"Do you truly believe that you care more for me, than I do for you?" He murmured, leaning closer to me as he spoke, his dark eyes piercing.
"Yes, I really think that." I kept my eyes down on the table, my eyes tracing the pattern of the faux wood grains printed on the laminate. The silence dragged on. I stubbornly refused to be the first to break it this time, fighting hard against the temptation to peek at his expression.
"You're wrong." He said with conviction. "But out of curiosity, why do you think that?"
I looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze. "I can't be sure – I don't know how to read minds – but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else." That was the best I could sum up the sensation of anguish that his words triggered in me at times.
"Perceptive." He murmured under his breath. "But you see, that's what proves that I care the most. Because even with as much as I care for you, I know that being with you is dangerous. I know that it would be better-safer- for you; if you were never a part of my world. So you see, if it ever came down to the choice to leave you so that you could be happy and safe, I would gladly tare myself apart to protect you."
For a moment, there was a defining silence.
"Your Wrong." I whispered.
"What?" He looked up at me, surprised.
Stubbornly, I gathered myself, and forced my eyes to meet his. "You say that your willingness to leave me proves that you love me more. And you're wrong. It just proves that I understand this better than you."
He looked confused and doubtful.
"The difference is..." I continued. "If you asked me to walk away, or you wanted to get rid of me for any reason; I would go. I would leave you if you asked me too. And I think you would to."
I looked up at him and he nodded, an unreadable expression on his face.
"The difference between you and I, Edward. Is that, with what I feel for you...I would find some way to make it work. If you and I were to switch places, I would do everything in my power to make sure that us being together was safe for you. I would do everything in my power to make sure that, as long as you wanted to be there, you would never have to leave my side. That's the difference. That's what proves I feel more for you. I wouldn't say goodbye unless you asked me to."
For some unknown reason, my eyes were suddenly drawn to the Cullen table. They seemed to be frozen in time. The four of them just sat there. They didn't blink, didn't breathe, didn't speak. I may not have been a mind reader; but I knew that every single one of them we're listening intently to Edward and I's conversation. And I couldn't help but wonder briefly what they thought of me.
It was the sound of annoyance in Edward's voice that drew my eyes back to his beautiful face.
"You think I don't feel the same way? You think that I don't want you with me every minute of every day?" His voice and face were angry, but his eyes held an emotion I couldn't identify. Hurt, maybe?
The sight of it, and his tone, had me blurting out what was truly on my mind. No editing allowed.
"I don't know Edward. I can't read your mind, or feel what you're feeling. All I can base my perceptions on are your actions. And..." I stopped, snatching my gaze from his, no longer able to look him in his beautiful eyes. I couldn't finish my sentence. Suddenly, I had been struck with realization that, with all I was saying, and with how obviously he wanted to leave me, maybe-maybe telling him all of this was a bad idea? What if, after everything I had told him, he decided to end this before it even began?
"And?" He prompted me, just as I knew he would. I shook my head, begging the tears not to come.
Gently, he allowed his icy fingers to lift my chin until his topaz eyes had locked with mine again.
"And?" He prompted again.
Closing my eyes to his, I took a deep steadying breath.
"And, I'm waiting for the novelty that is me to wear off."
To my complete and utter surprise, his hand never left my face, and I opened my eyes to his.
"If that is truly how you feel, then why do you want to be with me? If you truly believe that I'm only going to cause you pain in the end, What's in it for you?" He asked. His eyes searching mine.
I laughed slightly, which clearly wasn't the response he was expecting.
"Oh Edward, I already told you that." He looked confused again, and I had to chuckle with little true humour.
"I love you, Edward. That's how this discussion started, remember? Who felt more for whom?" I raised my eye brows at him, expectantly. What I was expecting, I had no idea.
"But-If I were to leave you for your own safety, would that not prove that I felt more for you? If I was willing to give up my own happiness for your safety?" He was earnest now, looking as though he had been pushed into a corner.
"If you were to leave me 'for my safety', Edward, you would be taking away my happiness." I locked my eyes with his, begging him to see the truth of my words.
