This fic has been on my mind for a long time and has finally been finished. Thanks to Feilyn and Namimakura who have constantly read and AIM reviewed this for me over the two months or so it took to write this, much love.

This IchiRuki is definately different this time, it is based around humour and I hope I delivered!

Hope you enjoy!

"Get out of the fucking way, asshole!"

Ichigo laughed slightly as the petite shinigami tried and failed to deliver another punch to his stomach, neatly sidestepping the following kick and trapping her knee between him and the wall. "No way, you bitch!"

She growled, her eyes lighting up dangerously as she struggled to escape his grasp, aiming another punch to distract him while she yanked her leg free and sent her knee flying between his legs. "Ichigo! Let me in damn it!"

The young substitute glared up at her from his bent over position, nursing the now throbbing spot between his thighs. "Ouch bitch! That's not fair! You can't kick a man between the legs like that you crazy cow! I thought you wanted children!"

"There's always Renji" Rukia replied harshly, trying to take advantage of his resulting face fault and push her way into their bedroom, swearing as he somehow managed to grab her ankle before she made it to the door frame. "Let go of me!"

Ichigo growled, pushing her away from the door and stumbling to his feet "Cow."

"Dickhead."

"Ooh, haven't heard that one before." He commented snidely, grabbing hold of her shoulders and trying to push her down the hall, "Go away."

She dug her heels into the soft carpet, "Why should I? It's my bedroom as much as yours. Why can't I go in?"

Ichigo snorted, "Oh, you can come in" He replied, spinning her around to face him, "But only as soon as you take off that" He pointed down at her new sleepwear, trying like hell to keep his face neutral.

His comment was rewarded with a backhand slap, "Pervert!"

He backed off, holding his smarting cheek, "Bitch! You know I'm not like that!"

Now it was Rukia's turn to snort. "I'm sure."

He moved forward, pinning her against the wall and leaning down so that his face was an inch from hers, his breath washing over her skin in warm waves "Trust me," He whispered huskily "If it weren't for the fact I can hardly stand to look at that thing, it would have been in shreds a long time ago. I'm perfectly capable of undressing you myself."

She tried not to blush, opting instead for the customary punch in order to try and keep his body away from hers. "Thank you for proving my point, idiot. Now can you stop being such a dick and let me go to bed?"

He shrugged, "Call me what you want, but until you've taken that thing off, there is no way you are getting near that bedroom, let alone the bed"

"What the hell is your problem with it? It's only a bit of fabric for gods sake." Rukia crossed her arms and looked down at the silky material, "It's not like it's covered in Chappy or anything"

"I think Chappy would be preferable" He stated calmly, then paled as he realised what he had just said, "On second thoughts…"

She hit him again, "You're an ass, you know that? Do you really have to be so damn obnoxious all the time?"

He shrugged. "Says you."

She snorted and turned away, moving down the hall. "Whatever."

It took him a few seconds to register that she had given up on getting into the bedroom, and was now pulling blankets out of the hall closet. "Oi! What are you doing?" He left his post and caught up with her as she was halfway down the stairs, reaching out and grabbing her wrist.

Rukia shrugged, "Sleeping on the couch. I'm sick of you being such a pervert."

"I'm not a pervert!"

"Says the guy who wants a private strip show."

"I didn't saw you had to change in front of me, though I certainly wouldn't complain. Just that you had to take that off."

"And if I don't?"

He shrugged again. "No sex."

"My point exactly."

"Come on, Rukia. Just do this for me?"

"Why should I? I don't see what's wrong with it. It's not like the pattern's horrendous or anything. It's only…." She stopped. "Oh."

"Yeah. It's only going to be like sleeping with your brother's Bankai." Ichigo shuddered. "Creepy."

Rukia stared at him for a minute, then burst out laughing. "God you're a wimp! It's only clothing!"

"With sakura blossoms all over it! Your brother would castrate me if he knew I was sleeping with you, let alone ripping off clothes that just happen to be covered in images of his Bankai!" Ichigo looked genuinely stressed. "Can you not see my point here? I like my balls where they are, thank-you!"

Rukia dropped the pillows and blankets, leaning against the banister for support as she laughed harder. "Calm down, Ichigo."

"I can't! There is no way in hell that I am letting you wear that thing in bed with me, Rukia. Will you please at least change?"

She grinned and reached down to pick up a pillow again, thumping him over the head with it and darting back up the stairs. By the time he registered she was heading for the bedroom and had thrown the pillow back down onto the floor she was already standing by the bed, one hand hovering over the covers.

"Don't you dare."

She smiled and opened the duvet. "Why not?"

"I've told you before. I am not having you wearing that while you're in my bed."

She looked him up and down, that damn alluring smile still on her face and let go of the covers, grabbing the edge of her nightdress and pulling it over her head, throwing it on the floor. "Who said I was going to be wearing it?"

His jaw dropped.

"You can't be serious! I went through all that for you to take it off anyway? What the fuck?"

She shrugged and stepped forward to take his hand in hers and press a kiss to his collarbone (seeing as she couldn't reach his mouth). "Duh."

"You're a teasing, manipulative little whore." He stressed the word little as he struggled to ignore the feeling of her teeth on his skin. "Now what? You going to tell me you bought that damn piece of fabric just to piss me off?"

Her mouth moved down his chest and she nodded against the warm skin. "Why else would I buy it?"

"Bitch."

"You love it."

"Not really. I only keep you for the sex."

She punched his shoulder and used her other hand to pull his mouth down to hers. "Liar."

He grinned against her mouth and pushed her back towards the bed. "Yeah."

"Idiot."

His remaining clothing joined hers on the floor. "Yeah."

"Asshole."

His hand skimmed across her thigh. "Yeah."

"Bastard."

He removed his mouth from her neck and glared at her. "Shut up, Rukia."

"Make me."

He raised an eyebrow. "After all you've done to me tonight, that might not be the best thing to say right now."

She grinned. "Make. Me."

He growled and grabbed her hands, pinning them to the bed and assaulting her mouth with his, nearly choking on his own tongue when her legs wrapped around his waist and she pulled his hips to hers. "Not fair."

"Ichigo? Will you stop complaining and just do something please?"

He moved his lips to her breast and grunted in reply. "I am."

"No, you're just being bitchy. That doesn't count."

"Rukia. Shut the fuck up."

She sighed and tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging on the unruly strands. "You're taking too long, idiot."

"If you stopped calling me names and hurting me I might be going a bit quicker." His hands betrayed his words as they dipped between her thighs, making her rock against him with a gasp and pull his hair. "Would you stop that!"

She let go of his hair and slapped his shoulder. "Stop bitching, Ichigo."

He frowned, pulling her hand away and rocking against her in turn. "Cow."

"Original."

He groaned and kissed her, sliding his tongue into her mouth in an attempt to keep her quiet. It seemed to work as she moaned and arched into him and when he pulled away she was breathing too hard to speak.

He took advantage of the situation and dipped his hand between her thighs again.

"I hate you."

He grinned and kissed her again. "I hate you too."

After, when she was moulded against his body and her hands were running through his hair, she gave him one of those sickeningly sweet and innocent smiles that she used to use when they were back in school and murmured into his shoulder, "You know, maybe I should wear that nightgown more often."

"Oh hell no!"

Well there you have it, another oneshot from me today! Uns Uns - Gotta love wagging school. Hope you enjoyed and have the time to leave a comment for me!