Authors Note: As a novice (and by novice I mean I have never written fiction before) author I would appreciate all of the feedback I can get! These are JK's characters, none of them belong to me but I have always wondered if I could convey how I pictured them in my head, so this is my first attempt. As it stands this is a one shot, but the idea is still a multi-chapter fic in my head and I would really love to expand on this piece after I get some feedback! So thank you and please review!
Freedom. That's what this was all about. I didn't know that when I made this list; it was just a stupid list, but now it seems like it was so much more.
It was a Tuesday afternoon the day my letter came. The one that congratulated me on becoming Head Girl. My father's eyes were shining with pride and my mother suffocated me in a happy hug. Yet on the inside I was completely numb. Once upon a time, this was an honor I could have only dreamed of; but lately… lately I was tired of being so predictable, tired of being trapped in this idea of who I was supposed to be. This letter just glorified the idea that I was the perfect prefect who always followed the rules and never strayed from the path of righteousness. To the students of Hogwarts, I was the epitome of a Head Girl: up-tight, strict, stubborn and a martyr for rules and regulations. And looking back to that day, it was the first time I ever wanted to be someone else. I began to fantasize about alternate universes: places where I was mischievous, or beautiful, or even promiscuous. The weeks leading up to school were spent making resolutions, tiny promises to myself that things would be different this year. Promises that sound stupid once they are said out loud; like wearing my hair down, I had been growing my hair out for the past 2 years but you would never know it because it is always tied in a tight little knot on the top of my head. The only people who ever saw it down were my roommates, one of which being my best friend Alice, who begged me to wear it down. I can confidently say that Alice is the only person who understands there is more to me than my prefect badge and my study habits; she may be the only one who knows that I can never turn down a challenge or how much of an adrenaline junkie I really am. She is the only person who can help me change. As I sat down to write to Alice I made myself a promise: seventh year, my final year at Hogwarts, would be the year that Hogwarts will know who Lily Evans truly is.
I found Alice and slid into the compartment, I knew I had about 10 minutes until the prefects meeting, greeting Alice with a smile i was surprised to see she had managed to claim a completely empty compartment. Privacy on this train was hard to come by.
"Since we probably have few precious moments before our compartment is bombarded with people, I wanted to talk to you about the letter you sent me." Alice scooted over on the seat, a sign that I should join her, "You said you wanted to make changes this year, right?" I nodded, unsure as to what solution she had mustered up. "Write them down."
"Write what down?" I said puzzled, confused to how this was the master plan she had promised.
"Remember when you told me how muggles make those 'bin lists'"
"Bucket lists" I corrected,
"Right, I thought you could make one for your seventh year." She looked at me with such hope, as if she had solved my entire identity issue with a list.
"I just don't see what good it would do…" I hesitated. "Bucket lists are more like situations or events you want to do before you die-"
"Exactly!" Alice exclaimed, "I mean you aren't going to die! But this is your last year at Hogwarts, before you have to go out into the big scary world! What would you do if you weren't restricted by your head girl badge? Write it all down, even if it is only for the sake of dreaming." What Alice didn't know is that I have been compiling a list of such fantasies for weeks. All of the risks I would take and the adventures I would seek out. I had lost myself in thought when Alice brought me back to reality. "Just think about it okay?" and she handed me a piece of parchment. "You should probably get going, Head Girl shouldn't be late to her own meeting should she?" she smiled at me with a wink and cracked open a book.
"I will think about it" I promised, "thank you, Alice." She glanced up and I could see her smile through her eyes. As I walked to the front of the train, where the prefect meeting would be, I couldn't help but think about the concept of a bucket list. I'm Lily Evans, I live for lists, but this one scared me. It held a world of possibilities that terrified me; inside my head, my fantasies remained as they were-unrealistic and idealistic. But to write them down, well, that would make them real and… I don't know if I can really do it. I don't know if i can abandon this image and change the way people look at me. I stopped walking briefly, and caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of an empty compartment door. My clothes were ordinary muggle clothes, they fit loosely around my delicate frame and my hair remained in a tight knot on the top of my head. If I was going to change how people perceived me, I was going to have to start with the way I perceive myself. They say the road to a journey starts with a single step; I unbraided the knot from the top of my head and let my waves cascade down my shoulders nearly reaching the small of my back. This action alone made me feel like a brand new Lily Evans, the girl who was not going to hide her fiery red hair anymore. I had been hiding my passions and my fire for far too long. Tonight, I continued up the train with my brain buzzing with potential, Alice and I will compile my bucket list.
I collected my excitement, I may seek to change the way my peers look at me, but merlin knows I won't lose their respect as Head Girl. I walk into the compartment and see Remus and my composure collapses, next thing I know I am running to embrace him in a hug. We became rather close last year when we were paired together on rounds all year. We had always been acquaintances, being in the same house and many of the same classes, but it was on our rounds that he had become a very dear friend to me. We hung out all the time, that is when he wasn't busy causing mischief with his roommates James, Sirius, and Peter: the infamous Marauders.
"Goodness Lily, I almost didn't recognize you at first under all of that hair!" Remus exclaimed and hugged me tightly. I beamed over his shoulder laughing at his reaction to such a simple thing. "Ah that laugh," he beamed "I have missed you, Lily."
"How have you been?" I asked, our eyes reconnecting, "how was your summer?" my eyes searching for the answers I really wanted. I was genuinely asking about his summer but he knew I was curious about his transformations, knowing they were much different than at Hogwarts. Ever since I discovered Remus' furry little problem I had been working on a charm that could aid him in his… well… time of the month I suppose.
