles back, but she sees that it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
His smile is rare and not as bright as it used to be and she thinks that, maybe, it's her fault.
So when Coulson comes to her with an undercover operation, she takes it and leaves.
Maybe Fitz will be better off without her.