New Moon, The End (Edward's POV)
"Come take a walk with me." only the centuries I have been alive for could prepare me for this. My practiced poker face. My repeated lies. I disgusted myself at the thought that these traits should help me. Things that no one should take pride in.
I hadn't fooled her- I could picture the stop sign in her head. She was trying so hard not to show it, she knew. A sudden urgency crashed over me- just do it. If I delayed any longer my perfect composure was sure to show its faults.
I grabbed her hand and lead her swiftly to the forest's path. I held my breath the whole way. Her scent was deadly- so alluring- but not in a bad way. It was calling me to her, because that was the only part of her that could speak. I could see her opening and closing - then swallowing. Everything about her- except her voice was screaming NO!
Pretty soon I was going to lose it and drop to my knees, begging her to erase this whole memory. Forgiveness- all I wanted at this moment. The hardest part was I could picture are whole life, if I was human. She and I gazing into eachother's eyes- then glancing towards our children- maybe even grandchildren,playing, laughing, carefree. I sighed internally because I knew that could never be.
Even vampires- no-monsters have weaknesses- I leaned against a tree for support. We weren't very far out I could see the house, clear in sight. Fire raged inside of me- everything was in such a pain I doubt anyone has experienced. I worried that she could see right through me- I knew that would make it just that much more unbelievable. A thought occurred to me. What if she didn't let me go? What if she still clung to me? I pushed such thoughts to the back of my head- preparing for hopefully the greatest and worst performance of my life.
"So what do you want to talk about?" she asked, I sensed a hint of restlessness in it- scared.
"We're going , Bella" it amazed me in a time like this I could still say her name, it felt like velvet on my tongue.
"Why so soon? Awhile longer-" her tone confused me, it seemed so much more relaxed, reassured.
"The time has come..We couldn't stay much longer, anyways. Carlisle looks scarcely over thirty and he claims to be thirty-three. No matter what we'd have to begin again." I spilled out the excuses I'd come up with last night. If I could cry- I would be in a hysteria of sobs- on my knees, pleading to just kill me now for the words I was going to have to say.
That was when she started to look confused. Then there was a hint of hopelessness- like she'd just lost a war.
"Just then when you said we-" understanding now dawned on her face.
"I meant me and my family" I referred back to my previous assumptions, maybe she wasn't going to let go. Was it wrong to hope that was the outcome?
She started shaking her head, in difience or to rid of the thought. What I wouldn't give to see in her head, see a hint of what this beautiful creature I was throwing away was thinking. "Alright, I'll join you"
"That is not a option. This is not a good place for you." a part of me wished that was not true, because it was. I wasn't good for her- at any minute I could snap, and hurt her. I knew she sometimes thought of me as her angel, but to me she actually meant more in that meaning than she would ever dream.
"Wherever you may be is a good place for me." how true, so true, it was selfish to think so.
"Bella, I'm not right for you." this was more truthful than her last spoken words.
"Please- don't be stupid." her words were begging. I wanted none other than to reach out and take her in my arms, to reassure her all this was lies. "You're the most wonderful thing in my life" and as she is to me
"This life is not for you." I was positive she knew what I meant by this life.
" The whole thing with Jasper was absolutely nothing, nothing at all, Edward!" She was pleading now- desperation was black and white on her face. I didn't want to hurt anymore- but my world is not good for her. I'd rather have her move on, live a happy life- have that life I dreamed of us. I could wish that much for her.
"Correct." more pain, "It was only to be expected." Bella, Bella, Bella. My sweet, beautiful, amazing Bella. My Bella- no was my Bella.
"In Phoenix- you promised! To stay with me." she was chocking on her words, I could see her faltering slowly.
"So long that was the best for you." I wished I was the best for her.
" NO! This better not be about my soul? Carlisle told me, but guess what? I don't care! Take it, it's already yours! I don't want anything without you!" cries after cries of pleas, willing me to stay.
She was gripping and clawing at whatever she could find to make me stay. It was time for the finale. Well at least the finish of me. She could move on. And be happy. I never would be again, so long my Bella was away from me.
"I don't want you to come with me, Bella." I prayed this would do it- I had nothing left. My whole life was gone, in ruins. Here again I wished I could read her thoughts.
"You...don't...want...me." confusion swept over her, then almost understanding. She stared into my eyes. I hardened, making myself sound believable.
I inhaled, "No."
"Oh, that changes things," she was calm, like my words made perfect sense. I did sense a hint of disbelief.
"Of course I will always love you, just in a different way. The event the other night made me realize it's time for something new. It's...exhausting to put on a face and pretend to be something I'm far from being. I am not- and never will be human. This has gone to far, and I'm so, so very sorry." the words came out, hopefully not as rushed to her as they sounded to me. In truth I would play human for her for forever. If that was best. All of this turned my heart to stone in a not-so-literal sense.
"Please, no. Don't." her voice was a whisper now and I knew she was unclenching her hold on me. All I could do was stare at her.
"Your not good enough for me." when I saw the last ounce of hope fade from her eyes- I knew it was over. Unfortunately I had won.
"That's what you want." it wasn't really a question more a statement to herself. Yet I still nodded.
I had over and over told her she was my everything. And the one time I say otherwise she believes me more readily. My eyes tingled like I wanted to cry.
"If I may, I'd like to ask something of you in return."
"Of course, anything."
" Please don't do anything stupid or reckless, anything along those lines. Do you understand?" I wouldn't stand for a world without Bella. It seemed unreal. I wouldn't be able to live through it.
"I'm just thinking of Charlie, he needs you a lot. Be careful for him." be careful for me- I wanted to tack on.
"Yes." she breathed, agreeing with me- a first for the day. There was one more thing that needed to be done in order to live her life to the fullest...without me. I didn't want to do this, but I wanted Bella to be happy. So that was my goal.
"Making a promise in return, I promise you'll never see me again. And I'm not coming back. I'll make sure I won't be the cause of this again. You can move on, without me. It will be like I was never here and you never knew me." I could see her legs shaking, and her heart start fluttering. The most important sound to me in th e entire world. I would never hear her heart pound when I kissed her, or see her blush a brilliant red. Beautiful.
"Your only human, so don't fret. Time will heal for you."
"Your memories?" my memories were burned in my brain, taunting me for eternity. I Will Never Forget You.I wanted to tell her everything, about how everyday I exist- I will only think of the first day saw you. Or when I showed you the meadow- after when I kissed you. Or the night you said my name, and the whole world seemed in balance at that moment. When you told me you loved me- Those memories would haunt me.
"I won't forget- but my type can get distracted easily." another lie- how much more would I have to feed her?, "I guess that's everything, goodbye, Bella. I won't trouble you anymore." I have to leave now, everything would be destroyed when I lost it.
"Stop!" she choked over the word.
I grabbed her arms and held them at her sides, when she tried reach out. I pressed my lips to her beautiful hair, glinting red in the slight sun. She was so warm, and fragile. I could feel her eyes close. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and kiss her- kiss her like I never have before and showed her how much I really, truly love her- worshiped her.
"Be safe." with that I left. I ran until I couldn't help but collapsing to the ground. I found myself curled into a ball, sobbing the tearless sobs.
It was the heart wrenching times like these I wish I could cry forever.
Author's Note-
Thanks for reading!
I know the dialogue isn't the same from the book- but those are Stephenie's words, so I came up with my own wording. And yes I also know I left out the part where Bella questions about Alice, but I cut it short.
PLEASE REVIEW- (even if you hated it, I will take everything into consideration to make it better!)