Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to the brilliant J.K. Rowling. I'm not making any money off of this.
Author's Note: This is crack, pure and simple. I read a summary of a fic last night where Hermione is entered (against her knowledge) into a contest where she wins a cruise with Draco Malfoy. Then I wrote this. Literally in one sitting, and staying up all night to do so. It is a ridiculous concept. Completely and utterly.
This is part one of two. The next part is already written, but I'll probably wait a day or so before posting it. It could use a bit of editing, probably.
Some things will not be explained. In the sense that I don't give any background story about how anyone unusual becomes friends. Or how Ron Weasley comes to have a seemingly excessive amount of money. I have a reason in my mind why he has such riches, but I don't address it in the story. It is what it is.
After I post the second part, that will be the end. I will not expand on it. So, just be prepared for that.
For anyone reading Therapy Sessions, I promise I worked on it too; half of the next chapter is already written! But, maybe you'll enjoy this too?
Hermione stood with the other ladies in a dressing room behind the stage, feeling more than a little ridiculous. She couldn't exactly remember how Ginny had talked her into this, but now that she thought about it, it was possible the redheaded vixen had slipped something into her gillywater the night they had discussed it.
'"Mione, it'll be fun! Besides, it's for a good cause. They need at least eight women, and Padma had to drop out because she came down with dragon pox."
"That's a pity," she'd replied acidly, "Padma would have been sure to fetch a much higher offer than I will."
She fiddled with her necklace, rubbing the silver pendant between her fingers as she tried to ignore how her navy dress robes were cut just a little too low in the front for her liking.
A shrill laugh, almost like a shriek, cut through the room. Parvati and Lavender, as much in cahoots now as they had been at Hogwarts. She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Her blood seethed when she thought about how beautiful they both looked, and what high offers they were sure to receive. This night was going to end horribly for her.
She needed a drink. She walked over to a small table by the door, draped with a black linen cloth and topped with numerous glasses of champagne. She grabbed a flute, thought better of it, and snagged another before walking back toward her empty corner of the room. She had arrived earlier than requested, of course, and the only other women here besides her, Parvati, and Lavender, were Katie Bell and Cho Chang, and she certainly wasn't going to join in that conversation.
The door opened. Pansy Parkinson walked in with Daphne Greengrass. Relief flooded her stomach as she waved them over.
"Pansy. Daphne. Thank Merlin you're here."
They both smiled at her as they approached, although Pansy's was much warmer and more genuine. "Hermione! You look fucking hot."
Hermione blushed. "You're just trying to make me feel better. But it's appreciated."
Before Pansy could offer up a retort, the door flew open, and a certain wild-eyed Weasley bee lined straight for them.
"Good evening, Ginevra," Hermione spat icily. "So glad you've finally arrived. Guess who else is here?"
"Katie," Ginny rushed out. "I know, 'Mione, I'm so sorry, I only just found out. Believe me, if I had any idea she was involved I never would have asked-"
Hermione held up her hand, stopping her friend's apology.
"It's fine," she sighed quietly, her sudden temper dissipating. "I knew you couldn't have known, that you never would have-"
"I wouldn't," agreed Ginny earnestly.
There was a brief, awkward silence. Pansy broke it.
"So I take it the little chit is still shagging your ex? And she's showing her face, here? Some people have no shame."
Pansy had said this loudly, because she didn't really have any shame either. Hermione put her hand on her friend's arm, a gesture meant to convey both Hermione's desire for her to control herself, but also her appreciation of Pansy's protectiveness of her. Hermione glanced over at Katie, and could tell by the frozen quality of her smile that she had definitely heard what Pansy said. It filled her with no small amount of vindictive pleasure, which really, she should feel rotten for, but she didn't. Not one little bit.
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Fifteen minutes later and Hermione had already finished two glasses of champagne and was starting on her third. The auction was going to start in five minutes. She hoped to finish her fourth glass before it was her turn. She was seventh on the list, next to last. Too far back, she thought to herself woefully. No one would make her an offer. It would be mortifying. Mortifying.
"Why did I let you talk me into this again?" she asked Ginny through gritted teeth. Ginny looked at her sideways.
"I'm not sure I should tell you this," she began-
"Tell me what?" Hermione interjected. Her voice was about two octaves higher than normal.
"Hermione, men will definitely make offers for a date with you. You're beautiful, and brilliant, and successful, and one of the bloody saviors of the wizarding world-"
Hermione snorted derisively.
"-but just in case no one does, Harry's going to. 1,000 galleons."
Hermione's heart stuttered to a stop. She was not sure if this made her feel better or worse.
Ginny fixed her with that hard, blazing look she had. "It's not going to be necessary, Hermione. Just because my idiot brother is a complete and total arsehole doesn't mean-"
"Don't," Hermione implored her, shaking her head. "Just don't."
A brief silence lapsed between them.
"Tell Harry I said thanks," she finally said meekly.
