A/N: So, I'm not entirely sure how I came up with this idea. I think it was when I was sitting in front of my computer, about to ask my friend some questions when all of a sudden this just came to me. It's all based around the question: "Will you miss me when I'm gone?" When I thought of that question I instantly imagined Mello and thus, this was born.
Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Death Note and I never will.
Title: Will You Miss Me?
Nights in Tokyo during the winter were normally calm and peaceful with a light snow falling from the dark heavens. But tonight was different. There was a storm blowing outside causing everyone to retreat into the huge buildings.
Near sat alone playing with his robots in a room that appeared more suitable for living and relaxation than for thinking over the Kira case. He had dismissed the other members of the SPK earlier that evening in order to use the silence to think over what he would do next.
But there was an odd, eerie silence that continued to suffocate the room; and it continued to distract him from the more important thoughts.
He had a feeling that something particularly interesting would happen tonight.
But despite that he attempted to push the thought away in order to not let it get to him. If it did become the focus of his concentration he feared he might feel the need to pursue what exactly could be giving him that feeling.
And he had more important things to do than investigating a feeling that could very well just be his imagination.
With that thought he began playing with his robots once again.
-
Later on that same night the feeling had not left Near but he had successfully kept it from his mind in order to focus more on the case.
He was just about to clean up his stuff in order to go to bed when all of a sudden a beeping sound came from one of the far screens that sat on a coffee table.
His grey eyes moved up to the screen that was almost painfully bright against the darkness of the room around it. On the screen was the camera showing the entrance of the SPK building; Near held back the urge to let his eyes widen at the sight there.
Standing in front of the door, in the flurry of snow Near could just barely pick out the black and blonde of Mello's being. He couldn't see the blonde's face because of the black hood of his jacket that he kept up for obvious reasons, but the rushing wind blew the golden locks around enough for Near to know for a fact it was Mello.
He instantly reached over and pressed the combination used to open the door. A wave of interest rushed over him as the numerous ideas of what Mello could want with him passed through his mind in the second's time he had while the blonde entered.
Once Mello entered into the investigation room Near watched as he looked around, obviously confused as to why no one was there.
"Come upstairs." Near said when he reached over and pressed the intercom button that linked each of the rooms.
Mello was still for another moment; the only movement was of him slipping his hands into his jacket pockets. But finally he moved back out of the investigation room; he ascended the stairs that met a hall that would take him to the room Near was occupying.
The albino flipped the screen off, casting the room in a thick veil of darkness that he much preferred over the artificial light.
He could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he contemplated again what Mello could want. If the older blonde wanted to kill him now, it would be the opportune time seeing as they were the only two occupying the building.
The door to the living space slid open and instantly the already silent room was filled with a thick tension between the two.
The sound of Mello's heavy boots making a soft thud as he moved further into the room along with the storm outside were the only things that broke the tension.
"It's been a while, Near." Mello finally said as he peeled away the cold, wet coat from his shoulders and carelessly dropped it to the floor; only then did his blue eyes move back to Near, who was positioned away from him.
"Only a few weeks." He stated surely, stopping his actions but refusing to make eye contact with the blonde.
Mello didn't say anything in return, but only stepped forward a bit.
Near spoke, stopping the blonde instantly, "why are you here, Mello. I thought you clearly stated before that you had no intention of working with me."
Mello's eyes narrowed on the younger albino and held back the urges he had to spit out every retort he could think of. He was here for a reason, and he wasn't about to let that go just because his emotions got the better of him again.
"I don't."
"Then why are you here?"
"I need to talk to you." Mello said, his eyes trailing down to the floor.
Near instantly stopped in place and looked ahead of him at the blank wall. Mello's voice had sounded so serious; to a level that no longer dripped with anger or frustration for Near. It was neutral and to the point more than anything; this was interesting.
"About what?"
Mello was silent for a long minute, where the only sound was the rushing snow outside the wall-sized windows of the building.
Near listened intently to the silence, fighting every urge to turn and look at Mello in order to analyze whatever emotions were painted onto his features. He needed to remain detached if he was to ultimately succeed.
But as usual Mello had a different idea in mind.
The blonde walked over to where Near was sitting and sat down right in front of him; his blue eyes watched as Near's didn't look up to meet him. "Damn it Near, would you at least look at me?" He asked, annoyed. Near had done the same thing the last time they had talked.
"You have yet to answer my question."
