A/N: Just a little oneshot thought of while listening to Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson. This is one of the songs that EVERYONE should have heard at least once, so I recommend that if you haven't heard it, listen to it. Find it on Youtube or something. Hope you like it. -A (Post- Judgement Day)
Man in the Mirror
I didn't know who I was, I realized as I stared at the alien Neal in the mirror. It wasn't me. No, it was me; a man on the wrong side of the law, a man on the run, a man who hurt people. It wasn't the me I wanted to see.
I wanted to see the man I'd been back in New York, after prison. Peter had taught me that there was more to life than conning, than getting something for nothing. There was friendship and love... and family. That's what I'd had.
My whole adult life, I'd tried get everything I wanted without earning it. I stole it from those who did earn it. Sure, there were a few people who didn't, but that didn't make it any less wrong. I'd gotten what I didn't deserve.
But this time, I deserved everything I got. I wanted to stay in New York, but Kramer took that away. I wanted to start over with Sara, but I had to flee. What was worse, Peter could lose his job, and possibly go prison for aiding and abetting a criminal. That's something I would never get off my conscience. And I deserve all of it.
But those were just what I thought I'd wanted. Well, I did, but no matter what I did, none of that would happen. Either I'd be were I was now, in D.C. with Kramer, or in prison. As I stared at my reflection, what I really wanted snapped itself into prospective. I wanted to be able to look in the mirror and see a man I could have been proud of. Not a criminal staying on an anklet to stay out of jail. Not a thief who robbed people blind. Not a man on the run looking for his white picket fence. An honest man, a man people respected.
But I'd made myself everything I loathed now. I brought all of this upon myself. I could never be the man I wanted to be. I stared into the deep, blue eyes that watched me with distaste and I saw determination burn through them.
I may never be that man, but that didn't mean I couldn't try. I swore to myself then and there, if I got out of the mess I was in I would try to be a better me. Maybe some day I would see the man I wanted to be looking back at me when I looked in the mirror.