Feel

You'll never beat me Robin. You're weak, pathetic.

How can you save you're city Robin, if you can't save yourself?

How can you save a city…If you can't save yourself?.

Robin pounded on his punching bag with Slade's taunts ringing in his head. They only added to his anger, which only made his attacks fiercer. It had been months since his incident with Slade's mask, and although Cyborg assured him Slade and the chemicals were gone, the taunts still haunted him. The fact he was never good enough to beat the madman haunted him. A traitor had done what he could never do. With a swift round house kick the punching bag was knocked off its chain and slammed into the wall, exploding in a cloud of sand.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone (1)

In his rage Robin turned his anger on the wall, his attacks knocking holes into it. Robin was sure his knuckles were bruised and bleeding, but the pain wasn't enough. He needed more. Pain was the only thing that took Slade away. One would think that the support that his friends gave him would be enough...But it barely scratched the surface. Only pain...

He had had a private training room built that could only be accessible from his room. There was no way the other Titans could bother him in here. He reached into his utility belt and pulled out a bird-a-rang. Pulling off his gloves, he looked at the scars he had on his wrists. He knew it was wrong, but it was the only thing that got rid of Slade's voice. For awhile at least. Without delay he started cutting.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase (1)

An hour later he appeared in the lounging room where the other Titans were. He looked as if nothing was wrong. Years of training and living with the Dark Knight had taught him how to hide what he felt. He couldn't have his friends worrying over him, not when he needed their full attention on Slade now that he had returned. Robin looked around the room, seeing what each Titan was doing.

Cyborg and Beast Boy were plying video games. No surprise there. And by the look of it, Cyborg was winning. And not seconds later 'YOU WIN' was flashing across his screen. A comment by Beast Boy, and a re-match was on. His gaze shifted over to Starfire, who was watching the two play. He thought he loved her, but lately she seemed nothing but a nuisance. Her peppiness, never ending happiness...Once it had been cute. Though after Slade...Heh...Now everything seemed to be "Before Slade" and "After Slade". Forget B.C. and A.D...

His gaze finally fell on Raven. She was levitating off to the side, reading her book. Robin knew the book; he had read it not too long ago himself. It was a horror thriller. He couldn't really remember what it was about, however. It just hadn't caught his interest. Raven seemed in to it though.

Sometimes he considered telling her his problem. She was the only Titan he knew he could trust with a secret, and she him. It was proven by her not revealing his past, which she learned when she ventured inside his mind, and he hadn't revealed her past, which she had told him on her birthday. He thought maybe she could help him, but he was afraid of how she might react. It had taken him so long to get her to open up, telling her his secret might make her think of him as insane. Who would want to follow an insane leader?

Sighing, Robin walked over to his computer and started going through the files on Slade. There had to be something he missed...But he knew there wasn't. He knew every file on the archvillian by heart. But...There just had to be something.

"Umm, Friend Robin?"

Starfire had finally noticed him, and with a smile on her face walked over to him. But that smile turned into a frown when she saw him researching Slade...again. That was all he ever did...He never spent anytime with her anymore...It only helped her do what she had to do.

"Yeah, Star?"

"I...I have to tell you something. Can I have your full attention?"

When you cry I'll wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'll fight away all of your fears
And I'll hold your hand through all of these years
But you still have
To find me (2)

Robin sighed and turned fully around, turning off the monitor of the computer. Seeing as she had his attention, she began.

"Robin, I...I can not take it anymore. Your constant search of Slade never gives you time to be with me. You have been ignoring me, and I don't believe our relationship can work out."

At that everyone in the room stopped at looked at the two, shocked expressions on their faces. Did Starfire just dump Robin? All around Jump City, reporters were snapping awake and diving for their cameras, feeling they were missing a huge story.

"Please Robin, can we still be friends?"

Robin was silent for a second. Well, this certainly helped him. Now he could just devote all his time to research. But it brought back Slade's voice.

You always knew it was going to end this way.

"Yeah...Sure Star..."

Starfire started smiling her naive smile and started saying something about how happy she was and dashed off to make a Pudding of Enjoyment. Shaking his head, Robin stood up and headed for the door.

"I'll be in the gym."

Cyborg got up and grabbed his shoulder, and when Robin looked back he could seen the concern in his eye.

"Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah. Now I need to go train."