Mello couldn't fight the growl that emitted from his throat; then all of a sudden his hand reached out and grabbed Near's chin and forced him to look into his eyes.
Near forced himself not to react. It was the first time he had really laid eyes on Mello in four years and the dramatic change was shocking.
Mello's eyes were a lot deeper and held his easier than they ever had in the past. There was a jagged scar down the left side of his face now; which he figured was from when his base had exploded. But that wasn't as much of a shock as how much it had changed him outwardly. He looked more intense now because of it. From just the outside it appeared that the old Mello, the one he had known so well, had died and left the Earth already. What was holding his face now felt like nothing more than a shell.
He fought against ever need he felt to reach up and touch him to see if he was really there or if this was some trick formed by his mind.
When Mello felt that he had Near's attention his grip over the younger's chin loosened until his gloved hand fell away.
"The case is beginning to draw closer to a close." Mello stated.
Near was confused, he had yet to answer what exactly he wanted to talk about but for the sake of keeping him talking he decided to play along. "Yes."
"But more than that this is a contest between you and I."
"Right." Near stated.
"One of us will be the victor and one of us will be the loser. It's a competition, just like always." His words sounded just like the old Mello did. But Near could hear something underneath it, though he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.
"Mello?"
"I've been doing a lot of thinking about how all of this is going to turn out." He ran a hand through his blonde locks that looked disheveled compared to how they used to look years before.
Near was silent as he let him continue.
"Near…" His eyes trailed away from the younger albino as his voice faded; all of a sudden his eyes snapped back to Near when he began speaking again. "Will you miss me when I'm gone?"
Near was slightly surprised by the question. Why was Mello asking him, of all people, such a question? It wasn't like him, and even more so since he was posing it to the one person he'd claimed to hate for as long as they had known each other.
He gave a small, confused look, "What makes you think that you will go before I do, Mello?" Near asked.
Mello watched him with a heavy stare, as if reading right past the stoic expression plastered on Near's face.
"This case has brought out the best of our abilities," Mello stated, "it's left me reconsidering everything from before."
Again Near was silent, more interested in watching the quickly changing emotions of Mello that were hidden behind his firm façade.
"I think that before this, for as long as I've known you, I've been so focused on beating you and becoming the best. But no matter what I did, or how hard I worked you're always steps ahead of me." He took a heavy breath, as though to calm himself down from frustrating himself with just his own words.
"I don't think I ever saw the reality that was always right in front of me. Either that or I just never wanted to believe it."
"Mello?" Near asked, confused.
"Things have to be made right, Near. And I've come to realize that right doesn't necessarily mean it's exactly what we want." His head was slightly bent down now; Near could just barely see Mello's eyes past his blonde locks.
"I'm afraid I'm not following." Near stated.
Mello looked up to him for a long minute, as if thinking it over himself before daring to answer, "I came here tonight partly to ask you that question, and also to tell you that I'm going to make this right."
"And how are you planning to do that?" Near asked. He was still confused about why Mello was doing this, but ever so slowly he was beginning to let himself rest on the reality that he knew he unconsciously didn't want to face.
"For this to be right and for it to turn out the way things are supposed to you have to win this."
"You hate losing to me, Mello, and because of that what you're saying doesn't make any sense." Near said.
"I know that!" Mello said, eyes closing and tone firm with annoyance. "But I've already planned it out so that if everything goes right you will win. I'm letting you win."
Things were beginning to make sense to Near. Now that he thought about what Mello was saying mixed with the question he asked before, it was all beginning to clear up. "But what you're saying makes no sense." He said.
"I know…" Mello said calmly, in a single exhale of breath, "but we both know that I am impulsive, blame it on that if you want."
"You're going to target that woman, the spokesperson…" Near said, understanding that she was the only one connected to Kira that he would care enough about and would then put all his strength into killing whoever had targeted her.
It was a suicide plan, and they both knew it.
"Yeah…" Mello said.
"I see." Near looked down away from Mello to the toys he hadn't touched since Mello's arrival. H wasn't sure what Mello was looking for here, or what he thought Near would do if he told him about such a drastic plan.
"You know," Mello's tone was firm now, "in a way we're all each other has. That and the stupid competition, that is."
Near looked up a bit to show he was listening.
"We're orphans who were taken from the rest of the world just so we could compete to become the next greatest detective in the world. But really, the competition was only between you and I. You're the only one standing between me and a goal I've wanted for the greater majority of my life, and I'm the only one who actually poses any threat to your position."
