Chapter 1: Losing the dog

Disclaimer and author's note: Oro and I wrote this.. In this chapter I own the dog..and James.. Oro owns herself and William.. and basically also his kilt..
Oh.. and the bit about not being a man alive who can keep up with us.. that's true.. but still..my boyfriend likes to try...

Oh well.. just..read..and review please!

"Okay..now.. listen very carefully.. you're a cow..and a cow goes Moooooh... not Woof". Remco stares up in utter confusion. He wags his tail and continues drooling. Lona sighs in frustration. "He isn't getting it, why is it so hard to teach a dog how to be a cow?". She sinks down on the wooden bench. Tina shrugs and eyes the dog "Is he getting those black spots?" "Well.. not really..but his nose is black.. that counts..doesn't it?". Remco, the Golden Retriever Dog, gives up and starts looking for a stick. "He isn't giving any milk either" "No off course not.. he's male!" "And a dog" "Yeah.. but.. I'm trying to let him forget that" "It isn't really working is it?" "No" "Surprising"

Lona stands up again "Remco! Here boy". Remco trots over, carrying his stick with pride. He drops it in front of her feet, wagging his tail furiously. "Ok.. Rem.. WOEF!" Remco barks back. "Good boy..again...WOEF" He perks his ears and barks again.. "Good.. now pay attention.. MOOH" Remco wags his tail and pants, while totally not responding. Rolling her eyes Lona drops down besides Tina again. "Piece of cake?" "Sure" Tina hands Lona a piece of chocolate cake. "So, how the bass thing going?" Tina swallows her chunk of cake and smiles "Great.. It sounds a lot better than last time". Tina and Lona are 2 girls.. well.. they prefer the term Women.. mind the capital W.. They met at high school in the first class, and well.. they're both a bit strange. Being 20 years old and still trying to teach a dog how to be a cow should testify for that.. both single.. there isn't really a man alive who can keep up with these two..
Remco is Lona's dog.. like said before.. a Golden Retriever, male.. with a lot of testosterone floating around. He has white hair.. and lots of it.. very fluffy dog.. with floppy ears.. a great guard dog too.. he beats burglars to death while wagging his tail..or if that doesn't work he drowns them in dribble.

After another fifteen minutes of idle chit chat Lona stands up suddenly. "Where's Remco?". Looking around the girls start walking along. "Remco! Here boy!" "Here cow!" "You know.. perhaps he's confused by now.. not knowing if he's a dog or a cow.. could really get to a dog y'know? Mistaken identity and such?" "Do you think so? Nah..he'll come running back for a sweet" Lona stops walking and fumbles in her bag. Then Tina starts tugging her arm and points at the bushes "There he is!" Something white bolts away from the girls, who immediately set in a pursuit. "Stupid dog" Lona mutters as the girls run into the bushes. They don't get far. After a couple of yards Lona suddenly disappears. Tina stops running and looks around a bit alarmed after she hears a soft but distinct -thud!- "Lona?" she hazards while walking along carefully. Then she finds where Lona is.. while she's falling down a hole in the ground.. hitting the bottom with a soft but distinct -thud!-.. also passing out.. right next to Lona.. who's face is being licked by Remco.

-In the meanwhile-

"But I don't wanna get married to..to.. that!" "Quit your whining and start those vows". Two men are walking through a dark forest. Both looking not too happy.. "But William.. did you see what I've got to get married TO?". The man called William, a big sturdy man, with a bit long hair, not so cleanly shaven and very very jummy and attractive, wearing a white shirt and a kilt sighs "Yes James, I know.. it's the sister of the creature I'm getting married to.. twin sister.. in case you haven't noticed.. so yes.. I know what you're going to marry". James, less big and less sturdy, but still pretty muscular and very adorable.. with short brownish hair and a chin that seems to scare away facial hair, scowls. "Well.. let's just get this over with. At least Victor isn't about to suffer such hags as we are about to suffer.. Victoria isn't too bad I'd imagine". They both take a breath, and in unison they begin: "With this hand I will lift your sorrows". They approach a clearing, where, coincidentally, Lona and Tina both lay, as well as some graves. Still passed out I must mention.. with their hands sticking conveniently in the air. "Your cup will never empty, for I am your wine" "How can I be wine William? I mean..it's liquid.. and either clear or red.. and I must say that none of my liquids look like" "Just shut up James.." "Ok" "With this candle, I will light your way in darkness.. with this ring" They both take out a wedding ring out of their pockets, and walk towards the two girls.. apparently looking like logs.. "I ask you..to be mine". And with these words.. the two boys accidentally married our two girls.. I mean..Women.

Tina, not having dropped as hard as Lona, suddenly wakes up. "Ugh.. my head" She sits up and looks straight in the eyes of a startled William. For some reason his face becomes very pale. James isn't paying attention and examines William's ring, that has been shoved on the finger of Lona, who's finally waking up. "Say, William, this Branch looks kinda like.." "A.a.. corpse!" William stammers "Nah.. but it does look a bit like a hand though". Tina blinks.. "I've definitively haven't had enough sex lately... I'm seeing a gorgeous Celt" she says while looking William up and down a few times. Lona sits up, rubbing her head and neck.. "Perhaps a stupid remark, but I feel like I've been dropped down a hole" she looks up and sees James. She instantly turns a very deep color red. James just looks very pale, much like William. "THEY'RE ALIVE! THEY'RE COMING TO EAT US ALL!" he shouts and jumps up. Lona also jumps up and looks around in panick "Nooooooo! Where are they! REMCO!". The dog, excited by the sudden commotion and attention runs around the four people until he dives ontop of William. Showing him his excellent guarddog qualities.. starting by dribbling and licking. "Who are going to eat us? Tell me.. And I'll kick their a.. erhm.. behinds!" Tina stands up and looks around, looking very menacing indeed. James stops shouting and seems a bit dumbfounded. "So..you're not dead".

Lona, who's trying to save William from a sure death by drowning, looks up in surprise "Dead? Well.. I fell pretty hard, but I think I'm pretty much alive.. I don't look dead do I? Tina?" "Not more than usual" "Thanks" "You're Welcome". Remco finally loses his interest in the guy with the kilt on and walks to Lona, who strokes and scratches him behind the ear. "Good boy.. nice cow". William stands up, wiping his face and scowls at James "You do know what this means do you?" James looks at the girls and scratches his own neck "Well.. we won't be fined for disturbing graves.. but other then that.. no.. I don't know". William glares at Lona and Tina, and says "We're married to them.." Lona and Tina just stare at them. "Tina?" "Yeah?" "Am I still unconscious?" "No.. am I?" "No.." "Right" "So.. that means this isn't a nightmare..right?" "Right".. then.. in unison: "I DEMAND A DIVORCE!"

So..we're married.. chapter 2 coming up pretty soon.. review please..

Love, Lona and Oro