Dear Hermione
Dear Hermione,
First of all, I will miss you. But I can't do this to myself anymore.
Since we were young – maybe not twelve, or thirteen, or even fourteen – but when we were young kids of fifteen, sixteen years I knew what those butterflies meant. They meant I was in love. But I was a stupid prat [frequently, or so I'm told] and I denied it.
I couldn't love you, I always argued. You were like my sister, I thought.
But when I finally wised up, it was almost too late. Yet it wasn't, and you kissed me. I'll tell you for the millionth time that that was one of the best moments of my life; second to defeating You-Know-W- Voldemort.
I mean that was incredible and just...
I loved you so, so much. I did, and I do. You could've told me to jump off the Astronomy tower and, if you said it right I wouldn't have hesitated in running up and jumping.
And so we spent years and years after that getting to know each other better – like lovers and bestfriends, not only the latter. We didn't fight as much, and our arguments weren't as explosive and... Well I guess it got a bit monotonous.
I say I guess, because I was content, happy. You worked many hours, but only four/five days a week. My schedule was much more irregular, but we spent all the time we could together.
Every second I fell more and more in love with you, and I was prepared to propose on your 25th birthday in that restaurant, but something told me not to.
A few months later Ginny and Harry broke up – badly. I was torn; it was my little sister, and my best mate. You had no problem choosing Harry over Ginny – I didn't mind, I knew you and Ginny weren't very close. You spent so much time with Harry; I went with Ginny as much as I could so she wouldn't feel abandoned.
Maybe that was my fault. Maybe I let you two get too close.
But I'm not hurting my hand writing this with that uncomfortable muggle pen you got me just to shove the blame on anyone. You fell out of love with me, but I didn't see it because I was still drowning in you.
So Harry got better and Ginny got better and they could eventually talk civilly without getting too angry. We could all see that they were healing after a while, but you still visited Harry every day for two, maybe more, hours.
I was so thick. Or maybe in denial, because I didn't want to consider the fact that you were shagging him.
But I subconsciously gave you too little credit – I am sorry for that – because you didn't cheat on me, at least not physically. Emotionally you did but I reckon no one could've avoided that happening.
And then, for months we didn't see each other. I was sent away on a two month long mission and then you were away for a few weeks. Life got busy and suddenly I realised that we weren't as in love as we were before. It was just a normal day – well, a rare day now – and we were eating at a muggle restaurant when I realised you hadn't looked at me straight in the eye all day.
When we finished it was past five, and you excused yourself and left. Immediately, my mind jumped to Harry. I got angry. You were away, so you didn't know, but I trashed our whole room in a fit of anger. I tried countless times to apparate to Grimmauld Place to confront Harry but I couldn't.
I knew it was Harry. I always knew it was him.
But I'm not second best; I'm just not right for you – apparently. And I suppose this means that Harry is just right for you.
I do love you, remember this. But I know very well you will run off to Harry first as soon as you read this. And I know you will show my family this letter, sooner or later. That is the only reason I'm writing everything – so they understand this isn't out of the blue, and that we really did love each other.
But for now, I need to get my head straight. I'll be in touch soon – and with you, Hermione; once I've healed enough.
And if anyone is interested, the ring I bought is under my pillow. I'm sure you can decide what to do with it.
Initially inspired by Lies by Marina and the Diamonds [amazing song] but it then veered off course and you got this.
I'm sure you can guess who wrote it, you're all smart people. *Smiley face*
Words: 761
Posted: 19th June 2013