His face was a story board of emotions. More open and clear than any I had seen before. I could easily see his confusion, his reluctance to accept what I was telling him, but underneath it all I saw, or maybe I hopped I saw, acceptance.
Around us, the students of Forks High had started to get up and head for various parts of the school, unaware of the long stressful silence that now stretched between Edward and I. The two of us and all of the Cullen's were the only ones to remain immobile.
For a long moment we just continued to stare at each other, and for the first time, I wished with all of my heart that he could read my mind.
I jumped and Edward just blinked when the bell rang shrilly.
I was so unnerved by his continued silence; I had to turn my head, and try to focus on something-anything other than his painfully beautiful face.
It seemed as though a lifetime could have passed as we continued to sit in silence, and the entire cafeteria finally emptied fully. Edward's brothers and sisters included.
"I should get you to class." He said finally, standing and indicating that I should do the same. His voice was that same rich velvet but it seemed...more intimate somehow; and this new tone was the only thing that could have made me meet his gaze.
When I did, his eyes were soft, relaxed, and...Inviting. It was a look he had never given me before. It held...Promise. And for the first time, I allowed myself to believe maybe, just maybe, he might feel for me, what I felt for him.
"T-together?" I stammered, moving around the table so that we were standing right in front of each other. I realised what I had said when he smiled laughingly at me. "I-I, I mean -." I was always incredibly unsure where I stood with Edward, but this new, more sensual and relaxed Edward had thrown me for a complete loop. I was so caught up in trying it right what I had said, that I didn't even notice that he had turned me, and that we were walking down the hall towards biology.
The next thing I was aware of was that we had stopped walking, and Edward had lifted my chin with his finger.
I could only look up at him dazed.
He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and raised his hand to cup my cheek. I closed my eyes and shivered when his cool rough skin made contact with mine. Seeing me quiver, Edward started to take his hand away, to which I shot both of my hands up to my face to hold him there.
I felt him relax, and take a step towards me making me open my eyes to lock with his again.
"Definitely together."
I could practically feel my eyes light up, and I couldn't help but smile, a truly happy smile at the turn that our conversation seemed to have taken our entire relationship in.
My breath caught in my throat when his thumb slid across my bottom lip, and his head slowly dipped to kiss my cheek.
"I'm new at this, I'm afraid you'll need to be patient with me." He whispered huskily in my ear, making me shiver once again.
"Miss. Swan! Need I remind you that you have class right now, just like every other student in this school? You can kiss your boyfriend later!"
Mr. Banner.
Great.
I could feel the heat that was now radiating from my cheeks, and heard Edward chuckle.
I did my best to glair at him, which only caused him to chuckle again and louder.
In a sudden act of bravery, I reached one of the hands that was still holding him to my face, and grabbed his other hand, bringing it to my other cheek.
Edward looked at me in shock for a moment, before asking me what I was doing with his eyes.
I couldn't help my smile when I answered him with, "It's only fair that if you make me blush, you have to make it go away too."
His reaction was something that I had never witnessed from him before.
He laughed.
Out right.
A rich, full, happy, purely beautiful sound that left me stunned and breathless.
"Let's get to class love." He said, grinning, his inhumanly beautiful eyes sparkling.
So stunned by his exquisite expressions, I was left helpless to do anything but nod as he gently took his hands from my face and entwined the fingers of one hand with one of mine.
"That go's for you to Mr. Cullen!" Mr. Banner called again.
I threw an irritated glare at my teacher from around Edward's shoulder, which caused Edward to chuckle at me again.
"Come on." He said with that husky tone back in his velvet voice, and giving a slight tug on my arm.
With a happy sigh, I let him pull me into the class room and over to our seats. As we passed Mr. Banner, I glared angrily at him. Everyone in the class had heard what he had shouted at Edward and I and now they were all either staring, giggling, or gossiping.
I despised the attention.
When we had finally taken our seats; I was pleased to discover that we weren't going to get a detention for our tardiness. Apparently, I may not be able to scare a 107 year old vampire, but I can still make a grown human man quake in his boots.
It was nice to know.
End
I hope you all enjoyed that. I was thinking about maybe doing a sequel, but about Edward and Bella's conversation from the Cullen's point of view. Tell me what you think.