/N)'s POV:
It started with a court hearing. My fuel for life was dwindling and although I lied so convincingly, even to myself, truly I knew that if my actions didn't pay off soon, I would lose all hope.
I was 13 years old when the only light in my life, a man who didn't even know my name, was taken from me right before my eyes. 16 years old:I fled the Underground in pursuit of him. 17: after a year and a half of living on the streets with a person who shared my goal, and my only real family, we joined the military. 19. At 19 years old my zest for life was already worn down to nothing. Then something happened, something that had the life instantaneously burst through every vein in my body, as though I'd been injected with some drug that I'd now lust for endlessly. It started with a court hearing.
Three of us watched hopelessly from behind the court room barricade, standing alongside top rank members of the Survey Corps even though we ourselves were only Trainees, yet to pick what military faction we would join. Of course I already knew which one I was going to choose and the reason for choosing it, but I had a deep worry. One that continuously scratched at the back of my skull like a sharp pin through dry paint. An uncertainty that I thought might any day scrape it's way right through my skull and cause brain juice to leak out. Unlike most, this worry was not at all irrational, actually it was extremely logical...
What if Levi was dead?
Levi knew nothing of me, we met only once and I was just a child at the time- to me, he was the greatest person I had ever seen. Levi was forced to join the Scouts 6 years ago and that's a long time to stay alive in the Survey Corps, hundreds die on their very first mission. For all I knew he'd long been consumed by a titan and was now just a rotting pile of regurgitated titan food. I pushed the thought away, Levi was too strong to meet a death like that.
I stood there with arms folded, drumming my fingers repetitively against my bicep; part in worry, part in sheer boredom of standing around there for so long. Mikasa didn't say a word and Armin just darted his worried eyes around the room. A long time passed before the double doors opened up and I saw Eren dragged in by two guards. He was handcuffed and I furrowed my brows when I watched the guards manhandle him and chain his slim wrists to a pole in the centre of the court. After having spent the night in a cell this trial would determine whether he was to live or die, and I wasn't looking forward to it one bit.
While the judge and main speakers from the Scouts and Military Police spoke lawyer jargon I didn't understand, my mind wandered to Levi.
I wonder where he is...
Levi's surname was unknown to me but I imagined it to be something majestic. What would I do if I found Levi? Would I have the courage to even do anything? Maybe I'd just follow him around and watch him quietly like I did before.
I wonder if he'll remember me. Will he know who I am?
Even though it was pretty obvious he would not recognise me, I was still hopeful. We only had one encounter and I was so young then, why would he remember such an irrelevant child? There were hundreds of homeless youths in the Underground and I wasn't anything special, just a kid with an infatuation.
Besides, he had a family of his own. A guy and a girl, the three of them were inseparable- I was often envious of their closeness. I wanted a family like that too but on that day Levi told me I couldn't stay with them. So, in secret, I'd hang around outside their house and hear them talking. I'd laugh at their jokes and in my head I'd sometimes join in their conversations.
I say 'in secret' but actually Farlan knew of me, he was very kind and often gave me bread, maybe out of pity. Especially since I begged him so whole-heartedly not to tell Levi of my lingering presence outside their house; maybe he would get mad, Levi already said there was no room for me and I wouldn't want to be bothersome. Farlan spoke gently to me, I still remember how he'd walk out, bread in hand, and say 'hey kiddo' before ruffling my hair and handing me the precious food. I miss him too...
The court hearing started going to shit very quickly, Eren was yelling and people all around the room were suggesting we experiment on him and then kill him.
There's no getting through to these people. If something doesn't happen soon Eren is going to die.
There has to be something. Something I can do to make them see he's no threat.
Eren's screaming chimed in amongst the arguments taking place across the court hall. It was so loud, an absolute mess.
Think...
The unmistakable sound of leather cracking against skin shook the hall. My hair moved away from my widened eyes and my stomach got so tight it was a strain to breathe.
No... It can't really be him. He's-he's here.
He looked just like I remembered. Maybe the most perfect thing I'd ever seen, and he had not aged one bit; unlike me. His silky dark hair still sat in an undercut and framed his eyes so beautifully.
He's alive. Levi is alive.
I found myself gripping tightly to the barricade in front of me, almost leaning right over it to get closer. His eyes were colder than before, but nonetheless took my breath away. My god I couldn't believe it, I'd been standing just a few meters from him this whole time. His slender arms moved so intricately to support his weight as he kicked his legs. I could only see him in the room, everything else faded out of existence.
In the back of my mind I wondered why he was moving around so hostilely like that, like he was beating something up; but that thought was nothing compared to everything else going on in my head. From the corner of my eye I just caught the sight of Mikasa trying to jump over the barricade but something pulled her back. I thought maybe she knew him too.
I don't even know how long I stood like that for, just staring at Levi in absolute disbelief. What I do remember is the moment he met eyes with me. In an instant I felt mine start to water, my heart shook in my chest. Do I wave? Do I smile? Do I shout and ask him if he remembers who I am? In just a moment these thoughts flew through my head. But as quickly as that moment happened, it was over. Levi's cold glare met mine and stopped for only a second, then he turned away as though I was just a shadow on the wall and continued like I wasn't even there. I have to be honest, my chest felt like it had shattered into a million tiny pieces.
It was only when the court hearing was over I found out what had actually happened. I was quickly informed he beat Eren to a pulp... it seemed it was a plan to get Eren enlisted in the Survey Corps. I also found out that my Levi, who still did not know my name, had earned the title of Captain, and survived all these years as Humanity's Strongest Soldier. I hid the tears that sprung to my eyes and the erratic beating of my heart didn't calm down for hours.
How could I doubt him for a second. I swear I'll follow his footsteps, I'll stay close to him and be the best I can.