He pulled out of Cyborg's grip and disappeared into the hall. Raven watched him go, her empathic abilities, not to mention her bond with Robin, allowing her to feel all of his feelings. She usually blocked them out, but this was a strong enough blow to shatter his guard. How did he put up with all of this? And he never once hinted that anything was wrong. Raven was snapped out of her thought when Beast Boy had one of his rare good ideas.

"Okay, I really doubt he's okay. Someone should talk to him."

"I'll go, you two stay in here. I know the most about Robin, I'll help him."

Cyborg and Beast Boy were shocked; they had never seen Raven display concern before. But she had a point, she did know the most about him. Nodding, they returned to the couch and Raven walked into the hall. A second later, Beast Boy groaned.

"Aww...man...We still have to eat Star's pudding..."

You used to drive me mad
By your resonating dark
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me (1)

Raven stood in the doorway of the gym, watching Robin attack the punching bag. She didn't know that he was only using the main gym because his was a mess, but she did know that he was extremely hurt, and angry. She watched him kick this punching bag off the chain, then collapse to his knees. Raven couldn't help but feel bad for her leader...After everything he had done for the city and for the team...This was his reward...

"Robin..."

Robin didn't hear her, and after a few seconds he stood back up. Another punching bag ruined. Great...He couldn't risk pulling out one of his bird-a-rangs in here, one of his teammates could walk in. Sighing, he walked over to the closet and grabbed and broom and dust pan to clean up the sand when Raven stepped in the room.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase (1)

"Hmm...I guess the punching bag isn't to your standards, is it?"

Robin just shrugged and got to work. A few minutes passed in silence before Raven spoke up again. And Robin knew what she was going to ask.

"Robin, are you sure you're alright? I can fell you through our bond...What's wrong?"

Raven was starting to surprise herself. Why...Why was she so concerned about Robin? She should just leave him to his problems. He always left her alone. Well...She always told them to go away, so Robin had probably just stopped trying to get her to open up.

She had told him her past, though. Of all the Titans, he had a right to know. It would be Robin who would be able to think of a plan to stop Trigon. However...Trigon had Slade as his henchman. And when it came to Slade, Raven knew Robin had problems.

"It's nothing, Raven...It's just been a long day..."

When you cry I'll wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'll fight away all of your fears
And I'll hold your hand through all of these years
But you still have
To find me (2)

Raven sighed and nodded. It would be o use pushing her leader into answering. He would just distance himself, and they didn't need that right now.

"Alright then...If you ever need to talk, though...Just come find me, okay?"

Surprising herself with that offer, Raven left the gym then. Robin took a second to get over the shock of Raven offering to help him, then got back to work in sweeping up all of the sand. This was going to take awhile...

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I've been alone all along (1)

When he finished with the clean-up Robin retreated to his room. Collapsing on his bed, Robin stared at the picture of Slade he had taped to the opposite wall. He couldn't remember what his original wallpaper had been. It hadn't taken Robin long to cover all of it with articles about Slade. Closing his eyes, he sighed. He had to stop him some how...

No Robin...I won't be stopped...

Shaking his head to get rid of the voice, Robin tried thinking over his options again. He considered calling Bruce...No...They hadn't spoken since their fight/break-up. And no doubt he had heard of all of his mistake. His ego getting in the way of bringing down some villains, his failure to see through Terra's facade...And it hadn't even been him that stopped Brother Blood. That was all Cyborg. And of course, Slade...It always led back to him...

I'm the evil that haunts every dark corner of your mind...

Shaking his head again, Robin pressed a button on nightstand and turned off the lights.

I will never rest...

The Boy Wonder fell asleep, seconds later taken in by a nightmare. His sleeping form thrashed around on the bed, witnessed only by a pair of violet eyes before they disappeared and the door slid shut.

And neither will you...

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase (1)

I didn't like the ending on this, so, yeah...And I'm working on another chapter for Too Late. I really just never had the time to get to work on it lately...Sorry to those who have been waiting...If any are left...

(1) These are Robin's thoughts on Slade, and the wounds he inflicted. I tried to find a way to get another thing in there, but I couldn't.

(2) These are Raven's thoughts on Robin. She's ready to help him, but he has to find her first by letting his empty feelings of uselessness go and see her willingness to help.

AND CUTTING IS VERY BAD! IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES IT, TELL SOMEONE! THEY NEED HELP!