Dear Prosper-the-XVIII,

I'm really doing it. I told you I would!

'Come to the dark side'

'No!'

'We have cookies!'

'OMG YA GIMME GIMME GIMME!'

As the sound of a planet blowing up was heard, there was no sign of any explosion. In fact, that was just Obi Wan doing a big poo. The force was not with him that day-He had been constipated for hours. Austin and M were in Austins 'pad', James was drooling over Princess Leia, and Darth Vader had just been made up. Literally. His ship, and everyone, every thing, had been either pink-ified or groovy-fied. No joke.
OK. Lets start at the beginning.

How are you, Basil?' Said Austin as he drove along in his Jaguar E type, of which he often refered to as the 'Shaguar'. Although, instead of Basil being there, to his surprise, there was a woman in her sixties, or possibly even early twenties. 'Hold up a minute! Youre not Basil!' He nearly crashed his car, narrowly avoiding a house.
'No shit, Sherlock.' She replied sarcastically. 'I am M. My real name you do not need to know. I am head of MI6.'
'Groovy Baby!' replied Austin, clearly wanting to sound polite.
'Shut it, and listen.' She snapped at him. 'We here in 2012 are under attack. MI6 is having trouble fending off our attackers. Who they are, we do not know. But what we do know is they want Earth. They come from a galaxy known as... Well, thats the thing agent. We don't know.' She moved away to reveal a man, of whom looked slightly like Basil, but with a slightly more solelm look. There was another man with him, who had almost shoulder length black hair, stubble, and an unmistakable blackhead. The blackhead guy spoke first.
'Morning agent. I am Q. This is James. We at MI6 are not one for talking, so we'll keep this short. You are going to travelo forward in time, to help us defeat alien thingies. OK? Good. Initiating time travel sequence.'
'But wheres Basil?' Austin asked.
'He is already here.'was the short talk reply.
'Yeah, Baby!' Austin was incredibly enthusiastic.

'Hey, Baby! Whats rollin?'
'Quit it with the seventies talk, Powers. Now, tell me. Do you know this man?' M held up a picture of a bald man with his pinky on the corner of his mouth with pursed lips, a surprised expression and holding a bald cat. He knew him oh too well.
'Dr Evil! The bastard!'
'He knows him.' Said James. 'I think he knows him very well.'
'Oh James, we already know. I had Q take a look at his database with Basil'.
'My God, M has an amaaaazing body. I bet she shags like a Minx. How do I let them know... Because of all the unfreezing progress, I have no inner monologue?' Austin seemed to be staring at M. And they were all staring at him. 'What is it Baby?'
'You really are a perv.' Said Q, and he walked away. James followed in pursuit.
'What did I say?' questioned Austin, somewhat surprised. 'Oh god. I didn't say that aloud, did I?'
'Yes you did. Yes I do. But no, You will NOT be getting anywhere NEAR this.' M retorted.
'Chill, baby, don't have a thrombo.' Austin was playing it sexy. M raised her eyebrows and took off her jacket slowly. 'Shagalicious baby!' M jumped on Austin...

1 HOUR LATER

'Hey, James! Whats up, man?' Austin's face was red from extortion as he slipped out M's office.
'I'm very suspicious about you and M, Austin.' James eyed him suspiciously.
'Yes, well...' Austin tried to hide the smirk on his face.
'No, I mean VERY suspicious. Now, am I wrong?' James was kind of getting angry.
'No, you're right to be suspicious! I shagged her!'
'WHAT?' James was extremely surprised.
'I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!'
'I don't beleive you Austin! I mean, she was repellant!'
'Saucer of milk, table 2. Meow.'
'Well... Did you use protection?'
'Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.'
'No, I mean did you use a condom?'
'No, only sailors use condoms, James.'
'Not in the 21st Century, Austin!'
'Well they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port!'

Meanwhile, In Dr Evils secret space lair, AKA, the death star of which he had taken over and put his face on the front...
'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my space lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!' Shocked gasps filled the room. 'And by people, I mean people that don't pay their ransoms!'
'Well, what if we just kidnap the queen...' Scott Evil was onto an idea.
'SH!' Dr Evil cut him off.
'It's no hassle...' Scott started again but...

'Sh!' Was once again cut off.

'But...'

'Sh!'

'I'm...'

'Sh!'

'All I'm say...'

'Sh!'

'They're gonna get a...'

'Sh!'

'I'm...'

'Sh!'

'I'm just...'

'Sh!'

'Would...'

'Sh!... Knock-knock.'

'Who's there?'

'Sh!'

'But...'

'Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.'
All the hassle was set around the father and son.
'WHY DID YOU WALK OUT ON ME, JUST TO BRING ME BACK HERE?' Scott was getting angry.
'ASK YOUR MOTHER!' Their heads turned to Frau, who was being very quiet.
'Well Mum... Why did he walk out on me?' Scotts eyes were upset and pleading.
'He said it was because you weren't quite... evil enough, darling.' Scott stormed off to his bedroom, only to come running back through again.
'THAT...' He pointed at mini-me, who was laughing his head off, 'PUT ROADKILL IN MY BED! JUST LOOK AT IT!'
'Good boy, mini me. Finally. A good, EVIL son.'

TO BE CONTINUED!