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Parvati went first. The bidding started off at fifty galleons. An offer was quickly made by a young, good-looking wizard whose name Hermione did not know, but she knew he worked at the Daily Prophet with the non-dragon poxed half of the Patil twins. His offer was countered by Blaise Zabini, which caused a stir in the audience. Parvati's co-worker co-countered, a little fiercely. The words "two hundred galleons" barely had time to escape his lips when Zabini lazily offered up an astounding five hundred galleons. Parvati's co-worker was red in the face, but said nothing more. The gavel was pounded, and Zabini had secured himself a date with the beautiful Gryffindor to scattered applause. Parvati had left the stage slightly flushed, but also looking pleased with herself at the bit of drama she had caused.
Lavender went next, then Cho Chang. Both girls inspired some back-and-forth among the audience's male members, but neither of them ended on sums as impressive as Parvati's. Ginny was fourth. For a few tense moments, after the bidding was opened, no offers were made. The reason behind this had nothing to do with Ginny's desirability and everything to do with the fact that she was dating Harry, and there wasn't a man in the audience willing to try and do anything to mess with that.
Then Harry stepped forward, and offered 1,000 galleons, and the gavel was pounded.
It was Katie Bell's turn. Hermione tried desperately to ignore the playful banter that took place in the audience then, tried to ignore the multiple men who made offers for a date with her, like Oliver Wood, who had recently been promoted from the reserve team of Puddlemere United to the first string of players, or Michael Corner, who she'd heard had shagged half of the Holyhead Harpies, the team that Katie played for, and was obviously trying to add one more notch to his belt. But she couldn't ignore any of it, her ears strained to catch every word, every offer that was made; she committed it to her memory, so that she could torture herself with it later, but of course, the crowning moment was when Ron stepped forward to put an end to it, and offered up 600 galleons on her behalf, and Katie had positively beamed.
Hermione wanted to throw up. She knocked back the rest of her champagne instead. Pansy squeezed her hand in solidarity.
Daphne was next. She stepped out on stage to a general sigh of delight (she was intensely beautiful, really), and the men bid amongst themselves eagerly, a great back-and-forth, mostly slightly older men Hermione did not know, which made sense, because everyone her age knew about Daphne, and these older men would find out soon enough.
Eloise Midgen stepped forward, skin finally clear by the age of twenty two, as she offered up 350 galleons. A shocked silence fell over the crowd, and the mouths of the men who had been bidding fell open. Hermione fought to suppress a giggle. Lee Jordan repeated the offer (for he was the auctioneer/emcee for the evening), said it was going once, going twice-
One of the men, older than all the others, in his mid to late thirties perhaps, had stepped forward, mouth open, obviously intending to counter-offer-
The gavel pounded. He had been too late. Daphne sighed in relief, and smiled down at Eloise.
Finally, it was Hermione's turn. She steeled herself, taking a deep breath, tapping into her famous Gryffindor courage, and walked on only slightly-shaking legs into the spotlight.
"And here we have Hermione Jean Granger," Lee was saying to the audience, "and my, she looks ravishing this evening, doesn't she? Top of her class at Hogwarts, member of the Golden Trio, and currently employed at the Ministry of Magic in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Let's start the bidding at 50 galleons, folks!"
Hermione closed her eyes briefly, preparing herself for the inevitable silence that would follow, as it had with Ginny, although for entirely different reasons. But then Lee spoke again. Her eyes snapped open.
"I'm not really sure I'm allowed to do this, as the auctioneer, but I'll put in an offer for fifty galleons." The audience laughed in appreciation. Hermione smiled weakly.
"Any counter-offers?" he asked.
Seamus Finnigan piped up, to Hermione's amazement. His offer was countered by Terry Boot, of all people. The two went back and forth, with Lee occasionally chiming in again. The offer was at 200. Then 250. Hermione allowed herself to smile. 250 was a respectable offer. It would be the least of the final offers so far, but at least there had been offers. Someone stepped forward, from the back of the room.
"500 galleons," they declared, in a peculiar accent. Every eye swiveled toward the foreigner.
"Krum?" Lee asked incredulously. "Viktor Krum?"
Hermione's breath hitched. She hadn't even known Krum had been invited to this event. Her heart soared. They'd been in vague contact since her graduation, but Ron had never liked it much. She'd enjoy going on a date with Viktor, for a number of reasons, the least of which certainly was not the fact that it would infuriate her former boyfriend. She smiled down at him radiantly. He looked back up at her, his characteristic scowl softening.
"500 galleons," she heard Lee saying, "going once, going twi-"
"1,000 galleons," boomed another voice, coming somewhere from the left of the room. She squinted her eyes. Why had Harry bothered bidding on her?
"1,000 galleons!" exclaimed Lee excitedly. "Krum, would you like to make a counter-offer?"
Krum scowled, and shook his head.
Lee pound the gavel. "Sold! Would the mysterious bidder please come forward and claim his prize?"
Hermione's heart rate increased exponentially as the crowed parted, and a tall (too tall, there was no way it was Harry), slim figure emerged from the dark. Then her heart came to a complete stop.
Draco Malfoy smirked up at her from the front of the stage, his grey eyes dancing with mischief.