"I've know that for a long time, Mello."
"Then why the Hell are you letting me go so easily?" Mello shouted at the white clad boy, who didn't make any movement at all.
Mello's fists were clenched to the point where his hands were beginning to shake; his eyes burned into Near, who wasn't looking at him anymore.
"Because I know that you will always do the opposite of what I think is the best plan of action. What you're planning is horribly reckless and I'm sure we both know that. But if I tell you not to go through with it then you'll do it. And if I tell you to go ahead then… then you would probably hold off for a while in order to consider why I would tell you too and perhaps try to find another route to get to the same end result."
"You act like you know me so well, Near."
"You said it yourself, in a way we're the only ones the other has. Of course I've memorized your reactions to different things." Near said quietly without looking at the annoyed blonde.
This left him unable to see the blonde's reaction and the fact that he was about to lose the once strong grip over himself that kept him from hitting Near.
And then, in only a second's time worth of change, Mello snapped.
He pounced on Near, his hands pushing against the younger's shoulders in an attempt to push him to the cold ground, but Near's hands that had instinctively grabbed for the ground kept him up.
For a split second the two opposites shared the same thought as their eyes locked together. 'Wow, this is just like year's ago; back at Wammy's.'
Mello pushed the thought from his mind in order to narrow his eyes on Near. "You just said we're the only one each other has, Near, why don't you fight back! You know that if you let me walk out of here and carry that out then I won't come back, I know you do! Why would you give up so easily and just take that simple victory?" Mello's voice began to calm down again the more he spoke.
Near could still hear the frustration in Mello's voice, only now confusion seemed to seep into it as well. It was easy to tell that not even Mello was completely positive about the plan he had made and was ready to carry out.
Near continued to watch the distraught blonde for another moment, thinking quickly about what he needed to do to get his point across.
Slowly, and hesitantly Near used one of the hands that had been keeping him off the floor to push Mello off just enough so the greater majority of the blonde's weight wasn't on the younger genius.
Then before he could stop himself, and before either of them could find the words to say anything else, Near brought his free hand up to Mello's confused face.
His fingers lightly brushed over Mello's scar, feeling the textural difference between it and the smooth, unharmed skin of the rest of him. Oddly enough, he found, the mark didn't take away from any of the natural beauty Mello had always held.
If anything it only showed his mortality in a way most humans didn't get to see often.
"Don't." Mello said, drawing back away from the touch.
"Does it bother you?" Near asked softly.
"It doesn't hurt, if that's what you mean."
"Then please let me." Near requested in the same soft voice that interested Mello; it made him wonder what the younger albino was thinking.
The blonde didn't move this time when Near leaned in closer to him and let his cool fingers trace along the scar. But then his fingertips began to wander.
They moved under Mello's eyes, feeling the difference between the burnt, scarred skin on one side and the perfect, smooth skin on the other side. Mello's bright blue orbs followed Near's every movement, but didn't say a word.
Then they began to travel again, this time further down till he reached Mello's thin, closed lips. The pad of Near's thumb traced the bottom lip before moving to the top one; feeling how soft both of them were.
For one reason or another he was seeing the change in Mello more than he had before. This wasn't a shell of Mello, as he had previously thought, but he was certainly different.
His words were the same but his looks were different. He no longer held the deviant, determined look on all of his features. Instead, now, it looked like it had been replaced with a being that, underneath it all, had been worn down and had finally snapped.
Near recognized this, and felt a grip on his heart as he thought about it. If Mello had snapped and was willing to do anything now, then that meant there really was nothing he could do to persuade him out of his reckless plan.
Despite how much he didn't want to think about it, he couldn't help but realize that this could be one of the last times he ever spoke to the closest person to him. And that this would be the last time they were ever this close to one another.
Near knew he may never get another shot at really seeing Mello for how he really was like he was revealing to him now.
And just like that, before he could let his mind think it over anymore in an attempt to dissuade him from it, Near replaced his fingertips that had lingered on Mello's lips to cover them with his own.
Near could feel the surprised stare that was coming from Mello, but his eyes had closed a long time ago, and whether or not Mello returned this kiss or not no longer mattered. The only thing that mattered to him was feeling him so close and thinking that Mello was the first person he had ever kissed.
The lips were soft, just as they had been below his fingertips, but were warm and fit well against his own at the same time.
Then all of a sudden Near felt Mello return the kiss, pushing further against the albino and letting his hands trail up to cup Near's face.
