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Coulson first realized that Ward had a problem with people touching him only weeks after he rejoined the team. Fitz leaned over Ward to grab something and accidentally touched an arm. Ward flinched – something no one else seemed to notice except for Coulson – and then tried to calm himself down. And now that he thought about it, it wasn't the first time this had happened. Any time anyone (except Skye) touched him, he reacted the same way. Considering the extent of the abuse he suffered because of his family and Garrett, this actually wasn't surprising. And he knew this was normal for some abuse victims, per the research he had done after finding out the full, horrifying truth about Ward's life. "Why are you staring?" Ward questioned.
Coulson shook himself out of his dark thoughts. "I'm not staring. Anyway, who wants to cook dinner tonight?" He resolved to watch out for this behavior in the future and laughed when the kids started fighting.
Fortunately (or unluckily) for Coulson, he didn't have to wait too long. The next morning, everyone was getting ready to take down a Hydra cell when Trip laughed at a joke Ward told and clapped him on the back. Ward recoiled instantly and stopped laughing. A confused Trip shot a look towards Coulson who mouthed that he'd explain later. "I'm sorry – should warn you before I do that," Trip told him.
Ward shrugged. "It's fine. No big deal," he lied.
Neither Trip nor Coulson bought it, but the three of them rushed out of the Bus to hunt down the former SHIELD agents they were after. It was a job well done.
Once Ward was asleep, Coulson shook the others awake and herded them to the kitchen. "Why are we awake?" an annoyed Fitz questioned.
"Because I need to talk to you about Ward when he's not here."
Everyone snapped to attention. "This has something to do with why he reacted the way he did when I slapped him on the back today," Trip guessed. He still felt guilty for unintentionally hurting Ward, even after everything the man had done.
Coulson nodded. "Good guess – you're right."
"What are you talking about?" Fitz was too tired to follow this conversation.
"Yesterday, Fitz touched Ward's arm – he flinched. Today, Trip clapped him on the back, and he nearly had a meltdown. Anyone else seeing the pattern?" He really hoped he didn't have to explain this to them, but it looked unlikely that they understood.
Skye gasped. "Oh God. His past. He doesn't like to be touched because of his family's abuse. Garrett's too." How had she not seen this before?
Fitz felt guilty because he remembered repeatedly clapping Ward on the back. "He always looked angry, but I figured it was all in good fun. He really doesn't like to be touched?"
"Yes. It's called touch aversion, and it's very common with abuse victims. I just want to tell you to please be careful with Ward. The therapy he's started seems to be helping, but it can't erase his past. He's had to deal with abuse for over thirty years, and he'll have to deal with that trauma for the rest of his life."
"But wait, he's fine when I touch him. In fact, he even touches me." Skye stared at all of them, confused.
"I think it's because he loves you." That came from Jemma and she smiled nervously when everyone turned to stare at her.
Coulson cringed. He didn't want to think about that. "He's comfortable with you, Skye. He's never done anything like that when you've touched him?"
She shook her head before she remembered something. "He did in the beginning – it physically pained Ward when I touched him – but something changed. At Providence, he didn't react at all – except with happiness – when I touched him. And he grabbed my hand to hold it when we were leaving. That wasn't me."
"That was a big step for Ward then. Try seeing how he reacts if you attempt anything," Jemma suggested. Like the others, she worried about him.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Trip really didn't think so. They were experimenting with a man's trauma for fuck's sake. He didn't like it.
"We have to see. And maybe we should tell him to bring it up to his therapist." Coulson knew Ward was willing to do anything to earn forgiveness, something that wasn't going to be easy. But they were all working for it and trying to help.
"I don't like that we're talking about him behind his back again." May was all for Ward earning redemption, but talking about him like this? Didn't sit well with her at all. Maybe it was because she had seen the affect John Garrett still held on and witnessed the abuse with Skye right before the man's death. That had been a huge wake-up call.
"She's right. We need to include Ward in these conversations." Skye felt a little guilty now, which wasn't new. She had experienced this same feeling right before Ward shot and killed Garrett after the older man's emotional abuse finally got to him. In that moment, it had finally clicked for him about what his mentor was truly like.
"We will, but we shouldn't scare him. He's constantly on edge." Trip didn't trust Ward, but he still liked him. And he was going to try his best to make the other agent comfortable around him. He just wished he had seen Garrett's true self before so this could have been prevented.
Coulson agreed with him there. "We'll discuss in the morning. Go back to bed."
But Fitz found he couldn't sleep. Now that he realized how his actions affected Ward, he wondered how else he had unintentionally hurt the man who had become like a brother to him. Why hadn't he said anything before? If Ward had told him to stop, he would have immediately. But maybe Ward thought he couldn't – it had been drilled into him for years that "no" wasn't an option. He decided that he'd finally get around to telling Ward he'd forgiven him for dropping him and Jemma in the ocean; that he understood. He knew Ward still felt guilty for that, even though he had been trying to save them from Garrett's wrath.
The next afternoon, when Ward sat down in the commons area, they all decided to confront him then. "You have an issue with people touching you." May got right to the point.
Ward frowned. "What?"
"We realized you have a touch aversion problem after what I did to you yesterday. Sorry about that, man. Won't happen again," Trip promised. He smiled when Ward stared at him in confusion.
"We understand why, Grant. People touching you never ended well for you, right? It ended in pain every single time." Skye had done her own research last night and was even more determined to help him.
"You could have told us, Ward. We would have modified our behavior." Fitz grinned.
Ward looked down at his lap. Feeling grateful, terrified, and overwhelmed, he floundered. "Thank you."
"Talk to your therapist about this, Grant. We want what's best for you and for you to get the help you need." Coulson would never stop supporting him.
"You don't mind when I touch you, Grant. Remember when we made out in Providence?"
Coulson closed his eyes at the reminder. "Stop saying that!"
Skye laughed. "Can I touch you?"
Ward nodded. "Of course you can. I don't mind."
She smiled at him encouragingly and made sure her hand was in eyesight as she picked up his hand. For once, Ward didn't flinch. "I like this," he murmured.
"Yeah? So do I." Skye hadn't fully forgiven him yet, but she was getting there.
His lips curled up into a smile. "I'm glad." He interlocked their hands and then leaned his head against her shoulder. "Comfortable."
Skye looked up at them with tears in her eyes, wishing all over again that John Garrett was alive so she could kill him painfully. "I'm glad. Grant, you don't ever have to worry with me, okay? I'm not going to leave you."
"Good." His abandonment issues (along with his many other traumas) ran deep, and he constantly worried the team would decide one day that he wasn't worth it. He knew it was the truth, and he waited for the day everyone else realized it.
The team would make sure that Ward didn't have to deal with his problems alone. He didn't have to be scared of them or worry about consequences. He could earn his redemption soon, even though he didn't quite believe it was possible.
The team would protect Grant Ward to the best of their abilities and make sure that no one ever got their hands on him. They were a family and no one could tear that away from them.