"Better than last year," he smiled, "and you Lily Evans, congratulations on making Head Girl!" I looked at him with confusion, when I had recieved my letter I had assumed Remus was receiving the same. "No, Im not head boy," he said reading my mind the way only Remus could. He smiled a mischievous smile, one that undoubtedly landed him in the Marauders in the first place, and nodded over my shoulder. Turning around I see James Potter, his hair was uncharacteristically well-combed and his eyebrow cocked and he looked… nervous, as if he was unsure as to how I would react.
"Evans," he said politely, "It is a pleasure to be working alongside you this year." I nearly laughed because it sounded so rehearsed and completely unlike the James Potter I had come to know and… tolerate. James Potter, known for his charm, wit, and relentless affection for asking me out on a date in the most embarrassing manner. James Potter, the master prankster who could pick on anyone who he deemed beneath him and get away with it. James Potter, the boy who had the audacity to put me on a pedestal and swear to make me his prize. Standing before me was less of the boy who terrorized me, he looked like a man who was trying to be… me? Maybe I wasn't the only one who was looking to change my ways. And right then and there I made my first conscious decision in honor of my bucket list: recognize change, and embrace it.
"You too," I returned civilly, "James." I turned to address the rest of the prefects but not before I saw James stand a little taller and smirk to himself. He ran his hand through his hair, successfully tousling his dark hair after I looked away, as if he was waiting for me to turn so I wouldn't see. After talking about the basic responsibilities I looked to James, "James and I trust that each of you will take your duties seriously."
"Failure to do so will force us to take necessary measures; even if it means revoking your badges, minor penalties will be paid with your loss of prefect privileges ." James spoke with an authority that was clear and unwavering. "I have taken the liberty of making you each a copy of your patrolling schedules, if there are any conflicts please address them with Lily or myself." He dismissed them to patrol the train and then turned to me, his entire body softening as soon as the prefects left the compartment. "Did I do okay?" His eyes searching my face for… approval?
"James, you were great" I said with a smile. He sighs with what I can only guess was relief. This is so strange. James Potter was always the epitome of confidence, especially around me.
"Thanks, Lily. I know that you take this really seriously and I know I am new with all this but-"
"James, I mean it. You did very well with them." Normally I wouldn't go through all this trouble to explain to James Potter how fantastic he was, it wasn't usually a lesson he needed to learn. Most often I was telling him how great he wasn't and that his head needed to let out all the hot air that tended to cloud his judgement. Trust me, I'm not complaining; I am just very surprised to see this side of James, the side I could have only hoped existed. I give one last smile to James and I turn to leave.
"Lily," he stops me, gently holding my arm, "Look, I know you wish Remus would have been appointed Head Boy, but I really don't want you to feel like you got stuck with me." Letting go of my arm he looks down at his feet "I want to be good at this, but I am going to need your help." He glances up at me after I fail to say anything. My silence was visually concerning to him. I wanted to say something but words failed me. Honest to merlin, I was shocked. The past half hour James had turned into a brand new person and now he was asking me for help? He must have interpreted my confusion for hesitance.
"I mean, if you don't want to… I'm sorry to bother you, Lily." Wait, now he's apologising? "I'll just ask Re-"
"Of course I'll help!" I finally manage, a bit too quickly. He looks at me, as if he can't believe I actually agreed. "We're in this together, right?"
"Right." He smiled genuinely for the first time since I had seen him today.
"I'm sure Sirius found Alice in her compartment," I continued, "And since I know where she is, do you want to walk there together?" He seemed shocked that I asked for his company but just ran his hand through his hair.
"Yeah, I'd like that."
After a fairly long pause he asked me how I enjoyed my summer. "Ah It was the usual, waitressing the local café for some extra pounds and to prove to my sister that I am not as much as a freak as she thinks I am and did some light reading on my days off. I frequented the beach with some co-workers on the weekends" I smiled, fondly remembering the nights on around the bonfire with the ocean collapsing on the shore. "And you?"
"Sirius stayed with me for most of the summer. Mischief ensued." His face twisted into a smirk.
"Of course," I laughed. He seemed pleased with my lighthearted disposition, smiling at me with surprise. "And what of Remus and Peter?" I questioned.
"Oh Remus came over as often as he could manage, his mother often kept him away with her ailments." I nodded understandingly, keeping up the facade that I had no idea of Remus' transformations. "And Peter was away on holiday, but we managed to have an excellent day with all four of us reuniting in Diagon Alley." Traveling down the hall Potter was blind to the looks we were getting. Questioning eyes and astonished faces followed us down the train; it seemed many students couldn't believe James and I could carry on a conversation without him being hit or cursed. But at the moment he was giving me no reason to. He was giving me what I have wanted all of these years- to be treated like an equal. James has always been at the forefront of the student body who degraded me by defining me.
"Lily Evans: (P. Noun) Muggle-born, nice, average features, high wit, quick temper, Prefect Head girl, prude, high marks, knark, James Potter's girl. Most likely to be found in the library or in her room or anywhere being boring."
It was absolutely frustrating. I had ignored them for the past 6 years and look where that has brought me. I have swallowed my pride and every bite of the slytherin prejudice and I was terminally unsatisfied. But I smiled, thinking about how all of that is going to change this year.
"And Lily?" James stopped to looked at me,
"Yes?" I continued walking ahead of him, leading us to the compartment.
"You're hair looks lovely down." I stopped, as we had reached the compartment, James smiled at me as he slid open the door brushing my shoulder as he walked in. I on the other hand couldn't move. This was the moment he always promised me; it was the first time James Potter ever gave me butterflies.
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