Near let Mello take control over the situation, seeing as Mello was the one who naturally would be better at this than the other.
He felt Mello's tongue suddenly lick across his bottom lip, and feeling the need to taste him, he let his lips part just enough for Mello's tongue to slip past.
The moment their tongues touched a wave of heat shot through both of them like they'd never felt before. Mello's hands trailed up into Near's hair to keep him close while Near's hesitant hands tried desperately to find some part of Mello that he could grab onto to keep him grounded and out of the clouds.
Mello tasted like chocolate while Near tasted more like mint; overall a good combination. The blonde directed Near in the movements, pressing his tongue against Near's and urging him to follow him in the actions.
Near tried to catch on as quickly as he could, but his swimming head made it hard to focus and not just let instincts take over.
But then, too quickly, Near felt his lungs constricting in the need for more oxygen and he was forced to pull away and take in a deep breath of air. Mello wasn't satisfied there though, before Near could even fully open his eyes Mello had leant forward and continued placing innocent kisses against the albino's lips.
Near let his grey eyes slip open and instantly his gaze fell onto Mello; he found there was a new layer of despair lying thick over Mello's features. He suddenly felt guilty for pushing him into such an intimate situation.
"Would that dissuade you from your plan anymore?" Near finally asked after the effects of the kisses had begun to wear off.
Mello watched his rival for another moment, looking over him entirely now as though seeing him through completely different and new eyes.
"No." He finally said, his blue eyes hard.
Near looked down, "I see. Then that is why I'm not fighting so hard, because not even the most dramatic of actions will persuade you to a path that will ensure you a longer life."
Mello sat back with a heavy sigh, pushing his blonde locks away, "if I don't do this then you run a higher risk of losing, and we both know that that is not how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to solve this so that you can beat me and really become the next L. That's just how it is, Near, we both know that."
Near was silent.
"What I'm planning won't make you win automatically, but it'll get you as close to a victory as I possibly can."
"Mello…"
The blonde sighed again before leaning forward again and pushing his lips against Near's to silence anymore words that would have left the younger genius's mouth.
The kiss was soft but underneath the innocence of it they both knew there was a burning passion that didn't want to leave the other. Their better sides, however, knew that remaining here wasn't a possibility.
Mello pulled back a small distance and looked at Near, who kept his eyes closed, "in the end," he said, his lips continuing to brush against Near's as he spoke, "this is the only way."
Before Near could say anything in response Mello tore himself out of Near's hold and stood up. "I'll get you as close as I can, Near."
Again the albino didn't say anything, but just listened as Mello's boots made their soft thud as he walked over to where his abandoned jacket still sat on the floor and retrieved it.
The blonde stopped there, without turning to Near, "you know," he said, "you never did answer my question."
"Which one?" Near asked as he let his eyes slowly slip open and stare at the cold tile floor where Mello had once been.
Mello was quiet for a moment before he finally re-asked, "will you miss me when I'm gone, Near?"
Near was the one who was quiet this time. He was unsure of why though. Perhaps he was just trying to extend the time that Mello stayed in the room if only for a couple more seconds. Or it could even be because he wasn't sure of the answer himself.
"Yes, I will miss you very much, Mello." Near finally said.
Mello chanced one last look over his shoulder at the only person who had ever stood in his way and yet who he was closest to in one sense or another. "You should eat a chocolate bar for me in remembrance." The blonde suggested as he began walking towards the closed sliding door again.
"Of course." Near agreed.
He listened as the door slid open once, and then slid closed again. He waited for a moment, wondering if Mello would return for any kind of reason.
But as the seconds ticked by he began to realize that it wouldn't happen.
Things were set in place now, there was no need for cordial 'good-byes' or last statements to be said to one another. That would be too formal, and too final, for them.
In the end, both figured it would be best to leave as though they had the chance for one last meeting sometime or another, and that only when they did have that next meeting would they tell everything that hadn't, or couldn't, be spoken this night.
There were three almost forbidden words that were nearly understood but still needed to be said.
End
A/N: Okay, this is a one-shot, not a two-shot as the ending kind of suggested. The whole mention of 'another meeting' is just showing both of their wishful thinking that what they just left from wasn't the last time they'd ever speak, if that makes any sense. So, ultimately, I think this turned out to be better than I thought it would even though some of the dialog before the kiss scene seems kind of out of order for me. I still think it turned out well overall.
So, let me know your thoughts!
Please review!
-Forbiddensoul562